The door opened. Standing in the open frame in jeans and a T-shirt that probably cost more than my entire outfit was Jason. A year ago I would’ve described him as cute. I might’ve even wanted him to pay attention to me. Now his face had as much appeal as a bowl of maggots. If he ever touched me, I would probably take a cheese grater to the spot just to get rid of the taint.
He smiled when he saw us, though it faltered a little when he looked at me. “Hey,” he said, standing back so we could step inside. “Glad you could make it.”
I followed Zoe inside. She smiled and thanked him for inviting us. I couldn’t do anything more than nod.
“Do you want a soda or anything?” he asked, leading us deeper into the house. The floor looked like marble, and the staircase was wide enough to drive a car up.
“Sure,” Zoe said.
“Do you have anything in cans?” I asked. There was no way I was going to let him bring me a glass.
He shot me a glance as though he could read my mind. “Sure. Come into the kitchen.”
The kitchen was just as perfect as the rest of the house. There wasn’t even a crumb on the stove. A stack of pizza boxes sat on the counter, and I could smell the cheesy, tomatoey goodness.
I wasn’t going to eat anything, either.
Jason opened the wide, stainless-steel fridge. “Help yourself.”
Zoe took a can of Sprite. I reached in and grabbed a can of diet Dr Pepper. “Thanks.”
He closed the fridge door. The action made him step closer toward me. Instinctively I lurched backward, banging my hip against the counter in my effort to avoid contact.
Jason frowned. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
I forced myself to meet his gaze. “You didn’t.” Scare me? No. Repulse me? Yes.
He looked as though he wanted to say something else, but then a small group of people burst into the kitchen. They were all in our class, though one of the girls was a junior.
“Hey, Jay, where’s the beer?” one of the guys asked.
Jason went to get it for them, and I took that as my opportunity to escape. Zoe and I followed the music and conversation downstairs into a large finished basement that had the biggest television I’ve ever seen and a pool table. Patio doors opened up to the backyard, where there was a pool and hot tub. There were kids in each.
Zoe turned to me. “This house is fricking amazing.”
“Yeah,” I agreed through clenched teeth. The house was gorgeous.
“Hey, there’s Anna and Caitlin. Want to go say hi?”
“Yeah.” I meant it. I was happy to see the two of them, and not just because there was safety in numbers.
The two girls looked just as happy to see us, and they immediately started talking about how they’d been practicing what they learned in class.
“I think my mother thought we were killing each other,” Anna joked. “We almost busted the lamp in my room.”
I laughed. I was glad they came. Having them there eased my anxiety. That anxiety came back, however, about an hour later when I saw Drew Carson hovering around the girl I’d recognized as a junior earlier, who was now so drunk she could barely stand up.
A hot prickly sensation ran up the back of my neck, followed by a shiver of ice down my spine. For months I’d thought about what I would do in that very situation. I’d imagined myself walking up to him and beating him stupid. I imagined myself being the girl’s savior. Once, I even imagined myself going full-on Kill Bill on them. Never had I imagined myself just standing there, frozen to the spot and shaking with anger. How could I just stand there and not do anything?
I couldn’t. With my can of soda in hand—because I was not about to set it down—I started walking toward them. Zoe, Caitlin and Anna were right behind me. Zoe said my name, but it sounded like she was talking to me from the far end of a tunnel.
What was I going to do? Smash my soda can into his face? Kick him? At that moment he hadn’t done anything wrong. Of course that was the moment I remembered Gabriel telling me I couldn’t fight all four of them.
Suddenly, my path was interrupted by Jason. I hadn’t even seen him approach. One second I had my sights set directly on Drew, and the next Jason was there, blocking me.
“You okay, Angie?” I heard him ask the girl.
“She’s had too much to drink,” Drew said with a smirk. “She just needs to lie down for a bit. She can use your room can’t she, Jay?”
I froze. This cannot be happening. Drew could not be planning to rape this poor drunk girl. Even though I knew him to be the worst kind of monster, I couldn’t believe how easily it seemed to come to him.
