BC is blinded by the light as the door to his closet opens. He's been awake, sitting cross-legged in the dark, serving his "penance", thinking of different ways of killing The Light. He squints, trying to see who it is.
Too short to be The Light.
"I don't believe you. I don't believe your confession."
Ah, Mr. Kim. Welcome...
"Why not, Father Kim? I've seen the error of my ways. I've spent this last month actually reading this damn thing," BC nods at the Bible, thinks again, "poor choice of words, sorry. But I did read it. The New Testament especially, just as He asked. We here really are closer to the ideals of the community as Jesus proposed it, as you read about it in Acts and in The Letters. I was wrong."
"You were full of shit, still are. I see right through you."
"You know, Mr. Kim..." BC gets up and stands looking down on Kim.
"Father. Please."
"Father Kim, sorry. You don't strike me as being too much like the rest here, either. You're full of a fair amount of shit yourself, aren't you? Aren't you!"
Kim has something in his right hand. BC sees him roll a finger over it and the door closes behind him. Kim holds up his hand to show BC a small black plastic cube.
"Room controls. Lights, speakers, mics, cameras, lock, all controlled by this nifty little device. One cube for each room in this section, the old sultan's little prison. Or maybe his bordello, hard to tell. At any rate, this is the one for this room. The sultan designed these controls to be both portable and personal, so he could carry them and use them as favors. If he gave you the cube he was giving you back your privacy. This cube controls everything in this room, and can shut off the mics, the cameras, the whole surveillance system. But just for this room.
"With the door closed and with this in my hand, we are alone. No one can listen in on us. And so I say again... I see right through you, Campion, even if He doesn't. I still see the murder in your eyes. You aren't hiding anything. You don't even know what day it is, do you?"
BC knows he doesn't.
Nope.
"You're nearly broken, Campion."
"Bullshit. And why should I believe you about that thing," BC says, pointing at the small black plastic room control cube. "You're just trying to set me up, trying to make it look like I don't regret my past offenses. You're trying to show them I really haven't confessed in my heart, so they'll kill me. Well it won't work!"
"Jesus, Campion, will you quit playing for the cameras? They're off! You can quit your act for the time being. This controls any access to this room, and it's all off. See?"
Kim tosses the cube at BC.
The writing is small, but legible. Controls for the camera, the mics, the light, the lock... just as Kim said. And all turned off.
"Here," Kim says, grabbing it back quickly. "I'm locking the door, that's all. I want to talk to you about something."
"What, do you have a hidden tape recorder? Is that it?"
"You are paranoid!"
"Well…" BC looks Kim in the eye, then looks around at the close walls of the room. "What'd you expect?"
"Look, Campion, calm down. Bottom line here is, I want your help."
"You want my help? How can I help you? And why the fuck should I?"
"You don't know. You've been in here this whole time. Those of us who spend our time with The Light, we've been seeing him... change. Sometimes He's not himself. Not like He used to be. He's been sick. He has mood swings, sudden shifts in his attitudes and behavior. It's been happening a lot lately. Your arrival seems to have driven him over the edge.
"You've seen him, the way he's been with you. He was going to kill you after you first woke up today, that was his plan. Then he felt, I don't know, sorry or something, because he knows too well who you are. Do you know He's done nothing but talk about you this whole time you've been in here? He's spent hours watching you on the monitors, talking to us about your killings, the mockery of your rise to the priesthood. He's obsessed with you. He told me he wants to kill you but he can't," Kim says, disgusted. "God won't let Him, He says. He says you're a test. His test. I think He thinks you're his final test before He dies, and if He fails He won't end up at God's side."
"So, because He's not Himself, He may want to believe me... but you wish I was dead. What, you want me to kill myself? Is that how I can help you?"
"No. I want you to help me kill Him."
Holy Shit, indeed! Out of left fucking field!
"What?"
