21
I Am my Mother’s Daughter
It wasn’t very late, despite the fact that Kane’s parties tended to go on the length of a day, but Alex wasn’t comfortable with the way his friends were looking at her, and Sonti wasn’t making it any easier with her malicious comments. So Kane had agreed to take her home. Alex looked over at him and he smiled at her, just before Sonti pushed her head between them and assaulted their noses with the alcohol on her breath.
The party had quickly spun out of control, mostly because Sonti was one of the few who were contributing to the chaos; she was drunker than Alex had ever seen her. Alex was grateful however, because she really didn’t feel like waiting until the sun went down to get home, and wind up having to make up some silly excuse so Sherry wouldn’t freak out on her.
She crinkled her nose, “What did you do? Pour the thing on you?”
“Why you don’t give me some of what you pour on yuh self,” Sonti hiccupped then giggled hysterically, “then I’ll catch me a big one, eh Kane,” she said.
They waited while she fumbled with the door handle, and struggled to get out with her bag and heels in her unstable hands.
“I see you…guys…later” she called as she staggered up the drive.
Kane and Alex looked at each other and laughed, “You are a better drunk than she is,” he said with a smirk.
Alex punched him playfully, “yeah well, you cherish that memory Kane, cause you’ll never see it again.”
He laughed a loud boisterous sound that Alex had at first been annoyed with; now it only made her winch momentarily.
“What happened? Church found you again?” he teased.
“No, I got a hangover,” Alex said matter-of-factly, while mentally willing herself to not think about that part of her life.
When Kane sobered from his bout of laughter he leaned toward her and wiggled his brow playfully.
“Will I see you tomorrow?”
Alex hesitated, she wanted so much to give him the answer he wanted, but the reasonable side of her kept nagging at her. No matter how much she liked Kane she couldn’t help feeling a tad guilty just sitting next to him, knowing that she liked him for all the reasons a girl shouldn’t like a man. Maybe she was finally getting an inside look at her mother’s world.
“I don’t think so, I have stuff to do,” she replied.
Kane looked annoyed, “Why do I believe you are just trying to blow me off.”
“It’s not…” Alex started,
“Not what? I am not asking you to marry me!” he was suddenly pink with anger.
“Just listen Kane,” she said, ignoring the panicked feeling within her at the sound of his angry voice.
“I just think…look I hardly know you, I don’t know anything about you. I mean, how old are you anyway? This could mean trouble for the both of us.”
Kane grinned mischievously, “But that’s the fun of it babe. Don’t you just love the thrill of being with an older man. Not those little school boys who cannot take care of you,” his eyes perused her hungrily.
Alex looked at him confusedly, “what?”
“Come on, think about it. How exciting is it that you are parked outside your parents’ house in bright daylight with me.”
His words were doing nothing to reduce her discomfort; instead she was growing more and more panicked.
Kane reached over and took both her hands in his, “I am not demanding anything, you know that is not the kind of man I am. And we both know neither of us wants a serious relationship.”
Alex frowned, “Then what are we doing?”
He clicked his tongue in disapproval, “Oh my little Alex, there is so much to learn. I am going to show you how to enjoy life, how to live life to the fullest.”
He leaned toward her and kissed her hard, she pushed him away and rubbed her bruised lips,
“Would you stop!”
Kane pulled back, a look of surprise on his handsome face.
“This is not what I want Kane... I’m not some trashy girl with no direction in life...”
Kane turned and glared at her, his sharp nose scrunched up in disgust, “you are just a whore’s daughter. What makes you any different?”
Before Alex could react to his cruel comment, he reached over and yanked her door open.
“Get out of my Car!”
“Kane...”
“I said get out!”
Alex pelted up the drive, she didn’t even look back until she was safely inside with the thick mahogany door between her and Kane. She pressed her back against the closed door and shut her eyes, listening to the sound of the car depart. Nothing seemed to make sense anymore, no one was just who they appeared to be.
As she stood there she picked up on the commotion in the kitchen. She could hear Sherry and Nicka’s voice, they sounded distractingly excited and despite her initial plan to sneak up to her room, she found herself heading in that direction.
“What’s going on?” her heart was still pounding from her encounter with Kane.
Nicka turned and ran toward her, her arms wide, “Alex!” she squealed as she embraced her.
“What?”
Nicka stepped back and handed her a piece of paper with the corners torn off. Alex looked at it blankly at first, a frown forming on her brows. She looked up at Nicka, who was nodding excitedly.
“Yup that’s the list they sent back, those are the students with the most outstanding projects and lab reports, the scouts are here already. The lab work is due on Tuesday, examination conditions, nothing we can’t handle.”
“Eh... but... how? I didn’t apply,” she looked over at Sherry, whose hands were clasped against her lips, trying to hide a smile.
“You didn’t say anything, when did you....” Alex started.
“A couple days after you did bring it up I had realize how foolish I was... so I paid for it and sign you up. That Mr. Thomas was a very good help too.”
“Mom!” Alex groaned, dropping onto a chair, worry etched into her face.
Sherry stepped forward, still beaming, “I wanted it to be a surprise.”
