PART OF ME NEVER DIED. I JUST BECAME... SOMETHING MORE. A DIFFERENT SORT OF PRESENCE. MY FIRST FOLLOWERS FELT IT WHEN THEY FINALLY BEGAN TO GATHER BACK TOGETHER AFTER I WAS KILLED, AND BEGAN TO REALIZE I WAS NOT GONE, BUT STILL WITH THEM. THEY PROCLAIMED, "DEATH CANNOT CONTAIN HIM," AND THIS IS THE BEST DESCRIPTION OF IT. I AM NOT CONTAINED.
I'm surprised my brain can make all this shit up. It sounds almost plausible. Good drugs.
HAVE IT YOUR WAY, BC. BUT AT LEAST CONSIDER SERVING LOVE, NOT HATE. STOP KILLING. CAN YOU STOP?
No. If I stop, they kill me. No retirement except the final kind, I'm afraid. It's the rules. I didn't exactly choose this line of work, it chose me.
YOU STARTED DOWN THE PATH YOURSELF. YOU MADE THE RULES. YOU CAN CHANGE THE RULES. YOU HAVE THE SEED OF GREAT THINGS WITHIN YOU, BERNARD CAMPION. LOVE WILL HELP IT GROW.
The bright light dims, and BC is once again alone in the middle of his sea. He notices he can see the walls of his cell superimposed upon the image of the ocean. The lines of the room slowly become more distinct. BC blinks and the room comes sharply into focus as the lights flicker on and the door opens.
Damn! Slammed back into reality. If you can call this reality. What the fuck was that?
Two of his guards enter. They motion to BC, gesturing for him to follow them out and down the corridor. BC thinks over his dream as he shuffles down the hall.
That felt real in a way I can't put my finger on. I don't feel all groggy now. I don't feel all dosed. ‘Course, there's probably so much in my system now I'm used to it. Ah, the bathroom.
They let him shower. He sees himself in the mirror and laughs. His hair and beard have grown out wildly.
Every inch the mad ancient prophet! Look at you! Just like them, now. Repent! The End is Near!
"Hey, hurry up. The Light is waiting for you."
Finally, his majesty is granting me an audience...
BC is led back to the throne room, his first time back there in at least a couple weeks. The Light sits in the throne, on the raised dais.
"Hello again, Mr. Campion. We've not spoken in some time. Then again, ‘we' haven't spoken at all, really, have we? I've talked, and I know for the most part you've listened, but you've never said anything. That might be considered rude, Mr. Campion."
BC keeps silent.
"Very well, Mr. Campion. You did talk to Father Kim a while back, so we know you have a voice. You almost confessed. Why won't you talk to me?"
What the fuck...
"What..." BC has to clear his throat. He hasn't spoken in a long while now. "What about?"
"You're here to kill me. They've sent you to kill me, haven't they?"
"Why do you keep saying that?"
"I can see it in your eyes. The way you're looking at me, right now. The way you don't look at me. You're not as confident as you used to be, as you'd like to be. The truth bleeds out."
"If I didn't think you'd have me killed, I'd tell you to go fuck yourself, long and hard."
"Why so defensive, Mr. Campion? I must have hit a nerve. You pretend to be a priest, but such language..." The Light tsks tsks at him.
"I am a priest."
"Oh, really, and I suppose you do the Lord's work? You're just a humble missionary here to save us heretics, hmm?"
"I do the Lord's work, just as you do."
"What Lord? Who do you worship, Mr. Campion? No Lord I know! They probably tell you this," The Light makes a gun with his fingers and points it at his head, then jerks away from it as if he's being shot, "is the Lord's work... do they? Did they tell you God," The Light stood up, "would want me gone? Did they? Is it The Lord's Will that I be removed? You're just here to help me get closer to Him, then, aren't you? Aren't you!"
"Whatever. Whatever you say."
"Yes, it is whatever I say around here! This is my home, our home, Mr. Campion! We are a family, a community in the Lord! We are the body of Christ, Mr. Campion! You've been reading the Book, I know you have."
Damn. He has been watching me. Or having me watched. I'm a fucking lab rat.
The Light questions him, "Haven't you seen the hypocrisy of your so-called church for what it is now?"
"I see hypocrites everywhere I turn, your highness. Your majesty..."
"Don't call me that!"
"You're as bad as they are..."
"Am I? How dare you..."
"Why not? You've killed people in the name of God as a means to your ends. You've killed your own people and mine, too. You killed the two who came before me. Then lied to me about it."
"Self defense, I assure you."
"What, no turn the other cheek?"
"And have it blown off? Hard to turn the other cheek when your head's been blown off, isn't it? No, thank you."
"That's not in the Book. Some conviction you've got there. Impressive."
"Impudent. I liked you better silent."
BC shuts up. The Light waits. A long silence. Then, The Light speaks again.
"They did order you to kill me, didn't they?"
"Why do you keep saying that?"
