***
Back to my room in west part of the palace, I sit on my window sill. The sun had set, hours ago, the sky above is dark blue, and the holy fire’s flare can be seen dancing alive, glowing in combination of pink, purple and green lights. The moon and the stars are peeking around them. Down below I see small dots of torched and candle lamp. The land and city seems so far, out of reach. It makes me remember about story I’ve read before, about a princess locked in a tower. But I am no princess. No one will take me out from this palace. Maybe this is Gods punishment for what I did to my sister.
Back then, we often wrote a letter to each other about mundane things that happen daily. It was take a long time for me to acknowledge that I envied her. Yes, I envied her, a lot. I know it was bad for one to envy her sister. But that feeling came without my invitation. I envied her lofty life as the Blessed but I love her dearly and never wish her harm. I know it is just the Gods that love us differently. Maybe it is true what people from the east say, that after we died we will born again according to our deeds in past life. If we did a good thing, we will born with beauty, luck and wealth.
If that so, I hope you are born far away, Sister.
One day, years ago, my sister fell in love. I envied her more, and I hated that unnamed boy. I hated their perfect life, their fairy tale love. They were up there, while me, people afraid of me and my cursed eyes. With every letter of her happy life, I replied with fascinating stories from the city and land beyond, stories about dream and freedom. I had many of them. The stories I heard from Uncle Yezi, from other travellers I meet outside the city and from many books I had read. I turn the mundane things into extraordinary. I turn my daily visit to the market into adventure and many things that made her envied me. Until one day, she told me no more about him. I have never realized how cruel it had been until now.
Sister, please forgive me.
A soft hand on my back startled me, force me back to reality.
“What’ve you thinking about?” Marie asks me softly.
“Nothing. Just missing home.”
“You and your sister, both of you resemble each other I think.”
That comment is the first, for my sister and I not resemble each other.
“Not in appearance,” Marie adds hastily, “both of you have airs of sadness.”
“Did you know my sister?”
“No, of course not. Her rank was way above me,” she pauses, “Come to think about it, you too,” she smiles then. “It’s just she’s so close with the princess and the prince.”
“Really?” I don’t know that.
“So, you don’t know? She used to come here once a week to train with Princess Larra. It’d been like that for years,” then she adds in hushed voice, “Don’t you think your sister death a little bit strange? She being one of those lost soul and all.”
I don’t know how to takes this news. My sister had been here for years? Since when? Why the royals said nothing to me? But then I remember Princess Larra’s comment about my sister. What was really happening here?
“Oh… forget it,” Marie finally realized implication of what she says, “I said nothing. Please forget what I’ve just said.”
“Do you remember when the last time was my sister here?” I ask, ignoring her plea.
Marie presses her lips closely and her eyes darted around, then she says, “Not long before she died, I remember they went out for ride one day. That day, I help Princess Larra to dress. I think nothing of it. I thought it just their usual ride. Then few days later I heard the news about your sister.”
“They? Who?”
“Princess Larra, Prince Lex and his Shadows, I think. I am not sure. Oh… Ava… please don’t ask anymore. I will say nothing. Please forget it. This is for your own good.”
I just nod and calm her down, but, what if my sister wasn’t a rebel? But why she had to die?
***
The next morning, Prince Lex and I start our training very early. From the training ground windows, I see that the holy fire’s light still faintly visible in the sky above, while the wind blowing hard outside rattled the bushes of red rose.
The prince turns out to be a stern teacher. He not satisfied with my control of energy. Training alone with him, I find it is hard to direct my energy properly, he scares me a little. He is the prince after all.
He commands me to give my energy to him. But often I feel my energy wander to all direction instead of focused to the prince. So, the first day of training ended in bad note.
He strides out of the training ground before I can bow to him properly.
I sigh heavily and continue the training alone. And I feel I can do better without him being around. But without partner to direct the energy, it is useless. I really wish Ryn is here.
Defeated, I finish my training and head to the library. The library is empty sans the old steward who is this library caretaker. He bows to me and I bow back to him. I walk through its high shelves. And amid these books, finally, I find solace. I pick one old book, I know there is word “Hallowed” in its title, although I can’t understand the rest. I ask to old steward for dictionary of hieroglyph.
On light feet, I stroll across the corridors and halls with two heavy books in my hand. I can’t help it, the smile spread in my face.
***
The sky is deep purplish-blue, dawn broke only an hour ago. We start the training in the same manner as yesterday. The prince has dark looks about him, his eyes cold, and his mouth unsmiling.
“With that amount of energy, it will be useless,” he says in frustration, “Direct it. It should be as easy as breathing.”
“I am sorry, your highness,” is the only words I can say.
In this next summoning ceremony, they only will bring four more of the Blessed besides Princes Larra, Prince Lex and his Shadows.
The empress sent most of the Blessed to chase the lost soul, and only a few available in the city. And with the ministers’ demand for other matters, four is the only ones Prince Lex can get. I know he needs more power in order for the ceremony to succeed. But I am not sure with my own power.
Can I really able to extend the holy fire in the Far East?
