Speaking of Carter...
I catch him out of the corner of my eye just as he leans in and whispers in some petite brunette's ear. She laughs and slaps him in the chest. My eyes follow his hands and they're gripping her waist, pressing her into the wall behind her.
Sloan is right. I'm being paranoid. If anything were going on between Carter and Sloan, he'd be staring me down or looking around for Sloan. Not sliding his tongue up some girl's neck like he's doing right now.
Good for him. Pretty sure that's the first time I've really seen him let loose. Must have been the half-bottle of champagne he downed during his toast.
I take another shot and walk past them on my way toward the back door. I pat Carter on the back, but I don't think he notices. The chick's legs are wrapped around his waist now. She has some nice fucking legs.
Lucky bastard.
I lightly trail my fingers across one of her legs as I pass them. Carter still has his mouth buried against her neck, but the girl makes eye contact with me when she feels me touch her. I wink at her and then walk toward the back door.
I give her five minutes before she comes up with an excuse to follow me outside.
I should feel bad about this--about stealing Carter's girl right out from under him. But the fucker has gotten inside my head more than enough in the last twenty-four hours when it comes to Sloan. If anything, he deserves this.
"Is he gone?" I whisper in her ear.
Tillie nods and unwraps her legs from around my waist. "Yep," she says, wiping at her neck. "I get that you had to make it convincing, but please don't ever put your tongue on me again. Gross."
I laugh. She straightens her hair by running her fingers through it. "Now disappear. I have work to do. This might even be easier than I thought." She slaps her hand against my chest and pushes me aside, heading out the back door in search of her new project. Asa.
Tille has helped out with a couple of jobs I've worked on before, but she's usually Dalton's sidekick. I figured having her here tonight would not only come in handy for my own sake, but for the investigation as well. If anyone could take Asa's eyes off Sloan for any amount of time, it would be Tillie. Not only because of the way she looks, but she's like a chameleon. She can become whoever she needs to be in order to worm her way into a guy's psyche, and Asa Jackson is next up on her list.
When she disappears outside, I glance around the room to make sure no one is paying any attention to me. When I'm in the clear, I head straight for the stairs.
Granted, my sneaking up to Sloan's room is not why Tillie is here. In fact, Dalton ordered me to stay away from Sloan tonight and wait until Sunday to give her any attention--when Asa is far away from both of us.
Luckily, Dalton is outside. So is Asa.
And now, so is Tillie. I've got at least a ten-minute window to check on Sloan.
She's probably confused by the toast I gave downstairs. Hell, I'm still confused as to why Asa asked me to do it in the first place. Either he's beginning to trust me, or it's a keep your enemies closer kind of situation.
I don't waste time knocking when I get to her bedroom. I open the door and shut it just as fast. Then I lock it for good measure. She's sitting on the bed and as soon as she glances up and realizes it's me, she stands up. "Carter," she says, wiping at a tear. "You shouldn't be in here."
God, she looks beautiful. I was so sick to my stomach when I saw Asa carrying her down the stairs earlier, I refused to allow myself to take it all in. The way her dark curls are cascading around her bare shoulders, the way her dress hugs at her just like I wish I was doing right now. Fuck. I know I had to down half a bottle of champagne in order to get through the toast earlier, but it's really starting to hit me now.
I walk past her without touching her somehow, to the window. I stand to the side of it and look out over the backyard. Asa is on a lounge chair by the pool--Tillie is sitting on the chair next to his. She's leaning forward, engrossing him in conversation. His hands are relaxed behind his head, and even from here I can tell he's staring at her breasts.
Dalton is talking to Jon on the other side of the pool.
I glance back at Sloan and she's standing behind me, shaking her head. "Why are you in here? He's already suspicious, Carter. Are you crazy?"
I nod. "Apparently."
She's hugging herself nervously, staring up at me. My heart feels like it's about to tear through my chest. It does that sometimes when I do stupid shit like this. "Do you want me to leave?" I ask her.
