“Somehow I don’t think that would be a good idea,” I breathed. “They’re already trying to take you back. Don’t get any closer to them than you have to.”
“I won’t let them take me before the wedding, I promise,” he said as he laced his fingers with mine and pressed a kiss to the back of my hand. “And I won’t let them do anything to you either.”
“I know,” I said quietly. But something in me sensed that it was me who was going to have to start protecting him.
Sometime around three in the morning I finally fell asleep, slumped against Alex’s side. By the time I woke up at seven, I found we were at a gas station and Alex said we were only just over an hour away. I also found a text from my dad, asking when we were going to be getting in.
Not long, I texted him back. Please make sure you’re home when we get there.
I already am, he replied. Relax. Things will be okay.
Then why did I have the sickening feeling in my gut that they weren’t?
Rod and Amber came back out of the store, gas station food piling out of a plastic bag. We all loaded back into the truck and got back on the highway.
“I got some Twinkies just for you, Alex,” Rod said with a proud smile as he handed a handful up to Alex. I tried to hide the smile that cracked on my face as I suppressed a chuckle.
“Thanks for looking out for me,” Alex said as he grabbed them.
“What about you, Jess?” Amber said as she peered into the contents of the bag. “We got doughnuts, soda, Twizzlers, and some Pop Tarts.”
“We’re eating healthy today!” I proclaimed, a slightly too fake sounding laugh bubbling out. “I guess I’ll take some Dr. Pepper if you’ve got any.”
Amber chuckled. “How did I guess that’s what you’d want?” she said as she handed it up. “Hey, are you feeling okay? You’re looking kinda’ pasty. Well, pastier than usual.”
“I’m fine,” I lied as I swallowed hard. I didn’t miss the way Alex’s eyes flickered to my face. He knew better. He could probably hear the way my heart was racing.
As the miles flew by, my palms started sweating and I felt slightly light headed. “Breathe,” Alex whispered. “Do you need me to pull over for a bit?”
I shook my head. It started spinning as the small towns started becoming familiar. I fought back bile as we passed the trucking yard, thought I might pass out as the familiar fields came into view. I was fighting a fully-fledged panic attack as we turned at the one convenience store in town and passed what was my grandmother’s house before she passed away.
And then there it was, the female voice from the GPS announcing that we had arrived at our destination.
The same red brick walls greeted me, my mother’s familiar flower beds bursting with color. The same lopsided apple tree stood in the corner of the yard, permanently injured by my soccer ball at the age of six. Everything about my childhood home looked exactly the same.
The front door opened as we came to a stop. Alex stepped out of the truck at the same time my dad came down the step. My hands shook so violently I couldn’t get the door open at first.
“It’s going to be okay, Jessica,” Amber said quietly from the back, placing a hand on my shoulder. I just shook my head. My ears were ringing.
Alex walked around the front of the truck and opened the door for me, saving me from my fumbling. His gray eyes met mine and I tried to draw courage from them as I looked at him. My hands shook all the more as I slid my engagement ring off and tucked it into my pocket.
“Just until we talk to them,” I said quietly. Alex just nodded and offered me his hand, and helped me down.
Then I finally saw her, my mother, standing on the small porch.
There was no moment of perfect reunion, of the two of us running into each other’s arms and hugging, tears running down our faces. Instead, there was a long awkward moment of our eyes locking on each other, neither of us saying anything.
Dad crossed the yard, a bright smile on his face. He pulled me into his arms, giving me a tight squeeze.
“I’ve missed you, kid,” he said. “She’s probably just as nervous about this as you are,” he added quietly.
“I doubt that,” I let out a quivering breath.
“Alex,” my dad said as he took a step away from me. He went to hold out his hand to shake Alex’s, then seemed to change his mind and pulled him into a hug instead. “Good to see you.”
“It’s good to see you too, Dennis,” Alex said as he met my eyes over Dad’s shoulder. He gave me a small smile, bolstering my courage.
While Amber started the awkward introductions of my dad and Rod, my eyes found my mom again. She stared in much the same way everyone else did, like they couldn’t quite comprehend the unnatural look of me. She finally gave me a small smile, took a step down off the porch, and started across the lawn.
My mom had always been a beautiful woman. Her hair was the same deep brown as mine but her curls were always perfectly tamed. Her eyes were wide and hazel like mine as well. But she had the perfectly shaped nose, perfect lips. I knew Amber would age gracefully over time for the fact that she could be my mother’s clone.