But unlike yesterday, he stays and continues our training. I can see his face is taut with anger, and he barely hold it in.
***
The bright blue sky comes back in the fourth day of training. But sadly, my energy control is not improving by much. The energy I give Prince Lex still not enough. The flow is not smooth enough. When I try to stop it from spreading around it bottled up inside instead. I know this make the prince gets impatience time by time. I can see his annoyed face very clearly. I afraid he will explode soon. He is pacing across the room, with his fingers combing his long hair in frustration, messing his knotted hair.
He is striding across the room, come to my direction, and I rooted in my spot. He grabs my shoulder angrily, then he forces the energy out from my eyes. It is so sudden, too late to block it. I feel the energy flow out of my body. It drains so fast. My bone starts to feel weak.
The prince then let out his energy in form of wind and fire. I feel wave of strong wind first and then the wave of heat. The wind and fire combined to one strong force. It breaks the windows glass and burns the sands on the floor around us. Hastily as if angry at himself, he releases his grip on my shoulder. It is so swift and I lose my balance, and my weak knees crumble, then I fall to the ground.
“See? That what we can do!”
With that outburst, he leaves me alone, amid the smoke and destruction.
I sit on the ground for a while, my mind numb, until Master Hyun along with several court ladies and servant come few minutes later.
“Ava?” Marie asks me, worriedly. “Are you okay?”
They look horrified seeing all the broken glasses and the burned sands. And mostly they look sorry at me.
***
Another dawn comes and new day begin. I go down to the training ground with heavy feet, pas
sing through many corridors, from its windows, I see blue sky outside as if mocking me with its bright cheerful color. I am afraid of Prince Lex’s rage. I know that he is not a bad person, but he has royal blood and temper.
There is no one inside when I enter the training room. As I wait for the prince my uneasiness grows. I hear faint footsteps draw near, I try to calm my racing heart. It stops just after entering the room. I steel myself and turn around, but it is not Prince Lex. It is Ryn, I feel the strain left my body and I let out my pent-up breath.
He bows, then he comes near and says, “My lady.”
The training is just the same thing like what I did with the price these last few days, but with relaxed mood I find I can direct my energy better.
“This’s still not enough, my lady,” Ryn says in his calm voice.
I let out a weary sigh, what should I do now?
“Close your eyes,” he says. So, I close it. “Energy is like water, it’s flowing. Feel it.”
We start once again, I take my stance, facing him in the center of the room. Feel it, he says. Yes, I do feel it. It is flowing in all directions and difficult to focus to one. I concentrate on its flow, searching for something, finally I sense it, and it feels like a small current, like a light in the end of a tunnel. It is not far from where I stand, it is his energy, I know it. I try to reach his energy, to connect out path. Slowly my energy crawling to where he stands, I give my energy to him. It starts from a small path and I feel him reach my energy too, opening the path more. I open my eyes and see his smile.
We did it.
I find myself echoing his smile. Now, I find another thing that makes him different than the others, his smile. He has dimple in his cheeks when he smiles. It is make him looks less solemn, and more carefree and young.
“Oh, thank you!” I run to him and cut myself before I hug him.
“You are welcome, my lady.”
He is still smiling so I say, “Smile more, you look better with it.”
And I see the smile dies, his face back to its cold mask.
Oh, why I said that? I want to kick myself.
We continue our training in awkward silent. But despite that awkwardness, I become much better by the minutes.
Hours later as he come back from his stance and stand tall once again, he says, “You’ve got better. It’s almost noon. Let’s finish.”
I nod. “Thank you,” I say softly.
He bows to me and leaves.
***
Chirping birds fly nearby greet me the next morning. I see the sky from my widow it is blue with white clouds smeared faintly in the west. Today, I select bright blue tunic and trouser, the color of the sky. I see the smiling lady in the looking glass, is that really me?
I walk to the training room with light feet, but I feel smile fade in my lips, when I see the prince is the one waiting me instead. I try to calm myself. I feel cold sweat is starting in my palm. I try to school my expression, try to mask my fear.
We start our training shortly, the prince wasting no time in pleasantry. Luckily, I still remember how to connect the energy path. I feel relieved. Just few minus after we start, Prince Lex puts stop to our training.
“What Ryn did to you?” he accused me.
What should I say?
I am confused, why he still angry? His mood seems bleaker than two days ago when I fail.
“He just–”
“It’s better. But it still not enough,” he cuts me sharply, then he leave me, stunned.
***
In the afternoon, I have to attend the court. The member of the court is still the same, the ministers, the court ladies, advisors, and the royals. Today, I see Princess Larra is one among them. She dressed in maroon long tunic that passes her thigh and wide skirt in the same color, looking deceptively young and delicate.
The empress wears her blood red diamond crown in her snowy white hair, sits poised high in her throne, hearing the report raptly. Down below, two Ice Blessed are guarding her, their face are in stony mask.
Now, the messenger is telling the tale about the pirate in the west. The ministers are pressing the empress to make action regarding the pirates.
