“This whole thing has been a lie,” I said, wincing when my voice cracked.
“What? No, it hasn’t,” he denied.
“Jasmine told you to treat me like a princess … She meant in Chicago, right? That’s why everything was different between us, why you were different. No longer sniping at me, or giving me those dark, untrusting looks of yours, no looking over your shoulder, waiting for old annoying Laurel to ruin your trip.”
“Laurel…”
“The whole thing was a lie. God, you must have had a good laugh at how easy I made it for you. Took your whole attitude change in stride and melted at the thought of Dillon Lewis showing me an ounce of charm. Hell, I even propositioned you, making it even easier for you to show me just how good life could be. What an idiot…”
“Don’t call yourself that,” Dillon said, getting angry himself. But there was no way he was as angry as I was, no way in hell. “And that’s not what happened in Chicago. Sure, she told me to show you a nice time, and that is why I put the past behind us and tried to see the weekend as a new start, but it isn’t why I took you up on your offer. And, it certainly isn’t why I sought you out once we got back here. I wanted to be with you Laurel.”
I heard him, but I couldn’t actually hear him. His words bounced off me like bullets on a flak vest.
“And when I told you about Travis, about what happened in Houston … you let me go on and on, bearing my soul to you, and you never once let on that you already knew.”
That really stings. In fact, out of everything, that may be the thing that hurts the most.
“Yes, Jasmine told me some of it, but I hadn’t heard it from you, and I was honored that you trusted me enough to tell me,” Dillon said, running a hand through his auburn hair in frustration.
“Well, I don’t trust you now, and I need you to leave. I have work to finish up, and then I need to go home and be alone. I need some time to think.”
“Please,” he began, but I brought my eyes to him, allowing the hurt and misery to show through.
“No, Dillon, please go,” I begged, then turned and gave him my back.
A few seconds later, I heard his footsteps trail through the room and out the door.
39
Dillon
“Just give her some time, then go talk to her,” Reardon urged.
We were sitting on his back deck. He was drinking a beer, and I was nursing a scotch, as I wondered how in the hell things had gotten so screwed up so quickly.
I sighed and looked out over his yard, barely registering that the leaves had changed color. “She was so upset. So hurt. Jesus, I felt like I’d been punched in the gut when she looked at me like I was an asshole. I know her ex treated her like shit, and I hate that she’s in her apartment comparing me to him right now.”
“She knows you’re not…” Reardon began, then joked, “Well, you are an asshole, but she knows you’d never intentionally hurt her. Not like he did. There’s no comparison, Dillon.”
“I should have told her what Jazzy said, and I should have told Jazzy about me and Laurel,” I said, hanging my head in misery. “It’s just,” I sighed, “things were going so great. We were moving forward, had agreed to try an exclusive relationship… Hell, I’m falling for her. I’ve never felt this way for anyone before. Shit, Rear, what am I going to do?”
“I know what you’re going through, man, and it sucks. Obviously, what Chloe and I went through wasn’t exactly the same, but the best advice I can give is to stick. Don’t give up at the first sign of struggle. If this relationship means what I think it does, if Laurel means what I think she does, then be there when she’s ready to talk. Don’t do anything stupid, or go off half-cocked, be ready when she’s ready, and be open and honest.”
“Just wait?” I asked, thinking that was impossible.
Reardon nodded.
“And when she’s ready to talk, grovel. Admit what you did wrong, and say how you wish you’d played things differently, women love that, for you to talk about your feelings and really communicate what’s going on in your head. If you’re falling in love with her, tell her that. Once she has all the information, it’s out of your hands. She’ll decide what she wants to do next, but if you don’t tell her, she can’t make an informed decision.”
“That makes sense,” I said, then eased back and took a sip of scotch. I looked at my cousin thoughtfully and added, “I never thought I’d be coming to you for relationship advice.”
“I know,” Reardon agreed. “Ain’t it great?”
“Well, I appreciate the talk, man, but I think I’m going to head home,” I said, standing up and stretching, my body feeling tight and tired.
“Are you sure?” Reardon asked, getting to his feet as well. “We have some leftover Mexican from the party, we were going to heat it up for dinner.”
“Nah, but thanks. I think I need a little alone time.”
We went inside and were headed to the door when Chloe stepped into the hall.
“Hey, you okay?” she asked me, her face full of concern.
“No,” I said truthfully. “But I will be once we get this sorted out.”
Chloe nodded, pulled me in for a quick hug and said, “I know you guys will work things out.”
“Thanks,” I said, then left her and Reardon, arms wrapped around each other, in the hall and let myself out.
I drove home on autopilot, not realizing that I was already there until I’d parked and pulled my key out of the ignition.
“Shit,” I muttered. “That was dangerous.”
Luckily, I’d made it home without incident, and the welcoming licks and wags from my dogs helped to ease the ache in my heart a bit.
“C’mon, let’s go for a walk,” I told them, needing the fresh air and to stretch my legs.
They were trained well enough, and my land was big enough, that Copper and Penny didn’t need leashes. They never strayed too far from me, and loved the freedom of running and playing on the vast land.
