“Mr. Wallace, your loyalty toward lief and your respect for her has been deeply appreciated. For that, you have my highest regard.”
“Thank you but, to be honest, I’m feeling pretty stupid right now.”
“Never regret being a good man.”
Faelan closed his eyes as he hung up the phone and the numbness began to fade as the pain set in.
He’d lost her…
The thought of never hearing her soft laughter as she lay in his arms, the look of open trust in those eyes, or the feel of her sensual lips against his was crushing to his soul. They’d made such progress—as individuals and as a couple. It seemed unreal to him that it was over after everything they’d been through.
Over.
That word rang in his head with the heavy weight of finality.
Faelan took his time walking back to the apartment. Cold silence met him as he entered the place. He walked directly to the bedroom to confirm what he already knew. All her things were gone, except one. In the trash he found the collar he’d given her.
Faelan’s breath caught as he reached down to pick it up, holding the symbol of her commitment in his shaking hand. It was like a second death, losing the future he thought they would have together—knowing she never wanted it.
He carefully placed the collar on the dresser, fighting back tears.
Looking around his place, Faelan realized he couldn’t stay here anymore. There were too many memories that centered around her.
Heading to the bed, he lay down and closed his eyes, trying not to let the silence overwhelm him.
It’s time to go.
Just like Master Anderson, he felt his time in Colorado was drawing to a close. He knew his parents would not take the news lightly, or his sister…with her new baby.
Uncle Todd would soon become a distant memory for the little guy.
“But damn, there’s no point living with regret,” he said aloud in his quiet apartment. He’d lived too much of his life in the shadows of mistakes from his past. It was time to take control and make it a life he wanted to wake up to every day.
He owed that to Trevor—and himself.
Faelan resented the unwanted intrusion when his phone started to ring and he saw the name Marquis Gray pop up on the screen. “Hello?” he answered hesitantly, unhappy the news of their breakup had already spread among the group.
Damn that Mary…
“Mr. Wallace, you’ve come to my mind several times today, prompting this call.”
“Odd.”
“That I’m calling or that you came to mind?”
“Both.”
“I trust my mental impressions and always act on them.”
Faelan said nothing, hoping he could navigate the conversation without having to address the breakup so soon—his emotions still too fresh.
Marquis let the silence drag for several seconds before stating, “Are you going to tell me what’s wrong or do you prefer to dance around the issue?”
Faelan swept his hair back, laughing uncomfortably as he lay back down on his bed and closed his eyes. There was no getting out of this.
“So, I take it you heard what happened today.”
“No, I simply had a sense something was wrong.”
It was uncanny how well Marquis could read people, even when huge distances separated them. “What do you mean?” Faelan asked, still hoping to skirt the issue.
“I’m sensitive where my intuition is concerned and have learned to trust it completely,” Marquis explained. “I believe it is how God speaks to me, but many prefer to call it a sixth sense.”
“Whatever it is, you have a frightening power. You know that, don’t you?”
“Only if I were to use it for evil,” Marquis answered. “But I take the gift entrusted to me very seriously and do not abuse it.”
“I suppose there’s no avoiding this, then.”
“I only wish to help,” Marquis assured him.
Faelan let out a long sigh, wishing he could crawl into a hole and disappear. “I’m sure it will come as no surprise…” he began, but the lump in his throat prevented him from saying more, so he swallowed it down and forced out the words. “Mary’s gone.”
The silence on the other end was long and excruciating to bear.
Finally, Marquis spoke. “I am sorry to hear that.”
“I’m certain you saw this coming, like everyone else, but I believed Mary could break away from the demons of her past. We were so close…”
“She wasn’t ready.”
Faelan’s heart sank, knowing it was true. He had forced her into accepting his collar.
“Your transplant forced a situation she was unprepared for.”
“She did want to run,” Faelan admitted, thinking back on that day.
“But her love for you caused her to stay.”
Faelan laughed angrily. “She doesn’t love me. Never did.”
“You know that’s not true.”
“Hah! You weren’t there. You didn’t hear the shit she spewed today.”
“I suspect the more normal things became between you, the more frightened she became.”
Faelan felt a check in his spirit. “Go on…”
“She still has multiple issues to work through. She not only needs professional help but more time to heal.”
“Well, after what happened between us today, I’m done.”
“As you should be.”
Faelan snorted. “I was halfway expecting you to convince me not to give up on her.”
“When your partner begins to undermine your respect, there must be a cutoff point. It makes no sense to sacrifice one partner over the other. Both must flourish for it to be a viable relationship.”
“Agreed. You should know something, however.”
“What’s that?”
“Your friend, Mr. Holloway, instigated what happened today.”
The tone in Marquis’s voice was somber. “How was he involved?”
“He has been a part of Mary’s life since she was a child, but no one knew. He kept his identity hidden—until now. When I demanded he go through me to meet with her, all hell broke loose.”
“This is extremely disheartening,” Marquis stated. “I will speak to Greg personally.”
“It won’t change things.”
“No, but you deserve an explanation, as well as an apology from him.”
Faelan felt slightly vindicated. “Thank you.”