She pulls her bottom lip in and chews on it for a second. "Not yet," she whispers.
I reach to her and pull her left arm away from her chest. I slide my fingers around her ring. "I can't do this while you're wearing this ring." I slip the ring off her hand and toss it on the bed.
"Do what?" she whispers, looking up at me with a considerable amount of anticipation.
I close the gap between us. "Kiss you." I lift my hands to her face, slowly sliding them through her hair to the nape of her neck. "I'm going to kiss you until I sober up or get caught. Whichever comes first."
Her chest rises with her gasp. "Hurry," she says, breathless.
Hurry is the last thing I'm gonna do when it comes to her.
I tilt my head, feeling her fists clench the front of my shirt. I barely touch my lips to her lips, feathering my mouth against hers. We both release shaky breaths the second we make contact--breaths we've been holding since that first day we saw each other in class.
She's on her tiptoes now, needing me to kiss her fully, to finally give her what we both want. Instead, I pull back and look down at her. When she realizes I'm doing the exact opposite of what she wants, she opens her eyes.
I stare down at her mouth, wanting to savor it for one more second before devouring it. I move my right hand back to her cheek, slowly rubbing the pad of my thumb over her bottom lip.
"What's taking you so long?"
I stare at her mouth as I trace my thumb over her top lip. "I'm worried that once we start, we won't be able to stop."
She slides her hands up my neck, sending chills down my back. "I think you should have thought that through before you walked into my bedroom. It's a little late to change your mind now."
I nod, pulling her to me. I wrap one hand around her back and keep the other wrapped in her hair. "Yep. Definitely too late." I press my lips to hers and my pulse begins to rage beneath my skin. Her lips part to make room for my tongue, and I when I finally taste her, she's so goddamn sweet I groan. Her mouth is warm, her lips are cold, and the way she kisses me back makes the room feel hotter than hell. I try to pull her closer, to kiss her deeper, but it isn't enough. We're grasping at each other, attempting to get more from this kiss than we know we're allowed. But her lips, her gasps, her moans...I can't stop.
I can't stop.
We end up with her back flat against a wall and my hands beside her head. Our kiss slows down, speeds up, slows down again.
Stops.
We're practically panting as I stare down at her. She's looking up at me with the most tragic expression. I kiss her softly on the lips, then on her cheek. I pull back and press my forehead to hers as we catch our breath.
"I should go home," I whisper. "I need to go before my stupidity gets you killed."
She nods and then desperately grips my arms. "Take me with you."
I don't move.
"Please," she says, her eyes filling with tears. "Let's go. Now, before I change my mind. I want out of here and I never want to come back."
Fuck.
Is she really saying this?
"Please, Carter." Her words are desparate. "We can discharge my brother so Asa doesn't use him against me. And wherever we end up, I'll find a way to get him back in the care he needs. Let's just go."
My heart is deflating, just like her hope is about to. If she only knew how much I wish I could do that. I start to shake my head and she moves her hands from my arms to my cheeks. A huge tear spills out of her eye. "Carter, plea
se. You don't owe him anything. You can get out. We both can. Right now."
I squeeze my eyes shut and roll my forehead to the side of her head. My lips are directly over her ear when I whisper, "It's not that easy, Sloan."
If it were all up to Luke, and Carter didn't have to exist, we'd be halfway across the state already. But if I took her tonight...if we just ran away and I abandoned Ryan in the middle of all this...it would compromise the entire investigation. It would make Asa even more dangerous. And I'd be letting down a whole fucking lot of people, not to mention giving up my entire career. I wouldn't even have a way to support her.
"I want to get you out of here, Sloan," I whisper. "I just can't leave yet. I can't explain why and I don't know when I can, but I will. I promise. I swear."
I press my lips to the side of her head, just as she starts to cry. And as much as I'd give to hold her in my arms until her devastation passes, I can't. Every second I'm in this room with her is another second I'm risking her life.
