She shrieks and her back arches, and I hang on for dear life. Her hips choose their own rhythm, and it’s a beautiful thing, the way they thrust and buck. As her spasms start to slow down, I gradually slow my strokes. I finally stop, and I know she’s wondering what comes next.
So I curl up against her and wrap my arms around her. To my surprise, she relaxes into my embrace and presses her forehead to my chest as we lie there on our sides, facing each other. I brush my fingers through that beautiful hair and hear her sigh, just a little sigh, but so important to me. It means I satisfied her, and that was my ultimate goal. Nothing else really mattered to me, doesn’t really matter to me, that and her safety. Her tiny voice says, “Sir?”
“Yes, babe.”
“Thank you.”
“No, thank you for letting me experience that with you.”
She looks down my torso. “What about you? What do you do about . . .”
“You don’t worry about that. My responsibility.”
“Would you like to, maybe, I don’t know . . .”
“No. I said I’ll worry about it. You just rest.”
I can tell she’s kind of shocked, and I know she’s used to those selfish bastards who don’t give a shit if anyone else is satisfied as long as they are. Those days are over for her – if she’ll just stick with me.
In about an hour, I jostle her ever so softly. “Sheila? Sheila, you need to wake up.”
“Oh!” She rubs her eyes and looks around. “Oh, what? Is everyone gone? What’s wrong?”
I can’t help but smile. “No, everyone’s not gone, but we do need to get up and out of here. Someone else might want to use the room, not to mention that Clint and Trish might be ready to go.”
“Oh, okay.” She looks up into my face and doesn’t smile, just says, “Thanks, Steffen. You’re a good guy.”
That almost makes me blush. “I try hard.”
“It’s working.” She sits up, straightens what she’s still wearing, and says, “Oh, no, I don’t have any pants on.” Then she starts to giggle, and that makes me laugh, and pretty soon we’re laughing out loud together. “Will you, uh, you know . . .”
“Yeah, yeah, I’ll look the other way.” I turn with my back to her and hear her rustling around.
“I know that’s kind of silly, since we, I mean, since you . . .”
“No, it’s not. That was different. That was then; this is now. Don’t worry about it – perfectly natural.” I wait. “Dressed?”
“Yes. And now we walk out and everybody knows, um . . .”
“No, everybody thinks we did a lot more than we really did. But not one single person will judge. That’s the beauty of a club like this. There may be members here for different reasons, but in the end, they all want the same thing.”
Her brow furrows. “What’s that?”
I shrug. “To be loved. Even if they don’t realize it, that’s really what they’re looking for, love and acceptance. That’s all. They’re either looking for it, or looking to find a way to open up so they can accept it.”
I can see the gears turning in her head, and she finally says, “I guess we’d better get out of here.” She hesitates for a minute and her face turns red, but I can see she’s trying to gather up her courage. “Would you want to, I mean, some other time, would you like to . . . oh, never mind.”
My heart skips a couple of beats. “Play with you again?” She nods. “Oh, god, I hope you want to, because I most definitely do.” That gets a shy smile out of her. “I’d be really hurt if you didn’t.”
“Master Steffen? Hurt?” she laughs.
I hope she can’t see the sadness in my face when I say, “Yeah. Master Steffen gets hurt too, just like everybody else.”
That kills the laughter and she gives me a sad smile back. “I’ll remember that.”
“Thanks.” I stand and reach for her hand. “Come on, let’s go. You just let me know when, where, and what, and I’m at your disposal.” When she reaches for me and I feel her warmth and softness against my palm, for the first time in a long time, everything I am and know feels right.
Chapter Three
I want to see her. Hell, I think about her pretty much constantly. And I’m fairly certain that she’s not thinking about me. At least that’s what I thought, until Thursday night when she traipses into the club with Trish and Clint. When they step through the doorway, she gives me a tiny little wave and she and Trish disappear into the locker room. I’m standing in the men’s locker room doorway and Clint heads straight for me. All he says as he passes me in the doorway is, “Come with me.”