Kim can't speak at first. He looks like he can't believe he's just said what he just said. "I want you to help me remove Him. There. Now do you believe me?" Kim holds up the black cube, "I'd never say something like that unless I was sure no one could hear us."
"I can't believe you just said that. You want to kill Him?"
"I don't want to. I have to. You know what he said about religious leaders dying young? Maybe they have to. Maybe it stops working after a while. You do it for too long you begin to think of yourself as above everyone else, special, being tested personally by God, eh? Then you're no longer the great religious leader. See what I mean?"
"Not quite."
"Look, Campion, so far I'm the only one who sees The Light declining like this. If He can go out now in a blaze of Holy Glory, he'll be a martyr and his legend will be preserved, everything he built here will be preserved.
"But if I let His decline continue, let Him visibly deteriorate in front of everyone, we'll lose it all, the whole thing. The dream will die with Him, because He's too tied into it!
"We need to set Him free, to set the dream free from him, the way it was set free when Jesus died. He, too, shall rise, just as Christ did. We'll make sure of it."
"You keep saying ‘we'..."
"I need your help."
"But why me? And how? My base of power ain't what it used to be."
"There's another reason you should help me. Do you feel clearer headed lately?"
"What do you mean?"
"I stopped the drugs they were feeding you about a week ago. They were keeping you pretty high. I need you clear headed and clean for this to work. And I thought you might appreciate it."
Now THAT is interesting, considering that last hallucination. Is he lying? What is he up to? What is he setting me up for?"
BC asks, "For what to work? You're not being too clear."
"I have a plan."
God save me from the plans of short, overly ambitious, bald men.
"Of course. A plan. Wonderful."
"The Light has been speaking of you as his test from God, as I said. Now, He's speaking of you as a test He has passed.
"I'm here, officially, anyway, to ask you to eat with us tonight. You are His great conversion, you see. A brilliant accomplishment of the True Will of God and the Glory of His Son, Jesus Christ. And He seems to really believe this! I have... encouraged this. I know you still want Him dead, but I've said nothing of the kind to Him. To Him, I speak well of you. Very well. Extremely Well," Kim says, and almost chokes, "it disgusts me."
"I still don't know why you want my help. Or how I can help."
"You are the center of His universe right now. He stands at the center of our world, and so, then, do you, for now. This places you where I can use you."
"Use me how?"
This should be good...
"What do you see when you look at me, Campion? I know. Short, bald, ambitious... am I right?"
That hits it just about right...
"Sure."
"What you don't see is a charismatic leader. I'm just not the type. Don't look it, can't act it. I know it, and I can live with that. But this place, this group needs a charismatic leader to keep it together. I think you could pull it off."
"What? I'm not charismatic! I'm no celebrity. I've never even been big on public speaking... "
"You underestimate yourself, Campion. I want you to be the leader I can't be, Campion.
"Don't misunderstand me, you won't really be in charge," Kim laughs, "Ha! You wo
uldn't want to be, trust me. You'll be the figurehead, while I run the place. As you may have guessed, I already run the place, while The Light's followers bask in His radiance. I can't let that Light sputter out. If He's quickly extinguished, legends can be born, but if he rots on the throne we are doomed. I must act to guarantee our very survival. When we take out The Light, someone has to step in and fill the void. That can be you."
"Not me. No way. Who'd believe it?"
"They will. We'll make them believe it. Trust me, The Light himself has already built you up into something larger than life: His nemesis, His test, His great new success!
"I'll help you get in even closer with The Light, close enough so He trusts you. If you can act the part of the newly converted fanatic, I can convince The Light you've come at the ordained time to follow him. In His eyes, I'll make you the son He never had. We'll make your choice as His successor inevitable. Then, when the time is right, we'll make sure you're in a situation where no one can suspect you of anything, and I'll administer a poison I found among your things which I believe will kill Him as if from a heart attack. You'll then resist my attempts to elevate you, thereby ensuring your success as the rest demand you lead us."
