“I can dream, Steven.”
Julia lay on the soft grass, her face illuminated by the nearby flames. Propped up on her elbows, she moved closer to where her friend sat. Her eyes drifted to where the stars sat in the sky, staring down at her with white, shimmering light.
Steven, who sat beside her on his knees, raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”
“You have no idea what I’m talking about, do you?” She stared at the warm flames, spewing sparks into the night sky. Others sat around the fire, talking in hushed voices or staring ahead sullenly. For most of them, this was the last time they’d ever be able to do this.
Steven inched closer to her, bumping her playfully with his shoulder. “No, tell me about your dream. I’m curious about this word you’ve made up.”
“I didn’t make it up—it’s just something you’ve never been told about.”
Steven shrugged. “Guess you can’t say that anymore.” A smile spread over his handsome, dark face. “So what is a dream?”
Julia had been waiting to tell Steven this ever since she laid eyes on him. Though in her heart, she knew nothing but trouble would come of it, something else was drawing her to spill her darkest of secrets. It was as if the narrator of her life had suddenly erased her routine, sharpened their pencil and wrote a new chapter of her life. She was helpless—like a character in a novel—her attraction to Steven was something that transcended infatuation.
It was only fair, if she was to give herself completely to him, that he knew everything.
Well, most of everything.
Since this was her final night at camp, time was running out.
“A dream Steven,” she put her lips up to his ear, whispering to him, “is a new world. When you close your eyes and sleep, you simply sleep. There is nothing. When I sleep, I go into new worlds, or old memories.”
Steven’s eyes widened, and then narrowed almost simultaneously. “You should let me dream with you then. I’m having a hard time believing you.” His tone was teasing, yet curious.
Could he ever believe her?
Julia didn’t think so.
“Maybe. Some night, I’ll have to show you my dreams.”
Steven grinned. “I would like that very much.” He poked her in the side, chuckling. Wiping a strand of dark brown hair out of his sharp blue eyes, he stared back out into the stars. “Perhaps, if you’re not too busy dreaming, would you like to join me later tonight?” He pointed to the island on the other side of the lake their camp was situated on.
Julia held her breath, while her stomach filled with butterflies. The corner of her lips raised into a smile. “I promised I would.” She leaned in to him again, resting her head against his comfortable, broad shoulders.
“Good.” He put his arm around her, “I want this night to be memorable.”
Julia had no doubt that it would be.
However, she feared it was for different reasons than Steven suspected.
There are certain times in life that causes one to wish the moment would never end. Flashes of happiness so earth-shaking and euphoric that no second is too negligible.
Steven Walker sat at his kitchen table, staring straight ahead. His mouth dipped into a frown. His eyes drooped, and then clamped shut before more tears could stream down his face. He coughed violently enough for his face to go a crimson red and the tears to flow more steadily.
A mug of coffee sat dejectedly in front of him, steam rising out of its open maw.
He reached for it with hesitant fingers, wrapping them gingerly around the mug’s handle.
For Steven, his moment had already passed.
That night, he’d arrived at his home in Winnipeg.
He’d spent the better part of two days driving back home from Alberta with his father. In Alberta, he’d been at camp for a week and a half. Hope Springs Bible Camp was its name—and he’d been attending the camp annually for nearly a decade.
Each summer, before his father got sick, the two of them would drive across the country to spend all of August at the camp. Steven would go as a camper, his father was the speaker. In his younger years, his father’s job was to speak about his Christian beliefs to the hundred or so kids that came up to the camp every week of summer. He would tell them of their need for a savior and that they needed to become Christians.
Back then, Steven had wholeheartedly agreed with his father. He’d grown up a Christian, was taught the Bible, and told to pray each morning and night. Whenever they went to camp, he would sit with the rest of the kids, listening to his father’s words. While most of the kids goofed off, he would sit attentively, soaking in what his father had to say.
“Oh my God, when is this going to be over?” One of his best friends had exclaimed once during chapel when his father was speaking. Turning to Steven, he laughed, “Ugh, your father is so boring!”
Steven only stared back at him, unsure of whether to laugh along or be offended.
