“Yes, you’ve done something else.”
“What?”
“You’ve loved me,” he said simply. “Not at first. But gradually it came.”
“I do not—” She couldn’t finish. She closed her eyes. “I don’t know about this love. It’s been so long. . . . If I do love you, it feels very rough and strange and hurtful.”
“It will be better when you become accustomed to the idea. Will you wed me, Layla?”
She opened her eyes, but they were still dim with tears. “It’s foolish. You won’t be happy.”
“I won’t be happy without you. Will you wed me?”
She lay down beside him again. “You’re right, you wouldn’t be happy.” Her voice was uneven. “I’ve probably spoiled you for any other woman. Who could be as clever and witty and—” She had to stop for a moment. “So I suppose it’s my duty to marry you. We will do it on the morrow.”
He smiled. “And wear a blue lotus blossom in your hair.”
“Flowers don’t suit me.”
“It would please me.”
And she knew tomorrow the lotus blossom would be tucked in her hair.
“Layla.”
She looked behind her to see Kadar coming down the hall.
He was gazing at her quizzically. “You were lost in thought. I spoke three times to you.”
Memories, not thought, and it was just as well he had jarred her from them. “Yes, what do you want?”
“Truce. Even if we cannot agree on the grail, we need to work together.”
“You have Tarik.” She added ironically, “Why do you need the help of a mere woman?”
“Because that ‘mere’ woman can cause me innumerable difficulties, if she chooses.”
“That’s quite true. You’re wise to realize that fact and wiser to acknowledge it to me.” Her gaze narrowed on his face. “But I’ve always known you were clever. I just don’t know how self-serving you are.”
“As self-serving as anyone else. But I do keep my word. The grail is safe.”
She nodded slowly. “But how safe is Selene?”
He gazed at her in surprise. “Is that important to you?”
“I’m not without feelings. I’ve grown to think of Selene as my friend.”
“You don’t have to worry about Selene. I’ve cared for her for a long time. That will never change.”
“Never?” Her lips twisted. “That may be longer than you think. Have you not been thinking of the possibility of giving Selene the potion?”
“Yes. How could I help it?”
“Even though you’re skeptical about Eshe?”
“Yes.”
“I thought as much. It’s natural to want to play safe with the lives of people we care about. You’ve been thinking that the potion didn’t hurt you and, if you wait until you know for certain that what we told you is true, Selene will be an old woman. So you’re wondering, why not give it to her now?”
“Only if she chooses.”
“She would always choose you whether it was what she wanted or not.”
“Not at the moment. Her mind is on other things.” He raised a brow. “Why are you concerned? As I recall, you claim that it would be a great gift.”
“It is a great gift.” She paused. “But there was Chion. And Selene suffered terribly when Haroun and the babe died. How do I know what effect the years would have on her?” She met his gaze. “You wish my help? You’ll have it on one condition. If you decide to give Selene Eshe, you’ll first come to me and discuss it.”
“Done.”
“And there must be choice. Do you understand? No matter how much you’re tempted, it’s the one rule that must be obeyed.”
“Of course.”
Relief streamed through her. “Good. And now that’s settled, I have to find a servant and tell him to bring food to Selene and me in her chamber.”
“I’ll do it for you,” Kadar said. “Go back and keep her company. She’ll need you. She’s uneasy tonight.”
“Uneasy. A strange term to describe a bride.”
“No stranger than the situation.” He smiled. “Nor the people surrounding the bride. Including you, Layla.”
“I’m not strange. I’m very—” She grimaced and then said grudgingly, “Maybe a little strange. If one is of a boring and unimaginative mind.”
He nodded solemnly. “And one wouldn’t care about such bores anyway.”
He was laughing at her.
And she did not mind, she realized in surprise. His laughter was like Tarik’s—no malice, just humor that invited sharing. “Exactly.” She turned on her heel. “Nor for those who chatter and don’t act. I’ll expect a servant bearing food to be knocking on the door of Selene’s chamber within the quarter hour.”
The priest was murmuring, motioning with his crucifix.
Surely it was almost over, Selene thought. She hadn’t remembered Ware and Thea’s vows lasting this long. She and Kadar seemed to have been kneeling before the priest forever.
“Stop frowning. It’s not been so long,” Kadar whispered.
Her gaze flew to his face. He had read her mind, as usual.
He was smiling. “Can’t you be a little less grim? Layla is already suspicious. I don’t want her running forward and whisking you away before the deed is done.”
Her gaze shifted to Layla and Tarik across the chamber. “She’s not going to do anything,” she whispered. “She spoke very gently of you last night.”
“Gently? Layla?”
“Well, more gently than usual. What did you—” She stopped as she became aware that the priest was staring sternly at her. She supposed she was not showing sufficient respect. But Kadar had spoken first, and the priest was not frowning at him. Now that she thought of it, the priest had ignored both her and Layla when he’d arrived at the villa. In the eyes of the Church, a woman was nothing until there was blame to be laid, and then it was always the woman’s fault, she thought with annoyance. She deliberately whispered more loudly, “I don’t like this priest. He’s rude, and I’m becoming very bored.”