“A surprise!” suddenly there was this boiling heat within her, that she just couldn’t contain. She shot to her feet, wrapping the paper into a tight ball, she tossed it at Sherry s feet, “I didn’t prepare for this, how could you make such a decision without asking me!”
Sherry looked confused and hurt, “but this not what you wanted?”
“Who are you!” she screamed, and she stomped out of the kitchen.
Nicka picked up the paper and sighed, “I was going to stick this back up at school,” she moaned.
Alex had reached the top of the stairs, heading in the direction of her room, the tightness of her rage still wrapped around her. Sherry called out to her.
“Alex hold on,” she commanded, as she hurried toward her.
Alex rolled her eyes, hesitated for a moment then rudely stomped toward her room but Sherry came up behind her fast and grabbed her elbow. Alex swung to face her with wide, enraged eyes.
“What happen to you Alex? You was never so,” Sherry chided.
Alex glowered at her, “no? Are you sure?”
Sherry frowned, “yuh keep saying stupidness like that, but yuh not making no sense,” she pleaded.
“No mom, I never make any sense to you, you probably wonder if the nine month burden was worth it,” her tone had gradually increased. She wasn’t conscious of how much but it was loud enough to pull Nicka out of the kitchen, and the bedroom door squeaked open as Rachel peered out, a frightened look on her face.
“Stop it! I don’t know who you is no more, this is not me child,” Sherry hissed, clearly offended.
Alex sneered at her, “You never did! That’s the point. Maybe I’m just tired with your lies; you’ve lied so much you don’t know who you are anymore, and which of these children belong to you. Am I your daughter or would you prefer Rachel, m
aybe Leon’s a better pick than your own son, and what about Nicole, my own sister yet you won’t let me see her. You can pretend all you want but you’ll always be the lying harlot you’ve always been!”
Sherry smacked her cheek hard, and in the sudden silence that ensued, Nicka’s gasp was heard from below.
“You don’t know nothing,” Sherry shrieked, “I shelter you all your life but I realize it only make you a ungrateful pig, you not my daughter. I don’t know who you are,” she turned around, paused and turned to look at her again, the hurt and agony in her eyes clawing at the heart that had only fooled its self into believing it was frozen.
“You should go to your sister; maybe you’ll find something there that suits you more!”
Alex hurried past her, down the stairs and past Nicka, whose hand was still clasped over her mouth in shock, and marched out the front door, the pending tears stinging her eyes.
Mike poured out the last box of newspaper clippings from his brother’s ventures and lay supine on the veranda floor, turning to face the messy pile with tired eyes. He’d been at this since yesterday, and though his little escapade with the boys last night was what contributed most to his weariness, he still felt like the search was draining him. It also caused him to focus on the stranger more and what he’d said. The gate was suddenly pushed open, and though the squeak of the rusty hinges annoyed him, he didn’t get up, thinking it was Nicole coming back early.
“Where’s Nikki?” Alex asked, looming over him.
He pushed himself up on his elbows and arched an eyebrow at her, “since when you come over here?”
She dropped onto the rickety wooden bench Mike had made years ago for wood shop, and folded her arms, “since mom threw me out,” she grumbled.
Mike laughed, “yuh lie, she would never throw you out, maybe me and Nikki but not you.”
“Oh she did... sort of .... and not without good reason,” she sighed and leaned back against the cushions.
“Ahh, she gonna be calling you back, just as soon as the sun sets.”
She sat up and looked at him with a frown, “what’s wrong with her Mike?”
“Huh?”
“You seem to know her better than all of us, so what’s wrong with her? Can you answer that?”
Mike looked thoughtful, fingering his scruffy, struggling patch of beard with a frown, with an air of maturity, he’d never exhibited before. It occurred to Alex that in her absence, a lot of growing up had taken place, as would be confirmed by his response.
“Life, that’s what,” he said, pursing his lips, he turned and picked up a loose stack of papers and tossed it on her lap.
“Years and years of disappointments. But that’s nothing new, so I guess the real question is, what happen to you? Why is a big deal all of a sudden?”
Alex looked up at him with a confused frown.
“Me? I...”
A black Nissan pulled up in front of the house and Nicole stepped out, looking drawn with worry and weariness. A tall heavy set man came out after her, carrying her bags.
Alex got to her feet, her smile already fading at the unwelcomed stranger, right now she needed her sister to talk to and that meant no bearded distractions.
“Alex!” Nicole exclaimed, “Reaching out to hug her.”
“And who’s this?” Alex asked when they let go of each other, she couldn’t hide the disapproval from her voice, and by the look on Nicole’s face, she’d heard it.
“This is Shawn,” Nicole said.
Alex stared at him, he didn’t look like a Shawn; she would’ve pegged him for a Mad Dog or something. The man was huge, and he had this scowl that was usually reserved for rappers and gangsters, a patch of beard on his broad chin and a flat forehead.
“Not impressed,” she said, the words had slipped out of her mouth thoughtlessly and everyone looked at her in surprise.
“What yuh say shorty?”
Alex glared at him, still riled up from her row with Sherry, “I said I’m not impressed by you.”
He frowned and took a step toward her, “who you think you talking to?” he growled.
