“I couldn’t sit back and watch her destroy you. Destroy our family. I thought if I talked to her, if I—”
“Oh, my God.” Jade interrupted her. “She must have felt so…” She could think of no word to describe the anguish Riley must have endured. “No wonder she had an accident. She had to be so upset.”
“She was upset at first, but she was calmer when I left her.” Celia twisted her wedding band on her finger. “Honestly. I thought she was all right or I wouldn’t have—”
“What did she say when you told her?”
Celia bent over, her elbows on her knees, her head in her hands, and she stayed that way for so long that Jade had to ask her again.
“Celia!” she said. “What did she say?”
“What you’d expect.” Celia raised her face to Jade’s. “She was horrified to learn everything you went through with Steven. And horrified to realize that he was her father.”
“And horrified to know that killing him was no accident,” Jade added angrily.
“She knows you did it because you were afraid for her,” Celia said gently. “And before I left, she said she’d talk to your brother again. That’s why she was going back to New Bern. Jeannie said—”
“So Jeannie knows, too?”
Celia nodded.
She’d never felt this sort of anger at Celia before. “If Riley’s not all right, Celia, I’ll never forgive you,” she said.
“I didn’t expect her to try to drive back in the middle of the night.” Celia’s voice broke. “I’m sorry,” she said, “but I had to do it. I had to.”
* * *
They packed in silence, and only when they got into the black Lincoln waiting for them in the parking lot did she speak to Celia again. “I want to talk to Jeannie,” she said.
Celia nodded silently as she pulled her phone from her backpack. Jade copied Jeannie’s number onto her own phone. It took her a couple of tries to get it right, the tips of her fingers suddenly big and clumsy.
Jeannie answered on the first ring. “Hello?”
Even after so many years, Jade recognized her voice and her heart swelled with love and gratitude. “Jeannie?” It felt strange to use her first name. She never had.
“Lisa? Oh, honey. Where are you?”
“Is Riley all right?” she asked.
“She’s in and out of consciousness,” Jeannie said. “We’re just waiting to see, right now. She has a concussion and a couple of broken fingers, but they say she was extremely lucky. They had to cut her out of her car.”
“Oh, God,” she said, picturing the scene. “That’s all that’s wrong with her, though?”
Jeannie hesitated. “Physically, yes,” she said.
“Oh, Jeannie.” She squeezed the phone in her hand. “She called you after she spoke to Celia last night?”
“Yes. She called from the car and she was … well, I think she was in shock, really. So am I. Lisa, I can’t believe it. Part of me wants to yell and scream at you for not telling the truth, and the other part completely understands. I only wish you’d told us what Steven was doing to you. We would have stopped it long before he was ever able to—”
“But then Riley never would have been born,” Jade said. “I can’t even bear to think about that.”
“Oh, honey.” Jeannie’s voice was thick. “You know, she was afraid when she went to see you that you’d turn her away.”
“Never!”
“I know that, but she felt like you’d abandoned her. When I saw that pendant around your neck in every picture of your band, though, I knew you hadn’t. Not really.”
“I didn’t want her to know the truth, Jeannie,” she said. “Ever. I didn’t want anyone to know.”
Celia rested her hand on Jade’s knee. On the other end of the line, Jeannie was so quiet, Jade worried she’d lost the call. But then she spoke again.
“There’s one more person who knows now,” Jeannie said.
“Who?”
“Your brother.”
“He knows the truth?” Next to her, she sensed the tension in Celia’s body.
“He’s here at the hospital. We drove from New Bern together. And yes, I told him. Lisa, he had to know.”
“Has he talked to the police yet?” she asked.
Jeannie hesitated. “No, but I think he still … I don’t know what he’s planning to do. He’s a hard person to read.”
“Celia and I are on our way there,” she said, looking out the car window as they passed a sixteen-wheeler. “I’m worried he’ll have them arrest me at the hospital.” She heard the tremor in her voice. “I want to have some time with Riley, Jeannie. Will he at least give that to me?”