Kadar smothered a laugh. “I don’t believe he considers it his duty to amuse you.”
“And this isn’t like Ware and Thea’s wedding.” Dear God, her voice was trembling. Where had this sudden burst of sadness come from?
Kadar’s hand tightened around her own. “Shh, it’s all right. This doesn’t really have anything to do with us.”
How could he say that? Vows were forever. The priest might not be of importance, but the vows loomed so large as to cast a shadow over everything.
“Look at me.” He held her gaze, his voice soft but vibrating with force. “Keep looking at me. This is right, Selene. It’s always been right. From that very first day I met you at the House of Nicholas.”
She couldn’t pull her gaze away. She no longer heard the priest’s voice. There was no one but Kadar.
Kadar holding her hand in the darkness.
Kadar joking as he sat across from her at the chessboard.
Kadar drawing her down on the couch in the tower chamber.
Kadar . . .
“It’s done,” Kadar said. His brilliant smile illuminated his face. “Now, that wasn’t so painful, was it?”
“What?” She realized he was talking about their vows. The priest had finished at last. Kadar was standing, lifting her to her feet. “No, I guess not.”
He turned her around and gently pushed her toward Tarik and Layla. “I’ll join you shortly. I believe I’d best send the priest on his way before he meets with more of your insults. We may have need of the power of the Church before this is over.”
“Very well.”
“Good God, docility?”
She was as surprised as he. Somehow those last few moments had banished all of her tension and impatience. She did not feel docile but dreamy, warm, and serene.
As serene as when she had learned she was with child.
The thought came out of nowhere. That was what all
this was all about. Tonight she would be with Kadar again and there might be another child.
But it wasn’t the thought of the child that was making this eagerness and joyous anticipation tingle through her.
“Selene?” Kadar asked.
She smiled at him and then turned and walked toward Tarik and Layla.
“You’re sure you wish this?” Layla asked in an undertone. “Just because you took vows doesn’t mean you have to bed him.”
Selene smiled. “Most people would think that would be a necessary second step.”
“But you would not.”
“Why are you worrying? It’s not as if we haven’t coupled before.”
“You feel things too deeply. Passion can sway people to do things that aren’t good for them. Kadar can be very persuasive.”
“Yes, he can.”
Kadar in the tower room, moving within her, whispering encouragement.
“You’re not listening,” Layla said in disgust. “You look as soft as goose feathers. You might as well go to your chamber. I’ll send Kadar to you.”
Kadar was still talking to the priest, smiling, mending any anger he might have still felt.
He was her husband. They were joined.
“Go,” Layla said. “I dislike the thought of you melting into a puddle before my eyes.”
“You exaggerate.” But not by much, she thought ruefully. She turned and moved toward the door. “And I tire of your nagging. I’ll see you in the morning.”
She could feel the soft draping of her gown brush against her body with every step. The touch was sensuous, caressing.
Like Kadar . . .
Why could she think of nothing else?
She shut the door and leaned back against it.
Soon he would be here.
Her heart was beating hard. She was oddly breathless.
She couldn’t just wait. She had to do something.
The room was twilight dim. She crossed the room and lit a candle.
“I like you in that gown.”
She whirled to see Kadar standing in the doorway.
She moistened her lips. “It’s not really a gown. Layla draped—” She forgot what she was saying as she met his gaze. “The priest left?”
“After Tarik compensated him very generously.” He shut the door and came toward her. “He wasn’t pleased with you. He commiserated with me on my ill luck in acquiring such a shrew of a bride. He wanted to know if your dowry was enough to compensate me for the misery to come.”
“And what did you tell him?”
“I told him that I’d committed a great many sins and you were my penance.” He stopped before her, and she could feel the heat of his body. “He said I should have confessed to him and he would never have given me such an atonement.”
She could barely make sense of his words. Her knees felt weak and she could only stare at him. What had he been saying? Something about the priest. “He doesn’t like women.”
“Not a bad thing in a man who took vows of abstinence.”
“He should respect—” She inhaled sharply as his thumb touched the hollow of her throat.
“I feel your heartbeat,” he said thickly. “But I can feel it more when I’m inside you. It’s as if your whole body comes alive and closes around me. Tight and smooth as—” He closed his eyes and his lips tightened with strain. “God, I didn’t mean to touch you. I don’t know if I can stop.”
Of course he’d meant to touch her, and stopping was out of the question. She stepped closer. “You don’t need to—I promised that if you—”
“No.” His eyes opened and he drew a deep breath. “No, Selene. No ifs. No bargains. No promises.” His hand fell away from her and he stepped back. “No excuses why we should come together. When we make love, it has to be because that’s what you need, what you want, and because you realize that it can’t be any other way.”
She stared at him in bewilderment. “What do you mean? You’re the one who offered the bargain.”
“Because it was the only way I saw that I could protect you.”
“You said you wanted a child.”
