“I can see you’re shocked and upset,” Reardon began softly, like he was trying to calm down a wild animal. “And although what you’re saying is really pissing me off, we need to talk about this. If we’re having a baby…”
“If?” I asked, hanging on to my anger. “What do you mean if? There’s been no one else, you know that.”
“That’s not what I meant,” he replied, holding up both hands, and really pissing me off.
“Just get out of here,” I said, needing to be alone to lick my wounds and figure out what I’m going to do. “I’ll make an appointment and let you know if I’m actually pregnant. Then we can talk about how I want you involved and where we’ll go from there.”
“How you’ll want me involved?” Reardon asked, his voice utterly calm, but his face colder than I’d ever seen it. “Fine, I’ll go, and give you a chance to sort your head out, but think of this when you do … For me, it has always been you. That night in the bar, I saw you first, and I was getting ready to make my move when you came over and chose Gabe. I never forgot you, and then years later, you came back and told us about Chris. I was crushed. You were the girl that got away, and it seemed like that would never change. Then you finally gave me a shot, and I’ve never been happier. But now, with this, and your reaction to it, I wonder if you’ll ever have it in you to choose me. If you’ll ever want me the way that I’ve always wanted you.”
At his declaration, all of the anger drained out of me, leaving me exhausted and confused.
“Take your time,” he said again, before giving his parting words and walking out my door. “Call me when you make that appointment. I’m going with you.”
Chapter Thirty-Seven ~ Reardon
I’d never been so pissed off and so fucking hopeful at one time.
I walked home, leaving my car parked at Chloe’s. I needed the air to clear my head.
As I was walking up my path, I pulled out my phone, searched for the name I needed, and put in a call.
“Can you come to my place?” I asked.
Dillon must have heard something in my voice, because he simply said, “On my way,” then hung up.
I let myself in, walked to my office, and poured two glasses of whiskey out of the decanter. I set one on the coffee table, then sat down on my loveseat and took a sip from the other one.
One of the perks of small-town living was that it didn’t take long to get anywhere, so it only seemed like a few minutes had passed before I heard Dillon let himself in.
“What’s up?” he asked as he walked and sat down in the chair next to me. “I was at the hospital when you called, so I know Gabe and company are great. Did something happen with you and Chloe?”
I waited until he was sitting back comfortably in the seat, glass in hand, before I answered.
“Chloe says she’s pregnant.”
Dillon choked on his whiskey, his green eyes shooting to mine as he slowly set his glass back on the table. He didn’t say anything, but he knew I didn’t need him to, not yet anyway. I just needed him to listen.
“She seemed pretty sure, although she mentioned that she hadn’t been to the doctor yet.” I shrugged one shoulder and took another sip of my drink. “But, our first time is a little fuzzy, and it was after Gabe’s wedding, so the timing is right. That’s not the issue, though.”
Dillon sat forwarded, his elbows hitting his knees, and prodded, “Then what is?”
“She’s comparing it to what happened with Gabe. Comparing me with Gabe.” I shook my head and stood up, unable to remain seated any longer. “I get why she’s upset, really I do … She’s been in a situation similar to this one before, and it was with my own damn cousin, so I understand her having a freak out over the whole thing. What I don’t get is her taking it out on me, rather than realizing that she could be using me for comfort, or as a sounding board. It’s not the same, because although it occurred during a crazy drunken night, we are not the same … We’re in a relationship.”
“Maybe she just hasn’t gotten around to that yet, Rear. Put yourself in her shoes. The last time she had a surprise pregnancy after a crazy night, she was left to give birth and raise her child alone. No, it isn’t the same, but of course her mind is going to take her back there. It’s the only experience she has to compare it to. And, going off of what Chris said, she’s never been in a real relationship before, so she may not realize that she can depend on you now. At least not initially … Give her time.”
I let Dillon’s words filter through my brain as I paced the room and drank my whiskey.
