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cation and not think the worst. In any event we must get on with our own lives.
When she heard there was to be a conference of cartographers in London she declared her intention of going. Benjamin and I should go with her. "It will be of the utmost interest," she declared.
My first thought was: How exciting it would have been if Philip were going with us. Then I tried to be sensible and gave myself up to preparations.
It was to last three days and Benjamin was instructed to book us in to Blake's Hotel, where the family had always stayed on its visits to London. It was highly respectable and what was called an "old-fashioned" hotel situated not far from Piccadilly. I had stayed there before and been impressed by the hushed atmosphere which I believed was created by the heavy curtains and thick carpets, by porters in liveries of dark blue lightened only by shining brass buttons, silent-footed waiters and discreet chambermaids.
There were to be several meetings and a ball at one of the more florid hotels.
Preparations ensued. We must have new ball dresses. There was bustle throughout the house, which in spite of myself I found exciting, and it did take our minds temporarily from our anxieties about Philip.
It was always thrilling to be in London and it was impossible for one's spirits not to be lifted a little to contemplate all that bustle and vitality which we lacked on our village Green. I was fascinated by the street traders and the German bands and the people dashing to and fro across the roads which they seemed to do so recklessly that I thought they were going right under the horses which were drawing the hansom cabs, the broughams and the landaus that filled the streets.
One could not help being caught up in the excitement. I liked the shops too and made up my mind that I was going to spend many an hour browsing through the goods displayed there before I returned home.
The conference was interesting. It was held in a big room at one of the grander hotels. There were lectures on various aspects, and coloured lithography was widely discussed.
Benjamin had gone on ahead of us because Granny M and I wanted to look in at one of the shops. Granny M had said: "Don't worry about us. We'll see you after the lecture. Don't attempt to save seats for us. We'll look after ourselves."
Our hansom was held up in the traffic and, as it happened, when Granny M and I arrived, the lecture was just about to start.
We were a little abashed when we entered the hall to find it full, and it seemed as though there were no seats available. I suppose we
looked a little bewildered for a young man who was seated in the back row saw us and immediately rose and offered his seat to Granny M.
She was hesitating when an attendant came along with two extra chairs which were set down behind the back row, so the young man and I sat down behind Granny M.
I said: "Thank you very much. That was most kind of you."
"It was a pleasure," he replied with one of the most disarming smiles I have ever seen.
I found the lecture of great interest. So apparently did he, but I noticed that every now and then he was glancing sideways at me. I had to admit that I took a few looks at him too. He was of medium height—slightly taller than I, but then I was tall; he had light brown hair and eyes of a slightly darker brown, good, though undistinguished features, but what was so pleasant about him was his frank engaging smile.
The lecture over, Granny M turned to thank him again and he repeated that it was a pleasure. He added that he believed there was some sort of refreshment which was being served. Would we care to join him? He was alone.
Granny M said: "We have a friend here. He went on ahead. I daresay he is down at the front somewhere."
"Perhaps we could find him. I believe there are tables for four."
While we were talking Benjamin came up.
"This is Mr. Benjamin Darkin who is general manager of what we call our shop in Great Stanton."
"Don't tell me you are Mallory's Maps."
"We are indeed," said Granny M.
"This is a great honour to meet you. I'm Billington ... Raymond Billington."
"It is indeed an honour to meet you, Sir," said Benjamin.
"What is so pleasant about gatherings like this," I said, "is that even though people haven't met before, they know of each other."
"And have a chance to get to know each other which is so much more satisfactory than knowing of," said Raymond Billington.
We all went along to the room where the refreshments were served and Granny M and I seated ourselves at a table for four while the men went off to get the refreshment.
That was an extremely fascinating encounter. We were all vitally interested in what had been said during the lecture and we discussed it with animation, exchanging views, agreeing, disagreeing, expounding our own ideas. The men took charge of the conversation because they were more deeply involved, but Granny M and I were knowledgeable enough to be able to take part and were by no means excluded.
We were reluctant to leave.
Raymond Billington said we should all go to the next lecture together because it was so interesting to exchange views afterwards.
There was to be some sort of forum later on during which he would be on the platform. He would get us tickets for the front row.
He had his own brougham for the Billingtons had their offices in the City of London and he told us that he lived just a little way out in Knightsbridge.
So he took us back to our hotel and we parted, having made arrangements to see him again.
Granny M was very taken with him.
"What a delightful young man," was her comment, and that said a good deal for she was inclined to be critical, particularly of the young.
Benjamin said that he had been rather overawed to meet one of the Billington family. "You know what a reputation they have, Mrs. Mallory."
"Very good indeed, but of course they are not of such long standing as the Mallorys."
"Oh no, Mrs. Mallory, of course not. They only go back about a hundred years."
