“Addison,” he said, not in warning this time but more in resignation.
“What’s your first name?”
“Oh no,” he drawled, and for the first time since we’d met, he laughed, and the sound tickled its way up my spine. “I’m not telling you that.”
“Well, I can find out by searching the school’s web page at home.”
One, two, three.
“Then why haven’t you?”
Trying for nonchalant, I shrugged. “I wanted you to tell me.”
“Why?” he asked, just as I knew he would.
“Because it’ll mean more.”
“It’s not appropriate for me to tell you, especially since you won’t be using it.”
I lowered my eyes and then peeked at him flirtatiously from beneath my lashes. “But it would be nice to know whose name to call when I touch myself at night.”
“Jesus.”
“What?” I questioned as I spread my thighs apart under the desk. “It’s the truth.”
“It doesn’t matter. You can’t say things like that to me.”
“But I can to others?”
He pulled his seat out and sat down. “No. You shouldn’t say it to anyone.”
“Why? Am I supposed to act ashamed that I like to touch myself? I do, you know, but I promised myself that my next orgasm would be with you, so…wanna help me out?”
His gaze dropped below the desk, and the moment he noticed my legs parted, he brought his eyes back to mine. This time, they were a dark gold and much more volatile—less patient.
“I’m not talking about this with you.”
“Oh, please. Don’t try and tell me you don’t think about me.”
“Stop. It. Addison,” he growled, and the sound of my name reverberating from his throat made my pussy clench in response.
“Don’t worry, Mr. M. Can I call you that? It’s much easier. I don’t want you to touch me. I can do that all on my own. Just watch—watch me.”
I pushed my chair away from the desk and leaned back into the seat, lowering my hand down between my thighs. Pressing my fingers against the outside of my shorts, I noticed his eyes skid down to see what I was doing.
“Stop it.”
“Make me,” I challenged.
His voice was barely audible as he admitted, “I can’t.”
* * *
I couldn’t make her because I didn’t want her to stop.
If anyone could have seen what was going on, it was obvious to me that they would have labeled me a monster and her a victim. However, as I sat there, fighting every instinct to go to her, I really had to wonder which role fit whom in this scenario.
I consciously knew this was not supposed to happen. I was supposed to be the one to walk away, but how do you keep saying no in the face of such temptation? If this was a test, was I about to fail?
Addison’s smooth legs were spread wide under the desk. Her hand was eagerly massaging between them as she watched me. I remained frozen, fixated on the scene like a deer caught in the headlights.
“Tell me what to do,” she invited.
Was she kidding? This was the most demented thing I’d ever done. I wasn’t going to compound the situation by giving her instructions to take her pants off so I could see more.
“Tell me,” she demanded again as her fingers moved up and slid—oh fuck—inside her school shorts.
I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to erase the image as I fought my body’s natural instinct. My cock was as hard as a fucking rock as I sat there imagining what she was touching. The only sound I could hear was the—tick, tick, tock—of the fucking wall clock. It felt as though it was keeping time with my heart as it pounded inside my chest.
“Mr. M?”
At the breathy sound of her voice, I lifted my head and saw that she’d unzipped her jacket and was focused on me with lustful eyes.
“Addison.”
“Don’t tell me no.”
“I’m not telling you anything.”
She let out a soft moan, and I figured she’d just touched…fuck!
“You don’t have to, just your voice makes me wet. Watch me. Watch what you do to me.”
Denying myself even that, I stood, determined to put an end to this.
“This is over. Stop what you’re doing and get up.”
“No,” she told me as her eyes clouded over, desire starting to take a tight hold of her.
Rounding my desk, I pressed a firm palm against my erection, trying to get it to behave as I moved closer to her.
“Get your fucking hands out of your pants, and go home, Addison. It’s called self-control. Try and find some.”
“Mhmm, again,” she panted, and I could feel my panic closing in on me as her quick breaths were beginning to drown out the ticking of the clock, which was the only thing keeping me sane.
“What?”
“My name, say it again,” she pleaded as I stopped in front of her. “Hurry.”
Looking down at the way she was sprawled out in her seat, I saw the fingers of her left hand tapping the edge of the desk—one, two, three—and her other was underneath it, out of view.
That’s when I heard myself say, “Addison.”
“Yes,” she moaned, and I assumed her fingers were now inside her.
“Addison,” I repeated again, unable to stop my mouth as she pushed her breasts out for me like a fucking offering.
I felt drawn to her.
With morbid curiosity, I placed my hands on her desk, bringing my face in close to hers. Closer than I’d ever been before. Unable to look away.
Her attention shifted to my mouth in that moment, and the power of my own lust slammed into me, taking full control.
“Addison,” I rasped out, and as she tipped her face up, I couldn’t find the will to back away.
“Yes?” she sighed, so close to my lips I could taste her sweet, warm breath as it entered my mouth.
“It’s Grayson,” I finally gave over. Her lips curved seductively, and I knew she understood exactly what I’d just given.
