“No,” I said. “You’re right. Not about the swearing, but about it being different if it was a guy.”
“More guys should step up,” Zoe joined in. “I hate thinking some guy is cute and wanting to get to know him, but at the same time being afraid that he might hurt me.”
“The assholes make it hard for the decent guys.” That came from Anna.
“Are there any decent guys?” asked Sarah James, one of the newer girls.
“Hadley’s got one,” Zoe replied with a smile.
I felt them all look at me, and heat rushed up my neck to my cheeks. “Yeah,” I said softly. “There are decent guys.”
“Hadley’s right.” Detective Davies smiled at me. “There are a lot of good men out there. I married one. I work with several. There are also some bad ones, like the guys the vigilante has targeted. I don’t agree with her methods, but I love the fact that she’s empowering you girls, that she’s uniting you, because you’re all stronger together than you are apart. And mostly, it gives me great satisfaction in seeing these men be held accountable for their actions.
“I couldn’t put the guys who raped Magda Torres in jail.” She looked right at me when she spoke. “That eats at me every day. I will say this only in this place, our little sanctuary where we can be completely honest with each other and everything said stays within these walls, there is a part of me—a large part—that wants to thank the Vigilante for doing what I couldn’t.”
I stared at her. My mouth might’ve even been hanging open. I wanted to hug her. At that moment I wanted to tell them all that I was the Vigilante. I wanted to confess so bad, but I didn’t. I just sat there, silent, because for all I knew it could also be a trap.
Detective Davies wasn’t done. “I was raped when I was seventeen. I went to a beach party, had too much to drink and ended up on my back in a tent with a guy from the chess club on top of me. I didn’t say no, but I hadn’t said yes, either.”
Now we were all staring at her—in stunned silence.
“When I told a girlfriend that I hadn’t wanted to have sex with him, she went and told him that. His response? ‘The bitch wanted it as much as I did.’ Not all rapists are jocks or rough guys. My attacker was the school valedictorian that year. I ran into him at the reunion a few years ago. He didn’t recognize me at first, and when he did, he gave me this little smirk like we shared a secret. I’ll never forget the look on his face when I told him I was a cop, and that if he kept smiling at me like that I was going to find a reason to shoot him.”
We all cheered. She smiled. “I don’t condone violence. What I do believe in is giving you the power not only to defend yourself, but to stand up for yourself. I know it’s difficult to come forward and admit what someone did to you. I regret every day not reporting my rapist, or going to the hospital and having a rape kit done. I had been drinking, and I thought it was my fault. It wasn’t my fault, and it’s not your fault. And if your rapist attacks someone else, that’s not your fault, either. He is the one who is to blame, not you. Never you.”
I’m not sure who went next, but one by one, those who wanted to share their stories started talking. When it came around to me, I was sure what I was going to say, but then I opened my mouth. “My best friend was raped by four guys I have to see almost every day. She killed herself. I blame myself because I wasn’t there to help her. I was off with a guy, not being raped.”
They all looked at me in sympathy. Some of these girls had shared terrible stories about what had happened to them, and yet they felt sorry for me? I couldn’t deal. I thought about what Zoe had said to me—that Drew and his friends hadn’t needed to physically rape me—they’d already done it emotionally. They took away something inside me that I would never get back.
Detective Davies smiled as she looked at all of us. “When I look at you, I don’t see victims. I see survivors. Now, on your feet. We’re going to do some punching and kicking.”
We all jumped up. I don’t think there was even one of us who didn’t feel like throwing as many punches and kicks as we could. I just had to picture Drew’s smirking face in front of me and I gave it all I had.
After class I headed toward the local college where Gabriel was studying. He’d texted me earlier, asking if I wanted to meet up around 10:00. I said yes. Like I’d ever say no. I hadn’t seen him much lately, as he was working on some project for one of his classes. We were going to meet at a pizza place just off campus in about half an hour.