“How can I convince her that this is different?” I asked, eager for any advice he could give.
“My guess is just by being there for her. Be there for every appointment; assure her that you’re there for her no matter what the outcome.” He looked at me over the rim of his glass and clarified, “That is what you want, right?”
“Yes,” I said, feeling calmer after our talk. I went back to my seat and relaxed. “That’s absolutely what I want. What I’ve always wanted. I love her, and if she is pregnant, it’ll make me profoundly happy. I want to spend the rest of my life with her.”
“Awesome,” Dillon said, and raised his glass. “Then here’s to you and Chloe, and I hope like hell she is pregnant, because you will make a terrific father.”
We were both drinking when I heard my door shut and loud footsteps coming toward us down the hall.
Gabe rushed in, looking harried and really, really tired.
“I had to run to the house to get Zoey’s favorite notebook and pen. I can’t believe I forgot to pack it,” he began hurriedly. “Evie was asleep when I left, but she could wake up at any minute, so I want to get back … But, Dillon got that call from you and rushed out, so I had to make sure everything was okay.”
I felt the familiar rush of love that I often felt for my family, and grinned up at our oldest cousin.
“I just needed to get something off my chest, and Dillon came to help me out and offer advice. Now that you’re here, however, I’ve realized something tremendously awesome.”
“What’s that?” Gabe asked, confused and obviously eager to get back to his girls.
“That there’s a chance we will get to raise our kids together.”
It took a minute to get through the fatigue, but Gabe’s eyes widened and he asked, “What? You and Chloe?”
“Not confirmed by a doc yet, but we’ll be doing that soon.”
“Holy shit!” he exclaimed, crossing to me with his arms out, “That’s terrific.”
I stood to give him a hug.
“That means our kids would be about the same difference as you and I. How cool,” Gabe said, stepping back with a huge smile on his face. Then he scrunched it up and surmised, “That would mean Chris has two half siblings, who are also half cousins…”
“Let’s not focus on that weird shit,” Dillon said, standing to join our little huddle. “Instead, cheers to Gabe’s beautiful little Evie, and here’s hoping that Reardon is next in line to be a daddy.”
He raised his glass and we both drank, then Gabe grabbed mine and knocked it back in celebration.
“Sorry to run out on you, but I gotta get back. Keep me posted, yeah?”
“I will, and Gabe, I don’t think Chloe’s told anyone yet. She’s a little freaked…”
“Freaked?” he asked, his face full of concern.
“I’ll fill you in later,” I promised. “Go.”
Chapter Thirty-Eight ~ Chloe
“Hey,” I said softly as I walked into the hospital room. “How are you?”
I’d spent the night tossing and turning as I replayed my outburst, Reardon’s reaction, and his final words. I felt guilty for unleashing on him the way I had, and flattered, yet saddened by his words.
“Good morning,” Zoey said, her eyes tired, but her face happy.
“Where are Evie and Gabe?”
“Oh, he’s giving her a bath in the nursery.”
I nodded and pulled u
p the seat next to her bed.
“Actually, I asked him to give us a few minutes so we could talk.”
“What’s wrong?” I asked, panic filling me at the thought of something being wrong with her or Evie.
“That’s what I want to know,” Zoey said, and her big brown eyes that were a reflection of my own pinned me with their gaze.
“What did he say?” I asked, anger filling me once again at the thought of Reardon telling my sister about the pregnancy before I had a chance to.
“Nothing,” she assured me. “But, Reardon told Gabe, who told me, that you were upset. I knew you’d used me having Evie as an excuse not to burden me with whatever is going on, so I decided to take matters into my own hands. Now, tell me.”
Unable to keep it from my sister any longer, I blurted, “I think I’m pregnant.”
Zoey’s mouth turned into an O and she shifted in her bed excitedly. I knew she’d jump up and down if she could.
“No,” I begged before she could start squealing, “don’t. I don’t know what I’m feeling yet.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, first I was scared, then angry, and now, I’m just embarrassed.”