"You arrive unannounced, you sneak in, you kill my brothers, you're armed to the teeth when we capture you trespassing..."
"...as we forgive those who trespass against us?" BC interjects.
"Shut up!" The Light yells. Then he gets quiet, intense. "I know who you are, I know you and your type, Campion. Someone like you takes life far too easily. And there's no other reason for you to come here but for you to take mine. I will defend myself against you, too. I must, you see. So many times the light has shone in this world, only to be brutally snuffed out by the fearful and the ignorant. So many great religious leaders lost. I'm trying not to let that happen to me." The Light is red in the face, flushed, and he starts coughing a dry, raspy cough. Kim, at The Light's right hand, leans in concerned, but The Light brushes him back with a sweep of his hand.
When The Light stops coughing, BC says, "So, you see yourself as another Martin Luther King, or Ghandi or maybe even Jesus, huh?"
The Light clears his throat. "Mock me at your peril, Campion. There are many here. They follow my word. They see my Light. ‘Long as I am in this world, I am the Light of this world,' Mr. Campion. Do not mock me. It is not only my anger you stir up, but all of ours."
"So speaketh the Light?"
"Do not mock me! You do not yet know the pure righteous anger of God, Campion!"
"And you're the one to bring it down on my sorry ass, is that it?"
The Light just glares at him, stays silent. The Reverend Kim joins in on the stare as well. BC stares back at the both of them.
What the fuck.
"Why haven't you killed me already? Are you keeping me alive for your amusement?"
"No. You do not amuse me."
"Then why?"
"I can't kill you. Not outright. It's not my way."
"What is your way?"
"You must be confessed, given a chance to recant your ways."
"Oh. I see. And then you kill me, right?"
"No. If you truly confess, really change your ways, if you're honest and completely repentant, we'd accept you as one of us."
"You'd take me as a follower?"
"If I really believed you'd changed. You'd need to do some serious convincing. But as I believe that Jesus is my savior and my Lord, so I also believe that no man is beyond redemption," The Light fixes his stare squarely on BC, "not even you, Campion. Even though I know you for the scum you are, I also know Jesus sat down at table with your kind. If He believed those as foul as you can still be redeemed, then so I, too, must believe. No man, no woman is beyond redemption in Jesus. You still have a chance to redeem yourself."
"You'd give me that chance? How do I redeem myself?"
Maybe this time I can work the confession. My only chance of ever getting out of this...
"Do you think you're capable of that degree of change, Campion? Do you really have it in you?"
"I don't know. But your offer surprises me. And I have been
reading the Bible. What you say is true. Our church is flawed. We don't follow Jesus's teachings as we should. And maybe this is my chance to save myself, to save what's left of my soul, if you really mean what you're saying. I accept your offer."
"It's not really my offer..." The Light looks up to Heaven, "but, good, I'm glad I can surprise you. We do try to follow Christ's example. He was fond of second chances, even third and fourth. So, will you confess, then?"
"To what? To who? To you? Right here, now?"
"If you're ready. You can confess to us all, before the community, as they did back in the earliest days. Confess before the community, the body of Christ, and be absolved!" The Light draws up next to BC and places his hands on his head.
Here goes... Hope they buy this...
"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been too long since my last confession. These are my sins. I have plotted and tried to kill your servant. I have killed your sheep. Please, I beg your forgiveness, Oh Lord."
The crowd around them erupts in a rumble of murmurs and whispers. The Light's followers grow angry at hearing BC's blatant statement of offenses stated in so matter-of fact a fashion. Kim raises his arms, quiets the crowd, and stills the murmuring.
The Light speaks, "The Lord hears your sins and forgives them. You are absolved of your sins..."
Phew...
"...and now you must serve your penance. Guards!"
Two of the robed and bearded men spring up at The Light's bark and grab BC by either arm. They begin dragging him out of the room.
"Hey! What are you doing? You said you wouldn't kill me!" BC yells. The men stop dragging him as The Light replies.
"You must atone for your sins, Mr. Campion! You can say you confess, you can start to free your soul from torment, but confession is not a get out of jail free card! You must show you are truly sorry for your sins by voluntarily taking on any penance we give to you.
"I give you your penance, Campion. Your penance is another week in your chamber. You shall read the New Testament and contemplate trying to become more Christ like. You may have already begun to save your soul tonight, Mr. Campion! You may have just saved your life as well. I was quite ready to have you killed as we began talking today, so consider this a vast improvement. Until next time! Goodnight," The Light says.
The guards again start to drag him out of the room. BC struggles to get his feet back under him, and half walks, half stumbles his way back to his cell between his two escorts. He "voluntarily" goes back inside, sits down, and listens as they close and lock the door once again. He picks up the Bible, flipping it open to the Gospel according to Mark, chapter one.
Penance! Shit. Well, I think he actually bought it. We'll see... I'm sure they'll be watching me to see how diligent my penance is. Better give them a good show.
Chapter Nineteen