The college had turned a bunch of old Victorian houses into student living space a few years ago. I was walking past a row of these when I heard what sounded like a whimper followed by male laughter. It was a sound that was both frightening and infuriating. My hand closed around the mask in my bag as I slowly moved toward the sounds.
Was it too much to ask that the one night I wasn’t looking for trouble, I didn’t find any?
Lights were on in two houses that had a narrow alley between them. It was dark in that alley, but there was enough light from the windows that I could see four guys together in a circle. As my eyes adjusted to the dim light, I could see that they were clustered around a girl, and that there was actually a fifth guy on the ground with her. He had his hands under her skirt trying to remove her underwear. His friends cheered him on as she cried. I could tell she was drunk. She was also terrified.
There was no way I could take on five guys in a fight, but I wasn’t about to walk away, and I wasn’t about to let them hurt her. I had my bag behind some bushes and pulled my ski mask over my head, tucking my ponytail inside. I had two sets of brass knuckles that I had borrowed from the dojo—we sometimes used them when we staged fight scenarios. I put them on, simultaneously psyching myself up while part of me wondered if I was completely insane.
I crept back to the strip of darkness between the houses and drew a deep breath. “Hey!” I yelled as loud as I could.
The circle jerked back, revealing more of the guy and girl on the ground. He had her underwear around her knees and was ripping them off as she kicked at him.
One of the guys turned toward me. “It’s that pink-masked bitch from the news. You picked the wrong party to crash, baby.”
“Really?” I asked. “Because it seems like you guys were about to start without me.” Something about putting on the mask made me ballsy. When I wore it, I felt like I was actually the badass people thought I was.
The guy came at me. He made it easy for me. I punched him hard in the nose, then slammed an uppercut into his jaw. His nose crunched under the brass knuckles, spurting blood down the front of his shirt. He fell to his knees with a cry of pain. I whipped my leg out and snapped him with a controlled kick that sent him sprawling and knocked him out.
When his friends saw what I’d done, two of them decided to come at me, followed by a third. The guy on the ground was still trying to get between the crying girls legs. I sent up a little prayer to the universe that I could get through these three guys before he managed to rape her. I seriously wanted to beat him bloody.
If they didn’t beat and rape me first.
The trio rushed me, driving me out of the alley. Fuck. In the open they would be able to surround me. I punched one, kicked at another, but the third got behind me and grabbed my arms. I threw my head back, hoping to connect with his nose, but he moved and I ended up connecting with what felt like his cheekbone instead. He grunted but didn’t let go of me. He pulled my arms behind me, locking them so I couldn’t pull free. I kicked at his shins and struggled against his hold, but then one of his buddies punched me in the stomach, knocking the wind out of me. I bent double, gasping for breath. I could feel the guy behind me grinding himself against my ass.
“We’re going to have fun with you,” he said to me, laughing. “We’ll see how much of a hero you are when a video of me fucking you like a dog goes viral.”
I probably should’ve been mor
e scared than I was, but what actually went through my head was sadness that so many guys thought this way. Where did it come from? How could I have thought that I could ever fight it? It was like a disease. A worldwide epidemic of men and boys who thought that violating a woman was not only their right, but a pleasure.
Another punch knocked that thought right out of my head as a hard fist connected with my jaw. Stars exploded before my eyes as pain blasted through my skull. He hadn’t broken my jaw—at least not yet. When he came at me again I was ready, and I caught him with a kick to the gut that knocked him backward into his buddy. That made them both mad, and I desperately tried to think of some way to save myself as I watched the two of them prepare to come at me together.
I braced myself for their attack, running possible defenses in my head. I didn’t have much going for me, but maybe I could get angled around so that I could slam the guy behind me into the side of the building. I drew a deep breath as the first one lunged...
