"You can't see them?" I asked.
"Nope."
"Why can't he?" I asked the girls. "He's always seen Emma in the past."
"Helen taught us how to cloak ourselves," Emma said, clearly proud of herself. Then, in a whisper, she added, "We only have permission to speak with you."
I kissed Cole on the cheek. "Give us a minute, all right?"
He squeezed my hand and strode to the car. He didn't climb inside, but leaned against the side, waiting for me, ever the protector.
Kat's eyes twinkled up at me, only to quickly lose their sparkle. "I'm worried about Frosty."
Honestly? "I am, too."
"Take care of him," she said.
"I will."
"And take care of yourself." Her smile was sad, but also hopeful. "As much as I want to throw a welcome-to-forever party for you up there, I want you to live a long, long time. I want you to do what you were born to do. To let go of the past, the pain and the sorrow, because they'll only slow you down, and push forward. You, Miss Ali-Kat Bell, have the ability to do great things. And I'm not just talking about your slayer skills. You're going to change the world and lead zombies to the light. Don't let anything stand in your way."
Tears burned the backs of my eyes. "I'll try."
"Don't try," Emma said. "Do."
I nodded, because I'd suddenly lost the capacity to speak. These girls knew how to cut through the crap and strike where it mattered.
They smiled at me one last time before disappearing from view.
I stood in place for a long while, missing both already. Again. More. But Kat was right. It was time to let go of the past and push forward. I had a lot to do--a lot to look forward to. And with Cole and the other slayers at my side, I could do anything.
Would do everything I'd been born to do. I still didn't believe in fate, that everything that happened was meant to be. But I did believe we each had a purpose, and it was up to us to get off our butts and do whatever was necessary to fulfill it.
I was ready.
I was smiling as I walked to Cole, and he smiled at me in turn. This wasn't the end for us, I knew, but merely the beginning.
A NOTE FROM COLE
Let me guess. You skipped ahead. You're reading this before you glance at a single word of Ali's tale because you're too impatient, have to know if there's a happily ever after for everyone.
Too bad.
I'll tell you nothing. I'm evil like that.
Or I was. Can you hear me grumbling? Ali's had a strange effect on me. She took a heart as hard as stone and wrapped in barbwire, and chipped away until she found some kind of gooey candy center.
I'll never be the same.
Don't want to be the same.
So, all right. Okay. You want answers. Here they are.
Did everyone get a happily ever after? Sorry, but no.
Welcome to life.
It's been four weeks since Kat's celebration of life, as Ali calls it, and Frosty is still a mess. Worse, even. His pain is... There are no words. I'm slain every time I look at him. He's turned into someone I don't know, his every action meant to destroy his life in some minute way. I don't know how to help him, and I'm not sure more time will soothe him. He needs something I cannot give him.
He needs peace.
He thinks Ali can give it to him. Every day he begs her to cover his memories.
Every day she refuses.
He's even started asking me...and if not me, the others. With her fire, Ali has shared all of her abilities with us. Even the ability to cleanse zombies. And it's weird, helping creatures we once fought so fiercely to destroy. But it's also kind of wonderful. They have a future, and so do we.
Ali cutting in here. We do have a future. Like, the greatest one ever.
Cole's been making plans. He'll graduate high school, and a year later, I will. We'll go to college together. He'll do the cop thing, maybe even go total bad-A crime fighter and become an FBI agent, and I'll do the counseling thing. We'll get married--he says he may lock me down before college. Can't have other guys getting any ideas about his 'gator or he'll have to give up his dream of being a crime fighter and become a felon. Bones will have to be broken. Blood will have to be spilled. I wouldn't mind the carnage, though. I know the beast I'm paired with and love him anyway.
Cole cutting in, reclaiming my letter.
You didn't want to write it in the first place.
Are you whining? That sounds like whining.
Fine. Take the pen while I show you my favorite finger.
Telling me I'm number one in your heart? Love, I already knew that.
