“I’m sorry too,” she says. “I had no idea. I should have figured it would be hard for you.”
“I never meant to keep secrets from you, or hide something from you,” I say. I’m crying now, and Mel grabs a tissue off the coffee table and hands it to me.
“How are they now?” she asks. “Your parents, I mean?”
“They’re good,” I say, wiping my nose. “Well, they’re doing better. My mom got all her job stuff worked out, and they’re going to a counselor. They seem happier.”
“That’s good,” Mel says. She sighs. “And I’m sorry if I’ve been overreacting to you hanging out with Lexi so much. I just felt really left out.”
“I know,” I say. “And that’s going to stop.”
“You’re allowed to have other friends, Devon,” she says.
“I know,” I say. “I know I am. But that doesn’t mean I have to neglect you at the same time.”
“Hey, do you want to hang out for a while? We could watch a movie. Maybe eat ice cream or something?” She looks hopeful.
“I’d love to,” I say. “But I’m grounded.”
“Oh,” Mel says, her face falling.
“But maybe …” I run outside, have a quick conference with my mom, and then run back inside. “You have me for a whole hour,” I say happily. “And you will never guess what happened tonight.”
I fill Mel in on the whole Brent story, and we spend the rest of the hour obsessing over what she should do. It feels really nice to have my friend back. And for her to know the truth.
“You have to talk to him,” I say to Mel, slamming my locker door shut the next morning. Our debate from last night has carried over, because Mel is acting like a wimp.
“I can’t!” she gasps, looking terrified. “What would I say?”
“I dunno,” I say. “Something about the assignment? Yeah, ask him about the math assignment.”
“Ya think?” She bites her lip.
“Totally.” We start to walk toward our homerooms when Lexi stops me.
“Hey,” I say warily, not sure if I can handle another really bad encounter. I have Mel back, and I’m not sure if my brain can take any more drama right now.
“Hey,” she says. “Listen, I know you talked to Jared for me.” She bites her lip. “So thanks.”
“No problem.”
“We’re going to hang out this weekend.”
“That’s great,” I say honestly.
“Yeah …” she trails off, and then I realize she’s waiting for me to give her permission. After everything I’ve done to her, she doesn’t want to go out with him if she thinks I still like him. I feel the tears start in the back of my eyes. Mel squeezes my hand, which makes me feel better.
“Lexi, it’s fine if you go out with Jared.”
“Are you sure?” she asks, twirling a strand of her hair around her finger. “Because I know what it’s like when someone goes out with the guy you like.”
“It’s fine.”
“Okay,” she hesitates, then starts walking away. I look at Mel, who squeezes my hand again.
“Lexi, wait,” I say. She turns around. “I don’t know how things got so screwed up.” I can feel myself starting to tear up. “Lexi, I’m so, so, sorry.” A tear slips down my cheek. “I’m really sorry. I never meant to lie to you. It was just that this summer, getting away from my parents and everything, I just … I don’t know, I wanted to be someone else, I guess. And you’ve been such a good friend to me, and I just …”
Lexi sighs. “I just wish you had told me what was going on from the moment I got here.”
“I know,” I say. “I wanted to, but it was just really hard. I understand if you don’t ever want to talk to me again.” She doesn’t say anything, so I keep going. “But Lexi, our friendship is really important to me. That doesn’t change just because I lied about a few details of my life.”
Lexi bites her lip. “It’s okay,” she finally says, reaching out to hug me. “It’s okay.”
“But I lied to you,” I say, still crying. I hope I’m not getting snot on her shirt. It looks expensive.
“Yeah, but you did it for a reason,” she says, shrugging.
“You’re not mad?” I ask, pulling away. I wipe my tears with the back of my hand.
“I was,” she says, sighing. “But, Devi, I never liked you because you had a boyfriend. I mean, I didn’t even know who Jared was until I got here. For all I knew, he could have been some disgusting, hairy guy with eight toes.” She wrinkles her nose in disgust. I laugh.
“Hey, Lexi!” a voice yells behind us. We turn around and see Kim walking down the hall toward us.
“Oh, great,” Lexi says. “It’s the boyfriend-stealing blackmailer.”
“What do you want?” I ask Kim, realizing I can be as mean to her as I want now that she can’t hold anything over me. Then I realize that in order to tell my secret, Kim must have been fairly confident that Luke was so mad, he would never forgive me. I feel myself getting angrier. Three on one. We could definitely take her.
“I need my Seven jeans back,” Kim says, tossing her hair over her shoulder. “You’ve had them for, like, a week.”
“Fine,” Lexi says. “Then I’ll need my blue necklace.”
“I don’t have your blue necklace,” Kim says, shrugging.
“Yes, you do,” Lexi says.
“Well, I’ll check, but I really don’t think I do,” Kim says sweetly. “I think I gave it back to you.”
“You didn’t,” Lexi says.
“Well, I don’t have it,” Kim says again. “I might have left it at Matt’s.” She smiles viciously.
“Well, if that’s the case, you can probably just ask Kayleigh Trusco to give it back to you,” I say to Lexi, nodding.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Kim asks, glaring at me.
“Nothing,” I say, looking innocent. “It’s just that last night I saw Matt at the arcade with Kayleigh Trusco, and it looked like they were having a lot of fun. So Lexi can probably just get Kayleigh to pick it up next time she’s at his house.”
Kim’s eyes narrow, and she glares at all of us, then turns on her heel and marches down the hall. Lexi, Mel, and I burst out laughing.
chapter twelve
“you have to eat something,” Mel says at lunch. We’re in the caf at our own table—me, Mel, and Lexi. Although Lexi keeps getting up to go sit with Jared and the rest of the A-list (including Luke) periodically, and although she invited me and Mel to sit there, I didn’t feel like dealing with it.
