Things weren't easier after sex, I realized. They were far more complicated.
"Anything to me?" I called. "What about you?"
He ignored me.
I'd hurt him. I knew it. But he'd hurt me, too. And now...now I was on my own. Confused, more vulnerable than ever before.
I trudged behind with the rest of our crew. This wasn't my fault. Cole was wrong to make me pick between him and my mother. Wasn't he? Gah! Or was I wrong for expecting him to accept her?
Kat came up beside me and linked our fingers. "I get the feeling your boy is being as lame as mine."
"I don't know what to think." I glanced up at the clouds--saw a rabbit cloud and sighed.
Had definitely gotten worse.
"Always blame the guy," she said. "That's my new motto. And I've been plotting revenge. It goes a little something like this. We run away together, get married the way I know you want to, and then, just for grins and gigs, we send the boys a postcard that says, and I quote, 'Are you still planning to murder your postman?'"
This girl... Light. Of. My. Life. "I'm in!"
Halfway to the car, Cole stopped, his nose wrinkling as he sniffed the air.
"Rot," he announced.
Surely not...but I sniffed, and yep, encountered the telltale scent of rot. "But it's daylight."
"Could be a dead animal." Even still, he withdrew his crossbow. "Jaclyn, let River know what's going on. Frosty, get Kat inside."
As Jaclyn raced back into the building and Frosty hefted Kat over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes, the rest of the slayers withdrew their weapons, preparing for battle. I searched the area, expecting to find...maybe a family of slaughtered raccoons. May they rest in peace. I could even visualize what had happened. They'd crossed the street, hoping to start a new life in River's front lawn, but some hit-and-run driver mowed them down. What I didn't expect to find was--
Zombies.
There.
At least twenty of them raced out of the warehouse next door. No slow amble, but a sprint, their arms flailing as they reached for us. Steam curled from saggy skin, the bright rays of the sun like an oven.
I spotted collars. Someone was controlling them.
Slayers began stepping from their bodies and throwing themselves into the fray. Me? I looked around the area. I wanted to know who was responsible. Street--empty. Parked car--empty. Another parked car--empty. Two people striding along a crosswalk, each carrying a briefcase. Unaware. Parked car--two people in front...facing this direction.
My targets.
I raced toward the car, my dagger hidden by my forearm. The pair didn't seem surprised as I neared. They didn't pull a weapon on me, either. Instead, they dropped the remotes and sped away just before I made contact.
Cowards!
Less than two minutes later, the zombies fell to the ground--the control must work only from a short distance. The spirits writhed, the sun continuing to bake them like Christmas hams. Darkness never had been able to handle light.
As slayers ashed zombies and returned to their bodies, I wondered what Anima had hoped to accomplish. If they'd actually hoped for a battle, the men would have stuck around.
"Anyone hurt?" I asked.
"No." Cole sheathed his crossbow. "The zombies were unable to focus on a specific target. They were simply flailing."
Jaclyn and River rushed from the apartment, ten of his fighters not far behind. The group noticed the ash floating through the air and stopped abruptly.
"What happened?" River demanded.
"We won," Cole responded.
I explained about the guys in the car, and a heavy silence descended.
"We've got more to think about than we realized," Cole said to River, and the boy nodded.
*
At Mr. Ankh's, Cole bounded from the car without a word to anyone. Even me. Or maybe a better way to phrase that was especially me. Still mad. Got it.
Frosty tailed him, adopting the same M.O.--still mad.
"I thought I was dating a guy, not a baby," Kat muttered as we trudged inside the house. "Clearly, I thought wrong."
"Frosty's worried about you, that's all."
"And what's Cole's problem? Because, gator, that boy's temper puts the others to shame."
"He isn't getting his way." And that, right there, was the truth of the matter.
"Figures."
When we hit the stairs, a text came in from Nana. I slowed my pace.
Are you safe? No matter how you feel about me, I deserve an answer.
Me: I am. No worries.
Nana: Good. That's what I like to hear. Or, see.
Me: And how I feel about U? Nana, I love U.
