That was the moment I realized what I had to do—for Magda and for myself. I had to get revenge. On all of them.
One down.
Three to go.
Last Year
“Do you have a costume yet?” Magda asked. We were in her kitchen making pizza while Gabe and one of his friends sat at the dining-room table discussing some project for their senior history class. I had a perfect view of his profile from where I stood. God, he was pretty.
“A costume for what?” I asked, slapping pepperoni slices on top of the sauce.
“Drew Carson’s Halloween party. He invited us, remember?”
Ugh. She didn’t really want to go to that, did she? One look at her face and I could tell she did. And she wanted me to go with her. I hated going to rich-kid parties—they always made me feel like trash. My family wasn’t poor, but we didn’t have a lot of disposable income.
I opened my mouth to tell her I wasn’t going—not for her, not for anyone. And then she said, “Gabe said he’d drop us off. He might even stay for a bit.”
“Fine,” I said. “But only because you and your brother will be the only people there worth hanging out with.”
“I’m going as Cleopatra,” she announced. “I hope Drew notices me.”
Her little smile was so cute I couldn’t bring myself to warn her off Drew again. She wouldn’t listen anyway. She was going to get her heart broken when Drew hooked up with someone not so obviously virginal as she was.
“He’d be blind not to,” I said instead, dumping a handful of grated cheese on the pizza. When she turned that grin on me, I smiled back. “Of course he’ll notice you.”
I had no idea how much I’d regret saying that.
* * *
I woke up Sunday morning feeling better than I had in months. Even though I knew what I’d done to Jason was wrong, I couldn’t deny the happiness it gave me. Maybe happiness was the wrong word. I felt like I had accomplished something, or taken a step to fix a problem.
And was it really wrong to label someone a criminal when you knew they’d done the crime?
Regardless, I felt good. I got up, showered and went downstairs for breakfast. My mother smiled when I kissed her cheek. I hadn’t realized how much I’d changed until I saw the surprise on her face. When you’re drowning in grief it’s hard to see all the people who are trying to save you. And she had her own problems with my father. I thought she was weak to stay with him, but I also understood that this house would be a lot harder to run without his income.
After breakfast, I rode my bike to the cemetery. It was a beautiful sunny day, and I wanted to talk to Magda, but not about how angry or sad I was, or even how much I missed her. I wanted to talk to her about what I had done. When I got there, church had just let out. Magda’s mother, Gabriel and his little sister Teresa walked the gravel path from the church into the cemetery. My heart stuttered at the sight of them. For a moment I contemplated running away, so Mrs. Torres’s sadness couldn’t diminish my sense of accomplishment. I didn’t run. In the end, my love for these people won.
Mrs. Torres was an older version of Magda, only a little shorter. She was in her forties, and very pretty. Her husband had walked out on them a few years ago, and the last I’d heard was living in Miami with a twenty-three-year-old. He had nothing to do with the kids, and they had nothing to do with him. Magda had acted like he didn’t even exist. I remembered him, but I couldn’t remember if I ever even liked him. I certainly didn’t like him after he abandoned his family. It made the reality of my own family situation even more bitter. What the fuck was wrong with men? Weren’t there any good ones in the world? So far, Gabe seemed to be the only one.
Magda’s mother smiled when she saw me, even though she had tears in her eyes. She cried a lot. In a way I envied that she was able to get her grief out in a way that didn’t require punching someone in the face. She held out her arms, and I stepped into her hug as she told me how good it was to see me.
“It’s been too long,” she said. “You must come for dinner some night. How does tomorrow sound?”
“I’ll check with Mom, but it should be okay.”
Mrs. Torres released me. “Come after school. We’ll visit. You can help me cook like Magda used to.”
My throat was tight as I swallowed. “Okay. I’ll check with Mom and call you later.” Then I was distracted by Teresa, who also wanted a hug. She was thirteen, and losing her big sister had been very hard on her. Gabriel had told me she was afraid of boys. I didn’t know how to help with that, because I had to be honest—I was afraid of them too.
I hung back when Mrs. Torres and Teresa went to the grave. Their grief was a private thing. And I was still clinging to that fading sense of accomplishment I’d woken up with.
Gabriel stayed with me. I should’ve known it wasn’t because he enjoyed my company so much.
“A friend of mine forwarded me an interesting Instagram post this morning,” he said, looking down at me.
My heart gave a hard thump. I raised my gaze to his. “The picture of Jason Bentley?” If I told him I had no idea what he was talking about, he’d know for sure I’d been behind it. “Yeah, I saw that too.” It wasn’t a lie. Zoe had forwarded the photo to me last night.
“Whoever did that to him must’ve really had it in for him.”
I didn’t even blink. “I really didn’t think about it. But it’s the wallpaper on my phone now.”
He smiled—just a small tilt of his lips. “Mine too.”
I grinned. “I wonder if he’ll show his face at school tomorrow.”
“He will. They’ll make it some kind of smear campaign. It’ll take more than this to hurt those four for long.”
There went my sense of accomplishment.