“So let me ask, how are you feeling about your future now that this has happened?”
Faelan assumed that Marquis’s concern came from how he’d struggled when Brie had chosen Davis. “I’ve just made the decision to leave Colorado.”
“Do you know yet where you will be going?”
Faelan laughed. “I’m sure you will advise otherwise, but I was considering heading back to LA. I had a good thing going before I hooked up with Mary and headed to the commune in Montana. I’d like to see if I can rebuild what I had at the Haven.”
“I think that’s an excellent idea.”
“Again, you surprise me.”
“Why would that surprise you? You are well respected here and have much to contribute to our community. Both Celestia and I would welcome your return.”
Faelan was surprised to hear he felt that way, especially when Faelan held Marquis in such high esteem.
“When should we expect to see you then?”
“I’m certain my old company in LA will take me back, but it’ll take me a while to find an apartment. You know how it is in California, and I’m strapped for cash as it is.”
“I will need to discuss it with Celestia, but let me suggest you consider staying with us while you look for a place. It’s much easier to find an apartment when you are already in LA. As you know, most apartments are rented before they ever show up on the internet.”
“Oh hell, I remember. Decent apartments get snatched up as soon as the rent sign goes in the window.”
“Please
consider my offer, then. I have something else I would like to discuss with you, but it can wait until you arrive.”
Faelan looked around his bedroom with a sense of relief knowing he wouldn’t have to remain here much longer. “Hey, thanks for the offer, Marquis. I believe I may take you up on it if Celestia is agreeable, and I’d pay rent as soon as I get my first paycheck.”
“It would be preferable if you pay us after you have secured an apartment and have the proper amount for the deposit. No rush.”
Faelan was gripped by a sense of overwhelming gratitude, and had to rein it in so he didn’t sound like a babbling idiot. “You know…I didn’t want to speak to anyone when the phone rang, but I’m glad you listened to that sixth sense.”
“I am too, Mr. Wallace.”
“Hey, it’s fine with me if you call me Todd. Mr. Wallace seems so formal when I’m going to be rooming with you.”
Marquis cleared his throat, seeming surprised by the request. “Well…if that’s the case, you can call me Ash whenever we’re in private. The name is short for Asher. As the eighth child of a religious family, my parents decided to give me a biblical name and chose the eighth son of Jacob. Being a rebel at heart, I insisted everyone call me Ash when I turned ten.”
Faelan laughed. “I can’t imagine what it must have been like for your parents raising you.”
“They would say it was a struggle, no doubt.”
It seemed odd to call the great Marquis Gray “Ash”, but Faelan appreciated the huge honor he’d been given. Ever since he’d known the Dom, the man had only been addressed as Marquis Gray and nothing else. Faelan wondered how many other people had been afforded the same privilege.
“Let me know if Celestia is opposed to my coming, otherwise I will begin my extraction from Denver immediately.”
“I will speak to her as soon as I end this call. If you do not hear from me, you can assume she welcomes you as well.”
“Thank you, Ash,” Faelan replied. “Thanks for both the call and your generous offer.”
“My pleasure, Todd.”
“I’ll keep in touch and give you a date when I have one.”
“Good. Until we speak again.”
Faelan hung up and stared at his phone, completely stunned.
A few minutes ago he’d been facing one of the darkest moments in his life. Now he was headed to LA to stay with the notorious Marquis Gray. The wealth of knowledge the man held was unfathomable, and he’d mentioned wanting to talk to Faelan about something else.
What that could be, Faelan could only imagine.
Funny how life unfolded. Every time one door closed another opened, taking him in a completely different direction.
He’d been looking to settle down and start a life with Mary. He’d fought tooth and nail to achieve that goal—and failed.
Now a whole new world of opportunity was opening up.
It was impossible to feel discouraged when he had the support and encouragement of Marquis.
Now the difficult task of saying good-bye lay ahead of him. He would have to keep his feelings of elation to himself, knowing his family would not understand or appreciate them.
His gaze fell back on the collar sitting on the dresser as Nosaka’s parting words came to mind.
“Thank you, Mary,” he muttered out loud.
You’ve set us both free.
Turning the Page
Faelan met with his family for a meal. He figured having them gathered together would make the news easier for them to swallow, but he hadn’t counted on how hard his sister would take it.
“So, big brother, finally spending time with your own family, are you?”
“Hush, dear,” his mother scolded. “Give the poor kid a break.”
Lisa grumbled, “Todd ain’t no kid, Ma. And he has his uncle duties to attend to.”
Faelan glanced at the little tyke with a twinge of guilt. He could already tell this wasn’t going to go well today and considered bailing.
Lisa looked at Faelan critically, then narrowed her eyes. “What’s wrong?”
“Why does something have to be wrong?” he answered evasively.
“Well, the most obvious—your girlfriend’s not here. And, to tell the truth, you’re not looking so good.”
“Don’t give Todd a hard time,” his mom reprimanded. “You know very well he’s still recovering from the surgery. And there’s nothing wrong with my son wanting to visit his mama without his girl. It’s actually sweet.”