“Actually,” Jason said, glancing at me. “I think Angie needs to go home. I’m going to put her in a cab.” He took the girl by the arm and pulled her away from Drew, who had a stupefied look on his face.
The girls and I exchanged glances as Jason steered Angie past us. He had his cell phone to his ear. I heard him ask for a cab.
Drew had been cock-blocked by one of his best friends. His face twisted into a combination of anger, petulance and disappointment. It made me smile.
I followed Jay and Angie, needing to make sure he actually did send her home and didn’t take her upstairs instead.
I stood at the opposite end of the hall, near the stairs, and watched. Jason held the girl up, and when the cab arrived, he took her outside and put her in it. I moved closer to the open door so I could watch him pay the cabbie and close the car door.
He spotted me before I could duck away, so I stayed where I was rather than run, as I wanted. I watched him step inside the house, closing the door behind him.
He looked at me. “Did you follow me to make sure I sent her home?”
“Yes.” I had no trouble meeting his gaze.
His fists clenched at his sides. “I. Am. Not. A. Monster.”
I tilted my head as I looked at him. “Are you trying to convince me of that?” I asked. “Or yourself?” And then I turned on my heel and went back to my new friends. Just because he’d sent one girl home didn’t mean he and his friends didn’t have another victim picked out.
And it didn’t change what he’d done to Magda.
CHAPTER 6
Jason began drinking shortly after our little chat. Every time I saw him he had a drink in his hand. As the evening went on, he became more drunk and obnoxious. More like Drew and his other buddies. The four of them were laughing and being loud, and despite that, girls still flocked around them. It disgusted me.
“What’s up with him?” Anna asked.
“Me,” I said. “I watched him put a girl in a cab earlier because I wanted to make sure he actually sent her home. He saw me. He knew why I was watching.”
The three girls stared at me. I thought maybe they thought I was crazy or paranoid. Zoe spoke first. “You followed him alone?”
I nodded. “To the door, yeah.”
Her face flushed, and I didn’t think it was because she was too warm. “Are you mental? So all that stuff about traveling in groups doesn’t apply to you? Are you, like, Wonder Woman or something? What if he had grabbed you?”
I frowned at her. “I would’ve punched him in the throat.”
She shook her head. “You should’ve taken one of us with you.”
“I didn’t think of it, okay? I’m not used... It’s been a little while since anyone has cared what I do.”
The three of them exchanged glances. I shifted uncomfortably, not sure if they pitied me or thought I was lying.
“Don’t do it again, okay?” Zoe gave me a beseeching look. “If you don’t want to take one of us with you, at least let us know where you’re going so we can find you if you don’t come back right away.”
I nodded. “Okay. We’ll make a deal right now that whenever we’re toge
ther we’ll stay together.” But really, how often would we be together? It wasn’t like we were best friends. No one could replace Mags.
The girls smiled, and the heaviness inside me lightened a little. I wasn’t sure how to feel. Responsibility to another person was something I hadn’t had for months. And wasn’t Magda going off on her own one of the things that upset me so much? If she had told me where she was going, maybe I would’ve been able to help her. Instead I’d gone looking for her too late and found her in a bedroom, passed out with her panties wrapped around one ankle and condom wrappers on the floor.
I didn’t want anyone to ever find me that way.
I stuck close to my new friends after that. We all stuck together, moving as a group. I met a few more people who I didn’t really know that well and talked to some that I did. It felt weird, being social. Zoe told every girl we talked to about the self-defense course. A few of them seemed interested, though a couple wrinkled their noses at the idea of violence. I didn’t bother trying to convince them that the class was about protecting yourself rather than hurting someone. They obviously didn’t think anything bad would ever happen to them. I wasn’t going to be the one to tell them they were wrong.
Shortly before midnight I realized two things: one—Gabriel had obviously come to his senses and decided not to crash the party, and two—Jason had gone missing.
