But I’m still not afraid. I’m furious. Once again, here I am, tied up and helpless to do anything but watch the bad guys go about their business. I know working black magic is evil and causes brain damage, but a part of me wishes I’d thrown caution and my brain to the wind and used my spare time in the past few weeks to track down a few deadly spells. If being one of the good guys means I have to keep letting the people I love get hurt, then what’s the blasted point of being good? I don’t want to be good; I want to be the one with the power.
At that moment, I make myself a promise—If Bio Loser is stupid enough to let me live, the next time we meet I’ll be ready for him with some big bad black magic. Next time, I’ll be the one holding lives in my hands, and chances are good he won’t be walking away with his.
“Good.” Addison smiles, a smug curve of lips that I hate to admit are a larger, manlier version of my own. “Get angry and stay angry and I will see you very, very soon.” He leans in to kiss my forehead and I know this is it. I won’t get a better chance.
I clench my abdominal muscles and kick my bound legs as hard as I can, catching Addison in the shins as I slam my forehead into his mouth. The sharp forward motion shifts my gag, and I shove at it with my tongue, forcing it out as I hit Daddy Dearest with another kick in the guts.
He clutches his stomach and falls to the wooden boards of the boat, but instead of crying out in pain…he starts to laugh. “A fighter! Strains have always been fighters.”
“I’m not a Strain,” I say. “And I never will be. Reverto terra!” I cast before he can get in a word, before he or Jessica can make a move toward the gag lying on the floor.
Addison starts skidding along the planks toward the edge of the boat, but he doesn’t stop laughing. He just laughs harder, so hard that his face crumples and bubbles and…
Oh, no…
He’s changing again, just like he did when he transformed from Ethan to Addison. But now he’s turning into someone else, a dead someone, who’s been checked out for quite some time if the leathery skin that replaces Addison’s olive complexion is any indication.
Crap! He’s inhabiting a corpse! That’s why zombie magic works on him. Addison’s real body was never here at all.
“Goodbye girls,” he says as he picks up speed, his borrowed bones rattling across the floor. “Play nice.”
And then he’s gone.
He disappears over the edge of the boat, hitting the water with a splash and a glug glug glug as he’s sucked down to the bottom of the lake and under the earth beneath.
“Dad, wait! You said you’d help me!” Jessica screams.
I turn to see her by the bow of the boat, crouched on the ground next to a still unmoving Cliff. In one hand is Cliff’s long hair; her other hand holds a knife.
The tip of the blade hovers above Cliff’s chest, right above his non-beating heart. He’s a zombie, he’s already dead, but in that moment it doesn’t matter. I need Cliff. I need him walking and talking and smiling and dancing and fighting and foretelling and being my friend. But if Jessica does what I think she’s going to do, I’m afraid he won’t—
Her arm draws back, her knuckles whitening on the hilt.
“Don’t do it!” I yell.
“First your zombie, then your boyfriend,” she says. “It’s the least you deserve.”
Ethan. No! “Don’t!” I scream. “Or I swear I’ll kill you!”
Her milky eyes meet mine and her lips twist. “Good thing I’m already dead.” And then she strikes, slamming the knife deep into Cliff’s chest.
February 14th, 11:12 p.m.
Blood pours down Cliff’s shirt, such a bright red I can see it even in the meager light hitting that side of the boat. I open my mouth to cast, but before I can speak Jess pulls out the knife and shoves her hand inside the hole she’s made.
It’s impossible, but I swear I can feel her fingers curl around Cliff’s heart like it’s my own. I choke on my next breath and unbelievable pressure crushes my chest. Tighter, tighter, until it feels like my ribs are going to shatter into a million pieces. And then the pressure is gone and pain sweeps in and I scream.
I scream and scream, even though the screaming only makes the agony worse. But I can’t stop. Sound is my last defense. If I stop screaming, the pain will take over and smother me, snuff me out, end me the way Jess is ending Cliff.
“Absisto!”
Casting. A Settler is casting.
I can just barely hear the freezing command over my own wailing, and I can’t tell who’s spoken, but I know the second the spell takes effect. The abrupt cessation of the pain hits me hard, a blow of its own that sends me into a full body thrash. I slide off the chair and onto the deck, gasping for breath as I crane my neck toward the front of the boat.
The first thing I see is Ethan struggling to his hands and knees. He’s thrown off whatever spell still has Kitty frozen, and is starting to crawl across the planks. Ethan is the Settler who froze Jess, and now he’s coming to save me. But I’m not the one who needs saving. I can just barely see Cliff’s wide, empty eyes over Jess’s shoulder. She’s frozen for now, but she won’t be for long. Ethan has to get rid of her and save Cliff.
“Ethan. Help Cliff.” My voice is raw, but I can tell he’s heard me.
Still, he doesn’t stop crawling in my direction.