"That's your plan? This is fucking crazy. You know that don't you?"
We don't have a fucking snowball's chance in hell of making this work.
"No, it really isn't. This will work. I have a few others who will support me as I support you. I've just been waiting for the right time, the right ally to make this work. You're it. There's only one problem."
"Here it comes. I knew it, there's always a prob..."
"We have to do this in the next two weeks."
"Two weeks? Two fucking weeks!"
Oh my God this guy really is fucking crazy. They all are here. Two weeks?
"Maybe two months, maybe, but two... You are crazy. No way. And why? Why would you do this, make me the boss?"
"Because I can't be, like I said. The others won't follow me. But they will follow you. And, on top of that, you have a life to go back to off this station.
"You see, Campion, I'm not asking you to stay here. Just the opposite. I'm asking you to go. Go back to your life. Leave us alone here. You'll be The Light in absentia, spreading the word to the rest of the world. So you'll need someone to run the station in your place while you're gone."
"You."
"Me. I can't be the ‘leader' of this group. But I can lead them. I do now, really. I keep this place running, Campion. Do you think He has any idea how to maintain a space station?"
"I don't..."
"Not a clue, I assure you. He doesn't have to. He has me, why should He? With you, I'll have your reflected power and your stature as a figurehead to use as I see fit. If I need you to come back for some reason, I'll get in touch and you can return. I can't see you having to come back here too often. It will be a perfect arrangement.
"We had better be going. But think about this as we eat. Watch His behavior. You'll see what I mean. For all his anger and fear of you, Campion, He has a grudging admiration for you. He admires your scrappiness, He told me so, in private."
There is a pounding on the door. The Light yells on the other side.
"Kim! Are you okay?"
Kim turns around and opens the door.
"I'm fine, sir."
"The control for the room is missing!"
"I have it. Here," Kim gives it to Him. "I used it to turn on his lights."
"You locked the door, too. I thought Campion here might have gotten you, somehow. I want to believe you've changed, Mr. Campion, but I still have my doubts, it seems. Well, let's forget about it and head for the table, huh? It's time to eat!"
Dinner is again at the big table BC sat at before… only this time he's not tied down! They even sit him down closer to The Light at the table, at The Light's request. Another plentiful meal is spread out before him.
"I can't believe the food! It's so good."
"The Lord provides, Campion. We have hydroponic gardens that Father Kim manages to keep running. We get a lot of our vegetables that way. And there's a supply ship that comes each quarter. We still have friends on Earth. They make sure we stay fed, keep us alive up here. You just missed the last ship, came just before you arrived. Next one comes in about two weeks."
Ah... that explains Kim's deadline. But, shit! I've been here almost three months! They had to have kept me doped up for a while. They've seriously fucked with my time sense. Well, I'm on that ship when it leaves here. That's my plan. But first I eat!
This time at The Light's table, BC lets himself enjoy the meal, even overindulging a bit. Stuffed to the gills on his first full meal in weeks, he's almost falling asleep when The Light begins to talk to him after dinner.
"Kim tells me you want to remain in that tiny room even after your penance."
I do? He does? Sure...
"Yeah. I figure it reminds me of where I've been, where I come from, and what I need to aspire to. I'm used to it, too, I guess."
"You don't have to stay there, but I admire your ethic, Campion. You surprise me. You have more discipline than I thought." The Light laughs. "Maybe there's hope for you yet!"
"Um, thanks."
"You've come a long way already, Mr. Campion. And you've still got a spine."
"What?"
"I can see it. You've still got backbone, Campion. So many of these sheep are just that. Sheep! They can't think for themselves anymore. Followers. They always will be. You're not like them, are you?"
"I'm not? I'd like to think I'm not. But I was following the Pope's orders..."
"Yes, but you stopped. You did not do what was obviously wrong. You confessed, recanted. You've seen the error of your ways, as they say. Yet, there is still steel in you, Campion. I've decided something, right here and now. I think you could be one of my priests."