“I’ll talk to him,” she said. “I’ll do my best.”
They hung up, and when Celia slipped her hand quietly into Jade’s, Jade leaned her head against Celia’s shoulder. She needed the support right now. All the pieces of her life that she’d spent years cobbling together were finally about to break apart.
58.
Riley
Through my closed eyelids, I was aware of a soft yellow glow, and even though I wasn’t much of a believer, I thought, Am I in heaven? It wasn’t the worst thought imaginable and I kept my eyes shut for a long time, even as I recognized Jeannie’s voice coming from somewhere to my left.
“Riley?” she asked. “Are you awake?”
I remembered sailing through space in my car. The deer I hoped I’d missed. The horrible crunching, cracking sound of metal buckling around me. I remembered—or maybe dreamed?—the ambulance ride to an emergency room, strapped down so I couldn’t move and not caring at all what happened to me. It had felt good to not care. To turn over control to other people. I’d floated along with whatever they did to me, slipping in and out of consciousness. I remembered the agonizingly bright lights in the emergency room. The exquisite pain in my head. Jeannie had been at my side. And Danny? Had he been there, too?
Now I opened my eyes partway, squinting against the light.
Jeannie sat on a chair next to my bed. She leaned forward, holding my hand to her lips, and she smiled when I looked toward her. “There you are,” she said tenderly. “There are those beautiful brown eyes. Are you feeling a little better now?”
I looked down at my swollen left hand and the splints on my index and middle fingers. My head throbbed. “I’m a mess,” I said hoarsely.
She let go of my uninjured right hand to reach for the plastic tumbler on the nearby tray table.
“Water,” she said, holding the straw to my lips.
I sipped. The water was lukewarm but felt soothing in my throat.
“Am I still in the ER?” I asked as she placed the tumbler back on the table.
“No, you’re in a room. There’s another bed in here, but at least for now, it’s empty and you have the room to yourself.”
I tried to turn my head to look at the other bed, but a searing pain on the top of my scalp told me that wasn’t a good idea. Instead, I wiggled my toes. Stretched my legs. Took a deep breath. I needed to assess the damage I’d done to myself.
“I’m okay?” I’d meant it to come out as a statement, but it turned into a question.
“You’re going to be fine,” Jeannie said. “You broke two fingers and got a bump on your head. That’s all.”
I touched the bandage on the back of my head. “Stitches?” I asked. I couldn’t remember. They’d either knocked me out or I’d been unconscious.
“Ten,” she said. “You were unbelievably lucky, Riley. Your car, not so much.”
I knew I’d wrecked my car. I knew it the moment the tires left the road. “Am I in New Bern?” I asked.
“No, Goldsboro. That’s the closest town to where the accident happened, so they brought you here.”
I remembered the flash of tawny fur in my headlights. “I hope I didn’t hit the deer,” I said.
“Ah, so that was what caused it. That’s what they guessed.”
I figured they meant the EMTs
or whoever the first responders had been who found me. Although my aborted drive to New Bern was still a hazy memory, the conversation I’d had with Celia in my apartment was coming back to me more clearly by the second. I shut my eyes again. If only that had been a dream.
“Do you need to sleep some more?” Jeannie asked. “They said they’ll wake you up every thirty minutes or so, but you can doze if you want.”
I shook my head, grimacing at the pain. “Is Danny here?” I asked.
She nodded.
“I was on my way to talk to him,” I said. “I have to tell him what Celia—”
“He knows,” Jeannie said. “We drove here together from New Bern, and I told him.”
“What did he say?”
“Not much.” She gave a little shrug. I knew Danny perplexed her. “He was quiet,” she said. “I don’t know him very well, so I couldn’t really tell what he was thinking. I do know he’s worried about you, though. He’s out in the waiting area right now. Are you up to seeing him?”
I started to nod, then caught myself. I wouldn’t move my head any more than was absolutely necessary. “Yes,” I said.