"Not as long as that," Granny M corrected him. "About eighty at the most. However, credit where credit is due. They have a very good reputation in the world of maps."
"I liked that young man," repeated Granny M later.
So did I. He had helped me to forget Philip for quite a little time.
It turned out, during the next three days, that wherever we went we were accompanied by Mr. Raymond Billington.
He took us to his family's premises near the Strand and we had an interesting morning touring them. He introduced us to his father and to his young brother Basil, who was just coming into the business. They were very agreeable and, said Granny M, just what one would expect Raymond Billington's family to be.
Granny M said that Raymond must come to Great Stanton and we would show him how we worked.
We were all impressed by his performance at the forum and he gave straightforward and very knowledgeable answers to the questions which were asked.
We were all rather sorry as the conference was drawing to its close. It had been a stimulating three days.
He asked if he might conduct us to the ball which was to bring the proceedings to an end, and of course permission was gratefully granted.
It would have been false modesty on my part if I had not admitted that the assiduous attention he bestowed on us was largely due to his interest in me. And it would have been more than false if I had denied that I was pleased.
I liked him. I found him a great improvement on Charles Fenton and Gerald Galton. He was interesting, charming, sophisticated, in fact he was all that a young man should be.
He danced well and carried me along with him. I felt in complete harmony with him.
He said: "This has been an exciting conference ... quite the best I ever attended."
"They have them every year, don't they? This is the first time I have been. Perhaps we shall meet next year."
"Oh... before that, I hope."
I laughed. "Well,
a year is rather a long time."
"Your grandmother has invited me to see your premises in Great Stanton"
"She is very enthusiastic about them, although of course Mr. Darkin is the expert who runs the place."
"You are very knowledgeable too."
"Oh... I'm interested. They all say it is from the romantic angle. I look at the blue seas and see palm trees and natives in canoes."
"It's all part of it."
"But you are interested in sextants and the instruments you use for measuring distances ... and so on. Far too practical for me. My brother is like that."
I paused. Philip had intruded and with him came sadness.
"Your brother? Where is he?"
"We don't know. We are very anxious. He went off on an expedition last October."
"And you haven't heard of him since?"
"One letter only."
"Well, that's not bad. Communication is difficult from so far off, you know."
"Yes, I suppose so."
We danced in silence.
"Now, you're sad," he said, after a long pause.
"I'm thinking of him."
"You must tell me more about him."
"Well, you know how it is. Two children... left to themselves. My mother died and my father went away and married again. He has another family in Holland. My grandmother brought us up."
"She seems a very charming lady but I fancy she could be formidable."
"That's true. Philip and I were a good deal together."
"You must tell me about it... about your childhood. I want to know everything about you."
"It's not very interesting. It could be told in a very short time."
"I believe I should find it of the utmost interest."
His arm tightened about me.
I said: "The music is coming to an end."
"Yes, alas. The dance is over."
We went back to Granny M and Benjamin.
"Shall we go and find some supper together?" asked Raymond.
He was very efficient looking after us. We secured one of the best tables in the room and he and Benjamin went off to bring the food from the buffet.
"What a pleasant conference this has been," said Granny M. "I never enjoyed one more, and a lot of it is due to that charming young man. Has it ever occurred to you, Annalice, how little incidents shape our lives. If we had not been late we might not have met him."
"He gave us his seat. That's hardly shaping our lives."
"Knowing him might well do so." She looked contented, rather complacent. I knew what she was thinking. Here was a young man who was attracted to me. She worried about my lack of opportunities for getting to know people and I think she realized that the Fentons and Galtons were not for me.
And myself? How did I feel? I liked him. I liked him very much. And how should I feel if I said goodbye to him forever? Sad... definitely sad. A little nostalgic?
Was that what was called falling in love? There was nothing violent about it. No breathtaking moments, no knowing without doubt that this was the one. It was just pleasant—well, rather delightful.
The men came back with salmon and little new potatoes and green peas. A waiter brought the champagne which Raymond had ordered. And there we sat, on the last day of the conference, laughing, joking, reminiscing about the lectures, commenting on this and that.
"This is a wonderful finale," said Granny M. "And I want to thank you, Mr. Billington, for making it all so easy and pleasant for us."
"But I have done nothing."
"Nonsense. You, as they say, know your way about. And you have made it doubly enjoyable. Is that not so, Annalice? Benjamin?"
We declared that it was.
"Well, you are coming to see our little shop are you not?"
"I shall be there as soon as I am asked."
"Well, what about the week after next. That would fit in with your plans, Benjamin? Have you anything special to get in the way?"
"Nothing at all," said Benjamin.
"Perhaps you would like to think about it, Mr. Billington."