I press my mouth to hers once more and then pull away from her. She lets her head fall back against the wall and she's so much sadder in this moment than when I even walked inside the room to begin with.
She's still gripping my wrist as I try to walk away. When she refuses to let go, I lift her fingers from around my wrist, releasing her. I watch as her arm falls limp to her side. Having to walk away from her like this is nothing short of devastating.
It's tragic.
And that's where love finds you...in the tragedies.
I've never missed a single Sunday visiting my brother. And even though I've been in bed since Carter walked away Friday night, pretending to be sick, I somehow pulled myself out of my slump today.
Asa and all his friends went to the casino. It's about a three-hour drive north, and my brother is an hour drive south. It's sad, but I feel like the more distance I put between Asa and myself today, the better I'll feel. The more I'll be able to breathe.
Right before I walk out of my bedroom, I pause in the doorway. I reach to my left hand and slip off the ring, setting it on the dresser. I'll be home way before Asa gets back, so he won't notice I didn't wear it today.
But my hand will feel a million pounds lighter.
I stop in the kitchen to make myself a drink for the road. When I reach for the freezer to grab ice, my hand tightens around the door handle. My eyes fall to the new words written on the dry-erase board.
Pickles don't feel guilty when people yodel, so why aren't the sheets ever folded on Tuesday?
I have no idea when Carter wrote this, but I know he wrote it to try to make me feel better about the way he had to leave Friday night. He wrote it to try to make me laugh.
It works, because I'm smiling for the first time in two days when I open the freezer.
I fill my cup with ice and soda, then grab an extra soda for Stephen. They don't let him keep sodas in his room due to his health restrictions, so I always sneak him an extra one on Sundays as a treat. With his doctor's permission, of course. I just don't tell Stephen that.
I grab my purse, my keys, and the drinks and start to head for the door when I receive an incoming text. I wait until I'm at my car to pull my phone out of my purse and read it.
Carter: Pick me up on the corner of Standard and Wyatt. I want to go with you.
My cheeks heat up at the unexpected text. I thought he was with Asa and the guys today. I start to text him back, but another text comes through.
Carter: Also, never respond to my texts. And delete both of these.
I do what he requests and then I back out of my driveway and head to the corner of Standard and Wyatt. It's only a few streets down, and I know he wants me to pick him up there because it's safer than leaving his car in the driveway. But I'm still confused as to how he knew I was even going anywhere.
I'm filled with anticipation as I search for him. When I round the corner of Standard, he's right where he said he'd be, standing alone on the curb, hands shoved in the back pockets of his jeans. He smiles when he sees me and it hurts. And feels incredible. When I come to a stop, he opens the door and climbs inside the car.
"What are you doing?" I ask.
"Going with you to visit your brother."
"But...how? How did you get out of gambling? And how did you even know when I was leaving?"
He smiles at me and then leans across the seat and wraps his hand in my hair. He rests his lips against mine and says, "I have my ways." He kisses me and then moves back to his side of the seat. He pulls on his seatbelt. "If you think it's too risky for me to go inside the building with you, I don't mind waiting in the car. I just really needed some time alone with you."
I try to smile, but having him this close reminds me of Friday night, and how pathetic I sounded when I tried to beg him to run away with me.
I wasn't thinking things through. I can't just up and leave, I'm in the middle of getting my college degree. I can't pull Stephen out of his facility and drag him on a cross-country road trip. He's happy there and I'd be doing him a disservice.
I just want out so bad, and after feeling what I felt when Carter kissed me, I got emotional. And it made me wish he was wrong--that he really could save me.
Carter reaches across the seat for my hand. "Sloan. Can you make me a promise today?"
I glance over at him. "Depends on what it is."
"I can see in your expression that you're thinking about Friday night. Let's not talk about Asa today. Or what we both know needs to happen. I don't even want to discuss the possibility of getting caught, or how stupid I am for coming with you. Let's just be Sloan and Luke today, okay?"