Once we’re in the locker room, he starts stripping off and dressing out. And he turns to me, his eyes twinkling. “What the hell did you do to that woman?”
“What? Me?” I give him my “dunno” face. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Oh, shut the fuck up, Cothran. You know exactly what I’m talking about.”
“I have no idea!” Now I’m really curious as to what’s going on.
“Did you fuck her? Because I’m pretty sure you fucked her, and pretty well, I might add.”
“No! I did not fuck her. Did she say I did? Because I didn’t.” Now I’m thinking I’m about to be chastised, and I didn’t do a damn thing wrong. What the hell? We’re grownups.
“No, she didn’t say you did.” Clint zips up his leathers and sits down on the bench, then motions for me to do the same. “I’m asking because I think she’s fallen for you.”
“Wha???? Me?”
“Yes, you, you middle-aged lothario you. Fallen. Hook, line, and sinker. Head over heels. In over her head. Yep. In deep. And I hope you have some kind of feelings for her, or I’m going to have a lot of explaining to do. At least some interest.” He stops. “Well?”
I’m not really sure what to say – he’s taken me completely by surprise. “Uh, um, I, uh . . .”
“Cothran, don’t screw me over here, I mean it.”
“No, no, no! I’m not! I’m just shocked.”
“You look it. Why? Did you do your best ‘cool and aloof’ thing?”
“No! No, I’m really very interested in her too. Very.” He gives me the evil eye. “I mean, I haven’t thought about much else since the last time she was here. I mean anybody else. Fuck, you know what I mean.” Now I’m blushing.
“Why, Cothran, you old dog! You’ve got it bad, don’t you?”
“I don’t know if I’d say that, but I do like her – a lot. She asked me if I’d be interested in playing with her again and I nearly had a heart attack. So yeah, I’m more than interested.”
“Waking-up-thinking-about-her, beating-off-in-the-shower interested?”
“You don’t have to be so fucking graphic, but yes, that interested.”
He stands and slaps me on the shoulder. “Good. Personally, I think you should play with her a couple more times, and then ask her out on a date. A real date. Maybe say it’s going to be a time to talk and negotiate. You know.” He grins. “Looks like you’ve got a live one on the hook.”
“Thank god. Finally. It’s about time.”
“Come on. They’re waiting for us.” We head out into the main room just in time for me to see Gary cozying up to Sheila, and Clint shoots me a look. I have no idea what to do at this point, so I just walk up to the bar, order a drink, and look over at her. When she spots me, a big, gorgeous grin spreads across those straight, white teeth, and I can feel my heart melting and running down into my boots.
I can tell she’s trying to be nonchalant and casual when she says, “Steffen! Hi!” Gary’s head swivels in my direction and he levels an I’d-like-to-kick-your-ass look at me.
“Hi, little subbie! How are you?”
“I’m great, um, Master Steffen.” She winks and I see Gary bristle. HAH!, I want to yell. “Are you busy later?”
“No plans to be unless someone has something planned for me that I don’t know about yet.” I wink back. Now Gary looks really, really pi
ssed off. She just grins. “Think I’m gonna go mingle. See you in a bit?”
Her smile is past sexy. “You know it.” I walk away and wonder what’s going to happen next. I’ve found a seat on one of the sofas just to turn and see Gary talking up a new sub over on the other side of the room and, next thing I know, I feel someone touch my shoulder and turn to see her looking down at me. “Is this seat taken, Sir?”
“Yes.” She frowns. “By you. Sit down, please.” The frown changes to a huge grin and she plops down beside me. “And work on your graceful approach to sitting, sub. You’re too beautiful to just drop like a sack of potatoes.”
“Oh, sorry. Um, Sir.” I love the pink that spreads across her cheeks, and the way she bats those eyelashes almost makes me weak – almost. “I just never really thought about it.”
“You’ll start thinking about it eventually, about every move, every turn, every breath, and you’ll think about how you look to everyone else. You’ll be a reflection of your master, so you’ll want to be at your absolute best at all times.”
