“Some people deserve the trust we give them—others seem to take it. Abuse it. Break it. I guess you should just leave, and not add insult to injury.” Cerise Thiessen read the words aloud from a note she found crumpled up on her boyfriend’s bed. Smiling sadly, she smoothed the piece of paper with her fingers, folded it, and placed it back in her pocket.
Perhaps she would use the note again.
Stepping over articles of used clothing, books, movies and a plate filled with crumbs, she made her way to a desk in the corner of the room. Covered in coffee mugs, papers and a closed laptop, she sat at her boyfriend’s desk. She brushed aside some of the clutter, and found her phone lying under an opened book.
“Here we are.” Taking the cell, she saw that it was dead and sighed. All those texts she likely missed would have to wait. Putting the phone in her pocket, she sat at her boyfriend’s desk and relaxed in his chair.
Two nights before her boyfriend had gone to visit his cousins in Alberta, she’d spent the night in his room. He was the only one who lived in his apartment, while her parents thought she was spending the night with her best friend, Andrea.
She’d made the mistake of leaving her cell behind.
She thought back on their goodbye at the airport.
“I got you the coffee,” she handed him the cup of coffee, flinching as his fingers touched hers when he took the java. Sipping from her own cup, she took a seat beside him in the terminal. Her hands rested on her lap, holding her coffee tightly.
“Thanks.” He opened the lid, pressed the drink to his lips, but didn’t sip from it. Frowning, he put the drink down with a sigh. “Cerise… I really don’t want to leave you like this. I won’t be able to enjoy my week if you’re still mad at me.”
Cerise sipped from her coffee, but made no reply.
“Cerise.”
“I’m sorry I’ll be ruining your trip as well. It’s what I seem to do.”
He sighed, “Not what I meant.”
“Then what did you mean? You just want me to make you feel better by us making up? You really think that’s how it works? That we can just pretend nothing happened? That I’ll be the doting girlfriend and make everything good for you—”
“Stop.” He got out of his seat, taking his luggage with him. “Just stop talking, okay? I don’t want another damn fight.”
“You don’t get to decide that, when you do what you did.” Cerise got up as well, handing him another bag. “You don’t get to decide anything after last week.”
He took the bag from her, his eyes icy and cold. “So what do you want me from then? I’ve apologized profusely. I’ve done so much to make everything alright, but you still act like you hate me.”
“That’s because I do.” Cerise took her coffee, and followed him towards security.
“Wow.”
She lowered her eyes, shutting them to stop a stray tear from coming loose. “Sorry. I’m just not sure how I feel about this anymore, okay? You can’t do what you did, and then expect me to be in love with you. It’s going to take a long time.”
“I made a mistake.”
“We all do.” Cerise sighed heavily, wiped her eyes clear. “But it’s what we do after those mistakes that define us. And right now—you’re not making it better.”
He threw out his coffee before turning to face her one last time. “I love you Cerise, and believe it or not, I’m actually trying really hard. I don’t want this to be what ruins our relationship. I did slip up, but I can get back up again. You’re just going to have to trust me.”
“I don’t though.” Cerise stepped back from him, turning her face. “Have a good trip.”
“Cerise,” he reached out with his free hand, putting it on her shoulder. With warm, desperate fingers, he tried to turn her around. She sighed, relaxed and let him pull her back. Breathing another sigh, she looked up at her boyfriend.
“Please just let me go. You have a plane to catch.”
“You have to know how sorry I am, Cerise. Please. I need you to trust me that nothing like that will ever happen again. We’ve both done really stupid things, and said hurtful stuff, but in the end, we’re still together. We’re meant to be, Cerise. I love you, and I don’t deserve it, but you love me as well.”
Cerise only stared up at him, biting her lower lip. “Goodbye Nathan.” She put her arms around him, holding him close. Inside, she was fighting off the anger and revulsion as he put his own arms around her, drawing her in. She could feel his heart pounding.
“Goodbye Cerise.” His eyes locked onto hers.