I raise an eyebrow. "Luke? Who is Luke? Are we role playing?"
His jaw twitches and he says, "I mean Carter. I used to go by my middle name when I was younger. Hard habit to break."
I shake my head and laugh. "Do I make you that flustered that you can't even remember which name you go by?"
He grips my hand tighter and smiles. "Stop making fun of me. And don't ever call me Luke. Only my grandfather called me Luke and it's weird."
"Okay, but I'm not gonna lie. I kind of like Luke. Luke."
He reaches over and squeezes my knee. "Sloan and Carter. Let's be Sloan and Carter today," he corrects again.
"Which one am I?" I tease. "Sloan or Carter?"
He laughs, then unbuckles his seatbelt and leans across the seat. He presses his mouth to my ear and slides the palm of his hand over my thigh. I hold my breath and grip the steering wheel when he whispers, "You be Sloan. I'll be Carter. And on our way home this afternoon, we'll pull over somewhere quiet and you can be Sloan in the back seat with Carter. Sound good?"
I exhale with my nod. "Uh-huh."
"When is the last time Asa visited?" I ask her.
She turns off the car and begins gathering her things. "Two years ago. He's only been here once. He said it made him uncomfortable."
Of course he'd say that.
"So no one would think it's odd that I'm walking in with you?"
Sloan shakes her head. "I think the employees are so used to seeing me alone, they'd only be curious that I finally showed up with someone. But they wouldn't be suspicious or tell Asa, because they don't even know Asa." She drops her keys and her phone in her purse and then grips the steering wheel. She stares out over the parking lot in front of us. "That's really sad, isn't it? That I have no one? Literally no one. It's always just been me and Stephen against the whole goddamn world."
I reach over and tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. I want to comfort her--to tell her she has me. But she's being so honest right now, I don't want to feed her another lie. She doesn't even know my real name, and the more lies I tell her in moments like these, the harder it'll be for her to forgive me when she finds out the truth.
Which she almost did earlier. I swear to God, sometimes I wonder how I ever got this position to begin with. I am the worst undercover detective that ever existed. Seriously, they should call me The Pink Panther.<
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Sometimes I think maybe she could handle it if I told her the truth. That maybe she would be able to help out in some way. But that would only put her in more danger and I already do that enough.
Maybe in time, if I can get her to earn Ryan's trust, he'll see the benefit of filling her in. But for now, it's better she doesn't know.
She's still staring blankly out the window, so I pull her to me and hug her. She wraps her arms around me and sighs against my neck, and I wish Asa would fucking die on the way back from the casino.
Shit. That was really harsh.
But can he not see how much better the lives of those around him would be if he didn't exist?
Of course he can't. You see nothing outside the realm of yourself when you're a sadistic narcissist.
"You give really nice hugs," Sloan says.
I hug her tighter. "I think you just haven't been given enough hugs in your lifetime."
"That too," she says with a sigh.
I keep my grip on her for a moment longer, until she whispers against my neck. "Fifty-six king crabs ate shoelaces for Easter dinner and then they coughed up Rainbow Brite through their nostrils."
I laugh and kiss her on top of her head. "You can't buy illegal butter with a bike wheel or silly string."
I can feel her smile when she finds my mouth and kisses me.
That's all I wanted before we got out of this car--for her smile to return.
"You said he didn't like Asa," I say on our way down the hall toward Stephen's room. "So if he doesn't communicate, how do you know if he likes or dislikes someone?"
She's been filling me in on her brother's condition during the walk to his room. She listed off about five things he's been diagnosed with, but I can't even remember the names of them, so the least I can do is try to understand them.
"We have our own way of communicating," she says. "I've practically raised him since he was an infant." She rounds the corner and points down a hallway. "He's down here at the end."
I still have questions, so I pull on her hand until we come to a stop. "But you're only a few years older than him. How did you raise him?"
She looks up at me and shrugs. "I did what I had to, Carter. No one else was around to do it."