“I do, but I wouldn’t bargain for it.”
“You lied to me?”
“You’re raising walls again. Don’t do it, dammit. Don’t hide from me. I don’t know why you’ve always thought you had to protect yourself against me. I understood that when you were a child, but you’re a woman now. Trust me. Belong to me. Let me belong to you. Yes, I lied. I’d do it again if I thought it would help you. I’d do anything to keep you safe and with me.” His lips twisted. “I’ve grown accustomed to taking things and molding them to suit myself. I’ll probably not be able to stop. But this is one time when I have to try to step back and let you choose.” He gazed directly into her eyes. “I’ll give you Nasim no matter what you do. Take me. Reject me. It doesn’t matter. I never intended to do anything else. I’d have gone after him even if you begged me not to. Do you think I’d allow him to walk the earth after what he did to you and Haroun?” He turned and moved toward the door. “So think well. You have no bargain, no excuse. This is the last time I’ll come to you. If you come to me, it will be because you accept what I am and what you are and that we have to be together.”
He was leaving, she realized through the haze of bewilderment surrounding her. “Where are you going?”
“Somewhere far away from you and this villa.”
The door slammed behind him.
God, what an idiot.
Kadar strode quickly down the hall, trying to put as much distance between them as possible.
Fool.
She had been willing. There would have been no coercion.
But what of next time? There was more at stake than a night’s rutting.
That silky blue gown, clinging to her breasts, revealing the softness of her shoulders.
Stop thinking of her. He was already heavy and hurting.
Would it have harmed anything to have bedded her tonight? So there would not have been honesty between them. He would have been inside her and feeling the heated friction that—
“Where are you going? Why aren’t you with Selene?”
He turned to see Layla standing at the door. All he needed was to have to suffer through explanations to her, he thought in exasperation.
He didn’t answer as he ran down the steps.
He had left her.
Selene crossed her arms over her chest to still their trembling. He was gone.
Well, good riddance. He had lied to her and—
But hadn’t she also lied to herself? Who had been the most at fault?
Excuses. Lies.
“What happened? I saw Kadar leaving the villa.” Layla swept into the room without knocking. “I knew you wouldn’t send him away unless he did something—You look like a sick cow.”
Selene shook her head. She couldn’t deal with Layla right now. “He didn’t do anything.”
“I don’t believe it,” Layla said flatly.
“I don’t care what you believe. Will you leave me?”
Layla frowned. “You’re right, it’s none of my concern. I just wondered if he’d said anything about—I’ll leave you.” She didn’t move. “But if you want him back, I could send someone to—”
“I don’t want him back.” She did want him back, but she didn’t know what she could say to him. She was confused and hurting and frightened. Kadar’s words had resonated with finality and truth.
It was as if he had stripped all the barriers and subterfuges to which she’d clung throughout the years, throughout her entire life.
Leaving what?
“Call if you need me.”
Layla was leaving, Selene realized dimly. She barely heard the door close.
No bargains, no promises.
You’re a woman now.
Trust me. Belong to me.
“I told you I wouldn’t be ready until tomorrow.” Vaden leaned back in his chair and gazed quizzically at Kadar.
“What are you doing here?”
“This was the farthest I could get from the villa.” He sat down at the table opposite Vaden. “I take it this foul place now has sufficient wine to suit you?”
Vaden nodded slowly, his gaze on Kadar’s face.
“Well, it may not have enough to suit me.”
“Interesting. I’d judge you a man who’d resent losing himself in Bacchus’s embrace. What happened?”
“I was wed today.”
Vaden threw back his head and shouted with laughter. “By God, that’s reason enough for any man. Who is the bride? Lady Selene?”
“Yes.”
“A difficult woman, but I didn’t think she’d cast you out of her bedchamber.”
“The situation is complicated.”
“Life is complicated. I have experience with difficult women.” He paused. “But I don’t believe you came to me solely because I was many miles away from the lady.”
“You’re right, I’m a cautious man. If I lower my guard, it must be with someone I trust not to take advantage.”
“And I’m that person? How strange.” He was silent a moment and then held up his hand and motioned to a servant. “Wine for my friend.”
Kadar’s brows lifted in surprise. “You consider me your friend, Vaden?”
“We’re all friends while the wine is flowing.” Vaden lifted his goblet in a toast. “And how could I be anything but your most honored friend if you choose to spend your wedding night with me instead of your bride?”
THE DOOR OF SELENE’S CHAMBER flew open with a force that sent it crashing against the wall.
“I’ve brought you a present.”
Selene jerked upright in bed and snatched up the sheet to cover her breasts as Vaden strode into the chamber. “What are you—”
Vaden dumped Kadar on her bed and gave a sigh of relief. “He weighs more than I thought. I wouldn’t have encouraged him to drink that last goblet of wine if I’d known I’d have to play pack mule. I wanted him dizzy, not unconscious.” He swayed as he straightened. “Oh, well, he’d probably have fought me when he saw where I was bringing him. This is probably best.”