It was the first time he’d wondered about his Christian beliefs.
The summer that came after that one, was the first summer where Steven began to act out in chapel. He’d talk with his friends, have his mind wander or he’d sleep. His father, who still spoke with such fiery conviction and passion, would occasionally glance at his son, a shadow darkening on his face.
One night, three summers ago, Steven had been walking out of the chapel with his friends. The cool night air wrapped around him, bringing with it hordes of mosquitoes. Before he could run off to the cabins to flee the ravaging insects, his father called out to him. Standing at the doors to the chapel, a Bible in his arms, he waited for his son with a frown. “Steven,” he swallowed nervously, his eyes drifting to the ground, “is… is everything alright?”
It had been the first words he’d spoken to his son in months.
His lips stubbornly lifted into a smile at the sound of his father’s voice. He kicked at the gravel path with his sandal-adorned foot. “Yeah, I’m alright.” Chuckling nervously, he searched his father’s eyes, but found they couldn’t meet his own. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“You seem, um, distracted in chapel. I—never mind.” His clear blue eyes finally met Steven’s. He awkwardly raised his hand, putting it on his son’s shoulders before squeezing them limply. “It’s nothing. You can run along, I’m sorry.” Turing back, he ducked into the chapel.
“Oh.” Steven didn’t remember what he did next, but he could recall with certainty the pain and anger that had rippled through his heart. He could imagine himself clenching his fists and turning around swiftly, going after his friends. His father, who rarely spoke to him, couldn’t even say more than two things to him. It was a reminder of how much his father hated him.
Though for a second, he’d wondered if his father did actually care.
Now, three years later, his father sat on the opposite side of their kitchen table. With his own mug of steaming, hot coffee, he stared out the window. Wrinkles lined his face like scribbled notes on a piece of paper. Red, swollen eyes held at their centre crisp, blue irises. A bulky sweater overcompensated for his frail, weakening form. A toque covered his bald head.
The two of them sat in awkward silence, surrounded by the luggage they’d just finished dragging out of their car. A spinning fan watched them from above, circulating the warm, muggy air. At the centre of the table, a fishbowl held an upside down fish, floating in green, rank water.
Both of their eyes landed on the fishbowl.
Steven smiled faintly, wiping his face of a few stray tears. “I guess we know what we forgot to do before we left. Poor Sushi.” ‘Sushi’ was the name of the fish that had been one of numerous ‘cancer gifts’. Not that it was a very thoughtful gift—who would give a pet that died easily to an already dying man?
They didn’t need a reminder that life was short.
He took a sip of his coffee.
His father broke out into a coughing fit.
The fish continued to lie on its ba
ck, staring at Steven with dark, lifeless eyes.
This summer he’d only gone to Hope Springs Bible Camp for a week and a half. For the rest of summer, his father had been too sick to go out and speak at the camp. His doctor had ordered that he get as much rest as possible. “It’s funny,” his father had remarked to Steven one afternoon after an appointment, “they want to keep me alive, by taking away my life. I know they said it was a bad idea, but we’re going to camp for at least a week this summer. I might not be able to speak there, but I can’t waste what little life I have left lying in a hospital bed.”
Steven wasn’t sure if he agreed with his father. Yes, the treatments and procedures had done very little to stop his father’s spreading cancer, but there was always hope. Steven hadn’t given up hope that a miracle could happen. And if lying in a hospital bed could prolong his life, than why not give it a chance?
All one could do was prolong their life.
There was a brief vibration in his pocket. Steven dug into his pocket, retrieved his phone and saw that someone had texted him. With a smile, he saw that it was Julia.
He still remembered talking with her on their last night. Her beautiful face, warmed by the firelight, was forever imprinted in his memory. It was the kind of beauty that a man saw once or twice in his life—the gorgeousness that transcended mere physical attractiveness.
Only, at the moment, he found it more of a tragedy—for she was now thousands of kilometers away. Most likely, she was lying in her bed, phone in hand. Perhaps even drinking her own mug of coffee.
Without camp, their lives would never have intersected.