“Though this will sting. Whoever did it took a photo from Magda’s Facebook page. Makes me think they did this in retaliation for her more than to out Bentley as a rapist.”
“Does it matter? I’m not losing any sleep over it.” In fact, I’d slept better last night than I had in months.
“No. It doesn’t matter at all. Were you there?”
“Yeah. I went with friends.”
He looked surprised. I guess he would be. For most of my life Magda had been my only friend. Not that I hadn’t hung out with other people, but she’d always been with me.
“Girls from my self-defense class,” I told him. I don’t know why I felt like he needed to know that detail. “I like them.”
Sometimes he smiled at me like he thought I was amusing when I wasn’t trying to be. Like we had a private joke, only I didn’t know the punch line. “People usually do like their friends.”
“Not always. I know girls who seem to hate their best friends.”
“Yeah, well, you guys have that whole frenemy thing.”
“I’ve never had one.” Now, that was a tiny little lie. After Magda died, I hated her for weeks. I was so mad that she’d let them destroy her. I had wanted her to keep fighting. I had wanted her to get past it, which was a laugh because now I couldn’t even get past it, so how had I expected her to do it? Sometimes I still hated her for leaving me. I wasn’t going to tell her brother that.
Gabriel looked away. He was watching his mother and sister. “Be careful, Hadley. I know you think you’re smart and strong. You are smart and strong, but please don’t be reckless. Don’t go looking for trouble because you want to avenge Magda.”
I stared at him, not quite sure of what he meant. Did he suspect that I was behind that photo of Jason, or was I just that transparent? “You’re not going to lose me,” I promised. My cheeks burned. I meant his whole family, of course, but mostly him.
He turned to me with a smile, but there was sadness in his eyes, as though he didn’t believe me. “Good.” Then he held out his hand. “Let’s go say hi to Magda
.”
My fingers trembled a little as I placed my hand in his. His grip was warm and strong, and in that moment I felt like everything was going to be okay.
Even though I knew I was wrong.
CHAPTER 7
Jason wasn’t at school on Monday.
I wasn’t really surprised by his absence. Most gossip said it was because his family was meeting with the police and investigators and lawyers to find out who’d taken and uploaded the photo. That made me a little nervous, I admit, but there was no way they could pin it on me. Was there? I’d been careful.
Fuck it. I didn’t regret doing it, so if I got arrested for it, fine. At least then I’d get a chance to tell them what they’d done to Magda. It didn’t matter that Drew had been the one to put something in her drink and lure her away from the party. All four of them had taken turns with her—and took photos. There was a video too.
How could people have forgotten that? How could they feel sorry for Jason, or angry on his behalf? Were they so desensitized to rape that they just shrugged it off? The people who sided with Jason were the same ones who called Madga a slut. How could they believe a girl who had been a virgin would want her first time to be with four guys and recorded? God, it made me so mad I could kill someone.
Both Brody and Drew were in my history class. I sat as far away from them as I could, but the room wasn’t that big, and I could hear Drew’s obnoxious voice all the way on the other side.
“They don’t know who they’re messing with,” he stated with so much ego I almost gagged. “Whoever did it used his phone to upload it. My father’s a lawyer. I told him to have it dusted for prints.”
Panic seized me, but only for a second. I’d wiped down Jason’s phone and the doorknob. Regardless, there’d probably been close to a hundred kids in the house that night. Good luck trying to figure out who had done it when all of us had left fingerprints all over the place.
“He says he felt violated.” Brody snickered. “I told him that’s what happens when you’re a pussy.”
“Nice,” I said before I could stop myself.
The two of them looked at me. The rows of seats between us had started to fill up, but we made eye contact.
Drew sneered at me. He was one of those guys who thought he was better than everyone else. Entitled. “No one was talking to you.”
I smiled. I don’t know how I managed it, but it felt good to smirk at him. “If he talks like that about Jason, don’t you wonder what he says about you when you’re not around?”
Drew shot a sharp glance at Brody, who looked slightly panicked. “I don’t say anything about you. Honest.”
I snorted. “Yeah, but you kind of have to say that, don’t you? I mean, no one’s going to admit to their face that they talk about the person behind their back.”
“Shut up,” Brody told me.
It was at that moment that Mr. Stiles, our teacher, walked into the room. He turned on Brody. “Mr. Henry, that’s quite enough. If you would like to remain in this class, you will apologize to Miss White, or you will leave.”
Oh, that didn’t feel good at all. I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from grinning as Brody glared at me. “Sorry,” he said sullenly. It was obvious he didn’t mean it, but I didn’t care. He still had to say it.
At lunch I met up with Zoe, Anna and Caitlin. Caitlin turned to me as soon as I sat. “What happened between you and Brody today? Rebecca Thomas said you totally told him off in history class.”
“What?” Zoe and Anna chorused.
You just had to love high school gossip. “I didn’t tell him off. I just called attention to the fact that he’s a complete prick.”
Anna shook her head. “That’s an insult to pricks everywhere.”
We laughed.