We walked for about an hour, and although I felt more relaxed, my head wasn’t any clearer than it had been when I left.
As we neared the house, the dogs each gave a sharp bark of excitement, then took off running. I searched the yard, hoping to see a familiar blonde waiting on my porch, biting back disappointment when I saw my sister waiting for me instead.
I trudged up the steps, then walked around the dogs, who were laying on the porch, and joined Jazzy on the swing.
“Hey,” I greeted, sounding so glum that I wanted to punch myself in the face.
“Reardon called me,” she said, the nudged me with her shoulder and asked, “Why didn’t you?”
“I don’t know,” I said, and I honestly didn’t. Jasmine was usually my go-to person, followed by Reardon, but the only person I really wanted to talk to right now was Laurel.
“Are you mad at me?”
“No, Jazz, I’m not mad at you,” I said with a sigh. “It’s my fault that I didn’t tell you about Laurel, and I didn’t tell her about Chicago and that I knew about Travis. I’m the one who fucked up…”
“I’m sorry she’s upset with you, and I’m sorry I busted into the party like the Hulk and ruined everything.”
I chuckled and put my arm around her. Jasmine leaned against me and put her head on my shoulder.
“So, you and Laurel, huh?” she asked.
“Yup,” I replied.
“Bitchin’.”
40
Laurel
You know how when you have a bad day, you go home, put on your PJs, get in a hot bubble bath with a glass of wine, and everything somehow feels magically better?
Yeah, me neither.
In truth, I finished cleaning up the party, returned the supplies, went back to the flower shop to check on the temp I’d hired to run it while we were at the party, and spent an hour staring at my computer without seeing a thing.
Afterwards, I went upstairs, and made it as far as the floor in front of door when I lost
it. I’m talking, fall to my butt, tears and snot mingling on my face, while I tried to cry into Princess’s fur, as she tried to get away from me.
I felt foolish, and angry, and utterly sad.
When Dillon had spun me around and kissed me like he wanted to go on kissing me for the rest of our lives, I’d known I was out of my mind in love with him, and I thought, for the briefest second, that he was in love with me too.
Then, Jasmine’s voice had registered, and I’d realized that she was there, in the room with us, and that I was kissing her brother.
The cardinal sin of best friends.
She hadn’t even looked at me, so I knew she was beyond upset. I was probably going to be left behind like Megan Carson, who’d sat next to Jasmine at lunch in hopes of getting close to Dillon, and had ended up with a pudding cup in her lap.
The thought of losing my best friend, and Dillon, in one second was almost more than I could bear.
Princess hissed and finally got loose, so I laid down on the cold floor and hugged myself in the fetal position.
It was late, I couldn’t remember the last time I’d eaten anything, and I didn’t want to move from that spot. Maybe I’d just sleep there. If I got lucky, Princess would come back and act as my pillow, or at least, cuddle for warmth.
A knock on my door made me flinch, but that was as much as I was willing to move.
“Laurel.”
I heard Jazzy call out my name and thought, Oh, God, she’s here to tell me to take a hike. Where is there left for me to go? Not Houston, not my parents … Ugh, everything had finally been going my way, and now it’s all turning to crap.
“Laurel, I know you’re in there… Come on, open up.”
I didn’t move a muscle, but I did feel the door hit my foot, and looked up to see Jasmine peeking around the door.
“You didn’t lock it,” she said, stating the obvious, then her face crumpled. “Oh, Laurel, get up.”
She squeezed through the small sliver of space that was available, since I was blocking the door and she couldn’t open it all the way, then shut it behind her and dropped to her knees.
“I’m sorry,” Jasmine said.
“What?” I asked, shocked. “You’re sorry, for what?”
“For telling Dillon about Travis; it wasn’t my place to tell him your story… I also shouldn’t have asked him to go all out in Chicago.”
“You were only being nice,” I mumbled, scooching forward to place my hand over hers on the floor. “And, it’s okay, about Travis. I’m actually surprised you hadn’t already, you guys tell each other everything, but I’m not mad that you told him.”
“Still,” she began, holding my hand tightly. “I knew how you felt about him, so it wasn’t fair of me to do.”
That made me sit up and swipe at my face with my palms.
“You did?”
“Of course,” Jasmine said with more of a grimace than a smile. “You’re my best friend and he’s my twin, there’s nothing either of you can think, do, or feel that I don’t know about … which is why I was so pissed when I walked into the shower and found you two in a lip lock. Shocked the shit out of me.”
“How long?” I asked, then clarified, “That I had feelings for him?”
“Since forever? I don’t know, fourth grade?”
“But, you always got so mad whenever anyone liked him…”
“Yeah, because they were just using me to get close to him, but you were never like that. You liked me for me, and Dillon for Dillon. Plus, you’re my best friend and if you and Dillon get married, we’d be sisters. That’s been my dream this whole time.”
“Why didn’t you ever say anything?” I asked, totally befuddled.
“At first it was because I wanted you for myself. I was worried if you knew I was okay with it, the two of you would start dating and I’d be forgotten,” Jasmine admitted, her cheeks reddening. “As the years went by, I could tell you still liked him, but he was always so angry about us pranking him, that I didn’t think he’d go for it, and I didn’t want you to be hurt … and, you’d be upset and not want anything to do with either of us.”