“And honey,” she said, taking my hand again, squeezing it a little. “I called Celia to tell her about the accident.”
“Celia? How did you…”
“Her number was in your phone. She and Lisa are on their way.”
“They are?” My voice sounded like a child’s. I felt an unexpected jolt of pure joy. In spite of the fact that Lisa was on a collision course with Danny, I wanted her here. I wanted her with me.
Jeannie started to get up, but I grabbed her wrist. “Call her Jade, Jeannie,” I said. “We need to call her Jade.”
* * *
I was alone in the room for a short time. I was able to reach the tumbler of water on my own and use the remote to raise the back of the bed until I was nearly sitting up, but every movement hurt. The hair around the bandage on the top of my head felt stiff—with blood, I guessed. I had the feeling I looked even worse than I felt.
The heavy door to the room opened and Danny walked toward me, shaking his head. “I’m so mad at you,” he said, but I could tell he was more relieved than angry. He wouldn’t talk to me that way if he thought I was going to die.
“I had to go see her,” I said.
He stood at the side of my bed, his hands in his jeans pockets. “You had to go warn her, you mean.”
“Yes.”
“You didn’t do a very good job of it,” he said. “They haven’t canceled the concert. At least not yet, and it’s only a few hours away.”
“Have you talked to Harry?” I held my breath.
“You asked me to wait, and I waited. I planned to see him this morning, but I haven’t had the chance, since my little sister had an accident.” His smile was small, but it reached his eyes and I felt his love. “I still plan to see him as soon as I get back to New Bern, though,” he added.
I was sure he’d fantasized about tonight, watching Harry approach Lisa, either before or after—or, God forbid, during—the concert. Finally, after all these years, he’d see her get the punishment he thought she deserved.
“Danny…” I said, “I know Jeannie told you about…” My voice suddenly shut down and I couldn’t finish the sentence.
“Yes, I know it all.” He took his hands from his pockets and wrapped them around the safety rail of my bed, and I wondered if he was thinking about the fact that he wasn’t my brother after all. “At least, I know the parts Lisa wants us to know,” he said, “but—”
“She didn’t want us to know any of it,” I said quickly. “It was Celia who told me everything.”
“And we know whose side Celia is on,” he said bluntly.
I frowned. “Are you saying you don’t believe her?” I asked. “What part of the story are you questioning?”
“It doesn’t matter if I buy it or not,” he said, his smile completely gone now. “The fact that the guy was a bastard isn’t the issue. He was still a human being and she slaughtered him.”
That was the undeniable truth. Maybe if it had been someone else’s mother at risk here, I would have been among the first to say she should stand trial and serve her time. But this was my mother at the center of the storm. I couldn’t let that happen.
“Please don’t take her away from me, Danny,” I pleaded.
He let go of the rail and walked over to the window. He looked outside for a moment, then turned to face me, his arms folded across his chest. “She never should have jumped bail,” he said. “She should have stayed and—”
“Blame her jumping bail on Daddy, if you have to blame someone,” I interrupted him. “She felt desperate, and she was so young.”
The door opened with the slightest of squeaks, and a young, blond-haired nurse came into the room and walked over to my bed. Danny waited silently while she took my blood pressure, shined a flashlight in my eyes, and asked me if I knew where I was.
“You’re doing awesome,” she said when she’d finished. Then she nodded toward the door. “Your friend Jade is waiting out there to see you,” she said. “Are you up for a little more company?”
I glanced at Danny. His face was like stone.
“Yes,” I said. “Please let her come in.”
59.
Jade
She shivered as she walked down the hall toward Riley’s room, and not only because the air-conditioning in the hospital was set too low. Jeannie had said she’d be welcome in the room … by Riley at least. Jeannie hadn’t been so sure about Danny, though, and he was the one who held her future in his hands. She felt like she was walking toward the executioner.