“I see.” She sits for a few seconds like she’s contemplating something wide and deep, and then says, “So how do I go about getting a master?”
She’s looking ahead. I think this may be a good sign. “Well, there are several ways. You could eventually wind up with someone you’ve played with quite often. Or you could wait until the annual pairing and try that.”
“That’s how Trish and Clint met, right?”
“Uh-huh. Or you could just approach someone, but I wouldn’t advise that. It’s a great way to get a contract with someone you don’t know very well.” She makes a face, so I add, “Mind you, anyone you met here would be safe enough, but they might not be a good fit for you. You’d be living with this person. You want it to be a good fit.”
She sits still for a few seconds, not saying anything. Then she blurts out, “So are you looking for a sub?”
I’m not going to lie to her. If there’s anything I know about the lifestyle, it’s that there has to be honesty or it just won’t work. Ever. So I tell her the truth. “Actually, yes. I’m tired of being alone. If I don’t find someone before then, I’m looking forward to next year’s pairing.” When I stop, I wonder if I’ve just stepped in it. I can’t read her face.
Her next question is, “So, have you met anyone you’d consider?” She licks her lips and I feel my cock twitch.
No lies. “Matter of fact, I have.” I wait while her eyes bore into me. “But enough of that. Do you want to play? You know, there’s no better way for two people to get to know each other in the most intimate fashion.” Most likely she’s going to blush and turn away or turn me down cold.
Her gaze is steady and intense, and it blows all of my presupposed notions about her out the window when she answers with, “I’m ready. Shall we negotiate?”
Wow. Okay then. Strike while the iron is hot and all that. “Absolutely. You tell me what you have in mind.”
“I thought that was up to the master.” She licks her lips again. I wish she’d quit doing that.
“It can be either party. In long-term relationships, it usually is the master. But I’m one of those Doms who just wants to meet my sub’s needs. If you have a need, it’s my job to see that it’s satisfied.” I’m not getting a response from her. “You’ve been watching scenes. Is there anything that interests you? Anything you’d like to try?”
Measuring me up, I’m sure, she eyes me out of the corner of her eye. “I want you to choose, Sir. I want to see how far you feel comfortable going.”
That puts me in a precarious position. If I push too far, she’ll run; if I don’t go far enough, she’ll interpret it as disinterest. I decide that if she runs, she runs. Dancing around something like this just isn’t my style. “I’d like to start with restraining you, preferably with thigh restraints to which your wrists will be restrained as well.” She nods. “Then a bit of sensation play.”
She doesn’t disappoint with her question. “What does that mean?”
I lift my eyebrows. “Well, it means blindfolded and subjected to different items that will cause different sensations on your skin.”
“Like?”
“Like if I told you, it wouldn’t be a surprise, now would it?” My best sexy smile pops out, and I can see she has an appreciation for it. “And after the sensation play, orgasm torture. Five orgasms or forty-five minutes, whichever comes first.”
Her eyes jar open wide. “Five orgasms! I can’t do that!”
I just close my eyes and smile. “If you’ve never done that, it’s because you’ve been with the wrong person.” That look on her face tells me she’s considering what I’ve said. “And?”
“I’m thinking. Then what?”
I look her dead in the eye. “Penetrative sex. Vaginally, not anally. I think we would need to know each other better and trust each other more for that. Oh, and interspersed with oral sex, both of us.”
The blush that spreads across her cheeks tells me something very important: She’s been thinking about this before she ever got here. That’s why she wanted me to tell her what I wanted. She didn’t want to be the one to ask for sex. And I get that, really, I do, so I’ve let her off the hook by telling her what I want. And I’ve never been one to be shy about asking for or initiating sex. Not a problem, by god.
I wait, and finally I say, “Well?”
She nods.
I wish I could say I was cool and detached, but I’m fighting a cheer and hoping she can’t tell. Even if this doesn’t work out in the long run, I’m pretty sure I’m going to remember tonight for the rest of my life. Being instantly attracted to someone never happens to me, but with this woman, that’s pretty much what’s happened. I manage to say, “Do you want any of this to take place in the public areas?”