Where'd that come from? One of Kim's seeds springing to life?
"I can see you're surprised. Good! Father Kim pointed out how far you've progressed, and how much more priestly you are now than when you arrived pretending to BE a priest! Just your attitude about your room reminds me of a monk and his cell. You could be a priest, Campion."
"I thought I was one."
"Ah, but now, you can be a real one. One of mine! Do you want to be?"
"Yes, I'd like that. If you'll have me."
Kim must have been working on Him. This is too easy. It could all be a setup. But The Light seems to be for real in His unreality.
"We shall have you ordained next Sunday! I know it's soon, but I see no reason to delay. Never know how much time we have left, do we, any of us, eh? You'll have some studying to do first, but we'll grant that your former status in the NcC gives you a leg up, how's that?"
"That's fine. Thank you, sir."
"Yes, you're coming along just fine, Campion. Just fine. Father Kim will instruct you this week in what you'll need for Sunday. Yes, let's do that. This test... Hmm, well, excuse me. I forgot... I'm, uh, I'm going to bed now. It's been quite a day! Sleep well, Campion. Welcome to The Body of Christ!" The Light says, spreading his arms as He stands, encompassing the table, the people, the entire room with his gesture. Then He turns and leaves.
Grand exit. Guy likes his drama. Glad I can play a role. Didn't know I was gonna be one of the stars, though....
Kim comes to his room early the next day.
"You'll have to come with me for breakfast. Now that you're no longer a prisoner you no longer get room service, either."
"I'll take the tradeoff, thank you very much. So, where do we go for breakfast?"
"Follow me."
Over the course of his first week free, Kim shows BC around the station. They are only using this toroid, as Kim calls it. The other toroid is for current storage and future expansion. BC learns where the galley is, the throne room, The Light's quarters, the main dining room, and everything's relation to his room and the bathrooms. He learns his way around.
His daily sessi
ons with Kim prep him to say the right things to The Light at dinner each night, to strengthen the growing bond The Light feels with BC. Father Kim also coaches him on what to say on Sunday. His ordination.
I've never really been ordained. Not like this. My first ordination came in the mail! My second was a sort of ecumenical group thing. Maybe third time's the charm. Or maybe I'll finally be damned for good. How much of this crap can I pretend to really believe? At least there's not much chance of lightning striking me down on a space station...
The rest of the week and Sunday go by fast. The ordination itself is a ritualistic, kneel, stand, sit, lie prone, chant sort of blur as BC recites his lines, plays his part, and accepts a sash around his neck symbolizing the Church as The Light declares, "Welcome to The Body of Christ, Father Bernard Campion!"
The rest of His followers crowd in around BC, laying their hands on him, welcoming him.
This is so fucked up. I hope you know what you're doing, Kim.
After the ceremony comes another lavish dinner. The meal is sumptuous, even though BC heard Kim complain earlier that their supplies were dwindling and the supply ship couldn't come soon enough. Throughout dinner BC keeps up his happy front, while inside feeling hollow and phony.
Something has changed. I used to be able to play these kind of games without feeling anything. Why should I feel bad about deceiving these people now?
When he gets up from the table after dinner, one of the younger women approaches him. She has long brown hair, and eastern, almost elfin features; large almond eyes, a petite nose, a small, red blossom of lips. When she speaks her voice sounds warm and fluid, flowing and kind.
"Father?"
"Yes?"
"Do you have anyone to share your bed with you?"
"Ah, no. No I don't."
"I could join you, to help you celebrate your new oneness with us, if you'd like."
"I'd like, but I can't. Not tonight. I need to meditate on today, my sister. Thank you for your love offering, my dear."
The woman smiles wisely at him, "Perhaps some other time, Father."
"Perhaps. Goodnight... what was your name, sister?"
"Ruth, Father. Goodnight." She turns and walks away, turned down but not rejected. She looks back at him once before she leaves the room entirely.
