Chapter iv.
_Discourses on the road, and a description of the palace of Death._
We were all silent for some minutes, till, being well shaken into ourseveral seats, I opened my mouth first, and related what had happened tome after our separation in the city we had just left. The rest of thecompany, except the grave female spirit whom our reader may remember tohave refused giving an account of the distemper which occasioned herdissolution, did the same. It might be tedious to relate these at large;we shall therefore only mention a very remarkable inveteracy which theSurfeit declared to all the other diseases, especially to the Fever,who, she said, by the roguery of the porters, received acknowledgmentsfrom numberless passengers which were due to herself. "Indeed," saysshe, "those cane-headed fellows" (for so she called them, alluding, Isuppose, to their ticket) "are constantly making such mistakes; there isno gratitude in those fellows; for I am sure they have greaterobligations to me than to any other disease, except the Vapours." Theserelations were no sooner over than one of the company informed us wewere approaching to the most noble building he had ever beheld, andwhich we learnt from our coachman was the palace of Death. Its outside,indeed, appeared extremely magnificent. Its structure was of the Gothicorder; vast beyond imagination, the whole pile consisting of blackmarble. Rows of immense yews form an amphitheatre round it of suchheight and thickness that no ray of the sun ever perforates this grove,where black eternal darkness would reign was it not excluded byinnumerable lamps which are placed in pyramids round the grove; so thatthe distant reflection they cast on the palace, which is plentifullygilt with gold on the outside, is inconceivably solemn. To this I mayadd the hollow murmur of winds constantly heard from the grove, and thevery remote sound of roaring waters. Indeed, every circumstance seems toconspire to fill the mind with horrour and consternation as we approachto this palace, which we had scarce time to admire before our vehiclestopped at the gate, and we were desired to alight in order to pay ourrespects to his most mortal majesty (this being the title which it seemshe assumes). The outward court was full of soldiers, and, indeed, thewhole very much resembled the state of an earthly monarch, only moremagnificent. We past through several courts into a vast hall, which ledto a spacious staircase, at the bottom of which stood two pages, withvery grave countenances, whom I recollected afterwards to have formerlybeen very eminent undertakers, and were in reality the only dismal facesI saw here; for this palace, so awful and tremendous without, is all gayand sprightly within; so that we soon lost all those dismal and gloomyideas we had contracted in approaching it. Indeed, the still silencemaintained among the guards and attendants resembled rather the statelypomp of eastern courts; but there was on every face such symptoms ofcontent and happiness that diffused an air of chearfulness all round. Weascended the staircase and past through many noble apartments whosewalls were adorned with various battle-pieces in tapistry, and which wespent some time in observing. These brought to my mind those beautifulones I had in my lifetime seen at Blenheim, nor could I prevent mycuriosity from enquiring where the Duke of Marlborough's victories wereplaced (for I think they were almost the only battles of any eminence Ihad read of which I did not meet with); when the skeleton of abeef-eater, shaking his head, told me a certain gentleman, one LewisXIV., who had great interest with his most mortal majesty, had preventedany such from being hung up there. "Besides," says he, "his majesty hathno great respect for that duke, for he never sent him a subject he couldkeep from him, nor did he ever get a single subject by his means but helost 1000 others for him." We found the presence-chamber at our entrancevery full, and a buz ran through it, as in all assemblies, before theprincipal figure enters; for his majesty was not yet come out. At thebottom of the room were two persons in close conference, one with asquare black cap on his head, and the other with a robe embroidered withflames of fire. These, I was informed, were a judge long since dead, andan inquisitor-general. I overheard them disputing with great eagernesswhether the one had hanged or the other burnt the most. While I waslistening to this dispute, which seemed to be in no likelihood of aspeedy decision, the emperor entered the room and placed himself betweentwo figures, one of which was remarkable for the roughness, and theother for the beauty of his appearance. These were, it seems, CharlesXII. of Sweden and Alexander of Macedon. I was at too great a distanceto hear any of the conversation, so could only satisfy my curiosity bycontemplating the several personages present, of whose names I informedmyself by a page, who looked as pale and meagre as any court-page in theother world, but was somewhat more modest. He shewed me here two orthree Turkish emperors, to whom his most mortal majesty seemed toexpress much civility. Here were likewise several of the Roman emperors,among whom none seemed so much caressed as Caligula, on account, as thepage told me, of his pious wish that he could send all the Romans hitherat one blow. The reader may be perhaps surprized that I saw nophysicians here; as indeed I was myself, till informed that they wereall departed to the city of Diseases, where they were busy in anexperiment to purge away the immortality of the soul.
It would be tedious to recollect the many individuals I saw here, but Icannot omit a fat figure, well drest in the French fashion, who wasreceived with extraordinary complacence by the emperor, and whom Iimagined to be Lewis XIV. himself; but the page acquainted me he was acelebrated French cook.
We were at length introduced to the royal presence, and had the honourto kiss hands. His majesty asked, us a few questions, not very materialto relate, and soon after retired.
When we returned into the yard we found our caravan ready to set out, atwhich we all declared ourselves well pleased; for we were sufficientlytired with the formality of a court, notwithstanding its outwardsplendour and magnificence.