“Embarrassed about what? You have nothing to be embarrassed about.”
“The fact that I’m in this situation, again, and that it’s with another member of the Lewis family.”
“Chloe…”
“What is wrong with me?” I asked, feeling full-on sorry for myself, but not really caring. “How does this happen twice, Zo? I haven’t dated anyone seriously; hell, I’ve barely had sex, yet with two out of my four partners, I have drunken sex and get pregnant? Damn the luck.”
“Chloe,” Zoey began patiently, her hand coming to cover mine and give comfort. “You know you’ve never regretted Christopher. I remember what you were like with him as a baby, and although you were scared and didn’t know what you were doing, you loved him more than anything. You always have.”
I nodded and felt a tear escape down my cheek.
“Your situation with Reardon is nothing like what happened between you and Gabe. He’s always had feelings for you, and although the conception may not have been planned, this baby’s parents are in a relationship. I’d dare say, they’re even in love…” Zoey’s eyes caught mine and she looked at me questioningly.
I could never lie to my sister, so I nodded and admitted weepily, “Yes, I do love him.”
Zoey smiled and said, “Then that’s all that matters.”
“What about the family. The stigma. The weird?”
“Stop, I get it. You know I do, Chlo. You were there when I was freaking out about being in love with Gabe after finding out he was Chris’s dad, but you also know I was wrong.”
She lifted a hand to my cheek and left it resting there.
“It’s normal to be afraid. And to worry about what other people are going to think, or how they may judge. But all that matters, all that really matters, is you and Reardon. What you guys think. How the two of you feel. Fuck everyone else.”
I let out a sharp laugh at that and said, “Zoey, I don’t think you’re supposed to say the F word anymore. You’re a mom now.”
“Oh, shut up,” she said with a laugh, and I brought my hand up to cup hers on my cheek.
“Thank you.”
“That’s what I’m here for, big sis. I am the wise one, after all.”
“You wish.”
We were both laughing when the door opened and Gabe walked in, looking happy and handsome with his baby girl tucked in his arms like one of the footballs he used to cradle.
“Is it safe for us to come in?” he asked with a smile, his eyes filled with concern as they took in the tears on my face.
I nodded and assured him, “It’s all good.”
“Want to go see Aunt Chloe?” Gabe asked Evie, though his eyes were still on me.
I nodded and held out my arms, then felt warmth envelope me as I held that precious girl in my arms.
I took in her dark eyes, plump cheeks, and sweet little hands poking out of the blanket, and felt calm overtake me. There was nothing as soothing as holding a baby in your arms.
Memories flooded of holding Christopher as a child, and I realized how right Zoey was. No matter what happened, I would love and cherish this baby more than my own life, and this time, I wouldn’t have to do everything on my own, or call on my sister for help.
Reardon was a great guy, and he’d make a terrific father. I’d seen evidence of that with the way he was with Christopher. Shoot, he was a kid at heart himself. Plus, he was kind, tender, and hard-working. All wonderful qualities for a father to have.
Feeling lighter and less stressed, I looked at Evie and let myself imagine what it would feel like to hold my own baby again. Smiling, I lifted my head to see Zoey watching us fondly.
“Could you imagine?” she asked softly. “We might have babies together.”
“That would be amazing,” I conceded.
“And we could be sisters slash cousins-in-law.”
I scowled at her.
“Oh, and we’ll both be mothers of Chris’s half siblings, so we’d be like, co-parents, or half parents … or something.”
I rolled my eyes and laughed.
What else could I do in this crazy-ass situation?
Chapter Thirty-Nine ~ Reardon
I’d given Chloe space, like she’d asked, although while I was doing so I was thinking how frustrating it was that she always seemed to be pushing me away.
Luckily, she’d sent me a text to meet her at the doctor, so I was hoping we’d take the time to have a serious conversation. After we knew the results, of course. It was stressful enough not knowing whether the drug store tests were correct or not, without bringing up our first terrible fight.
