“I know. And some of them are working for Settlers Affairs.” I do a quick check of the area to make sure we’re alone. We are, but I lower my voice anyway. “He’s got at least one mole—maybe more—right here in our top secret place where we’re supposed to be safe.”
“The National High council is going to find out who the mole is.”
“But they haven’t yet,” I say. “And who knows how much more that person is going to help Addison before they do? I don’t trust Settlers Affairs right now, and I don’t know if I ever will again.”
“But you trust me, and that’s why I should be here. With you.”
“You can’t quit Enforcer training for me. I won’t let you. It’s stupid.”
“I agree,” a woman’s voice breaks in, making us both jump in surprise. I turn to see Kitty standing only a few feet away, where I know for darn sure she wasn’t a second ago. She’s as stealthy as ever. I’m glad.
I’m also glad to see her awake and feeling better. I’m about to tell her so—in hopes that my kind words will inspire her to forgive me for causing all the trouble tonight—but she beats me to the punch.
“I just left the meeting,” she says. “I was going to let your parents tell you what they’ve decided, but it sounds like you need the information now if Ethan is thinking about giving up his place at the academy.”
“What information?” Ethan sounds suspicious even though Kitty is, without a doubt, one of the people we both trust the most.
“Megan, Cliff, and I are going away.”
“Away?” I blink, the concept not computing. “Away where?”
“Away to an undisclosed location,” Kitty says. “Your parents won’t know where we are, Settlers Affairs won’t know where we are. Heck, we won’t even know where we are until we get there. And once we’re there, we won’t tell anyone our location. No one.”
“You mean…” She means isolation. From my parents, my home, my school, my life, from…everything I’ve ever known. Even with Cliff along for the ride, the thought is terrifying, though not as surprising as I would have imagined. I think some part of me knew this was a possibility since the truth came out about what I am in January. “For how long?”
“As long as it takes,” she says.
“What does that mean?” Ethan crosses his arms, and his look grows dark, wary. “Are we talking weeks? Months?”
“Until the threat to Megan’s safety is eliminated.”
Her words make my legs feel weak. I collapse back onto the couch, the enormity of what she’s said hitting full force. Until the threat to my safety is eliminated. She’s not just talking about my bio-dad. She’s talking about all the bad guys everywhere who know who I am and what my Settler-powered witch blood can do. And when has there ever been a time in history when all the bad guys were gone?
Never. That’s when. There are always bad guys.
Which means, if I go into hiding with Kitty, I might never come back. I might never see the people I love again. My parents, Ethan, even Monica—the thought of losing them makes me feel like I’m being eaten alive.
“Do I have any say in this?” I ask, my voice as hollow-sounding as I feel.
Kitty smiles, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. “You always have a say, and you always have a choice. But I trust you’ll make the choice that’s best for everyone involved so…”
She sighs, and her arms fall limply to her sides. “So I’m going to go start packing. We’ll leave this afternoon, after we get some sleep.” She leans in and gives Ethan a quick hug. “Take care of yourself, and I promise I’ll take care of her.” She turns back to me, and the softness vanishes from her features. “Assuming, of course, that she’ll let me.”
Ouch. But I deserved that. I probably deserve more than that.
I watch Kitty walk away with a horrible, sinking feeling. My plan was to protect the people I care about by taking Addison and Jess out of the picture, but taking me out of the picture will get the job done, too. And no one will have to die. A part of me screams that it’s okay for them to die, that it’s okay for me to kill them to keep the people I love close, to hold on to my life and the itty bitty bit of normal I have left.
But I have a feeling that part of me is his part. And I never, ever want to be anything like him.
“Are you okay?” Ethan asks as he circles the couch. He sits beside me and takes my hand. “You don’t have to go. We can figure something out.”
“No. I… I have to.” The tears I’ve been waiting for all night finally find their way to my eyes. “You know I do.”
He sighs, but doesn’t argue. Because he knows I’m right. I have to go to keep myself, and everyone I care about, safe.
So instead of offering false comfort, he hugs me, kisses the top of my newly cropped hair, and whispers, “Wait for me,” so soft I can barely hear it.
But I do. And I feel like my heart is being torn out of my chest all over again. “I’ll always wait for you. But I don’t want you to waste your life on a girl who might never be coming back.”
“No. You don’t understand.” Ethan pulls away, cups my face in his hands, insisting I look him in the eye. When I do, the steadiness there calms me more than I would have thought possible. “I can finish the Enforcer program in three years if I take extra classes and study through the summers. And when I’m done, I’ll find you and Kitty, and I’ll take over as your Enforcer guard.”
What? He’s crazy, but…maybe… Maybe we could really… Could we?
“You think they’ll let you?” I ask, the hope in my voice scaring me a little.