Then I heard it. At first it was faint over the muffled cries of the girl in the alley, but it was a shout—more than one. My opponents paused, turning their heads in the direction the sound had come from. Under the streetlights, I saw three girls running toward us. It was Zoe, Anna and Caitlin. I didn’t know whether to scream at them to run or to burst out laughing in joy at the sight of them.
“Let her go!” Zoe’s eyes blazed. She looked fierce with her frown and clenched fists. Anna and Caitlin flanked her—they looked like a badass girl gang.
“Fuck off,” the guy behind me growled. “Or you’ll be next.”
Zoe actually laughed. I think I loved her a little bit at that moment. “I don’t think so, asshole.”
I watched in amazement as these girls who I’d begun to think of as true friends went Kill Bill on the two guys who had been about to come at me. They were brutal and beautiful. What they lacked in proficiency they made up for in ferocity.
The arms that held mine slackened. I could feel my captor’s indecision. Did he hold on to me, or did he help his friends?
I made the decision for him.
I pulled my arms free and pivoted around to punch him hard in the mouth. I was still wearing the brass knuckles, and I felt teeth shatter as they connected. I didn’t take time to enjoy it. I punched him again in the nose before kicking him hard between the legs. When he doubled over, I brought my knee up, smashing it into his face. He fell to the ground and didn’t get up.
While my girls took care of his friends, I headed into that dark crevice between the houses. I heard a front door open, voices raised. I ignored it. On the ground, the girl lay unconscious, her legs splayed as her attacker unbuttoned his fly. Rage rushed up from somewhere deep inside me. I wanted to kill him. It was only the knowledge that Magda would be so disappointed in me that kept me from bouncing his head against the concrete foundation of one of the houses.
That didn’t stop me from kicking him, though. Not in the head, but in the ribs. I think I felt a couple of them snap beneath my boot. He screamed and fell onto one of the girl’s legs. I kicked him again, this time in the ass. Then I kicked him in the kidneys, and the ass again, and the thigh. I even kicked him in the foot. I kicked him everywhere I could that I knew would hurt but not knock him out, and not cause serious injury.
The sound of sirens made me stop.
“Hey!” came Zoe’s voice from behind me. “Someone called the cops. You’ve got to get out of here.”
I whirled around. She had blood in the corner of her mouth, but other than that she looked gorgeous. There was real concern on her face, and in that moment I knew that she knew it was me beneath the mask.
I ran out of the alley. “Stay with her, please.” I looked Zoe in the eye as I spoke. “Make sure she tells the cops what happened. You tell them what happened. Don’t lie for me.”
“You’re not the boss of me.” She said it with a smile. “I’ll take care of it. Now will you just get the hell out of here?”
The sirens were getting louder. I grabbed my bag from where I’d stashed it and ran. A crowd gathered outside both houses. Someone shouted as I ran by, and someone else made a grab for me, but I escaped.
“Let her go!” Caitlin shouted. “She didn’t do anything wrong!”
I ran across the street, bolting for the darkness behind the library. Only when I was sure I was hidden from any cameras or windows did I pull off the mask and stuff it in my bag. My fingers shook as I pulled the elastic from my ponytail and combed my hair into less of a mess. I pulled a mirror from my bag and squinted at myself in the darkness. I didn’t look too bad except for the blood on my lips. My teeth had cut the inside of my mouth when that asshole punched me. Other than that, I was okay.
I didn’t take the time to think about the fact that being punched wasn’t a big deal to me anymore. Instead, I took a couple of deep breaths, put on some lip gloss and walked off in the direction of the pizza place, leaving the sirens and flashing lights behind me.
CHAPTER 16
Earlier This Year
“Let’s go to a movie,” I suggested.
Magda stared straight ahead, her greasy hair falling over her forehead. How long had it been since she’d showered? I could smell the BO from where I sat. “I don’t feel like it.”
“You can’t just stay in bed,” I told her. She was still in her pajamas—something that had become all too common since the charges against Drew Carson and his friends had been dropped. Basically, everyone in town believed Magda had willingly had sex with all of them, even though they’d found GHB—the “date rape drug”—in her system.
