Chapter Twenty Two
Stationary
On the way back to Ravelham, the journey back was quieter than usual. The radio was on, playing some sort of music that went right over Ems head! She couldn’t hear it, as her mind was running over everything he had said. The air felt taut and also awkward as if she had felt this change in their relationship, than so must he be feeling or at least knowing it, too Ems thought. He wasn't...human!!! OH MY GOD!!! Ems suddenly became aware of the cold reality of her thoughts and suddenly felt a rush of water well up in her eyes and make their way down her cheeks. The love and happiness wasn't gone but was replaced somewhat with the ice of awareness that yet again, she had been foolish, foolish for not realising sooner when it had been staring her in the face. All those little incidents when she saw the orb and rays of light. She had to go home and think. Figuring out all of this was not going to be easy and what if anything she should do.
After saying goodbye to him at the station, she knew he knew than that things were indeed changed. The dynamics had been altered. How could she tell her best friend all of this?! She would laugh and think she was joking or even gone with the fairies! She wouldn't tell her. Somehow she would figure it out herself.
She remembered his last words at the station just before she stepped on the train. 'It is up to you what you want to do; he had looked at her with sadness in his eyes and something she had not seen before, a look of loss, as if he was going to lose her. 'But remember us, you know I love you so very much. I want to be with you but... he looked like he was about to add something and then just said ' think on things let me know what you decide.' As their hands slowly unlocked from a hold, 'I love you!' he said and then the train moved out of the station. She had yet again, transfixed her eyes till she could see him no more.
The days had passed rather slowly. College was yet again, filled with the silly behaviours of two people in her class. She knew that Ben and Alice meant well but every nuance of her thoughts was practically on Max and what had been said. He had contacted her a few times since she got back. She tried to excuse the webcam chats with headaches and fatigue. She didn't feel up to it. Having a relationship with someone who, who comes from a different world, is not human, well is human but not, is something she found hard to accept.
Alice though did pick up something was wrong during lunch break. 'So what's bothering you?' Alice broke into Ems deep thought. 'Oh nothing... I was just thinking'
'About what?!'
Ems decided not to tell Alice for she would not understand, 'Oh nothing really!'
‘I just wondered because you looked rather,' Alice paused for a moment then added, 'rather as if you are not here, like you’re off somewhere!' And 'Oh yes, sad too!' Alice expressed concern. Ems smiled half-heartedly. 'It’s just that I have had a lot to think about recently.'
'Care to share?'
'No not really.' Ems replied while stirring her cup of herbal tea. 'I hope you don't mind. Just need to sort something’s out.'
'Why not come to the party tonight?’ Alice keyed in, ‘that would cheer you up!!'
'Oh I don’t think so!'
‘Aww! C'mon, it won't do any harm!! Alice seemed to emphasise the word that it would not do any 'harm' and put on her best puppy eyed expression.
'Ok ok!' Ems relented. 'But only for a few minutes!'
'That's great!’ Alice beamed. 'See you at eight.'
Chapter Twenty Three
Core Mending
When Ems arrived at Alice’ house, it was already packed with revellers! She had only expected a few friends not a crowd! Had she known this she may have decided not to go! The music was blasting out various songs of 80's and 90's! Ems managed to spot Alice just near the kitchen door chatting with a man and a girl. She waved to her. Alice beckoned her to join the conversation. Ems shook her head. She hadn't felt that it was right to go to her party and now that she was here, the crowd only exacerbated the feeling. She took in a deep breath. Alice made a move towards Ems who was standing at the bottom of the hall stairs.
'I'm so glad you decided to come!' Alice exclaimed. Ems handed her a bottle of vintage port. 'Aww thanks,' with a delighted smile, she caught Ems by the arm and made a move so she would have to follow. Ems was ushered by Alice to one corner of the lounge.
'I'd like to introduce you to Declan; Alice looked at Ems and towards a man who was standing on his own away from the crowd.
‘Hi.' Was all Ems could muster.
'Hello' he replied.
‘Dec, this is Ems', Alice interluded.
He nodded his head and extended his hand to her. She took it and greeted with a quick handshake. Ems wondered what was going on inside Alice’s mind. She knew that she was seeing someone, but as yet hadn't elaborated on whom it was.
Declan, was most likely in his thirties, Ems considered. He had short spikey dark hair, dark grey eyes and wore a Ramones t-shirt, loose fitting blue jeans with casual shoes. Ems considered he bore all the looks of someone who loved to rock and probably most likely to roll too! She laughed inwardly at the thought. He then asked her if she wanted a drink. Ems refused but then she thought she would stay just a while out of politeness.
'Just plain sparkling water please' she requested. She watched him go to the bar table. Max entered her thoughts. She looked down to the hardwood floor, her thoughts cascading in ribbons of the colour of love he had brought to her life. The vibration in her jacket pocket, made her jump back to reality.
She retrieved her phone from its concealment. The text message was from him.