She took his hand, squeezed it, but let go before anything more could happen.
“Bye. Hope you have a great trip.” Her voice was beginning to break; she swallowed her sob before it could be fully realized. Walking briskly away, she felt his eyes on her back, watching her go.
Now, two days later, she was back in his room.
She had her own key to the apartment.
Sitting at his desk, she thought back to his pleas that the incident wouldn’t happen again. Closing her eyes, she recalled what had happened the week before.
“Cerise! Let me explain, please!” He’d sat up in his bed, his arms stretched out towards her. His eyes, filling with regret as much as with shame, locked onto hers. For a second, she held his gaze, and then dropped it, filled with revulsion for someone she had once felt tremendous love for.
“Why?” She stood at the foot of his bed, staring at the horrific discovery. Her question lingered in the air, though she already knew the answer. Why did anyone cheat? It wasn’t so much that she wanted an answer; it was just all she could think to say. There was no good explanation anyways.
“I don’t know, Cerise!” He was trying to get out of bed. “Please let’s just talk!”
A tear spilled out from her eyes, trailing down her face. “I trusted you! You think that you can explain any of this?” More tears came, which she was helpless to oppose.
“Please Cerise, I love you!” His face, which was usually handsome and smiling, was twisted in horror. At his side, another girl, only half-dressed, kept quiet. She pulled on her shirt, which he’d previously been holding in his hand, just as Cerise had entered the room.
“You don’t love me.”
She turned and fled the room, slamming the door behind her. She never heard it close; instead, she could hear his footsteps sounding behind her. “Please, give me another chance!” Gone, she noticed, were his pleas to explain away the situation.
Turning around, she gave her head a shake. “Stop it, please just go away.” Pausing, she couldn’t stop the tears that wet her cheek and the sobs that shook her voice. To her horror, she saw that he was going to brush them away. “Don’t! Stop it…” her voice broke as she flinched away.
His eyes, which were softening, suddenly narrowed. Frowning, he grimaced. “Fine.” Turning away, his hulking frame went back down the hall, towards the room where the girl was.
He’d actually listened to her—and that brought her heart the most pain.
Clenching her fists, Cerise stopped thinking about that heartbreaking moment. Instead, she took in a nervous breath, opening her boyfriend’s laptop. There was something inside that though she was scared to find out, needed to anyways. She couldn’t trust to get the truth from him anymore.
Taking in a calming breath, she turned on his laptop and waited a few minutes for it turn on. She took out the note again, unfolding the paper and re-reading it with teary eyes. It was a poem that she’d written a year ago. It wasn’t about him, instead, it was a poem she’d written and needed some feedback on.
Now, looking at the ending lines, she saw how fitting it was that he’d kept it and read it.
Typing in the password, Cerise’s heart skipped a beat when she saw it was the correct one. Her eyes widened, and then shut after seeing what lay on his computer. Unhidden—disgusting. “Why,” she slammed the laptop shut, letting the tears flow unashamedly. What she foun
d on that laptop confirmed that her boyfriend was still lying to her.
Standing up, she resisted the urge to call her boyfriend right now and end it all.
How dare he ask for trust?
Going to his bed, she sat on it, covering her face with her hands. The tears wouldn’t stop coming. Her heart felt as if it had been thrown into a blender and ripped to pieces. Nothing would ever make it alright. No amount of apologies could ever make right the damage that had been done.
For a long while she sat on his bed, waiting for the tears to stop flowing.
She knew what she would have to do when he came back from Alberta. Wiping away the final tears, she got out of his bed, and felt the edge of something scrape against her ankle. Wincing, she saw that a corner of a box was peeping out from under his bed.
She pulled it out and looked at the contents.
The tears returned.
“I remember you,” Cerise lay in her hospital bed, smiling at the young man who stood at her bedside. “Nathan. I missed you.” She reached out an arm, which still had an IV inserted into her vein. He took her hand, caressing it as he took a seat on a nearby chair.
“Can I have a seat?”