Anyway. Smith didn't get a happily ever after, either. Ali covered her memory and sent her on her way. My girl admitted just how badly she wanted to kill the woman responsible for so much loss, but she knew she had to let go of the hate before it drove her into becoming someone she isn't. Someone like Smith herself. Cold, callous. Collateral damage something to be shrugged over.
I'm proud of her. Hate would have been easy.
I'm still struggling with mine. But that's okay. I've realized hate...and even love...are more than emotions, more than words. They are choices. I decide--what to say, what I do. And I've decided to bet on love. On Ali. She's always been, and will always be, the moral of my story.
Let your light shine,
Cole and the future Mrs. Cole Ali and the future Mr. Ali P.S. This letter will self-destruct in ten seconds.
*
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Love never fails. I know this to be true, more so now than ever before. To God, the One who blessed me, strengthened me and, no matter what was going on in my life, always made a way for me. Every day You say, "You are Mine," and I am honored to reply, "I am Yours. Always."
To Natashya Wilson, an editor who defies description--and yet I'm going to try to describe you anyway. Brilliant. Dedicated. Amazing. Magnificent. Genius. Fun. Witty. Talented. Cake. (- You know I couldn't leave that one out.) You have made this series a joy in every way, and I will be forever grateful for your insight and support!
To Book Rock Betty, a blogger who has rocked me in so many ways. There are only a handful of people I consider a divine connection, and you are one of them. You make me smile. You make me laugh. You make me happy. (Sensing a theme? LOL) I am blessed to know you! P.S. Cole + Betty = LOVE FOREVER
To T. M. Pennington, a man of many talents, a marketing director and writer who took time out of his own hectic schedule to give me masterful feedback. Thank you, thank you, a thousand times thank you!
To Katie McGarry, an amazing woman and author I admire and adore. You are an inspiration, and a treasure, and another divine connection. Thank you for your support!
To Jill Monroe, who has been with me every step of the way. When I'm sad, you cheer me up. When I'm happy, you laugh with me. When I'm working, you encourage me. My life is better because you are in it!
To Bo, Nikole, Isabella and Abrielle Pham and Brook LeFlore at Cafe Bella in Oklahoma City. Your coffees and lunches are so freaking delicious they should be considered a drug--I'm addicted!
And to everyone who fell in love with Ali, Cole and the rest of the gang. Thank you! Thank you for welcoming my characters into your home, rooting for them, sometimes even wanting to donkey-punch them in the throat, talking about them as if they are real people--because they totally are!--and taking this wild journey with them. May light always shine in your lives and chase away the darkness!
BONUS SCENE
A NOTE FROM GENA
Hey, y'all! You voted for the scene you'd most like to see rewritten in Cole Holland's point of view, and the big breakup in chapter five of Through the Zombie Glass won. (The first time Cole and Ali meet and have a vision in Alice in Zombieland was a close second.)
You'll notice that while Alice in Zombieland, Through the Zombie Glass and The Queen of Zombie Hearts are all written in past tense, that is not the case with this scene. When I sat down to draft it, it came out in present ten
se, and I couldn't bring myself to change it. Let's face it. At this point in the series, Cole lives in the moment. Plus, he's my book boyfriend, and I pretty much give him whatever he wants.
As you can guess, this was a heartbreaking scene to write the first time around, but honestly, it was even more so this time. Cole does not hold back.
I hope you enjoy this peek into his head as much as I did!
Cole
War is all I've ever known. I was born into it, and I will die in the midst of it. I've accepted this. Hell, I wouldn't have it any other way. I'll take countless zombies with me.
And I'll do it with a smile.
Friends have died before me. Many friends. After a while, a sense of numbness settles in. I've thought: Another casualty. Sucks, I hate this. But then I've moved on.