The lesson here was that rich boys could get away with rape and poor girls deserved it.
“I don’t feel like it, Hadley. You go.”
“I don’t want to go alone. I want you to come with me.”
“Leave me alone!” she snapped.
I stared at her. She’d never yelled at me. Never. It hurt—and it pissed me off. She’d turned her back on me lately, and I didn’t know what to do. “Fine. Stay here and rot,” I retorted. I jumped off the bed and stormed out of the room.
Gabe found me in the kitchen. “What’s up? She still in bed?”
I nodded, not trusting my voice as tears burned the back of my eyes. It was five o’clock in the afternoon on a Saturday. Normally we’d be out doing something, or making pizza for that night and picking out movies to watch. Who was I trying to kid? We hadn’t done much of anything since That Night.
He gave me a hug. “I’m worried about her too,” he said. “Hey, I was going to make a pizza and watch a movie tonight. Why don’t you stay? Maybe she’ll come around.”
I nodded, brushing away a tear. I wasn’t going to feel sorry for myself around him, or anyone in the family. His mother had taken his little sister Teresa to his grandparents’ house for the weekend, just to get her away from the gossip. The entire Torres family was suffering thanks to Drew Carson and his friends.
A little while later, while I was opening a can of pizza sauce, I heard Gabe on the phone. “Sorry, Jenn, but I can’t take you to Todd’s party tonight... No, it’s my sister... Well, yeah, she is more important to me than you are... She did not ask for it... Forget it, we’re done.”
When he came into the kitchen, he looked angry enough to punch someone. “You okay?” I asked.
Gabe shook his head. “Not really, no.”
I set the open can of sauce on the counter. “We’ll be not okay together then.”
He smiled at me and stole another little piece of my heart.
The pizza had just come out of the oven when Magda walked into the kitchen. She’d showered and was wearing leggings and a sweater. Her wet hair was up in a clip. She looked more like her old self. “Is that pizza?” she asked.
Gabe and I exchanged a glance. “Yeah,” I said, keeping my tone casual
. “Want some?” She’d lost so much weight since the rape she was practically skeletal.
She nodded. “Yeah. I’m hungry. I’m sorry for being cranky with the two of you.”
“It’s okay,” Gabe said, giving her a smile. “I’ll get some soda.”
The three of us sat in the living room, eating pizza and watching a movie. I tried not to notice that Magda barely ate, and that she laughed way too hard at the funny bits. She was faking being okay for me and her brother, and I wasn’t going to take that away from her. I hoped that maybe she was getting better.
I was wrong.
* * *
I hadn’t told Gabe what happened on campus when I saw him Thursday night, so I wasn’t surprised to get a text from him Friday morning that said Come over tonight. We need to talk.
He could be as angry as he wanted. It wasn’t going to stop me. And it wasn’t going to make me let him be my partner, or whatever. It was bad enough that Zoe was now involved. Since the cops didn’t come to arrest me, I can only assume she hadn’t given me up. I hoped she wasn’t in too much trouble.
She was waiting for me by my locker when I got to school Friday morning. She had a bruise high up on her cheekbone that was even angrier looking than the one on my jaw. Her eye was even a little swollen. She smiled when she saw me.
“Did you see us on the news?” she asked.
“No, but I heard my mother talking to a friend about it this morning. She doesn’t know what the world is coming to.” I said this with a wry smile. I loved my mom, but she was completely out of touch. Maybe being married to my father had broken her.
“Detective Davies showed up. She said she was proud of us. And then she asked us if we knew who the Vigilante was.”
“What did you tell her?” The pulse of my throat pounded hard.
“First of all, we hadn’t said anything about the Vigilante being there. The guy who tried to grab her told the cops that she ran. He also told them that I said for him to let her go.”
“Fuck,” I muttered. “How much trouble are you in?”