Jeannie had greeted her and Celia when they’d arrived at the hospital a short time earlier. If her life hadn’t been in the midst of chaos, Jade would have been thrilled to see her. As it was, she’d felt close to tears when Jeannie hugged her. That hug told her that, at least in Jeannie’s eyes, she was forgiven for everything she’d put her family through. For every lie she’d told.
Riley’s nurse, a petite, perpetually smiling blond woman, had asked Jade if she was one of Riley’s relatives.
“Jade’s a family friend,” Jeannie had answered for her. “Their families go way back.”
Back as far as you can go, Jade thought now as she knocked lightly on the door. Pushing it open, she was relieved to see Riley nearly sitting upright in the bed. Riley was pale and bruised, her smile uncertain, and Jade felt a rush of gratitude at seeing her alive and alert. At the other side of the room, Danny stood silhouetted in front of the windows. With the light behind him, Jade couldn’t make out his features at all and felt instantly at a disadvantage. It was impossible, though, to miss the edgy tension that crackled in the room.
“Hi.” She smiled at Riley as she walked toward the bed, trying to pretend this was a simple hospital visit rather than a reunion between three hurt, brittle, and wired-up people. “How are you feeling?” she asked.
“I’m all right,” Riley reassured her.
Jade bent over to kiss her daughter’s cheek. “I’m so relieved,” she said. “I was terrified when I heard.” She tore herself away from Riley and walked across the room, her body stiff with fear as she held out her hand to her brother. She’d never felt less sure of what to say in her life. There were no words to make up for the years apart.
“Danny,” she said. He’d stepped away from the backlight of the window and she could see him now. He was so handsome, but the look in his eyes was ice-cold. He kept his hands buried in his pockets and Jade lowered hers to her side. “I’m sorry,” she said. “For everything.”
“Fine,” he said, but she knew that nothing was fine. Nothing would ever be fine between them. Her father had told her that Danny was troubled, but now she saw for herself that troubled was too mild a word. Danny was a damaged soul. Those cold eyes and tight lips. What had happened to the happy, effervescent child he’d been? How much of the damage was her fault? She reached toward him again, this
time to touch his arm, but he pulled away from her quickly.
“You killed our family, do you know that?” he asked.
“Danny,” Riley said from the bed. Her voice was a plea.
Danny’s hostile tone made Jade take a step backward until she stood next to the footboard of the second bed. She didn’t know how to answer his question. She worried that he was right. “I never wanted that,” she said. “I couldn’t … foresee all the things that happened.” She clutched the rim of the footboard. “When I think back to that time, it’s just a gigantic mess in my memory.” That was the truth. “I didn’t know what to do,” she said, “and when Daddy suggested—”
“Right,” Danny said. “It was all his fault.”
“I’m not saying that,” she said. “I’m not trying to defend myself. I know I made terrible mistakes and I’ve had to live with what I did. The guilt. The separation from my fam—”
“And Riley and I had to live with two shitty parents in a house full of lies.”
“Danny,” Riley said, “I never felt that way.”
“Well, lucky you!” he barked at her, and Jade had a sudden urge to slap him. Don’t talk to my daughter that way! she wanted to shout, but she hardly had that right. She saw Riley shut her eyes and sink back into her pillow. This is too much for her, Jade thought, but she didn’t know how to end it. They shouldn’t be having this conversation here. Or now. Yet there was no time to have it later. Later, she could be locked up.
“Why the hell didn’t you just tell the truth?” Danny asked. “Accept the consequences? You really fucked all of us over.”
“I was afraid,” she said. “I was frantic. I’d killed someone…” The day it happened, tucked so deep inside her memory, rushed back to her, and her voice cracked. “I relived that moment over and over and over and—I’m sorry, Danny,” she said again. “Everything was such a mess, and I didn’t know how to make it right. I was so screwed up.”
“But did you ever, in the last twenty years when you were no longer ‘so screwed up,’ think of Riley and me and the disaster you left us? Did you ever, in the last twenty fucking years, think of coming back? Making things right?”