Leave it to Lisa to see the truth and his mother to ignore it, using it instead as an excuse to baby him.
“Lisa is right,” Faelan stated, deciding that jumping all in was better than sitting here the entire evening waiting for the right moment to drop the bomb.
Giving his dad a friendly slug to his shoulder, he said, “Turns out I’m on my own again.”
His mother stopped setting the table and cried, “What?”
“What the heck did you do to Mary?” Lisa accused.
His dad was the only one to show any empathy. “I’m sorry to hear that, son.”
Faelan nodded to his father, grateful for the simple words. He was missing Mary fiercely, and rational thought did not sway his freshly broken heart.
“Son?” his mother whimpered.
Faelan faced his sister and his mother and answered their questioning faces with the humiliating truth. “Mary left me. There’s really not much more to say on the matter.”
“But why would she do this to you?” his mother questioned. “She seems like such a nice girl.”
Lisa glanced at him warily, as if she already knew he was leaving. “You okay, big brother?”
He looked her in the eye, shaking his head.
Lisa picked up her son, hiking him on her hip, and moved over to Faelan. “You’re not running away again. You wouldn’t do that to little Joshua? To me?”
“Sis, I—”
Tears came to Lisa’s eyes. “You can’t do this to me again! I need my big brother.”
“I know you want me to stay, but I can’t.”
His mother gasped, suddenly understanding. “You’re leaving Colorado?”
Faelan hated seeing the disappointment in their eyes, knowing he was the cause.
“Why are you doing this to us?” Lisa demanded. “Don’t you owe this family something? After everything we’ve gone through?”
Faelan grabbed the back of the chair beside him, physically rocked by her words. He remembered all too well walking in on Lisa that day when she almost…
What almost happened was something the two of them never talked about. A heavily guarded secret.
Something their parents didn’t even know.
His father spoke up. “Don’t start on him, Lisa. Your brother just had his heart broken.”
“What about me?” she cried. “When do my feelings ever count in this family?”
His mother rushed over to her and began stroking her hair, cooing, “There, there…this is a terrible shock for all of us.”
Lisa glared at Faelan. “You’re always hurting this family, damn it. Haven’t we been through enough for you? I just want normal!” Her son began to cry so she left the room with her husband trailing behind her.
“Give her time,” his father stated, a look of concern on his face.
“Todd, honey, please don’t leave us,” his mother begged, grasping his arm tightly. “How will I know you’re okay?”
He stared at his mother, feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt seeing the lines of worry that covered her face and the gray hairs peppering her once-chestnut hair. They were there prematurely—because of him.
“I’ll do a better job of calling, Mom,” he promised.
“Ada, we can’t keep our son tied down. He’s a man for Christ’s sake,” his father declared.
Lisa came back into the room without the child or her husband in tow. “Joshua doesn’t need to see me fighting with you. In fact, he doesn’t need to see you at all since you won’t
exist once you go.”
Faelan frowned, not liking that possibility. “I won’t let that happen.”
“Oh yeah,” she said, putting her hands on her hips. “Tell me how since you’re running out on us.”
“Like I just promised Mom, I’ll call you guys once a week. Maybe even video chat. That way I can see Joshua grow up and maybe he’ll recognize me when I visit.”
Lisa huffed. “I can count the number of times you visited on one hand.”
“It doesn’t have to be one way. I’m going to be looking for a place nearer to the beach. Wouldn’t that be fun? I’ll introduce Joshua to the ocean and show you guys a great time when you come. I’m sure it’ll help with my favorite uncle status.”
Lisa gave him a droll smile, stating sarcastically, “Since you’re his only uncle, that’s not saying much, now is it?”
“Lees, you gotta understand.” He chose to call her by his shortened name for her, hoping it might ease the tension and allow her to hear him. “Staying would only be for you guys. There is nothing for me here except bad memories.”
“I wish we were enough…” she muttered under her breath.
Of everyone here, his sister had paid the biggest price for his mistake. It had almost cost Lisa her life. He owed her, but staying wasn’t an option.
“Hey, maybe I’ll become famous and we can all live on the beach,” he joked, hoping she’d let him go.
“What? You planning on becoming a big porn star in Hollywood now that you did that kinky documentary?”
“Lisa!” her mother cried.
“No, sis. My plans are much, much higher than that,” Faelan replied with a smirk, trying to defuse the situation with misplaced humor.
His father shifted uncomfortably where he sat, the whole Dominant thing a bit too deviant for his Baptist background. “Do we really need to go there? Suffice to say, Todd had his heart broken by a beautiful girl.” He looked at his son. “And I will miss the girl.”
“Me too,” his mother piped in. “I really liked Mary.”
Faelan closed his eyes, trying to keep his emotions at bay.
His father uttered, “But facts are facts. She’s gone, and soon you will be too.”
Faelan stared at his father, the reality of the disappointment he must be to the old man weighing on him. To go from having a son who was a star quarterback to a gypsy with no career path or any notable accomplishment other than his ties to kink… What father could be proud of a son like that? “You know I’m sorry, Pop. For…everything.”