“Jessica,” she said in a soft voice as she stopped just a few paces away from me. She looked slightly bewildered as she took my face in, now that she was closer.
“Mom,” I answered. I attempted a small half smile and gathering my courage, closed the space between us and wrapped my arms around her. I must have caught her off guard, considering the awkward way she put her arms around me. I tried not to shudder as her hands came to rest on my raised wings.
“It’s good to see you.”
I swallowed hard, fighting back my racing heart. “Yeah, it’s… it’s good to see you too.”
She stepped away from me, giving a small smile, and turned to Alex who hung hesitantly back.
“You must be Alex,” she said, hesitating for a moment as she took Alex’s glorious being in, and finally holding out her hand.
“And you must be Claire,” Alex said with his signature smile. He accepted my mother’s hand.
My mind started fading out then, knowing I didn’t have to pay attention to all the introductions. I’d survived the initial reunion, despite my doubts. Maybe I could handle the rest of the weekend.
All the gas station junk food had been unneeded, Dad had cooked one of his so called “famous” breakfasts. Piles of not quite cooked enough hash browns, scrambled eggs, the fattiest bacon he could find on the shelf at the store, and orange juice from frozen concentrate. At a time when I ate more than once every three days, this was my favorite breakfast.
We each helped ourselves to a plate, Rod and Dad’s piled to the point of being overflowing. At my suggestion, we headed out to the back patio to eat. Alex could make his helpings disappear easier outdoors.
“So my youngest daughter is getting married,” my dad said around a mouthful of food. “And my oldest has been living with her boyfriend since the day she met him.”
“Our girls have gotten all grown up,” my mom said in attempt to appear more casual. I didn’t miss the sweat on her brow, and it wasn’t due to the temperature.
“Hey, I’m about ninety-percent sure Jessica’s still a virgin,” Amber piped in, raising an eyebrow.
“And I’m about one-hundred-percent sure Alex is still one too,” Rod picked up.
“Thanks for that Rod,” Alex chuckled, looking down at the table in embarrassment and shook his head.
“Wow, Amber,” I said as I set my fork down, and placed my face in my hands, elbows resting on the table.
“Too much information,” my dad said as he squirmed. “But good job, Jessica.” He patted my knee under the table.
“I can see Amber hasn’t changed much these last few months,” Mom shook her head, a half smile on her face.
“I’m still me,” Amber said, flashing a bright smile and batting her eyes. The whole table chuckled.
The rest of the meal passed in a slightly awkward state. Thank goodness for
Amber and her blabbing on and on about wedding stuff. No one else got the chance to say much. With the food cleared, Dad helped us carry in our bags.
“If the lot of you can behave yourselves,” my dad said as we walked down the hall. “You’re welcome to stay in your rooms. If you can’t, there’s the couch in the living room or the floor for you boys.”
Alex and Rod both chuckled. “We promise to be on our best behavior, Mr. Bailey.”
Amber and I’s rooms were right next to each other. As Dad walked away to let us get settled in, I paused at the door. Just one more place that didn’t have good memories.
“You’re doing great,” Alex whispered from behind as he shifted our bags around. “You’ll survive this too.”
And so I pushed the door open.
I could tell they hadn’t left my room a museum to my memory. It was obvious this was meant to be a guest bedroom now. My old twin sized bed had been replaced with a queen, the walls changed from my former turquoise to a more neutral cream. But several of my pictures still hung on the wall, a reflection of the girl I didn’t think I was any longer.
We stepped inside and Alex set the bags down on the floor at the foot of the bed. I closed the door behind me, leaning against it, reminding myself to breathe again.
“Hey,” Alex said as he walked to me and wrapped his arms around my waist. “You made it.”
“Yeah,” I breathed as I leaned my head against his chest. “I did.”
“So how long are we going to wait to tell your parents we aren’t just a horny couple living together anymore?” Alex asked, using his natural ability to lift the mood.
I chuckled. “As long as it takes you to go and ask Dad’s permission.”
“I’ll be right back then,” he said in a low voice as he pressed a quick kiss to my lips.
“You’re going to do it right now?” I asked, surprised.
“Why wait?”
“I thought you and Rod were going to do it together?” I asked as I raised an eyebrow at him.
“Rod can handle himself,” Alex said before pressing one more quick kiss to my forehead and stepping outside.
It felt as if my insides were filled with butterflies. This was real. It was really happening.