“Of course you can.” Cerise tried to lift her head; however the pain was too strong for that. So she tilted her face to the side, staring intently at her boyfriend as he watched her. “You don’t have to worry, Nathan, I’ll be fine.”
“I can’t help but worry.” He brushed a strand of hair from her forehead. Kissing her softly, he whispered in her ear. “I love you.”
Cerise, who was remembering the first time Nathan said “I love you”, stopped herself from anymore reminiscing. Although it was one of the happiest moments of her life, she was in the middle of the mall and the last thing she wanted was to break down.
Heaving a sigh, she tried to think about who she would be talking with in a few minutes.
With her purse slung over her shoulder, she walked down the hall of a crowded mall. People, all of them strangers, regarded her for the most part, the way that everyone did. Either too busy or preoccupied with their own doings and conversations, they ignored her, or some boys would stare at her a little too long, while she could see the envious looks from some of the girls.
It was the same everywhere she went.
A small vibration came from somewhere in her purse; moving to the side of the hall, beside a busy store, she retrieved her phone. Dread welled up inside at the thought of Nathan texting her, however relief flooded her when she saw it was from her mom.
Nathan, who’d been in Alberta for the past two days, hadn’t texted her once since their terse goodbye at the airport. She’d done the same, especially after being in his room and discovering what she did that morning.
Ignoring her mom’s text, frowning slightly, she set out towards the food court in the centre of the mall.
Striding past a cluster of young, chattering teenagers, Cerise came to a gathering of tables, chairs and food trays. A smattering of customers, devouring whatever fast food they’d chosen to satisfy their palette, occupied the small area devoted to eating.
A smile grew on her face at the sight of one of those customers.
He sat at an empty table, looking at her.
He was impossible to miss.
As usual, and though she hated it, pity overtook her. Smiling to compensate for the sadness that crept upon her, she waved her hand. He waved back, smiled in his own way and waited for her.
She weaved in and around the tables and chairs, approaching him with an amiable smile, which he tried to return. “Hey,” she took off her purse, looping it around the back of her chair. “Sorry I took so long.”
“Not a problem.”
Cerise smiled, glancing at his face with a raised eyebrow. “It’s starting to look better.”
“If you say so.” Chuckling, he ran his fingers over the lower half of his face. Red, gruesome scars covered his lower face from ear to ear, covering half of his mouth. His birth father, whoever he was, had been incredibly neglectful of Drake as a baby. By the time he got to the orphanage, the scars were already there. His adoptive parents did what they could, but nothing hid the hideous scars that ran up and down his face.
“I’m serious,” Cerise reached out, touching his lower face. “You can hardly feel them.”
“Thanks.” He stared uncomfortably at the table, tapping his fingers on the edge. “So you’re ready for school tomorrow?”
“No.” She let out a laugh, knowing that he was just teasing her since he loved school. He was one of those students that got high marks without even trying. However, he did try hard at school and astounded most teachers with his academic success. “I’m guessing you’re pretty pumped?”
“Yes, unlike you, I appreciate the opportunity we have to learn.” His mouth broke out into a thin smile, which was as large as he could manage to open his lips.
“That’s because you’re a genius. I couldn’t get your marks even if I wanted to.” Cerise had never ceased to disappoint her teachers with marks that just barely got her from one grade to the next.
“You’re pretty smart yourself, trust me. Anyways, it’s the last year.”
“Yeah. One more year of immature stupid boys and hormonal shallow girls. And the drama,” she let out an exaggerated sigh, “can’t flipping wait to graduate.”
Drake shrugged, “I’d savor this year honestly. It’s our last year before real life sets in and everything changes. High school’s rough at times, but in some ways it’s much better than real life. This is the year we can be the most carefree.”
“University still sounds so much better.” Cerise knew that she’d have a hard time getting into some courses with her marks, but that wouldn’t be much of a problem for her line of studying. If she had her way, she’d become a hair stylist or makeup artist. No math, no English, and no science involved.
