* * *
Brisbane was another one of those ports the ship would only visit once, so everyone wanted to go out and make the best out of it. It was a beautiful day and luckily Denise and Sofia had the same break between twelve and three. It was not a lot of time, but good enough to visit the largest koala sanctuary in Australia, the legendary Lone Park Koala Sanctuary.
Aaron, Anne and Diego went with them. They took the bus and got there in just over fifteen minutes. As soon as they bought the tickets and passed the front gate they were welcomed by kangaroos and wallabies jumping freely in a large area where visitors could touch and feed them. The animals were used to human company and knew that people either wanted to take a picture with them or give them food. Food was most welcome but they didn’t mind the pictures.
It was fun to observe them jumping everywhere with those long legs that seemed to have springs underneath. The kangaroo family was numerous and looked happy. The older ones were resting by the shadows of the trees and the youngsters made use of their energy and delighted the audience. Some females had baby kangaroos in their pouches and it was beautiful to observe the little one’s heads popping out to explore the world under mum’s protection.
But what everyone really wanted was to take a picture cuddling a koala. One by one they were entitled to a few minutes with a cute, round ball of fur with sharp claws and a big nose. The pictures were taken under the supervision of the keeper and animals were swapped every fifteen minutes to avoid getting them tired and stressed.
One of the keepers gave a small talk about the koala’s habits.
“My next life I want to be a koala.” Diego stated with strong conviction.
“Why?” Anne enquired.
“Because they sleep 19 hours a day, spend the other five eating and reproduce between September and March, which seems to be a perfectly reasonable sex life. Some people don’t get that lucky. Plus everyone loves them.” He explained with a joyful smile.
“This time you have a good point.” Anne agreed.
Diego and Aaron took a picture with a snake around their necks when they arrived in the snake’s pit just to show how brave they were.
“The snake is on drugs.” Denise observed, giving no credit to their courage.
“So was that koala you hugged just half an hour ago!” Aaron replied.
“Really?”
“Yes. It doesn’t look like it, but koalas can be very aggressive. They are wild animals, not teddy bears. Those claws can pierce your eyes in a second. Koalas are not looking forward for you to cuddle them and smile to the camera.”
Denise didn’t like the idea but it made some sense and after all, Aaron was Australian. He was supposed to know what he was talking about.
During lunch Aaron sat in front of Sofia and discretely set his gaze on her, but not discretely enough to deceive Denise who was paying attention and saw very clearly when his interest was continuously set on her friend’s green eyes.
Sofia was totally absorbed by Anne who was telling them how she was followed in Jamaica by someone trying to sell her drugs and how Diego nearly got arrested for smoking them. Aaron’s flirt proved to be a waste of time since the young doctor didn’t pay him any attention.
Denise didn’t miss a thing and as soon as they were alone after work that evening, she asked her friend if she had noticed the computer officer.
“Notice what? Was there anything different about him today?”
“The way he was looking at you.”
Sofia wasn’t surprised. “I’ve been avoiding passing the wrong message. I thought that by now he would know that I’m not in that page.”
“Your strategy isn’t working. He didn’t get his eyes off you today”. Denise observed.
Sofia put the magazine she was looking at on the desk and faced her friend seriously. “I hope that’s only your imagination.”
“Why? He’s very good looking and quite a nice guy too.”
“Yes, but he has a very bad timing. I’m not looking for a boyfriend and there is no way I will reduce myself to an onboard relationship with a date to be over. No offense.”
“None taken.” Denise knew her friend didn’t approve her choice. “Why do I have a feeling there is something else?”
Sofia took a deep breath. “Because there is. Do you want to know why I came to work here?”
“I’m listening.”
“The hospital where I worked in Dublin is quite big and I worked there a couple of months without getting to know even half of my colleagues. You know how it is with our crazy schedules and so many different departments. One day I felt pain on the right side of my tummy, we did some tests and I had to get an appendectomy. That was when I met Kieran, the surgeon who operated on me and who I had seen only a few times from a distance. After the surgery he came to see me frequently, we realized we had a lot in common and became good friends. Two months later we were a lot more than friends.”
“You fell in love with the guy that operated on you? That’s not very romantic!” Denise observed, teasing.