"I don't need to think about it. I am all eagerness to come whenever you suggest."
"Then that is settled. The Stantons are not very far from London. You will be our guest, of course. We are in the Manor House on Little Stanton Green."
"I shall be so happy to come," he said; and he was looking at me as he spoke.
Our anxiety over Philip did fade a little into the background as we prepared for Raymond Billington's visit.
"We shall have to entertain him," I said. "We had better arrange some dinner parties."
"Well manage," said Granny M. "I expect he will want to see something of the countryside. I told him that you ride a good deal. He might like to ride with you."
Granny M was quite transparent. It was obvious that she regarded him as the ideal grandson-in-law. He was reasonably wealthy, of good appearance, had charm and good manners; moreover he was involved in the fascinating business of map making; and I think what influenced her a great deal was that he did not live too far away.
She visualized her granddaughter coming to stay at the Manor with her children. And Granny M herself visiting the happy family. I could see how her mind worked.
Dear Granny M, she suffered more than she would admit from Philip's absence. She was always optimistic about his return but I wondered what went on in her secret thoughts.
I threw myself wholeheartedly into the preparations for Raymond's visit, partly because I did like him very much and was eager to see him again, but chiefly I think to turn away my thoughts of Philip, if that were possible, for with every passing day which brought no news of him, my anxiety must increase.
Raymond came and seemed more charming than ever. He was greatly intrigued by the Manor House and fascinated by the shop. He spent a long time in Benjamin's company examining the machinery as well as the maps.
I took him riding and I think he enjoyed that as much as anything. I showed him the countryside and we stopped at some of the smaller
inns where we could drink cider and eat hot bread straight from the oven, with cheese or fruit or sometimes hot bacon and beef.
He told me a great deal about himself. This was usually while we sat in an inn parlour, or sometimes, if the weather was good, on a bench outside the inn.
He had been brought up with maps. It was in the family. They had not been involved as long as the Mallorys, of course, but his grandfather had founded the business, in the early years of the century. In the year 1820 to be precise. It seemed a long time ago, but compared with the Mallorys, it was hardly any time at all.
I talked to him a great deal about Philip, and talking I remembered so much about my brother which I had forgotten.
"I can see he is someone very special to you."
"Yes. He is wonderful."
"I think you would have liked to accompany him on his travels."
I nodded. "How I wish I had. But of course I could not have left my grandmother."
"It would be rather unusual for a young lady to go off to the South Seas. But you are an unusual young lady."
"I would have made him take me but for Granny M."
He understood immediately.
"I hope to meet your brother... one day."
"I hope you do."
"And I want you to meet my family."
"I should like that."
"We have a house in the country... in Buckinghamshire. The place in London is not really our home. We are there to be near the business, of course. I get down to the country when I can. I have a grandmother like yours. She is a wonderful old lady. I should like you to meet her. She is considerably older than Mrs. Mallory, but lively and bright mentally, though a little incapacitated with rheumatism. Will you come and meet her?"
"I should like to."
"Before the summer is out. I usually go in August. I am going to ask your grandmother to visit us then. Do you think she will agree?"
"I have no doubt what
soever."
"I shall mention it to her this evening."
"Yes do. I am sure she will be delighted to accept."
We were in the inn when this conversation took place. A little light filtered through the small windows onto his face. It was very eager, tender, almost shining with affection. I felt drawn to him; he must have felt the same towards me for he put his hand across the table and took mine.
*i want us to get to know each other ... well." he said.
"Yes." I answered. "I am sure that would be most... rewarding."
As we came out into the sunshine it seemed as though there was an understanding between us. For some reason I felt a trifle unsure. I liked him very much. His visit had been a great success and we should miss him when he had gone.
But perhaps I had dreamed too many romantic dreams. I had found his company very enjoyable, but it was not the intoxicating experience I had thought falling in love would be.
Our friendship with Raymond Billington ripened during the summer days. He would often come to us for the weekend; he and I would ride in the country and he spent some time at the shop with Benjamin. His visits helped to stop us brooding on Philip's absence.
I could see that I was moving towards an understanding. It was rather pleasant, like drifting downstream in a boat in the not-too-hot sunshine to the strains of a mandoline. Comforting without being breathtaking.
I heard one of the maids talking to another and she referred to Raymond as Miss Annalice's "intended."
I was now nineteen, a little older than Ann Alice had been when she died. I could not help identifying myself with her. though since the coming of Raymond she had grown a little remote. I was getting over the shock of finding the diary and I was beginning to think of the days before I had with a certain nostalgia, for if I had never found it. Philip would still be here. He would not have gone off in search of an elusive island which according to the map makers did not exist.
It was comforting to look to the future, to wait for Raymond's visits and to allow myself a few discreet glimpses into the future.