Julia’s text message read, “I’m going to miss you”. There were no abbreviations or numbers replacing words in her text. She’d told him at camp with a sly smile, ‘I don’t understand how people can be so poor in their spelling. To me, nothing is more attractive than a grammatically correct sentence.’ Steven had laughed aloud at that.
“Miss you more,” read his reply. Closing down his phone, he took a gulp of his cooling coffee. Despite the pain tugging at his heart, his mouth couldn’t resist but turn into a large smile. Even her words on a screen could cause chemistry to swirl up like crazy inside his chest.
“Who was that?” His father spoke for the first time that evening, his eyebrows raised.
“A friend,” he stared at his father, unsure if he should say anything more. “Just a friend.” Slipping the phone into his pocket, he sighed loudly. His eyes began to close again, this time not to stop the tears, but because he’d spent the previous night texting Julia all night. Weariness spread over him like a blanket, holding him tightly in its warm, comforting grip.
Although he still had a lot of unpacking to do, he’d save it for the morning.
“I’m going to bed,” he slid off his chair and gulped down the remainder of his java. “I’ll help with unpacking tomorrow, alright?”
His father grunted a reply, and then sipped his coffee. Placing the mug back on the counter, he resumed staring out the window, where all that could be seen was a street lined with houses. A car’s headlights briefly shone into the window as their neighbor eased his way into his driveway.
Steven put his mug in the sink before sauntering down the hall and up the stairs. Once he reached his room, he closed the door and plopped on his bed. Though only a few sheets were what was left to dress up his bed, he didn’t have the energy to unpack his blankets and pillows. Instead, he slid under the sheets, took off his clothes and used his sweater and shirt as a pillow.
His phone fell out of his jeans pocket and onto the floor.
He remembered what Julia had told him about these things she called ‘dreams’. Ridiculous. How could anyone do anything more than sleep when their eyes closed and consciousness fell away? He’d never heard of anything like that before.
Still, he had to admit it would be pretty cool.
As his eyes closed and he drifted off to sleep, he wondered what it would be like to dream.
“Steven!”
His eyes opened, and then snapped shut as relentless rays of light pierced his blue eyes.
He could hear whoever had called his name running towards him.
As the veil of sleep slipped away, Steven opened his eyes once more. Wincing from the sunlight, he rubbed the gunk from his eyelashes.
Where there should’ve been a ceiling, was instead a blue, cloud-dotted sky. A glimmering, yellow sun began to dip behind a bank of clouds. In the distance, he could see a flock of birds soaring towards the horizon.
“Steven!”
This time he knew whose voice it was calling him.
“Julia?” He paused for a long moment to stare with wide eyes at his strange surroundings. Lifting his head off the soft, green grass, he saw Julia’s pace slow as she approached him. “No... This isn’t happening.” He mumbled, trying to get to his feet.
Her turquoise eyes filled with fear for a split-second before a smile took over. She brushed a strand of brown hair from her eyes, kneeling beside Steven. “You’re here.”
Steven laughed, and then shook his head in disbelief. “Here? Where is here? I was just in my warm bed a few seconds ago—I don’t understand what’s going on.” He reached out to touch her pale skin, and lightly held her gorgeous face with his fingertips. Tracing her cheek, he laughed aloud again. “I can’t believe I’m seeing you again.”
Smiling, she slowly got to her feet and offered him a hand. “You’re in my dreams, Steven. I don’t know how it happened, but you’re here.”
“Your dreams?” Steven took her hand, relishing how warm and delicate it was in his firm grip. Letting go, he stared deep into her eyes, too amazed to say much more than that. He looked at the valley that flourished around them. “How?”
“I don’t know Steven.” She met his gaze, blushed and dropped her stare. Drawing closer to him, she smiled in her intoxicating way.
“Are you sure? That last night we were together, you told me about your dreams. Are you sure you have no idea how I got here? I mean before you, I hadn’t even heard about these things called ‘dreams’.” Steven raised an eyebrow, folding his arms over his chest.