“Yes, I fell in love with the guy who removed my appendix. And I found that Kieran was not the arrogant bastard everyone talked about. He’s a great professional who cares about his job and his patients. The fact that he liked to keep to himself only made me more interested. You know I don’t like people who show off. We were together for almost two years, until recently.” Sofia continued.
“What happened? You don’t love each other anymore?”
“No. I love him as much as I always did and he keeps sending me emails saying he wants me to go back to him.”
“What’s the problem then?” Denise asked impatiently.
Sofia sighed. “Being a surgeon, Kieran’s time is very limited, and I’m a doctor too. My schedule is not much better. We didn’t have a lot of free time to spend together; the little we had was a delight for us and we were very happy. You know it’s complicated for doctors to be in relationships, especially with other doctors. We spend so much time working and studying to be on the top of our game that often we become emotionally handicapped because we never have time to know how to handle relationships. One day the little time Kieran and I had for each other was over.”
“Why?”
Denise watched a play of emotions cross over Sofia’s face.
“A tragedy. Jamie, Kieran’s six year old nephew died of leukemia last year, on the last week of December. We did everything we could, tried every possible treatment; nothing worked. He died during my shift. I was holding his hand when he took his last breath. Jamie’s parents understood and never blamed any of us, much less Kieran, but somehow he couldn’t stop blaming himself. The big surgeon who saves so many lives couldn’t save his own kin. It was too much for him and after that he changed to a point I couldn’t recognize him anymore. He refused to talk, he wouldn’t get out of the hospital; every surgery, every new patient was an excuse for him to stay there. We stopped seeing each other because he was always working. I asked him to get help but he refused to admit he needed it and I started feeling desperate. I swear I didn’t know what to do anymore. Then one day he came to my apartment and told me he wanted to make it better for us and invited me for dinner in my favorite restaurant the next day. I got all dressed up to meet him there but he never showed up. He left me waiting like an idiot without even a phone call. I went to the hospital because he didn’t answer the phone and they told me he was in surgery operating on a pregnant woman victim of a bad car accident. I know he did what he had to do and I’m glad he saved her life and the baby, but I couldn’t take it anymore. The next morning I took a leave of absence and went to my house in Portugal for a while. Then I came here.”
Denise looked at her amazed. “How did you manage to leave without him knowing?”
“We didn’t live together so he didn’t see me packing. I went to the hospital while he was in the O.R. and didn’t answer his calls. My friend Ailish took me to the airport. She’s the only one who k
nows where I am. I didn’t have the courage to break up or to say goodbye, so I didn’t.”
Denise kept looking at her, mesmerized. “That’s really something. I don’t know how you were able to leave him if you love him so much.”
“It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.” She confessed gloomily. “It was very tempting for me to stay because I wanted him so much, even if I had to settle for a lot less than I deserved. It would have been easier to just accept whatever Kieran wanted to give me but I’m so glad I didn’t. On the long term I would have been miserable.”
“Do you have a plan or you’re just taking it by the day and waiting to see what happens?” Denise asked, still amazed that Sofia had done something like that. She wished she had the same strength and soundness of mind to deal with her own situation.
“I don’t have any plans anymore. Kieran needs time and space to find closure first. That’s why I left him. I want to go back to him, but not to that cold distant working machine he became. I want my Kieran back, the one I fell in love with. He was the one who once told me that the most frustrating thing for a doctor is the amount of patients we can’t save. We’re not God. When he remembers that, I’ll go back to him. If he keeps refusing to accept our reality then I will have to let him go. Sometimes you have to let go…” She answered vaguely and sadly.
8
The ship was scheduled to dock at eight but Sofia was on deck 16 long before that, ready to see the arrival in Sydney Harbor, with the camera hanging around her neck and the sun glasses ready to protect her sensitive eyes from the strong morning light. As they sailed through and entered the Harbor, more people showed up to admire the stunning view.
“The only place I can think of where entering a port is even more amazing than here is Venice. Other than that, Sydney is the place to go.” Aaron said, his voice coming from behind her.
Sofia was a bit surprised to see him. She turned around slowly with the sun hitting her face and making her frown.
“It’s beautiful. It must be amazing to live in a city like this.”