'Please contact me. I miss you so very much. I love you. I love you with everything that I am and more.' It was completed with a lot of kisses.
Letting out a sigh, Ems put the phone back in her pocket. Declan had returned with the drinks. He gave her a small bottle of sparkling water and he had a bottle of light beer.
‘So you know Alice long?' He asked, taking a small sip of the cold beer.
'Oh just since college!'
'So not long then!'
'I guess not,' she replied matter of fact manner. 'How 'bout you?'
'A few years,' he spoke leisurely about Alice as if they were old friends, ‘well about sixteen years give or take!'
'Oh my!’ Ems raised her eyebrows in mild surprise, 'she never mentioned you in all the time I have known her!'
He put the bottle down on the small wine table
'We fell out a few years back over something small, but it got way out of hand,' he took a breath and let it out as a sigh,' and although we are still friends, we are not as close as we used to be.'
Ems tilted her head slightly in a quizzical manner. They had been close, but just how close were they, Ems thought. She never mentioned him not once. It seemed strange.....
’But I wish it was different!' he added. He picked up the bottle and drank some more.
'How do you mean different?' Ems asked, hoping it wasn't a sore subject and not a personal question either.
He looked about the room. Ems followed the direction his gaze took. Alice was standing near the window, talking and laughing with a few people. Her bright red hair set with tiny flowers and a matching knee length dress, she appeared carefree and full of happiness. Ems looked back at Declan. He looked like he was close to tears...
'Do you still love her?' she boldly asked.
He looked down and smiled a smile tinged with loss and regret. He let out a deep sigh 'Yes, I've never stopped loving her, though she has stopped loving me.' He looked at Ems. She noticed a tear trickle its way slowly to the line of his jaw.
'I don't know how to win her back and I doubt that she is willing to be with me ever again, she told me so herself. Never ever again is what she said to me, the night she left me.'
He took a drink from the bottle and then turned to Ems. 'I'm sorry to have troubled you. It was very nice to meet you, excuse me, I must be go!' He had disappeared before Ems had a chance to respond. It was all quite a shock, quite a revelat
ion. She wondered what had happened to them, what was the reason for the break up! Asking Alice would prove difficult since it wasn't something she had mentioned before as it is personal. It may be none of her business, but...
Ems felt it wasn't her place to ask but she had to know, as she made her way through the crowds to Alice.
'Oh where is Declan?' she looked around trying to source where he might be. Ems wasn't sure if she was looking for him, as she hadn't wanted him to leave for one reason or another.
'He left' Ems brought Alice’s straining on her tip toes, to see over people’s heads, back to the ground.
Alice looked back at her. Noting a fleeting concerned expression on her face, Ems queried, 'So you miss him?' she asked with smile.
'Me? No why should I?!' she returned. Alice looked like she was hiding her emotions to Ems.
Shrugging her shoulders, Ems didn't know if she should say anything of what Declan had told her. If she interfered in anyway, it might cause a rift between herself and Alice! She didn't want that to happen, but then again, if she didn't say or do anything, that might lead her to never know she was loved still and so much by Declan and she would miss out...
Her thoughts trailed off, Max came into her mind. She too would miss out on love. His love was real as he was too, to her. She made an immediate decision, she would tell Alice and if she didn't want to know, then it is her choice at the end.
'Alice, can we talk a second?' Ems turned her to face her directly. 'Some where private?' she asked. Appearing to be taken aback for a brief second, she nodded and then led the way up the stairs to a bedroom and closed the door behind them.
The room was awash with crazy silver and black painted patterns. The bed itself was a large double covered with a patterned zig zag covered duvet. It wasn't a tidy bedroom, because of the clothes scattered about and a few plastic bags filled with stuff on the chocolate brown carpet.
'So what did you want to talk to me about?' she enquired, while indicating to Ems to join her sitting on the edge of the bed.
'Why did you introduce me to Declan?' She asked.
Alice looked towards her, then away. 'I thought you might like to chat with him!'
'It wasn’t because of anything else? Was it?' Ems asked. She has wondered if she was being used by Alice to find out about how he was feeling. Alice then turned back to Ems and askedd, 'Why did he say something?'
Ems looked at Alice. 'Yes' was her brief response.
To which Alice sprang from the bed and started to pace the room, then stop. 'What did he say?' Tell me... Please!'
Ems looking up to her from where she sat on the bed, 'He still loves you very much, but doesn't believe he will ever have the chance of being with you again.' She continued...' He is almost giving up hope'...
'Almost’ Alice repeated. Ems could see she was thinking so many things are Alice’s eyes darted about the room.
'Do you want him back?' she enquired.
She paced up and down the room again. 'I made a mistake some years ago, I didn't believe in us enough to stay in the relationship. It was too like a dream for me, so unreal, that I began to doubt everything and I had lost him, but your words have given me hope; hope in that we can get back together. I do still love him, but I am not sure if he will forgive me my stupidity!'