I remembered my vulnerability with Cole, how much assurance I'd needed from him. I figured Nana was in a similar riotous state.
Nana: Still?
I imagined her trembling.
Me: Always.
I got it now. I really did. Why she hadn't told me. For the same reasons I'd kept Helen a secret from Cole. Fear of the unknown. How could I blame her for it?
"Ali! Kat! How cake." Reeve leaned on the banister railing. "I thought I heard your voices. Did Bronx come back with you?"
"Yep," Kat said, "but don't expect to see him anytime soon. He's with Cole and Frosty, throwing a temper tantrum."
For a moment, Reeve was the picture of disappointment. Then she shook it off and said, "Why don't you two come to my suite? We'll protect each other from their negativity."
She led the way. In the sitting room, tarp covered the couch and coffee table, but everything else had been moved out. The edges of the wall were taped.
"You're painting?" I asked.
"Yes. To distract myself from the horror of waiting for you guys to return from a mission, I decided to renovate."
We moved through the little kitchenette and into the bedroom, where the computer screen flashed a picture of Frosty. I did a double take. He wore a formal gown, as pink as Reeve's walls used to be, complete with ruffles and bows.
"Do you like it?" Kat asked, noticing the direction of my gaze. "It's a little something I threw together for Frosty. Had it blown up and framed. Best Christmas present he's ever received. Classiest, too. I couldn't not share its beauty with Reeve--and half the kids at our school--to use as a screensaver."
Priceless. "I'd like one of Cole in the same outfit. Only sleeveless."
"Done!"
Reeve giggled.
My phone beeped, and I expected to find another text from Nana. But when I checked the screen, it was blank. I frowned--until I remembered I still had Ethan's phone. Trembling, I withdrew it from my other pocket. Justin's face stared up at me. He was alive, just as Helen had said, and holding this morning's paper. One of his eyes was swollen shut. His lip was cut in two places, and there was a knot in his jaw. He needed medical attention ASAP. No, he needed our fire.
Below the photo, Ethan had typed, My apologies for the delay. We lost the other boy. We're still willing to trade--are you?
My hands clenched so tightly the sides of the phone cracked. I forwarded the text to my cell and from there forwarded it to Cole.
Cole: Tell him U'll give an answer 2morrow. We need time 2 plan.
I did as commanded.
Ethan: Until then.
Me to Cole: It's set. Where are U? I'll help w/planning.
Cole: I'll find U later.
I gnashed my teeth. Did he think I'd tell Helen our plans? Did he not trust me anymore?
I sent him one more text: We need 2 test the new vision development.
Cole: Later.
"What is it?" Kat asked, concerned.
I put both phones away with more force than necessary. There was no way anyone would allow Miss Mad Dog to participate in what was to come, so there was no reason to argue about it now or alarm her over Justin's condition.
"Cole and I had sex," I announced, switching gears. "In other news, I want to smash his face!"
In an instant, everything else was fo
rgotten.
"What!" the girls exclaimed in unison.
"How was it?" Kat asked. "Totally cake?"
"Yes. Frosted and sprinkled."
"Last I heard, you weren't ready," Reeve said. "What changed?"
Everything!
I flopped onto the bed and covered my face with the comforter. "I almost died when Zombie Ali showed up, and that affects a person, you know. I wanted to live and basically begged Cole to make the next move. He wouldn't, until I almost died again, and now it's changed things between us, changed me. I feel closer to him than ever, so of course his anger is harder to take. I mean, I hated his anger before, but it's like a thorn in my side now. I can't get past it. Can't think about anything else. I'm confused and upset and, okay, even more angry with him than he is with me. How dare he get mad at me! Sure, he has a good reason, but I'm his girlfriend. Shouldn't he focus on me rather than the past?"
Silence.
"I don't think I've ever heard you string so many words together at once," Kat said. "But let me see if I got the gist of what you were saying. Cole needs to be castrated?"
Knows me so well. "Exactly!"
