To the Paris of our dreams
Copyright © 2015 Tomás Gonçalves
Show me how to live.
Show me how to live, I beg you. Nothing of what they told us served us right until today. They give us life and then throw us in the world without being sure of anything.
How are we thrown in this world? Naked, in the middle of noise or among love. But always naked, feeling cold, in pain, scared...
Sometimes it comes to me, as if I'm awakening, the deep doubt of how I got to where I am. Which decisions I took brought me to that place? Sometimes they are so many that it could be resumed as your destiny.
So I guess we're just thrown into a place and we just need to react and accept this condition about life.
Each individual’s life can affect any decision and vice-versa, and at the same time, it doesn't seem to affect anything, anymore. Your life seems not to be your own right anymore...
Truth is, I fought for a lot of things. I've lost some, I gave up, I made mistakes, I created some good things, and I experienced and witnessed some others. But don't be fooled: this particular story doesn’t start with me.
I just want you to remember to look at what we've become, knowing who we were.
We fought for dreams, and winning or losing, it doesn’t matter.
Hatred corrupted us, as well as fear. Alcohol intoxicated us, but what really matters is that somehow our story will never end or be forgotten, because we became eternal songs, as we fight our way back to life...
It's up to each one of us to fight for our own life.
To each one to fight for their goals. To not be forgotten.
I accomplished so much winning; I learned so much by losing...
We wake up without a good notion of what's real, what's possible, predictable and truly beautiful, and I wasn't there from the beginning, but I assure you it was real. It was tragic, painful, hard, lonely and truly beautiful. And we were there. It was real.
I was also thrown into this life, and looking back, we can always understand certain things and connections. Some consequences.
Dream. Dreams. Paris. You'll also be thrown in the middle of this crazy story and it would be up to you to judge us, understand us, even to accept and forgive us, if necessary.
Did we create anything? Were we conscious at the time? I'm not sure. I know we lived, and I know we are more than grateful. We are proud and we'll remember that forever.
The important thing is that we were alive. Or maybe not, I can't recall.
That's how life goes...
To be honest, I believe we were actually getting born.
Show us how to live, that's all we ask. We'll follow in the best way we can.
“To the Paris of our dreams”
It could be said that this party had gotten out of control, but the truth is, for these types of people, it was only getting started. What could have Marie done? Honestly, not much. The number of people had decreased while the consumption of alcohol and drugs increased, and it was still quite early. Sophie was already very drunk and so were several people whom Eric didn't even know. The important thing is that his three bandmates were there, each one naturally with a hot girl. They were drinking, true, but they weren't drunk. They were actually in the sober area of the party that time, which was a miracle.
There were several couples making out around the living room and every imaginable place around the house and the gardens. Luckily for them, it was a huge place.
There were people everywhere: Some already laying down on the couches, someone having `not a very good time` in one of the bathrooms, some misplaced furniture, empty bottles, broken glasses and people drunkenly dancing with no kind of beauty about it to the incredibly loud music.
Eric had learned how to see beauty in that years ago.
Marie clearly wasn't enjoying the mess people were making in her aunt's house, but she never seemed uncomfortable or surprised: She knew how it goes.
Marie and Eric were trying to go to one of the bedrooms for some more privacy, but the only thing they found was a couple having sex. So they tried another room, but as soon as they started to make out again, they were bothered by knocks at the door and people laughing. People knocked again, and laughed, and screamed obscenities, as if it was the funniest thing in the universe.
Eric simply opened the door, stared at them, and the crowd quickly dissipated, afraid of him. As soon as Eric and Marie had taken off their shirts (and God how happy he was when he finally took her shirt off) Fernando appeared, holding Sophie in his arms, completely drunk. He dumped her onto the bed -- the bed where Eric had been imagining all the nice things he'd soon be doing.
Sophie was a mess: She was complaining about everything and only stopped to run to the bathroom to puke. Eric tried to keep cool, as he quietly put his shirt back on, trying to maintain his patience with the ridiculous situation he had no idea how he had gotten himself into. Once she got near the bed again, Marie sat beside Sophie, while Eric and Fernando sat against the wall in front of them.
Sophie was now drunkenly laughing, go figure. She was saying random, disconnected things, and laughing. They all listened to her garbled words sympathetically - except for Eric. Marie's face even looked like she was in pain with her friend, which was not something Eric would expect – after all, she was just drunk. Maybe she should feel pain for the people who had to be around that pretentious, annoying girl, Eric thought.
Eric just wanted to have sex with Marie, by far one of the most gorgeous girls he had ever seen, and walk away. That's why he was still in that room.