I've had to. War doesn't take a time-out so I can deal. Slayers are better off without giving in to feelings anyway. I know this. I've always known this. Yet here I am, ready to tear down these bedroom walls with my bare hands. I don't care about the daily stresses I've been bombarded with lately. Not anymore. My girlfriend lies on the bed, and she is dying. This has been going on for days. Every minute, every second, I try not to lose hope.
What I am learning: I am strong, but my strength means nothing in the face of this.
What the hell am I supposed to do?
Ali kicks off the covers. When her teeth begin to chatter, I drape the heavy fabric over her once again. But it isn't long before she's too hot and kicks them off a second time. She even attempts to tear off her clothes.
"Ali." I grab her hands, hold them down. What little numbness I have left shatters. I am nothing but panic and fear.
She came into my life, a tornado I couldn't stop. Now I'm addicted to the violence of the wind. Deny my feelings for her? Impossible. She broke me down and put me back together, and I'll be damned if I allow her to be taken from me.
"Feed me." Her voice is a broken rasp.
If feeding her would actually help her, I would do it. Nothing would stop me. But her hunger isn't for food. She's infected with zombie toxin, and she wants my spirit.
I've experienced the effects of a Z-bite firsthand and know she's trapped in a bottomless ocean of pain and agony, trying to tread water but swiftly sinking. I would cut off my arms if it meant I could take her torment into myself and fight it for her.
She shivers, cold again. I release her hands to cover her. I stroke her cheeks in an effort to ease her in some way. Any way.
She jerks away from me. "No. Don't."
"Ali." Her name is a prayer, a demand. Heal. You have to heal.
She turns her head in my direction and attempts to bite me. Her eyes are closed. She's acting on instinct. Zombie instinct. I despise soul-eaters to the depths of my being, and yet still I battle an urge to give her what she craves; it's a need. Denying her is torture.
My dad strides into the room and, with a curse, pins Ali's head to the pillow. It's a terrible sight to behold. One person I love restraining another.
"She can't go on like this," he tells me.
I know. "I administered a double dose of the antidote hours ago." I tangle my fingers through my hair and yank at the strands. "Why isn't she better?"
A muscle ticks in his jaw. "Give her another."
Another? To my knowledge, no slayer has ever had so much in so short a time. We don't know the long-term effects. "Can she take it?"
His eyes are bleak. "Do we have a choice?"
No. No, we don't. If she continues along this path, she will die, and her spirit will rise from the dead, a shell housing absolute evil. Ali will be forever gone, forever out of my reach.
I imagine having to fight a zombie that wears her beautiful face and think I'd rather die. I grab one of the syringes resting on the desktop and plunge the needle deep into her neck. At first, she continues to writhe and snap at me. Finally, blessedly, she sags against the mattress, her head lolling to the side.
"Good. This is good. The worst is over," my dad says.
Relief is a surging tide inside me. I struggle to remain on my feet.
My dad places Ali's iPod in its dock. He pulls a chair behind me and I just kind of fall into it. He says something to me, but I am lost in my thoughts and the words are distorted. I think he leaves. I remain in place. I don't care how long it takes for Ali to wake. I will be here when she opens her eyes. I will hold her.
I need to hold her.
Things have been strained between us lately. I've been keeping secrets from her, meeting with a slayer I shouldn't trust, believing him when he says there's a spy among a group of friends I know. But then, his proof is irrefutable.
Ali knows me, knows something is wrong with me. I refuse to talk to her about it, and it hurts her. I've tried to stay away from her in an effort to ease the source of the hurt while I continue to dig for the truth. If she knows what I suspect, she will want to help me. Will insist on it. She's stubborn like that. But to investigate the wrong person is to invite their wrath, maybe even their hatred. It's happened to me, and I won't put her in that position. I'll deal with the consequences myself.
"Ali, I need you to wake up, okay?" I've never come so close to begging.
Her eyes begin to roll behind her lids. She is fighting with everything she's got.
"Good girl," I say. "That's the way. Come back to me, sweetheart."
Though she tries for a while longer, the effort tires her and she sags once again.