“We have to stop them, your majesty. These pirates, they took our people and sold them into slavery. It’s not done. We have to put stop at it,” says Lord Jim Dubh.
The empress answers that she will chase them after she puts an end to the lost soul first. The ministers start to plead more until in the end, she relented and sends four of the Blesseds and fifty soldiers to chase the pirate in the west shore.
The next is about robbery that rampant in the midland, but she dismisses it quickly, says that it is not important matter and the people can defend themselves.
The next report is about more defeats from war in the north, and few ministers even dare to demand the prince to be sent to the war. They say it is good to lift up spirit of the defeated soldiers. It makes the empress grows angry and chases them out and finish the court season early.
After all minister leave the court, still grumbling as they walk away.
Now, the only ones remains are the court ladies, advisors and few royals.
“I know what they want. They want to kill my son!” she roars.
Princess Lara is one of the few that still in the room, she steps up and bowing to her mother.
“But he is the future emperor, mother. Let him go,” she pleads.
“Not you too. How dare you!”
“Don’t you see mother? This will give them more excuse.”
“So, what is you suggesting, dear daughter?”
“Just send him. I believe it’s what he wants too. He is man grown now. This is not his first war besides.”
“I send him to the east, summoning rain, isn’t that enough?”
“They only see it as coward way, mother, don’t you see it? People are slowly turning their back from royal family. They don’t want us. They want country like in the west. A land without empress or kings. Please mother, shows them that we have power.”
“Yes… Yes, yes. I heard them often. Enough. I don’t need you to remind me. You are a mere child yourself.”
The empress commands all of us but a few of her advisors to go after that. After attending the court seasons, now I know that the peaceful life inside Varr City is a mere illusion. There are wars and struggles out there. I see more facet of Varrian too, not all of them believe the royals and Gods protection, for the last few days I saw many of them left the palace with dissatisfied face when the empress fail to address their concerns. And they have a lot of it, starting from squabble over inheritance and heir succession, to fight between two clans over a stream in the southeast. It is a bloody fight that one, and it last for more than a decade. Both party left bristling with anger when the empress told them to marry their children to mend the broken alliance.
Maybe they want a country like in the west. I’ve read in the books, that westerner don’t have royalty or noble. They choose their own leaders. But they are godless, heathen, how can people refuse god protection? We see their power in the sky, the flare of holy fire is dancing up there in the dark night. I am fascinated with this Westlander, maybe because they don’t have Gods as real as ours. To think about it, seems that it is true that there are many of our people opposing the royal. I only hear whispered rumors before.
Is it true that some of those ministers want to take down the empress and her son?
I always thought that the royal enemies are the Cryg Confederacy and the lost soul. This thought brings me back to my sister.
Is she truly one of them?
***
The day, we depart to the east, is finally come. I wear official uniform for the Blessed, it is silver tunic and maroon skirt and my hair is partially let down to my back with simple knot atop. We will leave only with small party. Princess Larra, the crown prince and his shadows, one Oracle and two dozen soldiers. We supposed to gather in the throne room to get the
empress blessing. I tell the servant brings my bag directly to the yard. While I go to the throne by myself since now I am already familiar with the palace.
Thinking back about the last few days, only once I trained with Ryn, and I never saw him again ever since. I gather from what Malvin said nonchalantly as we train together, the empress sent him outside the city to chase the lost soul. And he won’t come back until the day we set out to depart to the east, today. I am glad Malvin was there as I am training with Prince Lex or Princess Larra. He helps lighten the mood of the two royals. In these last trainings, they taught me about the rain summoning, what I should do in the ceremony, and there are some movements I have to remember.
As I draw closer to the throne room, I hear faint sound of a woman and man. The door is slightly ajar, peering inside, I see, the prince and the empress alone. The empress stands in the middle of the room instead of in her throne. She stands erect with her red diamond crown, and the prince stands in front of her, towering over his mother.
“Why mother?” he asks in oddly weak voice.
“It’s too dangerous, Son.”
“Let them kill me!” Prince Lex shouts.
“You know I can’t,” the empress answers softly.
“Do you want that throne so much mother?” he sounds different from his usual self, his voice laced with bitterness.
“You know. You cannot die,” the empress’ voice wavers slightly.
“It’s your sin mother. I shouldn’t be the one paying it!”
With that the prince storm out the room. His mother tries to stop him but he won’t hear any reason. He walks in rage, we almost bumping in front of the door. I see his eyes, it glazed and wild, he seems startled a little but he says nothing and walks away.
“I know, you’re outside,” the empress calls out. “Come in!”
I am walking inside nervously, stopping few feet before her, bowing and lowered my gaze, my palm cold and wet.
“Do you hate me too?” she asks me in oddly soft voice.
“Pardon?”
“About your sister?”
Should I? I don’t even know the whole truth.
“To be honest, I don’t know, your highness.”
“The funny thing is… I don’t exactly remember who she was, but she died because of me, I’ve been told.”
I see her bleak death eyes, she looks ahead, without really seeing. The light hit the red diamond in her crown, it shine brightly, and the silent stretch. It seems she is lost in thought.