“University sounds great, but I wouldn’t be in such a hurry to grow up.” Drake shifted in his seat, his eyes drifting to a crowd of people standing nearby. Cerise caught them out of the corner of her eyes, seeing that one of them was gaping at Drake.
Frowning, she felt pity rise up inside. “How do you put up with that?”
“Put up with what?” Drake smiled knowingly, meeting her gaze with warm brown eyes. “People are all the same, Cerise. They will always stare or ignore. Just how it is, so there’s nothing to put up with.”
“I would get tired of it.”
“The way I see it, you either do everything you can to hide your scars or do everything you can to defend them. Or you just live with them. I don’t pretend they’re not there, but at the same time, I don’t care that they are.” Drake traced his scar with his finger, smiling softly. “Besides, they’ve helped me more than you know.”
“What does that mean?” Cerise couldn’t imagine any good coming from such a deformity.
“Nothing.” He tilted his head to the side, where a Booster Juice stand sat against the wall. “Do you want to get smoothies? My treat.”
“How can I say no to that?” Smiling, she got out of her chair. “Thanks.” Together they walked over to the smoothie stand, getting in line behind several others. Standing in line, she noticed how some of the other customers glanced behind them, now completely ignoring her and shifting their attention to Drake. Instead of the jealousy or approval, she could see shock, sometimes disgust, often pity.
Cerise caught one of their stares, returning it with a scowl.
Drake just stood at her side, a content expression on his face.
“So how has your summer been so far?” She asked as they stepped closer to the counter.
“Oh, it’s been pretty good.”
“Haven’t seen you at work that much anymore.” It had been a year now that she’d been working at the nearby Superstore. She’d been a cashier; Drake had been working in grocery. She still remembered seeing him for the first time, when he was the only one who
volunteered to collect the carts from the parking lot on a stormy afternoon. The others laughed at his willingness to help out, but Cerise found it admirable.
She recalled him coming back into the store, dripping wet from the rain. Their eyes met and he put up a hand. “Hey, you’re Cerise, right?” He put out a hand, smiling in his own way at her. Though she was startled by his scars, she did her best to only stare at his eyes. Taking his hand, she held it warmly.
“I am. You’re Drake?”
“The one and only,” he let go of her hand, “nice to meet you, Cerise.”
She wiped her wet hands on her yoga pants, “You’re crazy to be out there.” Giggling, she stared out the window, watching debris fly in the wind and rain. “But thanks, I’m the new girl, and they probably would’ve made me do it.”
“Oh you know it.” Laughing, he made his way past her, giving his soaking hair a shake. “Nice talking to you, see you around Cerise.” He walked towards the back of the store, smiling and greeting customers as he walked.
Unlike every other guy she’d met in the store, Drake had mostly left her alone. He’d been kind though, not shy or selfish, just oddly uninterested. As the weeks turned to months, and nearly every guy in the store had asked her out, Drake kept his distance. One day, when they were both left to close down the store with the manger, Phil, she approached him.
“Need help with that?” Cerise walked up to Drake as he was covering the deli bunker’s with lids. She picked up a blue, scratched up lid, placing it overtop the freezer.
“You didn’t wait for my answer,” smiling, he handed her one. “I’d love help. Joel left early, so I’m stuck cleaning up the entire department.”
“Joel would.” She put on another freezer lid. “So what are your plans tonight, Drake?”
He picked up another lid, held it and cast Cerise a worried look. “Studying for my biology test on Monday.”
“Oh.” Cerise felt a stab of disappointment at the opportunity he’d just passed up. Why didn’t he want to get with her? Trying again, she swallowed her pride and straight out asked him, “Do you want to go out for coffee tonight?”
Drake swiveled, the freezer lid still in hand. Smiling warmly, he placed the lid over the freezer and nodded his head. “Actually, I would. Tim Horton’s is just nearby; I could use a break from studying.”
That night, Cerise found one of her closest friends. They talked the entire night, which consisted of him listening attentively to her pouring out her heart. Ever since that night, he’d been the one person she could really talk with.