We spent the next few hours dissing boys, wondering what the world would be like without them. Final conclusion: magnificent. We'd never have to shave our legs or style our hair. If we wanted to gain a hundred pounds, big deal. No one would accuse us of being unreasonable, because all the stupid people would be gone!
Reeve patted my hand. "What's Cole angry about? What does he think you've done?"
"I..." How could I explain? "My mom...wasn't my birth mother. My real mother worked for Anima and even helped arrange his mother's death. That's why the guys were so freaked about my ability. It came from my mom. And I...I've been talking to her, like I talk to my little sister. I trust her. Cole wants me to stop."
"Oh," she said, a thousand emotions dripping from that one word. Clearly, she agreed with Cole.
"Not helping," I said on a sigh.
Should I apologize to Cole?
Answer was immediate. No! Helen was my mother. The only one I had left. I didn't want to lose her the way I'd lost everyone else. I would talk to her--believe her--if I wanted.
Kat tapped her chin and said, "Let's look at this situation like a math test. There are four possible answers. A, Cole's wrong and you're right. B, Cole's right and you're wrong. C, you're both wrong. And D, you're both right. You've selected A, and he's selected B. Meaning, you've both flunked. The correct answer is D, and if you guys are too stubborn to see that, you're going to lose each other."
I rolled to my side, sighed. "I need to think."
"My genius usually has that effect. Take all the time you need."
Kat and Reeve switched topics, and I might have joined...if I hadn't seen Helen kneel beside the bed. The source of my problem.
Actually, no. That was Cole.
Our eyes--so identical in color--met and I found I couldn't resent her. Couldn't even work up a spark of upset. She was here. For me. Part of me loved her for it.
She reached out as if she meant to smooth the hair from my forehead, smiled sadly just before contact that would never happen and dropped her arm to her side.
"Close your eyes," she said.
"Why?" I asked.
"Why what?" Reeve replied.
Note to self: must guard my tongue.
"I'm going to close my eyes for a bit," I said, attention locked on Helen. "You guys continue on without me."
Kat patted my shoulder. "If you insist."
"When you were five, I made molds of your hands...." As she spoke, the scene began to crystallize in my mind.
I sat at the edge of a red-and-black rug playing with a toy car, rolling it over dolls. Bowls of powder and water circled me. Helen was in front of me, a black ink pad and several towels beside her.
"I made molds of your hands," vision Helen said, "and now we're going to add your fingerprints to the ends of the fakes. That way, I can upload your prints into Anima's system." She smiled at me. "One of their greatest flaws is their cloak of secrecy. The medical side is never told what the security side is doing, and so on and so forth, so that no one can ever reveal all of their schemes. I'll create a fake name for you, call you an agent, give you the same security clearance I have, and they'll never know, never remove it, because you'll never be reported as missing or dead."
She cleaned my hands, smiling triumphantly, almost manically. "If ever they capture you, you'll be able to free yourself. Just hold your palm to their scanners. Hopefully, I'll have destroyed Anima long before anything like that can happen. But if not..." She pressed each of my fingers into the ink pad. "I want you taken care of."
Thoughts raced through my mind. Helen had loved me. Did love me. Cole was wrong about her. She wasn't here to harm me or betray me. She would die first--as she'd proved.
Because of her, I could get in and out of Anima. I could free Justin, keeping my promise to Jaclyn.
I just had to find him first. But Ethan would help me with that.
Thank you, I mouthed.
"I'm sorry I didn't appear to you sooner," the real Helen said. "I'm sorry you were captured and tortured, and the way out was within your reach, you just didn't know it. They have ways of blocking Witnesses from their buildings, and I couldn't get to you. Knew you wouldn't believe me even if I could. People don't listen to what they're not ready to hear. Now you know everything, and if you want me to leave and never return...for you, I will. For you, anything."
Never see her again?
It's what Cole wanted.
"Stay," I said.
Chapter 25
ZOMBIE SEE, ZOMBIE EAT
I thought about Helen--my mother...my beloved mother--all night. Alone. Cole never snuck into my room.
In his defense, I never snuck into his.
The next morning, however, he banged on my door. "Ankh's office. Now."