I know he isn’t Cliff’s biggest fan, but he has to know that Cliff is important to me. He’s not just my friend; he’s my partner. Zombie seers come to help Settlers in times of trouble. Cliff’s here for a reason, to help me stop the bad guys. I need him. The world needs him.
“Please,” I say. “Ethan you have to—”
“Ignitus!” Jess’s command cuts through the air and the fire in the cauldron explodes. Sparks shoot into the sky and chunks of still-burning spell ingredients rain down onto the deck. One lands on my cheek and starts to sizzle, but before I can scream Ethan is there, brushing it away.
“Hold on,” he says as he spins around, hands raised in front of him.
I assume he intended to freeze Jess again, but he’s too late. She’s gone. Disappeared. And she’s taken Cliff’s heart with her.
I can see the hole in his chest clearly now, see the ribs she broke as she stole a vital part of my best friend. I can’t look away from his broken body, even when Ethan turns back to me and starts working to free my arms and legs, even when I can move and Ethan pulls me in for a hug. I still can’t stop staring at Cliff over Ethan’s broad shoulder. I can’t believe he’s gone. I’ve never lost someone I love as much as I love Cliff.
And I did love him, even if it wasn’t the same way I love Ethan.
“I’m sorry, Meg. I’m so sorry,” Ethan says, his arms tightening around me. “I just had to get to you. You come first.”
“I love you.” I say it because I have to, because I wish I’d said it to Cliff before it was too late.
“I love you, too,” Ethan says. “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay.” It’s not okay, but it’s too late for that to matter. My stomach cramps and I feel like I’m going to be sick, but still there are no tears. I used to cry all the time, but now there’s nothing, just a deep, gnawing sense that everything in the world is wrong. Jess won. Cliff is dead.
Well, he was always dead, but now…
“Ethan! Kitty!” The voice is faint, but I recognize it. It’s Barker. The reinforcements have arrived. I’m glad, even if they are too late.
“We’re over here! On the boat! We just lost a Reanimated Corpse. He could be coming your way!” Ethan shouts before turning back to me and lowering his voice. “I’m going to check on Kitty and see if the spell is wearing off yet. You want to stay here?”
I nod. Yes. I do. I don’t think I can handle being that close to—
Megan…
My head snaps toward the bow of the boat. Cliff is still limp and motionless, but so is Kitty. Could he be…could this maybe…
I stagger to my feet and rush to kneel by his side
. His wound looks even worse up close. I focus on his eyes, his hazel eyes with the flecks of green that I’d once mistakenly thought were plain old brown like mine. But they’re not. They’re so much more interesting—beautiful, really.
I can safely say I’ve never seen anything quite as beautiful as Cliff’s eyes lifting to mine, or heard anything as lovely as his voice in my head. It’s okay. I’m fine.
“Thank god!” I throw my arms around his neck and pull him close, heedless of the blood soaking through my sweater. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”
I turn and press a kiss to his cheek before I really think about it, before I realize Ethan is right next to me, helping a moaning Kitty sit up.
Our eyes meet for a second, but all I see in Ethan’s expression is relief, not a hint of anger or jealousy. He reaches out to touch my hand—just the barest brush of his fingers—but in that touch I feel that everything is going to be okay. He knows I love Cliff, and he doesn’t care. He loves me so much it doesn’t matter.
I start to tell him “thank you,” knowing he’ll understand what it’s for, but suddenly the boat is alive with activity. Enforcers and Protocol Officers stream on board with flashlights. Behind them there are health techs with a stretcher, and even one of the doctors I recognize from SA headquarters.
Within moments, I’m helping load Cliff onto a stretcher and carry him back toward the road. Behind me, I hear Ethan and Kitty talking to Barker about coordinating a search for Jess in Aaron’s body, but I know it’s pointless. Jess if very good at slinking away from the scene of her latest devastation.
That’s why I’ll be making sure the next time I see her, is the last time I see her. It’s past time to solve the Jessica problem once and for all.
I don’t care if she is my half-sister. I’m going to kill her.
February 15th, 1:47 a.m.
Someone handed me a blanket over an hour ago and the couch is pretty comfy—for a couch—but I’m nowhere close to sleep. I can’t stop replaying the events of the evening, and beating myself up for every little mistake that led to Cliff getting hurt.
The SA doctors say he’s fine and will continue to remain Reanimated as long as I’m alive and funneling energy his way, but the fact remains that he’s got a huge hole in his chest. There’s no way he’ll be able to continue going to school or passing as an alive person now. He’ll lose what little life he’s been able to build for himself in the past weeks, and it’s all my fault.
And now Jess—with the help of Cliff’s heart and my hair and blood—will have a new lease on life, which makes me want to stab myself every time I think about it.
Apparently there’s a spell that will regenerate a corpse with a living soul trapped inside, but it requires the heart of a person who has done them great wrong. Cliff and I certainly did Jess a great wrong when we ripped Aaron’s heart from his chest, but it was my hand that did the ripping. It should have been my heart she was after. But I’m guessing Addison vetoed that option.