I glanced around the room, mentally counting female heads to see if anyone was absent. It was impossible to tell as the party took up most of the house.
Where was he? At least Drew and Adam were still visible. That didn’t mean that Jason and Brody weren’t raping a girl somewhere while they waited for their buddies to show up.
It made me anxious. I turned to Anna, who stood next to me, and yelled above the music, “I’m going to the bathroom.”
She nodded, then leaned closer to me. “There’s one upstairs. Use that. Someone puked in the one on this floor. If you’re not back in ten minutes, we’ll come looking for you.”
I smiled. It didn’t matter that I could probably take out one or two guys on my own. The three of them had decided that they were my protectors and that the four of us would protect each other. It was as comforting as it was annoying. I didn’t need to be fussed over. I didn’t want to be a girl who needed protection. I wanted to be the girl who kicked ass.
I took my soda with me out of paranoia. I moved through the crowd, which had gotten bigger in the last hour and made my way out to the foyer. As I climbed the stairs to the second floor, I couldn’t help but feel even more out of place. How did people get this wealthy? It was ridiculous.
My heart thumped against my ribs as I climbed. The house wasn’t evil, and it couldn’t hurt me, but every step I took away from the heart of the party, the more anxious I became. Would anyone hear me scream up here?
Every door on that floor was shut, except for one. I walked down the corridor toward it, my gaze traveling over paintings and framed photographs that hung on the walls. Some of the paintings looked old, and they had little gold tags at the bottom of their frames that had their names engraved on them. Every one of them I looked at was a Bentley.
I reached the partially open door and pushed it open. As soon as I looked inside, I knew it wasn’t the bathroom. It was a bedroom. The bedside lamp was on, and I could clearly see posters on the walls and a guitar in the corner.
I could also see Jason passed out on the bed.
There’s a moment—and I believe everyone’s had it—when you have to make a decision whether to act or retreat. I could back out of the room and continue my search for the restroom, or I could close the door behind me and take advantage of the fact that Jason was unconscious.
I knew that most people, decent people, would leave. A good person didn’t take advantage of someone who was too drunk to fight back. But Jason had already proved that he wasn’t a decent person. He and his friends had purposely drugged Magda so they could assault her.
I wasn’t a decent person.
I closed the door and locked it. I had no idea what I was going to do, or how I planned to do it. What if he woke up? Cautiously, I moved toward him. He was on his back, limbs splayed. I reached out with my left hand, keeping my right free in case I needed to hit him, and poked him hard in the leg. He didn’t even make a sound.
His cell phone was on the bed by his hand. I picked it up and pressed the button to wake it up. It didn’t ask for a password, but for a fingerprint. I knew Jason was left-handed from being in class with him, so I took his hand and turned it so that I could press his index finger to the right spot on the phone. Just like that, the phone was unlocked.
I scrolled through his pictures—there were a lot of photos of girls. One of them made my heart thump hard against my ribs and then fall still. Magda. It was a portrait of her, taken at school. I don’t think she knew he’d taken it, because she didn’t look self-conscious. The sight of her, smiling and happy, hurt to the point of physical pain. He’d taken that smile from her, just as he’d taken this photograph without her consent, and he’d been allowed to get away with both.
I stared at him through a veil of scorching tears. There had to be something I could do to make him pay, even just a little bit.
I couldn’t rape him. Even if it were possible, I wouldn’t. That kind of violation would make me as bad as him, and it would make him a victim. I didn’t want anyone to feel sorry for him. I wanted them to mock him and say the kinds of things to him that people had said to Magda after photos and video of her attack had gotten around. I wanted people to see him for what he was.
In my purse I had one of Magda’s lipsticks. Her skin was darker than mine, and she’d been able to wear some rich berry colors I envied. The one in my bag was a deep raspberry. I took it out and removed the cap.