That's it? That's what I got from him? Where was the cuddler I'd left at River's?
I rushed through a shower, brushed my teeth, dressed. Cole, River, Frosty and Bronx were already assembled in the office.
Cole wouldn't meet my gaze. "Call Ethan. Set up the trade."
Bleeding inside.
But I'd made my choice, hadn't I? I'd have a relationship with Helen, no matter what.
I gulped and dialed the number. The phone rang over and over, but Ethan never answered.
I texted him, and though we waited five minutes...twenty...forty....he never replied.
It made me nervous. Was Justin okay, or had he--
No, don't go there.
We spent the rest of the day on a hunt for Dr. Wyatt Andrews. The name Helen had given us. But we found absolutely no hint of him.
It was as we were stomping back into Mr. Ankh's house that Cole finally looked my way--and I really wished he hadn't. His violet gaze proclaimed: Told you so.
He was certain Helen had lied about the doctor's identity.
I stopped hurting, stopped bleeding and got angry all over again.
A day passed, then another and another. Still no word from Ethan.
Cole and I barely spoke, the tension between us like needles in my skin. He felt as if I'd betrayed him, and in a way, I had. But he'd betrayed me, too. We were supposed to put each other first. Right now, we were closer to last.
Every night I climbed into my big bed, alone, and cried. We weren't even having visions anymore.
By choice?
If so, it was his, not mine.
Helen came to see me only once. I suspected she was keeping her distance, even though I'd asked her to stay, in an effort to make things easier for Cole and me. I was relieved--and angrier.
I asked her how she was able to visit, when Emma struggled more and more to do so as the bond between us weakened. She said it was the slayer side of her--used to operating in the spirit realm, she could do more than the average dead girl.
She also told me where one of Anima's laboratories was located. I
told Cole. He knew where I'd gotten my information and dismissed it. So, I did the only thing I could. I called River and made plans to raid the building with him.
When Cole found out about that, he utterly lost it.
He stomped into my room, slammed the door. "You don't go to River for anything." He was savage, intense. "You come to me."
I was in the process of gathering my things, expecting River to arrive at any moment. I stopped to glare. "I did. You ignored me."
"I've never ignored you. I just didn't mention that I told my dad about the lab and intended to do a stakeout tonight."
Wait. "You were going to do a stakeout without telling me? Why?" Did I really need to rack my brain? "Never mind. You didn't want me to warn Helen."
A muscle ticked under his eye.
Bingo.
Blood boiling, I pointed to the door. "Get out. Now."
Features as cold as ice, he planted his feet. "Make me."
I pushed him.
He didn't budge.
I pushed again, harder, and finally, movement. He stumbled back a step. I could feel his heart racing under my palm. It was the only thing that kept me sane. He was affected. He might not want to show it, but he was.
"I'm only trying to protect you," he said through gritted teeth. "Helen is going to betray you, and if it doesn't get you killed, it's going to break your heart."
"I don't need your protection, Cole. I need your support." Why couldn't he see that?
"You can't have it. Not in this. I will always give you what you need, even if it's not what you want."
"Need, according to you."
"You aren't objective."
"Neither are you!"
He wrapped his fingers around my wrist, squeezing just enough to hold me steady. At first, I thought he meant to bring my knuckles to his lips and kiss me. Wishful thinking. He let go, severing contact.
"I'm going with you to the warehouse," he said.
Calm. "Fine. I can't stop you." Didn't want to stop him. "Dress in black. We're not stopping with a stakeout."
He opened his mouth to say more, but closed it. Then he said, "Let's try to force a vision. See what happens."
Now he wanted to try? "No," I said and turned away. I didn't want to see our future. Not anymore.
He left the room without another word--and he was the one to break my heart.
Compartmentalize.
No. Just...no. I wouldn't start that again. At best, it was a temporary fix. I'd pour my anger and hurt into destroying Anima.
I finished arming myself and marched to the foyer. River, Camilla and Chance were already waiting. As were Cole, Frosty, Bronx, Veronica, Gavin and Mackenzie. How had Cole gathered the troops so quickly?