“It’s a gift Steven—but that means it was given to me, so I don’t have your answers. No one else in my family can dream, I’m the only one.” Her eyes drifted to the right, then went back to meet his. Smiling warmly, she came even closer. “I don’t know why I’m different, or how you got the gift as well. All I know is that I would’ve had to wait more than a year to see you again, and now, here you are.”
Julia pressed her body against his, her turquoise eyes locked onto his. Her purple nightgown clung to her thin, short form. With a smile, she leaned her face close to his. “We can be together,” she whispered, her hands wrapping over his neck. “We can see each other every time we fall asleep.”
Saying nothing, Steven took her in his arms, his heart racing. Despite the hundreds of questions racing through his mind, all he wanted to do was hold her tight and never let go. To kiss her with all the passion he could muster. What if this was the last time?
Closing his eyes, their lips met and he kissed her gently.
She kissed him back, adding passion before he stepped back. A surprised, dopey smile hung on his lips, while she also stepped back. He remembered the last time they kissed, when they were in the canoe together, watched only by a distant, bright moon.
That’s when he promised, no matter what happened, they would always love one another. He’d known that since they lived nearly a thousand kilometers apart, keeping that promise would be difficult. When she was in her home in Camrose, and he was in his house in Winnipeg, he’d feared that he would never hear from her again.
Distance was a hard issue to deal with—he’d never considered having a long distance relationship. She’d been worth it though—that week and a half had been the happiest of his life. Despite his own many insecurities and failings, Julia had accepted his love.
> “So what is this place then?” Steven glanced around him, soaking in the beautiful, magnificent nature that surrounded them. Mountains soared to a crystal, blue sky on either side of the valley, coated in a drizzle of white, frigid ice. The cold, quiet mountains were a striking contrast to the warm, alive valley which lay at the peaks toes.
For endless kilometers the landscape flowed in opposite directions down the valley, covered in green, softly waving grass. Only, on one end of the valley, there was a slight dip into the purple, dark waters of an expansive lake.
However wondrous the vistas were, Steven admitted that they were all strange to him. He’d never been in a place similar to this one. If dreams, like Julia said, were based on past experiences and sights, why was this place so alien?
“This place? Well, I think I used to come here when I was younger. Not this place exactly of course. This is more a variation of the park I used to visit with my family in the Rockies.” Julia looked around, smiling sadly. “I’ve been here before.”
She took her hand in his, grinning. “Here, let me show you around.”
Together they walked through the lush valley, marveling at the trees that branched up into the clouds, their leaves an array of colors. Other trees curved downwards, their branches going back into the ground, before sprouting up again, boasting of deep, emerald green leaves. Small, furry creatures ran throughout the trees, some of them hesitantly approaching Steven and Julia, before scampering off.
“So what else do you dream of?” He bent down, picking a bright, luminescent flower from the ground. Small thorns covered its base, one of which pricked his thumb. Instead of pain, he felt a cool, eerie sensation spreading throughout his hand. Dropping the flower, he gaped at his hand, which was shaking ever-so-slightly.
Julia let go of his unwounded hand, and took the other. Massaging it tenderly, she smiled in the way a mother does to a child who has made a silly mistake. “There is no pain in my dreams—not the physical kind anyways. You’re not physically here, remember?”
The shaking stopped, but Steven left the flower to wilt on the grass.
“How come it feels so real?”
Julia went back to the flower, scooped it up and broke off the stem where the thorns were. Smelling the flower, she offered it to Steven. “It is real. When you wake up tomorrow, you will remember every moment of this dream. Dreams, to me, are just as real as anything else. It’s a paradise, an escape.”
Steven smelled the flower, taking in its lovely, fruity fragrance. It smelled like no other flower he’d smelled before. “You didn’t answer my question before: what else do you dream of?”
Julia grabbed his hand again, curling her fingers around his. “I dream of different places, sometimes memories. Other times, the dreams don’t make any sense.” She paused, swallowing nervously. “Sometimes they frighten me.”
“Frighten you?”
“I don’t know what they are—but there are others in my dream. They aren’t like you and me—we belong here.” She held his hand tighter. “I’d rather not talk about them.”
“Okay,” Steven gestured at the purple, shimmering lake. “Race you there.”