I hovered over Jason for a moment, considering my next action. Chickening out wasn’t an option. I turned the lipstick and bent down. In block letters I wrote RAPIST on his forehead. I put the lipstick back in my bag and took out my phone. I removed the case first, because I didn’t want it to be identifiable. I brought up a Facebook photo of Magda and put my phone in Jason’s limp fingers. Then I picked up his phone and switched it to camera mode. I took a photo of him lying there, with his title on his forehead, and Magda’s photo right there, so everyone would know exactly who he had hurt. Then I uploaded the photo I’d taken to Jason’s social media with the hashtags #rapist #NoJusticeForMagda #GotAwayWithIt and #CarterHigh.
I wiped his phone down before putting it on the bed beside him, then I took back my own and went to the door. I peeked into the hall to make sure no one was there before stepping outside.
Another door down the hall was open, and the light on inside allowed me to see that it was the bathroom. I slipped in and did my business. My legs trembled as I washed my hands. I wasn’t sure what I’d just done, or what the consequences would be, but there was no taking it back now.
I dried my hands and opened the door. “Shit!” I cried when I saw someone standing there. I pulled back my fist, but a familiar voice said my name before I lashed out. It was Zoe. Behind her were Anna and Caitlin. They were wide-eyed as they stared at me.
“Have I been gone ten minutes?” I asked, embarrassed to be so on edge.
Anna blushed. “No, but I got worried.”
I smiled. “There was someone in here when I came up. I had to wait. Thank you for worrying.”
“It wasn’t all about you,” Zoe remarked with a grin. “I have to pee too.”
While we waited outside for her to finish, Caitlin fished her phone out of her purse. I watched as she tapped the screen with her finger, my pulse beating wildly.
“Oh my God!”
Anna whirled toward her. “What?” Caitlin showed her the screen, and her jaw dropped. “Holy shit!”
If I didn’t ask it would be weird, and I was al
ready pushing it by having been upstairs when the picture was taken. “What is it?”
Anna couldn’t seem to decide if she wanted to laugh or cheer as Caitlin showed me the photo. It was the one I’d taken just minutes before.
I didn’t have to fake the laughter that poured out of me. The adrenaline of what I’d done hit hard, making me light-headed and giddy. “Was that taken tonight?” I asked.
Caitlin shrugged. “How should I know? I guess so.”
Anna’s gaze was bright as it met mine. “Who cares? It’s fabulous. Now everyone will know what he did.” It was exactly what I wanted to hear. “Whoever took it even left Magda’s picture beside him.”
On the other side of the door Zoe shouted, “What are you laughing at?” Then the toilet flushed, and we heard running water at the sink. A few seconds later the door opened. Zoe was still drying her hands.
“Check your phone,” Caitlin said.
Anna was looking at her own. “I got it too.”
Zoe’s reaction was the best. Her eyes and mouth opened wide, and then she started to cackle—like a witch who had just performed the perfect spell. “Oh, this is awesome.” She began tapping at the screen. “Not only am I loving this, but I’m going to share it.”
We went back downstairs to join the party. When we got there, I couldn’t believe the number of people who were looking at their phones, exchanging startled glances, or acting like it was awesome. A few were pissed, but who cared about the douche bags? I’d known the photo would get noticed, it just hadn’t occurred to me how quickly.
I found myself looking for Drew, Brody and Adam. The three of them were together in the kitchen, staring at their phones with expressions that were somewhat amused, but mostly pissed. Drew seemed especially angry. I braced myself, waiting for one of them to look at me and point his finger. Surely, they had to know it had been me.
“What the fuck?” Drew demanded. His jaw was tight, his eyes narrow. “Who the fuck did this?”
Not one of them looked at me—at least not for any length of time. They looked around the room at the laughing crowd, glaring at everyone who met their collective gaze. I realized then that they were looking for a guy. It didn’t occur to them that a girl might do something like this. Did they not think we had the balls to pull such a prank? Did they think a guy would just randomly have lipstick in his pocket? I didn’t care which it was, because I’d gotten away with it.