“They won’t have a choice, and I know Kitty will be past ready to get back to her own life by then.” He brushes a tear from my cheek with his thumb and smiles. “And when she does, you and I will get on with ours. Together.”
Together. Me and Ethan. Forever. It would be the pot of gold waiting at the end of this rainbow of crap I’m sliding down.
But there’s one big problem…
“What about Cliff?” I hate to bring up his name at a romantic moment, but Cliff is a part of my life for the foreseeable future, or at least until the threat to the world has passed. “I can’t abandon him.”
“Listen, Schmeg,” Ethan says, using the old nickname that used to make me want to throw things at him. Now it just makes me realize how much older I feel since those days in September. “I know you and Cliff are friends, but he’s already dead. He could have returned to his grave by then.”
“He could,” I agree, trying not to think too much about the inevitability of losing Cliff. “But what if he hasn’t?”
Ethan stares at me, wearing his thinking-hard face, the one that makes him look as smart as he is sexy. “Well, then…I guess we’ll find a place to live with a guest house in back. And lay down some strict ground rules about when he can visit.”
Wow. That…wasn’t what I was expecting him to say. “You’re kidding me. Even after… You’d be okay with that?”
“You kissed him one time, and you told me it was a mistake,” he says, taking my hands in his once more. “As long as I’m the one you love and he’s cool, I don’t see why we can’t be friends.”
I shake my head, amazed that I can still be amazed by this boy. I should know by now that he’s the most awesome person on the planet. “You are…the best boy ever.” At least for me, I add silently.
“I am.”
I take a deep breath, so full of possibilities my hands are shaking. “But do you really think this can happen? How will you find us? We could be anywhere in the world by then.”
“We’ll figure something out,” he says. “Some way for you to communicate with me that only you and I know about. That way we can keep in touch…while we wait.”
Wait. A few weeks without Ethan has been hell. How am I going to make it three years? How is he? “Are you sure about this?” I ask, even as I curse myself for giving Ethan an out on our happily-ever-after. “Three years is long time.”
He smiles. ?
??It’s not that long.”
“It is. Three years is like…forever.”
His smile fades, and his hands squeeze mine so hard it almost hurts. “I’d wait three forevers for the chance to be with you for a lifetime.”
Tears spill down my cheeks and my nose starts to run almost immediately, the way it always does when I’m happy-sad. I sniff and try to pull my hands away, but Ethan holds tight.
“My nose is running,” I protest.
“You’re beautiful,” he says. “Say you’re my girl.”
“I have snot on my lip!” I half wail, half laugh.
“Say you’re my girl, and I’ll get you a tissue.”
“Fine. I’m your girl.” I snatch the tissue he grabs from the box on the table with a laugh, wiping my nose and dropping my fist to my lap. I meet his eyes, see the telltale shine there, and know I’m never going to forget the moment Ethan and I made this promise. “And you’re my boy.”
“And don’t you ever forget it,” he says, smiling that soft, sweet smile I’ve only ever seen him smile for me. “I love you.”
“I love you, too,” I say, and then he kisses me again and I wrap my arms around his neck and hold him tight, wishing I never had to let go, but knowing I will when the time comes.
When I have to, I’ll let go, knowing Ethan will come back to me.
And when he does, I’ll be waiting.
Special thanks
Many, many special thanks to April McGuire (http://velvet-moonlight.deviantart.com/), my talented cover artist, who makes awesome look easy. Thank you, April. You are a Talent, and I am so happy to work with you. Big thanks also to Julie Linker, my critique-partner-turned-editor, who is the sweetest, sassiest Grammar Watchdog ever. Thanks, Julie! Also much appreciation to Stacia Kane (my dear friend), the Debutantes of 2009 (who keep me sane), and My Old Man and Preshush offspring for putting up with me when I NEED to write some Megan Berry zombie drama.
But most especially, thank you to my readers. You sent me hundreds of emails letting me know that you wanted to read more about Megan and Ethan and the gang, and your voices were heard. I’m sorry I couldn’t give you a big, meaty novel right now, but I hope you will take this story as a token of my sincere affection and appreciation. You have changed my life in the past few years and I am grateful for your lovely, passionate enthusiasm.
About the Author
Stacey Jay is a recovering workaholic (or at least working hard at recovering) with three pen names, two small children, and a passion for playing pretend for a living. She’s been a full time mom-writer since 2005 and can't think of anything she'd rather be doing. Her former careers include theatre performer, professional dancer, poorly paid C-movie actress, bartender, waiter, and yoga instructor.
Learn more at staceyjay.com.
Read the first two Megan Books Yet? Check out YOU ARE SO UNDEAD TO ME? and UNDEAD MUCH? Available now.
Stacey Jay, Valentine's Day of the Undead
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