Alex held his gaze, “I know who I want to talk to, and it ain’t you Shawn.”
He glared at her until his glower melted into a smile, apparently pleased with her response, he put out his fist, “ah like yuh vibes shorty.”
Alex stared at his fist and lifted cold eyes to his. He got the point.
“You didn’t say you were coming,” Nicole said, once Shawn went inside.
“No, I wanted to surprise you,” Alex said, her eyes accusing, “but I guess it can go both ways.”
“Why do you always have to do that?”
“Do what? I’m not doing anything; you’re the one with Mr. Chunky walking you to your door.”
Nicole gave her an annoyed look, “you look like you’ve had a bad day, come inside.”
“Nuh uh, not until I’m sure about what am heading into,” and she folded her arms across her chest.
Nicole rolled her eyes and groaned, “oh come on, you’re not still scared of men are you”
“I have never been scared of men” Alex hissed indignantly, “don’t try to make this about me,” she jabbed a finger at Nicole.
“Alright we’ll stay out here,” she closed the door and joined Alex who was now pouting rudely with her arms folded across her chest.
“So who is he?”
“He’s my boyfriend.”
Alex shook her head, “No, your boyfriend’s name is Paul. I called you one time and you had Paul over,” she said matter-of-factly.
“Your memory is obviously working,” Nicole looked away.
“What is going on here?”
Nicole looked up as though sending up a silent prayer.
“Well let’s just get it all out into the open.”
“Yes let’s,” and she struck a pose, arms akimbo, legs apart and neck jutting forward like an angry fish woman.
“uh... I going inside yes...” Mike said, jumping to his feet. He scooped up the scattered paper and ducked inside.
“Alex things haven’t been great for me for a while, and when you guys left it was just me and Mike, and Mike doesn’t work all the time,” she took a deep breath, “I haven’t had a steady job for a whole year now, but I still have to pay the bills... so I found a way to do that.”
Alex had a blank expression, she waited patiently for Nicole to continue, trying her best not to internalise everything too fast.
Nicole shifted her weight uncomfortably and looked down at her feet, “I was sorta getting help from guys, you know...”
The silence that followed was nerve-wracking, all Alex did was stare, she was still expressionless but her eyes were intense, growing colder and colder by the minute.
“I didn’t plan for it to happen like this. But I had almost lost my first job and my boss... took care of me,” she dropped her hand to the side, “once I realised how it worked and it was so easy, having a man to depend on, after having so many useless men in your life. I just gave in to it,” she sighed “Come on, Alex say something,” Nicole prodded.
Alex shook her head, took a deep breath, “you’re a prostitute?”
Nicole gaped at her, “What? No,” she made a step toward Alex, Alex took a step back.
“I have to live.”
“But you don’t need to do this” her disappointment was clear. She had always seen Nicole as the ideal role model, she was proud of her.
“You’re smart, you graduated with all your subjects, three promotions in two years, you don’t need to do this.”
“I do Alex...”
“No you don’t.” She was adamant, “there’s got to be another...”
“Listen to me!” Nicole cried angrily, “I lied okay,” she turned away, “I never got promoted at any time, the job I had was a part time thing with an old boyfriend. The hotel thing was a temporary thing.” r />
“What! Is there anyone who tells the truth?” she couldn’t believe what she was hearing, it was all unfolding like a nightmare, the kind you sweat through, the kind that makes you never want to go to sleep again.
“How does this work Nicole? What do you do? Do you just walk up to a guy and say hey wanna spend the night at my place and then maybe you can pay my phone bill?”
Nicole shook her head, “I should have known you wouldn’t understand,” she started toward the door.
“Of course I understand, we grew up understanding Nicole. When do you plan to stop? After your sixth child? After that kid’s father walks out on you,” the resentment in Alex’s voice went straight to her sister’s heart.
“You shut up Alex, you don’t understand. Not everyone can go to school and get straight A’s, some of us are cursed to follow in the path of our parents, and I am my mother’s daughter,” she was shaking with anger, “maybe it’s time you grabbed hold of your heritage and stop fooling yourself into believing you better than us.”
“You have no idea how it aches me to hear you speak like that. You said we could be different,” her voice shook, “but I guess that was a lie too.”
Nicole smiled sadly, “You can do better Al, you don’t need me.”
She laid a hand on the doorknob, then turned to look at her, “just so you know, am no prostitute, am your sister. And am very cautious, I may be following in my mother’s footsteps
but... I’ll never make the same mistakes she did.”
“How? Being better at it, doesn’t make you better.”
Nicole looked hurt but then she looked right at her with determined eyes “Alex, it stops now. With this baby,” she laid a hand on her stomach and smiled sadly, as Alex looked on in horror.
“I’m not making the same mistakes. I’ve tried all the ways to cover my folly but they hurt too much, none of it works... but at least I can honestly say that,” she sighed, “you’ll understand one day and maybe then you’ll forgive me,” and she went inside.
Alex turned and looked across the dusty road at the smoking galvanize pit under the mango tree and swallowed hard against the rough achy ball in her throat. That wasn’t her sister, as far as she was concerned, she had no sister and that meant that she was completely alone.