Addison. He’s as stupid as his name. He should want me dead.
He probably would if he knew how often I’ve fantasized about ways to kill him and Jess in the past hour and a half. Of course, there’s not much else to do in the SA hospital waiting room. All the magazines are at least ten years old, and I’m a little old for the block table.
I could have joined my mom and dad, Kitty, and half the Enforcers stationed in Carol for their emergency meeting in the conference room at the end of the hall, but I declined the invitation. I don’t care how they decide to deal with me; I know how I’ll be facing the future—with a black magic spell book in my hand. I’ll study in secret, and when I’m ready I’ll leave my family and friends and everyone I care about safely behind and go take care of Addison and Jess by myself.
That way, no matter what happens, it’s only my life at risk.
“I thought you’d be asleep,” a voice says from the waiting room entrance.
I turn and look over the back of the couch. Ethan is standing by the chairs on the wall. He looks tired, and his favorite gray-and-red striped sweater is torn in two places, but otherwise he’s wonderfully, perfectly whole. I’ve done my share of imagining what would have happened if he’d come out of the spell a few minutes later and Jess had made good on her threat to go for him after she was finished with Cliff, and none of the images in my head were pretty. If Jess had hurt him…
I close my eyes for a second, banishing the thought, and do my best to find a smile. “No. I can’t sleep.”
“Worried about what’s going on in the meeting?” he asks.
“No. Should I be?”
He shrugs, and ambles closer. “I don’t know. I’ve been hooked up to a bunch of machines. They wanted to observe me for a couple of hours before they set me free. Make sure there are no lingering effects from the Rigor Mortis spell.”
“So you’re okay?” I come to my knees and turn to face him as he stops on the other side of the couch.
“I’m fine. Don’t worry.” He puts his hands over mine. They’re as warm as ever. “And just in case no one’s told you yet, this isn’t your fault.”
“It is my fault.” I try to pull my hands away, but he holds on tight.
“No, it’s my fault,” he says. “I should have been watching my back instead of texting you, and maybe that guy wouldn’t have been able to run me off the road.”
“So that text was from you.” I look down at our joined hands, suddenly nervous. “I wondered.”
“Yeah.” His voice is soft. “It was from me.”
“I’m glad.”
“Me too. And I’m sorry I didn’t call you back when you called before,” he says. “I was afraid if I heard your voice I wouldn’t be able to stay at school, but I should have emailed or something. It was stupid and…I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
“And I’m sorry we missed Valentine’s Day.”
I shrug. “It’s a stupid holiday anyway.”
Our eyes meet and something electric passes between us, but it’s not the zip zap of our usual connection. It’s something deeper, a meeting and mingling of our energies that goes beyond attraction into the realm of unity. This is love. No doubt about it.
“So…did he really look just like me?” he asks.
“He did. Exactly. But I knew something was off the second he got out of the car.”
“How?” He leans closer, until I can smell the Ethan smell that I’ve missed so much.
“I just…know you.”
“You do.”
“I do,” I whisper as his lips get closer to mine. “And I love you, and the things I love the most aren’t the things that show on the outside.”
“I’ve missed you so much,” he says, and then we’re kissing and it’s as perfect as it always is.
But sad, too.
So many things have been lost in the past month and the innocent thrill of our new love is one of them. We’ll never have that back again. But maybe we’ll have something better, something stronger. His lips on mine, his arms around me, his hands fisting at the waist of my skirt—they no longer inspire fear or uncertainty. Instead, they fill me with the same determination I feel about my future. Ethan is the boy I love, and he’s mine and he always will be. I won’t settle for anything else.
By the time he pulls away, we’re both breathing deeper, but not faster. We’re still grounded. In this moment. In each other.
“You look so much older.” He brings one hand to my newly chopped hair and runs his fingers along the ends. One of the nurses cut all the burned parts off and evened it out. Now it barely reaches my chin in the front and shows the entire nape of my neck in back. “I like it.”
“I like you.”
He smiles. “I’m moving back to Carol.”
“No, you’re not.” I object, even though I want Ethan back in Carol more than anything. Or maybe I just want it more than anything except what’s best for him. “You want to be an Enforcer. This is your chance.”
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“I want to be with you. Like I said earlier, you come first for me.”
“And I wish you could come first for me.” Hurt creeps across his face, but I press on. “But you can’t. I have…things I have to do. And I have to do them alone. I don’t know if I’ll even be in Carol in a few months, so it would be a waste for you to come back here for me.”
“What are you…” His eyes narrow as he realizes what’s going on inside my head. “No way, Megan. You can’t solve this on your own. You know your dad—”
“He’s not my dad.”
“Of course he’s not,” he says. “But you know what I mean. Addison isn’t working alone. He has a huge network of people helping him.”