I stopped at the welcome desk to get directions to the obstetrician’s office. The appointment was with the same doctor that Zoey had used, but I’d never been to his office.
I searched the waiting room as I entered and saw that Chloe had already arrived. She was sitting in a chair in the corner, thumbing through a magazine. I knew she wasn’t reading it though, because her eyes were staring, unseeing, at the floor.
“Hey,” I said as I crossed the room and sat next to her. Wanting to relay that I was no longer angry, I picked up her hand and brought it to my lips. Her face was wary and unsure as she watched me kiss her lightly, then lower her hand to her lap, keeping it in mine. “Are you okay?”
She gave something between a nod and a shake, then said, “As ready as I’ll ever be.”
“Things will be fine, no matter what happens,” I assured her, then sat back and stared at the door to the back, willing it to open.
We sat quietly, holding hands, until the door opened suddenly, causing us to jump.
“Ms. Zahn,” the woman in scrubs called.
We stood and walked toward her.
“Right this way.”
We followed her down a stark, bright hallway, then turned into a small room with a bed with stirrups, a machine, a small sink, and a couple of chairs on wheels.
“There’s a gown that you can change into,” she said, indicating a folded blue piece of fabric on the cot. “The doctor will be with you momentarily.”
I watched as she drew the curtain and walked out, then turned to Chloe and asked, “Do you want me to wait outside?”
“No, please,” she replied, her tone conveying her fear. “Don’t leave me.”
“All right,” I promised, but turned to survey the room and give her some semblance of privacy.
I was touching stuff, picking it up, examining it, curious as to what all of these strange instruments were for, when Chloe said she was finished.
I turned, holding this long dildo-looking thing that was attached to a machine by a cord.
Chloe laughed and said, “That wand is for an internal ultrasound.”
“Hmmm,” I said, turning it over in my hand.
“It’s in
serted into the vagina,” she added, and I dropped it like a hot potato.
Chloe laughed as I walked to the sink to wash my hands.
When I was done, I turned to see her settled on the cot, her feet already in the stirrups, with a sheet covering her from the waist down.
“I guess you’ve done this kind of thing before,” I said, taking the chair on wheels closest to her and rolling over.
“Yeah,” she said with a chuckle. “Whether I wanted to or not.”
Deciding that now was the perfect time, while things were easy and we were both kind of joking and laughing, I cleared my throat and took her hand in mine.
“I was going to wait until after we found out, but since what I have to say is true whether there is a baby or not, I’d like to get it off my chest now.”
Chloe nodded, but sucked her lower lip between her teeth nervously.
“Chloe, I love you,” I admitted, laying my heart on the line. “I think I fell in love with you in that stupid bar all those years ago. These last few weeks with you have been the happiest of my life, and if things keep going this way, my plan is to marry you.”
At her gasp, I assured her, “I’m not asking now, because I don’t want you to think I want to get married because of the baby. Plus, it’s too soon. We still have a lot to learn about each other. But, that’s where my heart and head are. I want you to know that I’m in this one hundred percent. I want to have a life with you, and with Chris, and hopefully, with children of our own, whenever that may be.”
I noticed her eyes fill, and the skin around her lips get red as she bit down, but I had to get it all out.
“I know you’re used to doing things on your own, and that your first instinct is to go off on your own and sort your head out. I understand you need to do that, but I hope you’ll understand that you don’t have to. I’m here for you, no matter what you need. So, even if you do take time to yourself to come to terms with whatever is bothering you, know that I’ll be there waiting for you when you’re ready.”
“Thank you,” Chloe said, taking in a shaky breath. “I can’t tell you how much that means to me. And, I’m sorry that I took my shock out on you that way. You didn’t deserve it, but I think I knew deep down that you could handle it without giving up on me, and I do appreciate that. Although, I promise never to do it again.”