A few moments later, Sophie started to cry. A lot. Probably for some guy or for low self-esteem. Eric and Fernando looked at each other and took deep breaths, Fernando even rolling his eyes to that story, in a gesture of pure masculine complicity. They actually didn't know each other. Eric didn't even know Fernando's name at that point, because he just didn't care.
So yeah, back to Sophie, it was about a guy. She started talking about him while crying at the same time, creating a very pathetic scene, in her garbled words, sobbing like a baby, she said she hadn't forgotten him even though he was a jerk. She still wanted him and didn't care about humiliating herself for him...again. (“Oh, that's promising” Eric thought). Eventually she reached the phase of trying to get her phone and call people (or the guy) but was promptly stopped by Marie, who actually gave her shit about not humiliating herself for him. Surprisingly, Sophie spit very poisonous words at her caring friend even before Marie was done talking:
- Yeah right, as you don't feel the same way about Filipe...
The atmosphere of the room immediately got very very tense, as if Marie, Fernando and even Sophie had held their breath in the second Sophie said that. Marie quickly left the room, hurt, after swearing to Sophie a couple of times. Fernando stayed in the room, looked at Eric, and tried giving him a brilliant piece of advice:
- If I were you, I'd go after Marie, man...
Eric once again took a deep breath, trying to stay cool about it. But he was getting really tired of that shit. As he started to walk towards the door, Fernando asked him what he should do about Sophie.
- … Give her water, a lot of water, but only when she stops running to the toilet. Then try coffee. If she gets worse,
call Marie... Good luck.
Fernando agreed with everything.
Eric went after Marie and found her on the first floor, drinking by herself in the kitchen.
At that moment a guy was walking towards Marie with the cockiest pose possible, to what she just said:
- Nah, nah, keep walking – And pointed to the other direction
- What? - The guy didn't understand how she was rejecting him like that
- You heard her, bro – Eric said, as he not so gently pushed the guy away from the kitchen
Marie looked at Eric and just gave him a quick smirk as she kept drinking.
- Hey... - Just acknowledging his presence
Eric just gave her a quick smile. Marie put her glass down and said:
- I'm sorry about all of that. I guess your night hasn't been that fun, Hun?
- Oh no...You'd be surprise – Eric smiled, Marie looked at him to see if he was being ironic or not. She eventually smiled too.
- Great. I told Tom I'd give you a hand here, and you're the one helping me taking care of my drunk stupid friend...
- Oh, Don't worry... I won't tell him – Eric smiled
Marie smiled again, and nodded. She was smiling. God, she was gorgeous.
She drank some more, and finally asked, frustrated:
-You know what time is it?
-No idea...
Marie smiled
- It's midnight, buddy. And she's already passed out drunk upstairs, because of a jerk that doesn't deserve her. And you know the worst part? It's the same shit almost every weekend. Sometimes even during the week, and that's alwaaays fun. Right?
- ...You know what? Forget them... – Eric talking about everyone in that party – Get the wine and let's go outside, Hun?
She shrugged her shoulders and did what she was told to.
They left the kitchen, passed through the living room, where it was packed with people, and they ended up sitting beside the pool, away from the noise and those weird people. They spent some time there, talking about silly things, though in a very sincere and touching way.
It's also for this kind of moments that we live.
As it started to get cold, Eric grabbed a jacket for Marie.
After a while, a guy sat near them, looking at the moon, and smiling with an unmistakable facial expression: He was totally tripping. Never mind, they let him be by himself.
They kept looking at the water and its green-ish color, with all the lights reflecting on it, which was creating a very nice atmosphere, with the big yard surrounding them, and the comfortable chairs nearby.
It was a really nice house. It was some really nice company.
They kept talking for what it seemed to be an eternity, with both laughing at some points, until a miracle happened: Time started. Life started, and Eric took a nice deep breath in a way it has been ages he hadn't done it. He felt alive. Somehow, he felt connected to that girl.
After all, he was in Paris once more, and only that already had so many different meanings for him.
That girl ended up relaxing her head on Eric's shoulder, and basically laid down on him. Her red hair was incredibly good smelling and Eric really felt good about having that girl on his arms. A girl he barely knew.
- Wow, you know you can relax, right? Come on, this chair is all comfy, man– She smiled at him
Eric smiled, thought for a while, and finally relaxed his own head on Marie's body and on the (indeed) very comfortable chair. He was not used to that.
- Isn't that better? Hun? - She smiled at him
He just smiled at her, nodding his head. A few minutes later, they decided to go sit beside the pool again, with their feet in the heated water.
- So, how are you enjoying Paris so far? - She asked
- Oh, I love it here...
- Really? That's great to hear. First time? I guess not, right?
- Yeah, not at all... But I always enjoy coming here.