Her eyes shut, and the long lashes kissed the top curve of her rosy cheeks. She sat back and started to raise her hips up under the desk. I rubbed my painfully stiff cock while Addison continued to masturbate less than an arm’s length away from me.
I couldn’t drag my attention away as her forearm flexed and pushed down every time her body bucked up, no doubt causing her fingers to slide deeper inside herself.
She was stunning.
Provocative, sensual, and so free with her own pleasure that when her eyes opened and locked with mine, I couldn’t stop myself from saying, “You’re fucking gorgeous.”
“Kiss me,” she begged.
I stumbled back, shaking my head in denial.
While I wasn’t touching her, I could convince myself that I hadn’t crossed too many lines. Yet, even as the word, “No,” left my mouth, I knew I was a liar.
I’d crossed every fucking line. I reveled in the sound of my name on her lips as those siren eyes closed and she hurled herself to climax.
It was risky, it was decadent, and I knew I’d never be able to step foot into this classroom without envisioning Addison in that moment.
* * *
Present…
Talking is overrated. I know that now. I just wish I’d known it back then.
Unfortunately, that is all that’s on the schedule for me at Pine Groves. Talking about the past. Or should I say, Doc talking and me…just listening.
What a waste of time. Nothing could be undone. It was too late.
“Addison, sooner or later, you need to talk about this.”
No I don’t, and he can’t make me. That’s what really kills him.
“Let’s talk about Grayson again today.”
I want to tell him not to use his first name and that I hate when he talks about him as though they know one another—but I don’t say anything.
Instead, I sit silently in the corner of this room as I always do. Silent, except
for the clock that’s keeping track of how many seconds I’m wasting in here.
“It’s okay to be angry. What he did was…” His voice tapers off, inviting me to divulge what I know.
Thinking about the past hurts. It’s raw, painful, and I can’t imagine ever wanting to talk about it. But I also can’t let a lie continue to be told.
Standing, I move to the center of the room where the good doctor is taking notes.
“I don’t want to be pitied because of what I represent to you and every other outraged parent in our community.”
Shocked by the fact I’ve just said more than I have in all the time I’ve been here, he takes a moment to gather his thoughts before asking, “And what do you think you represent, Addison?”
“The poor little girl who was seduced by the big bad wolf.”
I can tell I’m right. He has nothing to say, and once again, neither do I.
What he doesn't understand is that there isn't a poor little girl, just a wolf in sheep’s clothing, hiding in plain sight—standing right before his very eyes.
Who’s afraid of the big bad wolf?
Tick, tick, tock.
Chapter Eight
Past…
The weekend.
It represented freedom for most people. Two days to do whatever they wanted—but I’m not like most people.
To me, it was two days of forced communication with my parents, who walked around the same house and never once interacted. Virtual strangers.
It hadn’t always been like this, and every day in some way, I was reminded it was because of me.
“Addison!”
My mother’s shrill voice found its way up our spiral staircase and into my room.
“Addison! Get down here! Now!”
Shit. My initial thought was that Mr. McKendrick, no…Grayson, had reported me from the day before, but that didn’t make sense. If he’d done that, he would also be reporting himself.
I tried to imagine what I had done and felt my heartbeat accelerating at the thought. It was never good when she was upset, and it was even worse when my father was.
One, two, three. One, two, three.
I looked at the old antique clock sitting on my desk. As the second hand—tick, tick, tocked—and penetrated my thoughts, I felt myself begin to relax.
Perfection. It’s a goal no one should have to live up to, but after what had happened…how could they love me otherwise?
Pushing off my bed, I made my way over to the oval mirror hanging on my bedroom wall. I studied my reflection and practiced the smile I knew she expected—the one she needed to see. My lips curved and what looked like a smile appeared, but my eyes remained lost.
“Addison!”
Again, her voice found me.
“Coming, Mom!” I finally yelled back.
With a shaky breath, I pulled my hair into a sleek ponytail and headed for the door. Halfway down the stairs I realized several strands had been missed, so I ran back up to my mirror. Knowing she was waiting on me, I yanked the elastic band out with a grimace and once again tied it, this time making sure I caught all of my hair before securing it in place. There, perfect.
Jogging down the stairs, I made my way to the kitchen and found her sipping coffee from her favorite mug. It was one that Daniel had given her for his last mother’s day.
It had I, huge red heart, my mom—and he had.
He’d loved her the most, and she mourned him by pretending it had never happened.
“Addison?” she asked as her eyes ran over me.
It was almost like a spot check.
Hair perfect. Clothes perfect. Behavior perfect.
Check, check, check. Flawless.
“Yes, Mom?”
Lowering the mug onto the black granite counter, her face altered from a frown to a smile so swiftly she would have fooled most, but not me.
“It says here that your time yesterday qualified you to hurdle in the state competition.”
“Oh, yeah,” I acknowledged, having completely forgotten. That piece of information had been lost somewhere around the time I slipped my fingers into my shorts for Mr—Grayson.
“Oh, yeah?” my mother repeated back to me, slowly.