Letting go of her hand, he jogged towards the water. Laughing, Julia ran past him and he picked up the pace. The grass underfoot turned into sand as they held hands and ran into the cool waters. He dove under the surface, opened his eyes and saw it was just as incredible under the water as it was in the valley.
Julia followed him, diving down with him towards the purple, glowing sand. There was no pain in his lungs as they ran out of air, nor was there a growing pressure as he swam deeper. Turning to Julia, he saw that she was opening her mouth, and breathing in the water.
Her words came as clear to him as if she’d spoken them in the valley. “Breathe Steven!” She laughed as he shook his head, clamping his lips shut. “C’mon,” she poked him in the side, grinning. “Trust me; you can breathe in these waters. I’ve done it lots before.”
Although it was against everything he’d ever been taught, Steven closed his eyes and opened his mouth. Warm water gushed in, tasting sugary and delicious.
“Breathe, Steven.” Julia floated in front of his face, holding his hands gingerly. “Please.”
Nodding his head, Steven swallowed the water, but found that breathing was impossible. His mind, even in the dream, wasn’t letting him surrender to faith. “I’m sorry,” he murmured, swallowing the water, before gagging and panicking. The water was furiously gushing into his mouth, down his throat and breathing tube.
No pain.
Just pure, raw panic.
“Breathe, Steven.” Julia held onto his hand, smiling reassuringly.
Steven did breathe; quickly in and out the water filled his lungs, but did not make him feel any different. It was as if he was breathing air, only, he could taste and feel the air more strongly. “Wow.”
“I know.” Julia started swimming deeper and deeper, leading Steven towards a shadowy, dark thing resting on the bottom of the lake. It was indiscernible from this distance, but the more they swam towards it, the more he could make of it.
“What is it?”
“It’s a wreck, I think.” Julia turned to him with a sheepish smile. “I was always too scared to see what it was. Now that you’re here,” she squeezed his hand, “I want to see it.”
“Them?”
“I saw one here once, just walking on the bottom of the lake.” Julia’s eyes darkened as they reached the sea floor. She scooped a handful of glowing, purple sand. The grains ran through her fingers, swirling into a cloud. “It doesn’t matter though, you’re here.”
Steven cast an uneasy glance at the sunken ship. “I hope you’re right.”
“C’mon. Let me show you.”
Together they swam towards the sunken ship, exploring the rotting hull and entering inside through a gaping hole. Using the glowing sand, the interior of the ship was slightly illuminated. However, there wasn’t much to see.
Swimming further into the ship, didn’t reveal anything more to see. Steven pointed at a ragged hole leading to the ship’s main deck. Taking her hand in his, he led her upwards, through the lower decks and up and out of the portal. For the first time, he saw a school of small, c-shaped fish swimming around them.
“Look at them,” Steven cupped a few of them in his hand. Opening his hands a bit, he peered at the lazy, content fish as they made no move to escape their confines. Fearless. “Amazing.”
Steven let the fish go, swam to the far side of the deck and held onto the wooden railing. There, etched into the wooden planks, was a strange name. As if someone had taken a knife and carved his name into it. “Markus Anderson,” was the name carved into the ship. Steven blinked, trying to recall if he’d heard that name before.
Just as he was about to ask Julia about it, she swam up to him with wide eyes. “We have to leave now!”
“What happened?” Steven swam away from the ship, trying to keep up with her frantic pace. “Julia!”
She didn’t answer him; instead, she rushed upwards, away from the ship and towards the surface of the lake.
Steven glanced behind him, his eyes widening when he saw what they were swimming away from. Standing beside the ship, a shadowy figure watched them go. Folding its arms over its chest, it walked into the ship.
“Who was that?”
“Them!” Julia shouted as she broke the surface of the water.
Steven burst out of the water, saw that they were a distance from the shore and began swimming towards it. Julia slowed her pace down, but her face was locked in a blank, wide-eyed expression. She didn’t say anything more until they were both sitting on the sand, staring out at the lake.