“It certainly is.” He confirmed. “I grew up here, going to the beach all the time and surfing with my mates. Australia is a great country, just a bit too far away from everywhere else.”
Sofia nodded, remembering that even Indonesia and New Zealand were a few hours flying from Australia.
“Are you going to see your family today?” She enquired trying to make small talk.
“I’m going to have them onboard as visitors. I’ll be too busy today to go anywhere. My day will be between my office and the terminal building. Embarkation is always hectic and I have a new assistant that needs to be properly trained before I can leave him alone. Next time we’re here I might get a few hours off and relax.” Aaron explained, not sounding too upset to be stuck onboard.
Sofia could sense there was something more he wanted to say but she didn’t want to hear it and she was happy that he didn’t take advantage of being alone with her to bring up things she preferred not to address.
As the ship approached the dock she could see the Harbor Bridge, the downtown buildings and the emblematic Opera House.
“I have a few hours off this afternoon. Can’t wait to go out!” She said with her eyes fixed on the building that identifies Sydney before the world.
Aaron smiled, used to people’s reaction to Sydney’s beauty.
“We’re in the best place possible. As you can see, it takes about five minutes to walk to the Opera House. The Botanic Gardens are up the road and if you have time and energy take a walk up Elizabeth St. and turn right on the intersection with Market St. That will take you straight to Darling Harbor. It’s lovely there. If not, we’ll be here again in twenty days.” He suggested casually, not flirting like he normally did. Sofia found that refreshing.
Aaron offered to take some photos and she posed happily with the Opera House on the background. Many other passengers and crew did the same. The skies were blue, the sun was high in the sky and the day had everything to be perfect.
Sofia left the ship in the afternoon and rushed to the port where everything was going on. There were crowds everywhere, street artists, vendors, color and life. She particularly liked the guys dressed up and painted like aborigines playing didgeridoos. There were restaurants, bars and gift shops all over the water front and on the left just a bit ahead the entrance to the ferry boats that take people to different parts of the city. One of them pointed the zoo and she remembered someone saying that the Sydney giraffes have the best view in the city. Another few steps and there it was: the Opera House. For many it was just a building with a unique shape. But it was a lot more than that. It was a symbol, a link to a country and a city, a feature that didn’t exist anywhere else in the world.
She took pictures form the stairs, the front, sides and back. In twenty minutes she had photos of every possible angle. Another tourist took some shots of her with the building just behind.
The next destination was the Botanic Gardens that she found up the road, like Aaron had pointed out. The entrance was easy to find. The first thing she saw was the sign saying Please walk on the grass. We also invite you to smell the roses, hug the trees, talk to the birds and picnic on the lawns.
She went for a walk following the paths and found it all very pretty and relaxing. Here and there just behind the canopy of a tree the buildings from the city center stood up in a straight line, reminding the visitors of how closely nature meets urban. She found a seat near a fountain with a cupid. A strange bird with a long black beak approached to investigate her bag.
“Hi birdie.” Sofia said.
The bird ignored her and went back into the bush.
“So much for talking to birds.” She chuckled.
There were a few people in the gardens, but it didn’t feel overcrowded. After three weeks on a ship with almost five thousand souls that was a great feeling.
As she walked along another path she saw that in most trees there were big dark bats hung upside down making very loud sounds. Sofia didn’t feel comfortable with them but she couldn’t resist taking some pictures. The odd creatures didn’t look interested in her, or in getting out of their perch high on the trees, but being animals of the night it was strange that they were awake at that time of the day with the sun shining just above. Shouldn’t they be living in a cave somewhere and come out at night like normal bats? She kept walking forward and looking up, nearly bumping into a bench where a familiar face observed her silently.
“They are only fruit bats.” A voice said.
Sofia turned her head down and found Diego sitting by himself.
“Hi Diego. What are you doing here all alone?” She asked, surprised to see him.
“Probably the same as you. I like to come here. Good place to put my thoughts in order.” He answered, looking quite relaxed on the bench with his legs stretched, sun glasses on, a dark green t-shirt and brown shorts. His black hair waved slightly with the breeze. Sofia sat next to him.
“Noisy little things, aren’t they?”
“Noisy, yes. Little, no. They are actually quite big for a bat. When the sun goes down and they start flying over your head you’ll see what I mean.”