She shakes her head violently. “Good god, no, Sir!” Her face is almost scarlet now. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to do that.”
“At some point, a Dom may expect that from you.” There’s this look that I can’t decipher on her face, and I’m wondering what’s going through her head. I put a finger under her chin, tip her head up, and look into those beautiful eyes. “What’s going on in that pretty head of yours? Tell me how you feel about that.”
My throat closes when I see a tear in the corner of her eye. “Let’s just say I don’t feel very good about my body.” And she stops dead. I wait until I can’t wait anymore.
Now’s my chance. “Sheila?” A tear trickles down her cheek, and my heart almost stops. “If you don’t trust me, I can’t work with you. What is it? It could be a trigger, so I need to know.”
There’s a shudder that comes over her before she finally speaks. “My, um, my ex used to tell me how ugly I am.”
Oh god. That son of a bitch. I assumed he just slapped her around or something, but now my chest feels tight and I don’t know what to do to make this better. Then I decide to do something I’ve never done. I stand and reach for her hand. “Come on. Let’s go to a private room and talk.”
Amazingly enough, she reaches for my hand so I can help her stand, and we head down the hallway. The door to one of the smaller rooms is open, and that’s perfect. When the door closes behind us, I turn to her and say, “There’s something you need to know about this place.”
Her eyebrows shoot up so high that they almost disappear. “What?” I take her by the hand and lead her over to the bed. When we’re seated on the side, I decide it’s time to give her a little education in something very important.
“Listen, you may not have yet, but in time, if you hang around here, you’re going to see all kinds of things. Amputees, people with burn scars, women who’ve had mastectomies, men with heart surgery scars, most anything you can think of. Some of the people who come in here are morbidly obese, and some are so thin they look like walking skeletons. They’re coming in here to get their needs met, and no one – NO ONE – judges anyone else. There is absolutely nothing that would get gawking and sta
res from them. We have several transgendered people who are members here – you may have met a woman or two and you’d never know they were biologically men. And no one judges. So you’ve got nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of. Understand?”
She nods sadly, so I repeat, “Tell me you understand.”
“I do, Sir.” Forlorn doesn’t even describe the look she gives me, and it pushes the rage button in my core.
What comes out of my mouth next is gentle but firm. “You listen to me and listen good. Did I tell you I’d work with you?”
She shivers. “Yes, Sir.”
As tenderly as I can manage, I take her chin in my hand and turn her face up to mine. “If you were a loser, I wouldn’t have agreed to work with you. I’ve made a few bad choices in my life, but they taught me to make good ones. If I said I’d work with you, you’ve got more than a few redeeming qualities.” And at this very moment, I decide this is one time in my life when I should say what I feel. “Sheila, you’re a very beautiful woman. Anyone who would tell you differently is an idiot, plain and simple. I’m attracted to you in ways that I haven’t been attracted to a woman for years now. You’re absolutely luscious, and don’t ever let anyone tell you anything different, you hear me?”
That’s when I see it. There’s something in her eyes that goes warm and soft, and her face almost glows. She’s got to be the most exquisite thing I’ve ever seen when she looks into my eyes that way, and everything in my being is on overdrive. “Are you going to hold me after like you did the other night?” I realize then that she’s about to cry.
“Honey, if you want, I’ll hold you right now. If that’s what you need, I will.”
My heart breaks when she nods and starts to cry, and I’m no longer in control of myself – I pull her to me and just wrap my arms tight around her. When she bunches up against me and sobs, I just reach down, lift her legs, and pull them up and over my lap so I can sit there with her and let her cry. How could some bastard hurt her that way? Jail’s too good for that motherfucker – he should be shot. I stroke that beautiful hair as her sobs start to slow, and I whisper to her, “You’re hair is gorgeous, little one. It reminds me of a summer sunset, all fiery and glowing.”