Breathing hard, Julia curled up closer to Steven. He put an arm over her shoulder, keeping her close. He shivered, not from the cool water, but from how eerie the figure at the bottom of the lake was. As if the two of them were trespassers and the figure was reminding t
hem of where they were.
Of course, he had no idea what had actually happened—he would ask Julia, but her lips were sealed shut and she kept her head snuggled up to his shoulder.
“It didn’t seem to want to hurt us.”
“I know.”
“Why did we swim away then?”
“Because,” Julia stared deep into his eyes, her face deadly serious. “There are some things worse than pain. I know who they are—I know what they want. You have to promise me, Steven, that you will stay far away from them.”
Steven searched her face, frowning. “Why can’t you just tell me who they are?”
“Ignorance is bliss, as the cliché goes. Trust me, Steven. Sometimes there are better things than the truth. If I told you about them, everything would change. For now, you just have to trust me when I say stay far away from them. They are dangerous.”
There was a moment for Steven that made him want to say ‘no’. Fear built up inside at her ominous words. When he looked at her face, however, he saw how much she yearned for him to trust her. His heart broke; he couldn’t hurt someone who cared so much for him.
His head dipped, a thin smile spread on his face. “I trust you.”
Julia didn’t return the smile. “Thank you, Steven.”
Steven got to his feet, helped her up and they walked side by side away from the lake. Overhead, the blue sky darkened as the sun descended past the horizon. Stars dotted the sky, much brighter and colorful than the ones in reality.
Breaking the silence, Steven spoke up. “Will I come back here again?” He could slowly feel the world around him slipping away. The horizon, past the expanse of purple, sparkling water, was beginning to blur. “I don’t want to say goodbye to you again.” Inside, pain erupted tangibly at the prospect of letting her go. Of course, back in reality, he could text or call her; but it wasn’t the same. Nothing could compare to dreaming with her.
“I don’t know Steven,” Julia turned to face him, her eyes dropping mournfully. “I wasn’t sure if I would see you here tonight.”
“So you thought that maybe I would show up?”
“I did wonder,” a pause, her eyes momentarily flickered to the right. “But I do hope I can see you again.” Again, there was a moment’s hesitation before she made that statement. “I love you.”
“I love you more.” Steven felt a shake inside, while his eyesight dimmed. Above, the stars began to fade into darkness.
“Steven!” Julia cried out as he fell to his knees, then was knocked over completely.
In a collage of sights, sounds and emotions, Steven tumbled into a dark pit, his arms flailing. Above him, he could see a portion of the dream, with Julia reaching out to him, her beautiful turquoise eyes releasing tears.
Closing his eyes, Steven found that he had landed on a soft, comfortable surface.
When he opened his eyes, he saw that he was back in his bedroom. Covered in sheets and lying in a warm, comfortable bed.
He was back.
Or awake.
Steven lifted the sheets off himself, unable to go back to sleep after such an insane, emotional night. As he thought back on the dream, he was realizing that his life had completely changed. Everything he’d been taught from a child was wrong. There was more to life than what he’d ever believed before.
Dreams.
He wondered if there was anyone else who had done what he’d just done. Laughing, he shook his head in amazement. “Incredible,” he could still feel her lips against his, her arms wrapped around his neck. It had been far more exhilarating than any experience in reality.
Now it didn’t matter that she lived so far away. Although at first he’d been kicking himself for giving his heart to girl that lived two provinces away, he now rejoiced. She was amazing, special. Not only was she gifted, but she’d been one of the first girls to truly fall in love with him. To kiss him with such passion.
He’d been ‘in love’ before, though it was nothing compared to how he felt now.
Getting out of bed, he put on a robe and to clear his mind, he went out to his veranda. From the second story of his house, he got an excellent view of his neighborhood, which was dotted with large, cookie-cutter style houses. A strong, comforting breeze rolled over him.
“Oh Julia.” He leaned against the railing of his balcony, staring up at the stars. “I can’t wait to see you again.” If this was true love, he was sure that he could last in it forever. Sweat beaded his brow, all he wanted to do was go back to sleep and see her again. His heart ached, burned for her.
All he could think about was Julia.
“Oh, am I in trouble.”
Chapter Two
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