and too long on my defences to start letting people in now.
We have lunch in the town, the two of us, and after walk into the park nearby.
“I’m sorry,” she says to me.
“I know,” I tell her.
“I can’t say it enough.”
“I know the feeling.”
“But I made promises to you and I broke them so easily.”
“I don’t think it was easy for you. I think you fought against it as long as you could.”
“Maybe. But I could have been stronger.”
“If I’d given a damn about you then you would have been.”
“But I still broke them.”
I stop and hold her by the shoulders. I look into her eyes. “What about now?”
She smiles, perhaps a little sadly, but there is some determination in her eyes. “You give a damn now, don’t you?” she asks me.
“You know I do.”
“Then I can be strong. I won’t break those vows again. I promise you.”
I nod. “And I won’t either, I promise too.”
In a way we’d made some sort of pact, like we were making those vows all over again. There was no formality, only two people with a growing love and commitment that couldn’t see a life without each other. It was beautiful and I felt myself start to gather tears again. I hold her with my head over her shoulder to hide my face.
We meet again in the hall at the retreat for the afternoon session. I know what’s coming. I know that Grant is hoping we’ll tell these strangers our story but he knows that’s not going to happen. Not yet anyway.
They stand, one after another, walk to the front, say their name and pour out their tales. Some are happy, full of joy. Others are dark and hard and overflowing with betrayal and hurt and bitterness. But there is a ray of sunshine behind every cloud it seems. Even at their darkest these marriages had hope. Grace, Grant called it, was given and received and slowly healing came. And that was our story too. We forgave, gave the grace that was needed to look past the hurt that has been put on us by each other – not forget, but love in spite of those hurts. To choose to love and heal and grow. Quinn cries in some tales, as did many others. We did not, it seemed, have the monopoly on pain and anguish.
I look at Wade. He’s listening. He’s hearing pain now for the first time when it’s connected to a face and a life. He’s dumped on those whose life had turned to shit on the radio because he couldn’t see them, didn’t want to see them, didn’t want to accept that they were people like him and they had real problems. Even if he didn’t believe it, he had some problems simmering under the surface. He’s gloss them over with screwing around and crassness and yelling and acting like he was a man – at least what he thought a man was. All the while Chloe is crying like Quinn and he’s got an arm around her and he’s protecting her. He looks to me and he’s not grinning any more like this is some big joke. I nod to him, I think it was with respect and he smiled back slightly, maybe because he knows what I’m thinking.
Then I turn my attention back to Quinn like I should, wrap my arms around her to carry some of her burdens – not to fix them because that’s just not my job and not even remotely possible – but to love her like she should be loved. Unconditionally and without end.
Sunday
We drive back apart in the afternoon. Last night we didn’t even talk about sex and the fact that Quinn’s ex-lover was in the room next door. Instead we spoke about all the small things that we do for each other that remains unspoken. I love it that she makes my lunch the night before so that it’s ready for me in the morning. I’m trying to lose some weight now and she’s helping me. More than once there has been a note in there for me, some word of encouragement or love. Quinn talks about how the things that I say to her have changed, and I’m thanking Grant for that. This was one of the things that convinced her that I was worth taking a chance on again. I thank Grant again. He’s a smart man.
We don’t have an assignment together or apart and so I’m thinking I’ll try and get Wade out of my head. It’s getting easier every day. I’m finding him a friend when I thought that would never happen. I’m wanting to invest in him and his marriage. I’m seeing more and more that he’s broken his ties with Quinn and, as I found out, she is with him. I’m thinking I can make love to her, but I have to be sure because I don’t want to hurt her again. Every time that I try and fail is like a knife to her heart. And as her pregnancy becomes more and more obvious she’s going to feel the rejection even more.
In the next episode of Twenty Four Weeks…
Judd explains his change of mind… Quinn talks about her affair…
“Can I ask you a question?” she asks me, finally, dreamily.
“That’s what we’re supposed to be doing.”
“What made you change your mind?”
“About what?”
“About me. About us.”
…
“Do you want to hear something funny?”
“Sure,” I say.
“It’s something that happened that wasn’t fate or god or whatever.”
“Okay.”
“Well, actually, now I think about it, I kind of need to make a confession.”
….
“So,” Grant says, sitting back in his chair, “any thoughts you have from the workshop? Any parts you liked or challenged you?”
Quinn nods. Takes a breath. “The talk on the vows.”
…
“I think it’s about time you tell us about your affair,” Mary says quietly.
I let her go and she sighs. “I guess we had to come to that sooner or later.”
Download regularly the Episode Guide for updates on this series. Additionally there is an Adult version (contains adult themes, coarse language, sexual references, high-level sex scenes and some violence) and downloadable audio books of these episodes (adult version).
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