Ems stood up and embraced Alice. Then she spoke with words from her own heart from the love she had felt for Max, 'Well go find him. Talk with him and tell him how you feel, before time runs out!'
'Oh I will.' Alice returned a big hug and then dashed out of the room, repeating thank yous as she disappeared down the stairs, leaving the bedroom door wide open. The music and the voices of the party revellers became clearer.
Ems stood where Alice had left her. The words she had spoken, 'Before time runs out!' reverberated in her mind.
Chapter Twenty Four
Recall
Time had seemed to have figured a lot in her relationship with Max. ‘Time was of the essence!’ she remembered from an old saying. Max had mentioned about time to her before. But right now, time wasn't of that much importance as was figuring out her place in the relationship. Ok so he wasn’t from this world, yet she was in love with him and so very deeply. It was a very tough thing to take in. Never in her wildest dreams had she ever envisaged this!
He had kissed her when she had been at her most vulnerable, most lonely with feelings of utter despair. That had greatly shocked her! Giving her goose bump chills.
What was she going to do?
She had not communicated with him in nearly two weeks! He sent her texts sometimes eight of them a day. Declaring his love for her and ringing her at least six times as well on top of that. She never answered and never replied back. She needed the time to adjust to all of this. Knowing things would never be the same. Yet through all this, her love for him remained steadfast. It had been unbearably painful to be away from him. She had never felt such inner strength until this, until he had told her everything. Maybe she could cope with this, maybe.
Over the next few days, the college final exams would be taking place. Ems did all she could to prepare for them. Setting her mind to her books and curling up on the sofa with the latest in-depth technology based camera work magazine or book. All the while in her mind, he was there. Pictures and memories of times shared and spent together. The lovely holiday they spent in Rambleback. The drive to Silverstown, when they had taken the wrong turn, the paper map proving useless, so many memories, all so warming, but now so very sad. They could never have that again. It was gone. She didn't blame him, just blamed circumstances, the laws of averages and her own wishful thinking!!
How could it possibly work out?! Eighty per cent said no and the rest well, it was pie in the sky! The day of the exam had finally arrived. It was also the last year of college. An end was coming. Time was moving on.
Ems bumped into Alice in the corridor, and was immediately surrounded by Alices’ arms in a big hug. 'Thank you, she spoke joyfully, and repeated another thank you!'
Ems looked at her slightly bewildered.
'We are back together again, Declan and myself.' she beamed broadly, 'Thanks to you.' With that Alice again hugged Ems. 'You're a friend for life, our friend, mine and Declans!'
'Thanks,' replied Ems. 'I am delighted for you both.'
Ems made her way into class and took out a selection of pens and set them down on top of the desk. She opened her handbag to retrieve a paper handkerchief, when she came across and envelope she hadn't noticed before. She however, recognised the writing. It was Max’. She stood back up and went to the end of the classroom.
She opened the envelope and letter. It read,
'Ems, lovely one,
‘I cannot stay much longer. My time is almost here. I have to leave. If you do not wish to meet with me, then I will know and I will never bother you again, here or for eternity. I will leave you be, but, if you choose to meet with me, then I will know, that you indeed love me and that love we share will remain boundless for all eternity and you and I will be forever linked to each other. Whatever life we choose, whatever form we take, I will find you, now and forever more.
The choice is yours, here, now, and yours alone. But no matter what transpires, I will always love you!'
Max xxxx
Ems held the letter tightly in her hand. Her mouth felt dry.
This was what she had waited for all of her life, a love that surpassed the limits of this life, of this existence. The realisation of it caught the feeling in the centre of her chest. Her other hand made a fist in the centre of her chest as she leaned against the wall trying to catch her breath. He didn't say when or where to meet with him.
'Oh! ‘She exclaimed as she raised her eyes upwards and started to cry. The feeling washed over her that she was about to lose him again, and this time forever. Suddenly she turned on her feet, grabbed her bag off of the table and left the classroom, while she could hear Alice and Ben calling her name. She didn't loo
k back just ran out the main door.
The cold grey sky almost had a sense of rain about it. But it didn't matter. Her entire focus was on getting home. She just had to get home.
Sitting in the back seat of the taxi, she sent him a text message.
'I'm sorry that we didn't get more time, it is my fault. I miss you so much. I don't want you to go. I love you with all of my heart. I do not know where to meet with you or even at what time. Contact me when you can.' She added a few kisses at the end.
She did love him and love him so much; all her delaying meant she had lost time with him, lost a lot of things.
When she got home, she felt very restless. He hadn't contacted her. There was nothing.
Ems felt she should wait but she had no patience and rang his phone and left messages. Hearing his voice on the machine brought memories flooding back. It started a trail of tears washing down her cheeks.
She fell asleep while listening to orchestral ballet music played on the sound system. When she awoke, she checked her phone to see if there was a message or call. There was none. No reply. She wanted to send another text but refrained from doing so. She would wait. That was all she could do.