“No, seriously,” Zoe said. “What happened? Give us details so we can set people straight if they start talking smack.”
I sighed and told them what’d really happened.
“Wow.” Zoe shook her head. “You really know how to talk to people.”
I shrugged. “They raped my best friend. You think I should be nice?”
Her face went completely white, then red. “Oh my God. Hadley, I’m so sorry. I didn’t think. I was just trying to make a joke. I’m such a bitch.”
“No. I’m the bitch. I didn’t need to put it that way, and I should’ve known you were only teasing. I’m sorry.” She looked at me uncertainly. I didn’t like myself much at that moment. “Seriously. We’re good. I know you didn’t mean to upset me, and I apologize for upsetting you.”
“I didn’t. I really didn’t.”
“It’s okay.” I put my hand on her arm. “Really.”
Thankfully, Anna changed the topic. If she hadn’t, I think Zoe and I might have kept on going for the rest of lunch. “So, any ideas as to who took the picture? It certainly wasn’t Jason.”
“Somebody with balls,” Zoe commented. “Especially to do it in his own house.”
“Ovaries,” I corrected. “Somebody with ovaries did it.”
Her eyes twinkled as she looked at me. “You’re right. It was a girl.”
“I want to be her best friend,” Anna commented. “Seriously.”
“Don’t look,” Caitlin whispered close to my ear. “But Brody’s giving you the stink eye.”
Of course I looked. She kicked me under the table. I didn’t even wince. Brody was watching me with a hateful expression, and he didn’t seem to care that I noticed.
I did the only thing I could under the circumstances; I stuck my tongue out. It was stupid and childish, but it felt completely right. Did he think he could scare me? What could he possibly do to me? He and his friends could rape me and try to destroy my reputation, but I’d recover. They’d already taken my best friend; there wasn’t much else they could do.
My friends burst into loud laughter that carried throughout the cafeteria and made heads turn toward us. I laughed too, and went back to my lunch. Anticipation twitched through my veins.
One down.
I wanted to make Brody number two.
* * *
Gabriel wasn’t home when I arrived at his house Monday afternoon. Teresa was, though, and she was very happy to see me. She practically flew at me when I came into the house, and wrapped her arms around my waist. She was getting so tall, so grown-up. I worried for her.
Then, I noticed the earrings she was wearing. They were little pink plastic lips. I recognize them because I had made them for Magda as a gift for her fourteenth birthday.
Teresa must’ve noticed the look on my face, and where I was looking, because her hands immediately went to her ears. “Mom said I could wear them.”
Mrs. Torres looked up from something she was stirring on the stove. She gave me that sad smile. “I hope you don’t mind, Hadley. Magda had many nice things, and Teresa feels closer to her when she wears them.”
“I don’t mind at all,” I said. And it was true. The earrings had only caught me off guard. It was nice to know somebody would wear them since Magda no longer could.
“Come with me,” the older woman said, setting her spoon in a holder on the stove.
I had a sense of where we were going, and I wasn’t wrong. She led me into Magda’s bedroom, which looked as it had the day before she took those pills. I’d only been in it once since then, and that was to help her mother pick out a dress to bury her daughter in. My skin tingled uncomfortably. I didn’t like being in this room. It felt so empty.
Mrs. Torres opened the jewelry box on the dresser, and the closet doors. “I have taken all the things I want to keep of hers. Gabriel and Teresa have taken what they want as well. Eventually, I will give the rest away to family, or donate it to charity. Magda would like that, I think. But before I do, I would like you to take anythi
ng you want, so that you will always have something of hers.”
I was dangerously close to tears. I looked around at the white and lavender room. Magda and I had painted it a few years ago. I’d slept over many nights in this room. It was as familiar to me as my own. Part of me wanted to scream at her for giving Magda’s things away, while another part of me wanted to take it all home.
Mrs. Torres seemed to understand what I was feeling. She patted me on the shoulder. “I’ll leave you alone to go through things. Teresa, go do your homework, baby.”
Her daughter didn’t argue, and neither did I. I stood there in the middle of the room, staring at the open closet. I probably looked brain-dead, but in reality my mind raced with too many things to even sort out. I tried to push the noise aside and stepped up to the closet. My hands shook as I reached inside and started going through the clothing there, hanger by hanger.
I took a couple of tops and sweaters, then a pair of shoes and a pair of boots. Our shoe size was one of the things we had in common. I didn’t touch her jeans because none would fit, but I did find a cute miniskirt. I put these things on the bed before turning my attention to the jewelry box. Magda had liked jewelry more than me, and had a lot of earrings. I took a few pairs of those as well, and a ring that had a big flower on it.
Her makeup bag was on the dresser. Her favorite lip gloss was on top. I took it. Then I wrapped the makeup and jewelry in the clothing and carried the bundle out to the kitchen. Mrs. Torres looked pleased that I had found things, and gave me a paper bag in which to put it all. I set it by my shoes so I wouldn’t forget it. It was like my own personal little treasure.
“Can I help you make dinner?” I asked. She had mentioned us doing that like she and I and Mags used to.