“Fine,” I say. I pick up a french fry from my tray, drag it through some ketchup, and pop it into my mouth. “Are you happy?”
“Eat another one,” Mel instructs. So I do.
“I don’t understand why you won’t just talk to him,” Lexi says. She pulls her mirror out of her purse and fluffs her hair.
“Because he won’t listen to me,” I say. “He hates me.”
“He doesn’t hate you,” Lexi says, rolling her eyes.
“You just have to talk to him,” Mel says.
“I already tried that,” I say.
“But did you tell him you really, really like him?” Lexi asks.
“No,” I admit.
“You have to,” Mel says, and Lexi nods.
“But I’ve already humiliated myself enough,” I wail.
“‘And the trouble is, if you risk nothing, you risk even more,’” Lexi recites. Mel and I look at her in surprise. “What?” she says. “It’s like a famous quote.” I eat another fry And another. “Hey do you want to hang out after school today? I might be able to con my mom into letting you guys come over for a little while.”
“Sure,” Mel says. “But I have to work on my English while I’m over. Last week I got a C minus on my poetry quiz because—” She gets a weird look on her face, stops talking, and leans in close to me.
“What is it?” I ask. I pop another fry into my mouth.
“Don’t freak out,” she says, “bu
t Luke is coming over here.”
“What?” I say. I chew and swallow my fry quickly. “Are you sure? Why would he—”
“Hey,” a voice says behind me, and I turn around. Luke. “Can I talk to you for a second?”
“Sure,” I say, trying to keep my voice even. I look at Mel and Lexi, trying to have a conversation with them about what I should do without saying anything.
I follow him to just outside of the cafeteria doors, where we stand against the wall. “Listen, I wanted to let you know that the project is pretty much done. I’ll give you the write-up in social studies so you can look it over, but I think it’s in pretty good shape.”
“Oh,” I say. “Okay.” So Luke did the rest of the project himself. I was kind of hoping that we’d work on it together, and he’d come around and realize how cool I am, and, you know, not hate me. I was also half-hoping that Luke wanted to talk to me about something important, like what was going on with us, instead of the stupid project. But I guess that was the last thing that would force us to have contact and now he just wants to be done with me. “Thanks for letting me know,” I say, then turn around and start heading back toward the cafeteria.
“Devon,” he says, grabbing my arm.
“Yeah?” I say, turning back around.
“Listen, I talked to Lexi this morning.” He leans against the wall and sighs. “She told me that you had a crush on Jared last year, but that you never really liked him the way you like me. Is that true?”
“Yes,” I say. “That’s true.”
“She told me how you came clean, told her the truth. And she also told me what Kim’s been doing to you.”
“Oh,” I say.
“I’m sorry I was so hard on you on Saturday,” he says. “It’s just that I’d thought you kind of liked me, and I really liked you, and then I found out you liked Jared, and … I don’t know, I was upset.”
“But I don’t like Jared.” I say. My heart’s beating really fast. I swallow, and then go for it. “I like you.”
“I know that now,” he says. “But I didn’t at the time.” He’s moving closer to me now. Or maybe it’s my imagination. No, it’s really slow, but he’s definitely moving closer to me. I can smell his Luke smell.
“I’m sorry I lied, to you,” I say. “I just—”
“It’s okay,” he says, putting a finger on my lips. And then he leans down and brushes his lips against mine. They’re soft and salty, and I can feel his cheek brush against mine when he pulls away. Oh My God. Luke just kissed me. I’ve just been kissed! My first kiss!
“Oh,” I say. That’s all I can think to say. Just oh.
“Devi!” Lexi screams from behind me. “What is going on out here?” She’s standing in the doorway of the cafeteria, her hands on her hips. “Ohmigod, you guys are kissing! I knew it! I knew you were going to get together! Mel was all, ‘What is taking them so long,’ and I was like, ‘I’ll bet they’re getting together.’”
Mel pokes her head around Lexi. “Is everything okay?” she asks. “We just wanted to check on you.”
“Yes,” I say, laughing. “Everything’s fine.”
“Good,” Mel says. “Come on, Lexi.” She looks at me. “We’re going back in the caf now. But, uh, call us if you need us.”
“Yeah, call us if you need us,” Lexi agrees, nodding. She looks a little disappointed, like she wants to keep spying on us, but Mel hustles her back into the cafeteria.
“They’re nuts,” I say, laughing.
“Nah,” Luke says. “They’re just worried about you.”
“I know,” I say. “But they don’t need to be.” And then I kiss Luke again, right there outside the cafeteria.
About the Author
Lauren Barnholdt was born and raised in Syracuse, New York, and now resides in central Connecticut. If you ask people who knew her in junior high, they may tell you she had a few secret identities of her own. She’s the author of the YA novels Reality Chick and Two-Way Street, both available from Simon Pulse. When she’s not writing, you can find her watching reality TV, playing DDR, or reading. Visit her website at www.laurenbarnholdt.com or her MySpace site at www.myspace.com/lauren_barnholdt.
Devon knows there’s only one way to handle this—she’ll just have to become popular! But how is Devon supposed to accomplish that when she’s never even talked to Jared, much less dated him?! And it seems the more Devon tries to keep up her “image,” the more things go wrong. Her family thinks she’s nuts, her best friend won’t speak to her, and, as if it’s not all complicated enough, Jared starts crushing on Lexi and Devon starts crushing on Jared’s best friend, Luke. It all has Devon wondering—who is the real Devon Delaney?
Lauren Barnholdt, The Secret Identity of Devon Delaney
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