A hand roughly pats my shoulder. "I'll watch her if you want to take off and shower--and, dude, I highly recommend you shower."
I look up. Gavin stands beside me. I've known him a long time. Years. I've always liked him. We used to hunt brunettes together as eagerly as we now hunt zombies.
"No. I--"
--the world around me fades, a new one taking shape.
For the first time in our history, a vision ensnares us. I've only ever had visions with Ali, but there's no time to process why I'm suddenly having one with someone else.
Gavin and I are walking through a doorway in Ankh's house. This house. Downstairs. In the entertainment room. Details hit me like bullets. A celebration is winding down. Ali is several feet away from us. She is more beautiful every time I see her. Tall and slender with a fall of white-blond waves that frame a face straight out of a storybook. She is the princess who will save an entire kingdom. The girl with a purpose she's only just beginning to understand.
The one worth waiting for.
Ali is everything I've ever wanted, everything I never knew I needed. Not just in looks. She is witty. I want to kiss even the words that come out of her mouth. She is smart, and she is strong. Stronger than she has realized. Stronger than me. She is loyal, brave. Honest. She refuses to lie. Does she know what a gift that is? She is comfort, and she is peace.
In a lifetime of war, she is my first taste of peace.
She spots us and smiles with delight. She literally glows, and it stops me in my tracks. How did I ever live without her? But she rushes into his arms. His. Gavin's. Not mine.
She...chooses to be with him?
Will be with him?
I am struck dumb.
He wraps his arms around her. She frames his cheeks in her hands, as I've done so often to her, rises on her tiptoes and places a soft kiss on his lips.
Every cell in my body shouts in denial. I want to yank her away from him, wrap her in my arms, where she belongs, and demand she press her lips against mine. Only ever mine. I want to shake her. Shake her so hard the memory of Gavin is forever damaged. I want to tell her to keep her distance from the guy. To never speak to him. Nev
er even glance at him. He is wrong for her. He'll break her heart.
But it won't do me any good. The visions are never wrong--
--the entertainment room washes away in a sea of black. I blink, and I'm back inside the bedroom. We're back inside. Gavin stumbles away from me. He is pale, obviously shaken. I know he recently had a vision with Ali. In it, they didn't just kiss; they made out. I'd heard about it from Gavin after Ali refused to speak of it. I have tried to convince myself they misinterpreted what they saw.
I can't do that now.
"Leave," I snap, gripping the arms of my chair to stop myself from reaching for him. I want to kill him. And I have the skills to do it. I can even make it look like an accident. I know where to hide the body. Ali will never know what's happened. But she might miss him, might mourn him--and the thought of that maddens me. "Leave now."
He does. It saves his life.
I try to breathe. There are now a thousand land mines in my mind, and I'm stepping over every single one of them. Ali will leave me. Boom! Ali will fall for Gavin. Boom! Ali will kiss and touch Gavin. Boom! Gavin will win her, and I...I will lose her. Boom, boom!
I'm not used to helplessness. If there's a problem, I act. I fix. Things get better. But there's nothing I can do about this and I know it. I can't make someone love me.
She shifts on the mattress and her eyelids flutter open, revealing eyes the color of a perfect summer morning, clear and blue, startling.
"Hey there," I say. I reach for her hand, but stop myself just before contact.
She can't quite focus. "Hey." Her voice is different. Hoarser. "I'm glad you're speaking to me again."
I should smile at her, reassure her in some way, but I frown. She's glad I'm here now. But how long will that last? When will she rejoice over Gavin's presence?
"I wasn't ever not speaking to you," I say.
"You were avoiding me, then."
I can't lie to her--won't. "Yes."
Her gaze meets mine, and just like with Gavin, a vision kicks off--
--we are in Ankh's entertainment room. I'm standing across from her...smiling at something Veronica is saying to me. I'm barely listening, too consumed by the fact that Ali is in front of Gavin again, cupping his cheeks again.