I knew she hated the word yeah.
“Sorry. I meant yes. I was told before we left the meet and after we went to dinner. I must have forgotten.”
In reality, I’d left the school with Brandon, gone to Cherry Hill and let him put his fingers inside me—where mine had been earlier that afternoon for our history teacher.
“Well, young lady, this isn’t something you should take lightly. Your father and I are very pleased with your success.”
Yes, I’m sure he was. So proud that he hadn’t shown up to see me, and so proud he had left early this morning to play golf. The only time my father ever acknowledged me was when I was in his way, so I tried my best to stay out of it.
“We’ll go out tonight. To celebrate.”
The minute the words left her mouth, I knew the idea was a bad one. Family dinners these days consisted of my mother overreacting, my father over-drinking, and me trying, but always failing, to be the ideal daughter.
“That’s okay, Mom.”
“We are going out, and that is that. My baby girl, state champion.”
This side of her always confused me. She seemed genuinely pleased, but at a moment’s notice, her mood could change.
“Mom, I haven’t even run it yet.”
“I know. But you will, and you’ll win.”
I didn’t look away from the eyes as blue as my own, knowing without a doubt that state champion was what she expected. I also knew in my heart, she’d settle for nothing less.
“Yes, Mom,” I agreed and waited, knowing she had not yet dismissed me.
Picking up her coffee mug, she took another sip, and I was reminded again of why I was expected to live up to her high standards—Daniel.
“Tonight. We’ll go to Franco’s. Be ready at seven.”
“But—”
“No buts, young lady. We will celebrate this.”
I nodded, seeing no way out. “Yes, Mom.”
“Good. Good girl.” She paused. “What were you doing just now?”
There it was, the question she always asked. The one she didn't really need answered but inserted into every conversation she had with me.
She saw it as good parenting. That question showed she cared, right?
“Nothing, just read—”
“Good, good,” she muttered, not really listening at all.
The obligatory words had been spoken. I was now dismissed.
* * *
It was Saturday afternoon, and I was standing by my father’s bedside. I tried to remember a time when he wasn’t suffering, a time when he’d been strong, healthy—complete.
I pulled the aqua vinyl recliner next to his bed and sat down facing him. Sometimes, if I was lucky, he’d open his eyes and see—
“Gray,” I heard, and I looked into the face of a tired old man.
“Hey, Dad.”
I took his hand in mine and squeezed it.
“Hey yourself. What’s going on, son?”
Even now, with his world slowly fading, he saw straight through the mask and right into me.
“Nothing’s going on. How are you?”
With his usual dry wit intact, a familiar furrow creased his forehead. “How am I? Really, Gray? I woke up this morning, so that’s a great start.”
“Come on, Dad.”
He chuckled softly, which gave way to a cough. “You asked.”
“So I did.”
“Now, what’s going on, son?”
I knew there was no way I could admit the truth. That was not the man I wanted to be and certainly not the man I wanted him to remember. Fuck.
I couldn’t even look him in the eye as I recalled what happened yesterday.
Too close, I had been too fucking close to giving in.
Instead of being the teac
her who inspired the desire to learn, I was the teacher inspiring my students—no, one student—to want me.
As if that was okay on any fucking level.
“Son? What is it? You seem…troubled.”
Erasing the revulsion from my face, I tried to assure him. “Nothing, Dad. It’s nothing.”
He squinted at me and tried a different tactic. “Is it the new school? Are the teachers giving you a hard time?”
I rested my elbows on my knees and clasped my hands between them.
How could I tell him, no, it’s an eighteen-year-old girl giving me trouble. He couldn’t understand because neither could I.
“Nope, just the usual. Oh, and my father is sick, you may have heard.”
With another congested cough, he shook his head on the stark white pillow. “Don’t try and bullshit a bullshitter. I’m sick, not stupid.”
“Dad, just leave it alone. It’s nothing you need to worry about.”
There, if I said it was nothing, then it was—
“You’re lying to me. I taught you better than that, son. My students didn’t lie to me, and I’ve never let you either.”
Yes, that was the whole fucking problem. He had taught me better than that, and I was about to let him down.
“Is it a girl?”
Just that word alone had my palms sweating. Girl. Yes, it was definitely a girl.
“What’s the problem? You’re successful, and you take after me, so we both know you’re good-looking. You want my advice?”
For the first time in a long while, my father laughed at what he thought was a lovesick son. He had no idea I was cursing myself on the inside.
“I told you, I’m fine.”
I forced myself to keep the connection with him before he closed his eyes and exhaled.
“Life’s unexpected, Gray. Hearts come and go. If you want hers, then take it.”
I suppose that was easy to say when you didn’t know whose heart was up for the taking.
* * *
Seven-thirty arrived, and so did we. Three pillars of the community, all immaculately dressed and all without a single thing to say.
“Reservation for Lancaster,” Mom announced as though we were royalty.
The girl standing behind the hostess table looked around my mother and waved at me. “Hi, Addy.”