So that's how it is here. Membership has its privileges! I could get used to this. Maybe I won't leave. But then Kim would probably kill me himself!
The Light approaches from across the room.
"Father, I'm surprised you pass up Ruth's charms!" The Light upbraids him with a laugh, "I should tell you, she doesn't offer them up often or to just anyone. You're a lucky man! One shouldn't refuse one of God's gifts when it is so freely offered..."
"I need to think tonight, to take this all in. I'm sort of overwhelmed right now."
"I see. Well, have it your way, Campion. Father Campion! Goodnight."
"Goodnight, sir."
"Oh, and one more thing," The Light says, reaching into his pocket, "here!" He hands BC the little black plastic control cube for his room. "It might even change your decision about Ruth. No one will be watching you now. That's yours. Sleep well."
BC looks at the cube. "Thank you."
The Light smiles at him, then he turns and leaves the room, leaving BC by himself in the dining room. BC pockets the cube, leaves the dining hall, and finds his way back to his room.
My closet. Home Sweet Home.
Kim must have gotten The Light to give me that cube. That's why he wanted me to stay in this closet. So he and I could meet and talk without anyone eavesdropping.
Stuck in this cell. Just another week or so.
Three months!
Wonder if anyone misses me?
"Governor Edwards?"
"Yes, Cardinal?"
"Yes, governor, well, the, um, The Pope has asked me to convey his regrets, but he can't..."
"Look, Cardinal, no offense, but the man is ducking my calls! I've gone through the proper channels, made the proper requests... It's been over a month since I made the request! I'm the head of Lunar Free State, Goddammit! Sorry, Cardinal."
"Apology accepted. Governor Edwards, you've got to understand, His Holy Father is a very busy man..."
"Good-bye, Cardinal. You tell his royal holiness to look me up when he gets a free moment or two, won't you?"
Edwards slaps off the com, scowling.
"Betcha they've already written BC off," he says to himself. "Maybe I should, too."
BC wakes with his arms around Ruth.
Oh yeah.
She'd been persistent. After her third night asking, BC gave in.
She was wonderful!
BC stares at her. Her long brown hair drapes down the middle of her back. He thinks of those almond colored eyes, sharp and penetrating. He breathes her scent in as they lie entangled together. She smells of cinnamon and vanilla.
Pounding on his door shatters his reverie. Kim opens the door and stands there, eyes wide.
"Father," Ruth says.
"Daughter," Kim replies.
"Daughter? What, for real, daughter?" BC stammers. Kim nods. Ruth kisses BC on the cheek, wraps herself in her clothes and runs out past Kim. He comes in closing the door behind him.
"It is done."
"Done?"
"I did not think you'd refuse my daughter so many times. She is a good daughter."
"Ruth is your daughter? You didn't tell me that. What is done?"
"The Light. While my daughter gave you your alibi, I did the deed. He is dead. Come, quickly, we've got to join the others." Kim opens the door and speaks in a deliberately loud voice. "Mary found him this morning. It looks like His heart."
Kim leads BC to the throne room. When BC enters, he sees the throne has been removed. In its place is the dinner table, cleared, draped with a black cloth, the body of The Light lying in state upon it. Followers are spread around the body, lying face down on the floor, crying, and lamenting the loss of The Light.
My job is done! Remote killing. I can't believe Kim did it!
Kim gestures for him to approach the body. BC does, kneeling down before the table.
Suddenly, The Light sits up! Bolt upright, eyes wide open. His mouth opens, but no sound comes out. He moves his mouth, as if to try to speak, but still there's no sound.
He falls back upon the table, his arms fall to the sides and his right hand hits BC full in the face, as BC pulls back away from the table.
BC falls to the side, trying to catch himself as he crashes from his kneeling position to the floor.
The room is full of gasps and murmurs. Father Kim gets up from beside BC and looks down at him in feigned amazement.