- Cool, cool. And where are you from again?
- Hmm... Where I live you mean? Technically, San Francisco.
- Cool, never been there, but I heard it's nice...
- Yeah...
- Is that the first time I ask you this? - She smiled
- Hmm, where I am from? No, you asked me that like twice before. You always think I'm from Montreal because...
- … of Tom, right right. - She smiled
- Yeah... and maybe because I might have a slight Quebecois accent when I speak French – He smirked at her
- Ha, yeah... maybe. But not actually... So you learnt French in Montreal?
- Yeah, but a lot here too actually... I'm used to come to France a lot.
- Nice... So I suppose you've met Tom when you were living in Montreal?
- Not really, I started to go more often to Montreal because of Tom, and eventually I think I've spent...Hun... I guess it was around three months living there, and I really studied French then. But at that point I already knew Tom...
- Ah, ok
- What about you? How did you meet him?
- Hmm... My older sister is a close friend with Katherine... So one of the last times they were here together, I became really close with Tom. But that was a couple of years ago already. Maybe more. Do you know Katherine, by the way?
- Oh yeah... I know her. - Eric smirked
- Ha … What was that smirk for?
- Oh nothing... Well, I mean, Katherine is something... special, let's face it.
- Yeah but... Hey! You never told me how you've met Tom in the first place. Then you can explain to me what you meant about Katherine... - She smiled
- Hmm... Well, is a work related thing as you probably already realized, right? He was one of the responsible for my band's debut... Or the main responsible I'd say. I guess I owe him a lot... And he turned out to be a great friend along these last years.
- Oh I see … Yeah, he's such a nice guy.
- Yeah… So, you were telling me this is your aunt's house?
- Yeah... Yeah it is...
- That's a friggin nice house...
- Yeah, I know... - She smiled in a very gracious way.
- … Wow, you really really like your aunt Hun?
She smiled at him
- Wow... is that obvious Hun?
- Yeah... Pretty much.
- Yeah.... I guess she's like … my favorite person in the world. There are some people that just stick with you, you know. Help you realize who you are, and support you and... Well, I guess… yeah. I can put this way. And she's so much fun too.... And... Well, fun is something that lacks in my family sometimes, you know? So we have always been really close...
- Hmmm … I see
- What I mean is... - She smiled - Tom is one of those people, for example. He sees the best on people. And he was like... an angel to me, because I've met him in a very confusing moment in my life, and he helped me to realize a lot... about who I am, and who I want to become. And when I shared all of that with my aunt... I knew she would understand. And she did...And so much changed since then....
- ...You're happier – He was looking at her
- Yeah... - She nodded and smiled
- But not quite there yet...
- Yeah... I guess. Well, as my so-good-drunk-friend probably made you realized, there were some bumps on the road since then. I guess there's still a couple – Then she looked at the house. Eric for the first time that night got
certain, because before was only a doubt, that she just wasn't enjoying at all having all those people in her aunt's house.
- I see... Well, I wish you luck on that. - “Thanks”- And... Yeah. So – He cleared his throat - When did you start listening to our music?
- Hmm... I don't know, all my friends are pretty much your fans. But I can proudly say I listen to you way before them – She laughed, as if it was the coolest joke ever – … Tom always recommended your material to me... Maybe even before that I already knew your band. Yeah, I don't remember quite well. I think I got pretty impressed when Tom told me he knew you... or maybe it was after.... Dude, I'm sorry, I really don't remember – They sort of laughed.
- I see... You know, it's like the tenth time I come to Paris after meeting Tom, I wonder why he never introduced us before....
- Hmm.... good question. Well, I guess it must be weird for someone to try and introduce their two best friends, with an ocean between them Hun? And you know how Tom is... And I guess... Maybe he thought we were in two waay different moments in our lives. I know I was... I mean, from everyone else I knew...
- Yeah, true that.... So I think I didn't ask you before, how did you like my concert?
- Oh, that was amazing. Seriously. You guys really make the crowd go crazy, Hun?
He smiled
- I guess we try...
- Man, that must be so cool. Being on a stage like that.... Travelling around, partying around. - She paused – Then having to take care of the drunk friend of a friend of a friend from across the globe. - She smiled – Best three days in Paris, ever, Hun?
- Not bad, not bad …. At least I have a good story to tell. They're important too, you know...
- Right... Happy to know – She smirked
- What about you? Having fun? - Eric was truly interested in knowing that.
- Yeah... - She wasn't convincing
- Hmm... Away from … - He meant the noise in the house
- Oh... Yeah. It gets a bit overwhelming sometimes...
- So... here, right now, at least, a bit of a good time? - He smiled