“Wow,” I breathed, my mind reeling with this new information.
“I’m sorry I’m so selfish.”
I moved onto my knees and pulled Jasmine in for a hug, turning my face to put my cheek on her shoulder.
“You’re not selfish, you’re the best friend a girl could ever have,” I whispered.
“You’re too forgiving,” she said, then asked softly, “Are you going to forgive Dillon?”
I shrugged as best I could while hugging, unable to give a definitive answer.
“Do you love him?”
“Yes,” I managed, hugging her tighter.
“Then, I know everything is going to be okay.”
41
Dillon
I managed to wait the whole night before I decided I couldn’t stand it anymore. I had to see her, to apologize, explain, and beg for forgiveness.
“I’ll take all the daisies you have,” I told Mary, who was working the counter at Laurel’s flower shop.
She eyed me warily, as if trying to gauge my sincerity, then rang up the order and went to get the flowers.
Once I had two fists full of the white and yellow buds, I went up to Laurel’s door and knocked. Then I waited for what seemed like an eternity. My palms began to get clammy, and my heart began to race. I’d never been this nervous about anything before in my life.
That’s because nothing has been this important, I reminded myself.
I knocked again, then heard a loud bang and a muffled voice through the door.
I held my breath, then let it out in a whoosh when I was greeted by my sister’s tangled mop. She pushed the mass of hair off of her face and squinted at me, then looked at the flowers and woke up with a huge smile.
“Oh good, you didn’t dawdle,” she said, stepping back to let me in.
“I didn’t expect to see you here, but I’m glad you are. Is she okay?”
“She wasn’t. We drank wine, make cookies, and binge watched Sex & the City until she fell asleep. I haven’t seen her yet this morning, want me to go get her?” Jasmine asked.
“No, I’ll take it from here,” I said, my eyes on Laurel’s closed bedroom door.
“Can I watch the groveling?”
“No, get out.”
Jasmine pouted and said, “You’re no fun,” then grabbed her stuff and walked out the door, whispering, “Good luck, bro,” before shutting the door.
I was about to cross to her room and open the door when it opened, and Laurel walked out. Her hair was wet from a shower, and she was wearing workout shorts and a tank top, her head tilted down as she looked at her phone.
“Hey,” I said, and she stopped and looked up, startled.
Laurel looked around her apartment and asked, “Where’s Jasmine?”
“She left.”
“What are you doing here?” she asked, and I searched her face, trying to gauge her current state of mind, but she revealed nothing.
“I needed to see you. To talk … to explain,” I said, taking a step forward. I held out the flowers and added, “These are for you.”
She glanced down, her expression softening slightly as she accepted the flowers.
“Daisies are my favorite,” Laurel said as she brought the large bouquet to her nose, closed her eyes, and sniffed.
“I know.”
Her eyes opened and she looked at me with surprise.
“You do?” she asked.
“Of course I do,” I assured her with a smile. “We have that spot of land behind the house where they grow wild every year, and I remember you always running out there and laying amongst the daisies. You always asked my mom if you could take some home, to keep in a vase by your bed.”
Laurel smiled and said, “I can’t believe you remember that.”
“Then there was the time you put daisies in all of my drawers, my closet, and my bac
kpack, so when I went to get my books out at school, flowers went everywhere.”
She covered her mouth to hide a grin, and I smiled back at her.
“I remember everything,” I told her. “I remember you always asking me to kill spiders in Jasmine’s room. The way you’d hold your own with me, Gabe, and Reardon. It didn’t matter if we were climbing a tree, swimming at the springs, or playing ball, you and Jazzy were always right there with us. I remember the way you listened on that bench when everything in our lives was changing, and I remember the way you looked at me when you found out I was taking Terri to prom.”
Laurel watched me, eyes big and starting to fill.
“I’m sorry it took me so long to figure out what you always knew,” I said, stepping closer, careful not to crush her flowers. “I love the fact that we grew up together, and you’re as much a part of my memories as my closest family members. You’ve always been there. Sure, sometimes you were driving me crazy,” I said with a chuckle, “but I always knew I could count on you … I wish you could say the same about me.”
Laurel started to respond, but I wanted to get everything out, so I kept talking.
“I’m sorry that I couldn’t be there for you in Houston, and that I spent the better part of our lives angry at you and trying to push you away. All I can say is, thank you, for never giving up on me, and I promise from here on out I’ll have your back, the way you’ve always had mine.”
I took the flowers from her hand, set them on the counter, and came back to hold her hands in mine.
“I swear to you, I never intended to lie, or conceal the fact that I knew about Houston. Jasmine telling me to treat you like a princess in Chicago allowed me to take off the blinders I’ve worn where you are concerned and see you as the person you are, and I’ll be forever grateful to her for that. And, when you told me about Travis, I was honored that you trusted me enough … I wasn’t thinking about what Jasmine had already told me, I was hearing it from you, and wanted to comfort you in that moment. I didn’t set out to lie, or hide what I already knew, it just sort of happened that way.”