"A sign! The Light's last breath and he blesses Father Campion! What could it mean?"
BC looks up in true amazement at Kim. The crowd is already pointing at him, talking about him, as he gets back up on his knees.
"The Light blessed him!"
"Blessed by the light!"
"Father Campion is chosen by The Light!"
That was Ruth.
Daddy's little girl does her work well. She didn't seem to be doing it for Daddy last night, though. At least, I thought it was all for real. Never trust a woman, BC, you know better than that!
She sees him looking at her and smiles.
Well, that's real. Sweet girl. I like her.
Won't trust her. Not too sure about the family...
Kim is addressing the crowd. "I believe we have just seen something miraculous! The Light was already gone, his body lying dead upon the table, when suddenly he rises as Father Campion approached him! He has anointed for us a New Light!"
Oh, man, he's reaching! This is too much, too soon...
Gasps and murmurs again fill the crowd.
It's clear not all are buying what Father Kim is selling.
"He's not one of us!" somebody shouts.
Kim turns to the voice. "The Light himself accepted him, heard his confessi
on, took him in and anointed him priest! What more does he need to do to become one of us? Will you turn away from The Light so soon after He's left us. This is fortuitous! The Light must have known something! He didn't kill Father Campion, but took him in. He took him on as a test, a project. He groomed him! Father Campion's arrival, conversion and his joining us as The Light leaves us is God's Will at work!"
BC knows what he has to do.
"Father Kim, I'm sorry, this is very flattering, but I can't accept what you're saying. There's no way I'm a New Light. These people need someone like you to lead them."
Kim rests a hand on his shoulder. "The Lord puts us all in the right place at the right time, Father. Who are we to question His plan? You are here, now, because we need you to be here! You are The New Light!"
"I don't know, Father Kim, this is all so sudden, so overwhelming. I can't think the Lord means for me to be the New Light..."
"I can help you, Father Campion. The signs are clear to me. Does anyone else see what I see?"
"I see!"
There are more answers from the people.
"Yes, Father Kim, I see. He is blessed by The Light!"
"There are signs. He is the New Light!"
"The Light Blessed him from beyond the grave."
"I see. He is the New Light!"
This is too bizarre.
BC gets to his feet on the dais, in front of the table on which lies the body of The Light. He looks out over the crowd. Kim is on his left, egging on the followers, "The New Light!" Kim proclaims, opening his arms to BC, presenting him. "The New Light!" Ruth says, as she looks up at him from the crowd, a smirk curling up the corners of her mouth.
I like that mouth. Maybe I'll just look at those lips for a while. Need to focus on something right now. This is surreal. What am I supposed to do now?
Ruth nudges two women, one on each side of her, and the three approach BC. They kneel at his feet. More of the congregation rises to join him on the dais. Hands begin to reach out for him, to touch him. He feels Ruth's arm snake around him, and the arm of one of her friends on the other side, as they kneel beside him. More of the crowd gets up, gathering around him, touching him. Kim is smiling at him. Finally, he smiles back at Kim.
You bastard. Memo to self: remind me never to fuck with him. His daughter, yes, him, no. Yeah, I'm The Light, all right. Let's see...
"I will try to serve you well, my brothers and sisters. I don't know that I can be what you want me to be."
"You already are," someone he doesn't know says. He can feel their love like a palpable thing as it pours off them.
I feel dirty. Could you have picked someone more unworthy? This is nice, but so wrong!
Even his jagged, hardened cynicism begins to melt as they continue to gaze at him with full attention.
What can I say?
"I can't tell you all how much I love all of you, right now. You're all incredible!"
Not lies. Just not the truth they think they heard.
"It doesn't matter what you'll have me do. I can't thank you enough for even just letting me be a part of you. Thank you."
One of the women looking up at him smiles and says, "You do shine brightly, Father Campion. You do, whether you know it or not."
Chapter Twenty