Now, as they stood in line for smoothies, she only wished she could be that friend to Drake. She wanted to be someone he could go to for help, but they both knew their relationship wasn’t like that. She was the one with faults—the one in need of saving. She couldn’t last without Drake, but he could certainly survive without her.
Drake answered her question, “I’ve been really busy lately. Without any further elaboration, he went up to the counter and ordered their smoothies. A few minutes later they were both walking back to their table, smoothies in hand.
Taking a seat at their original table, Cerise thanked him again for the smoothies. Brushing aside her hair, she took a sip and commented on how amazing it was. Smiling, Drake conceded that his was equally as delicious.
Drake took a loud sip from his beverage, chuckling as some heads turned.
Cerise smiled, “Can I try yours?” She handed him her drink and he gave her his.
“That’s pretty good.” Drake slid the drink over to the table to where she sat.
She took a sip from his, cringing as it was a little too sour for her tastes. “Not bad.”
“So you say,” chuckling, his eyes hardened as he brought up a question hesitantly. “If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine. But I have to ask about Nathan. What you told me, do you know what you’re going to do?”
“No.”
“Want some free advice, then?”
“No, I like to pay for my advice.” Grinning, she rolled her eyes and laughed deprecatingly. “Of course I want to hear your advice.”
Sighing, Drake held her gaze. “You have to break up with him.”
“I wish it was that easy.” Cerise played with a strand of her curly auburn hair. “But I’ve been with him for almost a year now—I love him. At the same time,” she thought of what she discovered in his room and recoiled, “I can’t love such a monster.”
“I’ve never been in love Cerise, so I have no idea what it’s like to let someone go.” Taking her hand in his, he held on tightly. “Nathan, however, doesn’t deserve you. It may not be easy, but you have to let him go. Someone like that’s only going to bring you down.”
“I know.” Cerise took her hands from his grip, staring at the table across from them. A couple sat at the table, sipping from the same drink. Their hands were intertwined, while she was staring into his eyes with a fierce adoration she had lost over the months for Nathan. The happiness the couple exuded was a stark contrast to the misery her relationship had dived into.
Drake saw what she was looking at and put his hands on his knees. “It always looks so easy with everyone else, doesn’t it?”
Cerise nodded her head, sipping her smoothie. “I just want to be happy, Drake. Happy, and in love. Don’t you want that?”
“Happy? Yes. I don’t think I’ll ever be in love, Cerise.”
“You just have to meet the right girl.” She smiled at him.
“Trust me; there isn’t anyone out there for me.” Drake eased back in his chair, avoiding Cerise’s stare. “Some people were just born to live alone. I’ve accepted that.”
“Drake, there are people who can see more than skin deep.”
“I know.” Getting out of his chair, taking his smoothie, he shot her a knowing look. “I know. But you have to believe me, Cerise. I will never fall in love—I’m okay with that.”
Biting her lower lip, she wondered what could’ve been done to Drake to make him so afraid of falling in love. She didn’t believe him that he was okay with being alone.
“Is everything alright?”
“Yeah,” Drake glanced at her once more before turning away. “But I have to go.”
She got up, reluctant to leave her good friend after such a short get-together. “Oh, well we have to do this more often. I miss hanging out with you.” With a smile, she put her purse around her shoulder.
“Drake, hold up a second.” Cerise walked up to her friend, putting a hand on his shoulder.
When he turned around, she gave him a tight hug, wrapping her arms around his neck.
“Take care of yourself, Cerise.” He embraced her back, and then stepped gingerly out of the hug. “I’ll see you around.”
“You better.” Cerise folded her arms over her chest, wishing that he would stay longer.
Then they went their separate ways, one of them wishing the hug had been longer.
The other wishing it’d never happened at all.
Cerise, as she was driving home later that night, saw someone she hadn’t seen in years standing on his balcony. It was only a tiny glimpse she got, but as her car drove past her neighbor’s house, she saw him.
Sighing, she wished her old friend had seen her too.
However, Steven Walker probably forgot what she looked like.
Five years was a long time to let go of someone.
Chapter Three
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