“Are they dangerous?”
“Only for the fruit. You have nothing to worry about. They won’t bite your neck and turn you into a vampire.” He joked. “These fellows are vegetarian and apart from the noise and a few drops here and there, there’s no damage to report.”
Sofia laughed, relieved. “Where’s your girlfriend?”
“Working. It’s one of those days for her. Next cruise is my turn to get stuck onboard. Major crew change in Auckland.”
“That’s too bad. This seems like the kind of place where you could enjoy good company.”
Diego put his sun glasses on top of his head and she noticed a shade of green in his brown eyes.
“Ship’s life! Anyway, I have good company now. Would you like to come for a stroll with me? Just as friends
, of course. You know I have a girlfriend and since she’s your friend let’s keep it simple, ok? I don’t do complicated.”
Sofia giggled. “Do you ever say anything serious?”
“Only if I can’t help it!” He replied with a grin and she understood that when you have a certain lifestyle making jokes might be the smartest way to deal with reality. Jokes are a good place to hide, almost as good as silence.
While they walked together and talked, Sofia got to know a new version of Diego and it started to make a bit more sense why Denise liked him. Sofia learned that there was a human being in him, a person with a heart, concerns and a lot of potential. Most times she had seen him before the impression he transmitted was of a childish, sometimes annoying and mostly selfish boy who knew how to be nice and funny but was very self-centered. Today he was a normal man and a very pleasant company.
That was typical with some people: the social mask they used and who they really were in private when they were not trying to show off or impress their friends who normally were as silly as them. Sofia liked this version of Diego better and listened to all his explanations with genuine interest. Since he apparently knew so much about Australia she asked some more questions which he answered one by one without even thinking. They stopped for a sandwich in one of the bars on the way to the port.
“It looks like you know Sydney really well.” She observed as they sat down with the improvised lunch and cans of soda.
“I had a girlfriend who lived here and after my first contract I came to Sydney on holiday for two months with her.” He justified and his smile disappeared.
“How badly did she break your heart?”
“How do you know she broke my heart?”
“I’m a doctor. It’s my job to be a good observer.” Sofia said with conviction.
“Very, very badly.” Diego confessed, speaking like that was a reason to be embarrassed.
Sofia put down her drink and looked him in the eyes hoping to find more. “What happened, if you don’t mind me asking?”
“An Italian engineer. After that holiday we spent together I had to wait home for another month so we could go to the same ship. She joined before me. I was so in love I would have done any sacrifice only to be with her. I believed she was the love of my life. Then when I joined the ship she told me she was interested in this engineer and left me. Just like that.” He put the sun glasses back on and Sofia pretended not to see a tear falling down his left cheek.
“I’m sorry to hear that. It must have been very hard for you.”
Diego finished his sandwich and looked away to the horizon line. “I can’t even explain how much. It’s the worst thing that has ever happened to me.”
Sofia knew she shouldn’t bring it up, but curiosity spoke louder and she took the chance to dig a bit more into his thoughts.
“What about Denise? Where does she stand?”
Diego sighed. “I like Denise. I know sometimes she thinks I don’t but I care a lot about her. I’m not very good with relationship. She knows that. I never lied to her.”
“Not lying doesn’t mean always telling the truth. You know that, don’t you?” She asked, hoping that he would think about it.
“I know. And I’m not very good with words either.”
She took his arm, knowing it was the appropriate time to stop asking personal questions. They walked the street down to the harbor and back to the ship.
“What defines who you are, is what you do not the words you use and not the ghosts from your past. As much as something strikes you, if it’s over, it’s over. Leave it where it belongs and move forward. A breakup is like a cut. It might leave a scar, but the pain goes away.”
He nodded with a sheepish smile and they returned to the Ocean Pearl in silence. Sofia knew from that moment on that Denise would lose the boyfriend she cared so much about. He wasn’t ready to be who she needed him to be. Diego had a long way to go and Denise was already there. Some things just weren’t meant to be.
At the same time she reflected in everything they had talked about, Sofia wondered if Diego realized that he was going to end up doing to Denise the same thing that his ex-girlfriend had done to him and hurt her the same way he had been hurt.