After digging in my bag, I found a change of fresh clothes and made my way to the bathroom. As I passed Amber’s room I heard her giggling and what sounded like it might be Rod growling. I just shook my head and smiled as I hurried to the bathroom.
Starting the hot water, I stripped down and turned my back to the mirror.
My flesh was so raised after the whole Cole incident that I had to be careful with what I wore. Something too thin and it wasn’t difficult to see a pattern or flashes of metallic light in the sun.
It hadn’t been easy keeping the scars hidden from my mom as a child. I became obsessed with keeping them covered up. I remembered having fights with her as I refused to wear certain shirts she had just bought me. Eventually as I grew to be an early teenager I think she came to appreciate what she assumed was modesty.
I attempted to pull a brush through my mane after I dried off from the shower and pulled on a pair of denim shorts and a sea green t-shirt. Staring in the mirror, I told myself I couldn’t stay in the bathroom for the remainder of the trip. As if on cue, Amber started knocking on the door.
“Come on, Jess,” she called. “You’ve been in there forever. There’s a line forming out here.”
Collecting my dirty clothes, I opened the door and stepped out.
“You okay?” she whispered as I met her eyes.
“Yeah,” I said. She pulled me into her arms for a quick hug, gave me a small half smile and then went in the bathroom. As I put my clothes back in our room, I heard Alex and my dad laughing about something. Cautiously, I poked my head around the corner, half looking into the dining room and caught Alex’s eye. He smiled at me and nodded. I stepped in the room, realizing my mother was sitting at the dining table too.
“So, did you have a nice conversation?” I said in attempt to divert the awkwardness that was trying to claw me to death from the inside.
A crack formed on my mother’s lips. She stood and walked over to me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders.
“Congratulations, sweetie,” she said. Her voice actually felt warm. “I’m so happy for you.”
I reached into my pocket and pulled out the ring. “So I guess it’s okay if I put this back on?”
Alex and my dad chuckled. My mom released me and pulled my hand into hers as I slipped it on.
“It’s gorgeous,” she fussed as she examined it. “And look, it matches your bracelet.”
“He did pretty good,” I said as I met Alex’s eyes.
“I’ll say,” Mom said, pulling me into another quick hug. “So when’s the date?” She stepped away and went to sit by my dad at the table again.
“October third,” I said, my stomach filling with more butterflies as I said it.
“That’s like, less than three weeks away now isn’t it?” my mom said in shock, her eyes growing big and blinking rapidly.
I just nodded. “Neither of us wanted to wait long,” Alex chimed in. I walked to his side and sat in the chair beside him. He took my hand in his, rubbing soothing circles into the back of mine.
“Good for you,” my dad said, his eyes slightly narrowed as if he was thinking about something serious. My dad didn’t know what Alex was now but he did know that there was a whole lot more to the angel thing than he once thought. I wondered if he suspected what the truth was behind the gun-shot wedding.
“Where are you having the ceremony?” my mom asked. Her voice was slightly tight sounding.
“We haven’t picked an official venue yet,” Alex answered, looking down at me. We really hadn’t talked about it at all yet. There hadn’t been much time.
“It will be in Washington though,” I said quietly, meeting my parent’s eyes. I felt relieved when they both just nodded.
“I’ll have my secretary clear my schedule for a few days around then,” Dad said, winking at me. I just smiled back at him.
Just then, Amber and Rod walked into the room, Amber’s hair still dripping slightly from the shower.
“I thought we were doing this thing together, man,” Rod said in mock hurt as he narrowed his eyes.
“Time to grow up,” Alex teased. “You’re on your own with this thing.”
Rod just shook his head. “That hurts, Alex. That really hurts.”
The room erupted in laughter. It felt good to relieve some of the tension.
“So, Mr. Bailey,” Rod said as everyone quieted. “I really love this daughter of yours and I plan on being around until she gets sick of me and even after she gets sick of me. Can I have your permission to marry her?”
My dad stretched out his hand to Rod. “Welcome to the family,” he said as they clasped hands.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw a flash of movement through the glass back doors. But as soon as I looked, it was gone.
“Did you see that?” I barely breathed, only Alex’s ears keen enough to pick up on my words.
“I saw something,” he said back.
“Jessica?”
I realized then that everyone in the room was looking at me expectantly. I must have missed a question.
“Sorry,” I said, trying to snap my attention back into the room. “What did you say?”
“I suggested we throw an engagement party tomorrow for you and Amber. You two could invite all your friends out.”
I hoped my face didn’t fall at his suggestion. I didn’t have any friends here. “Sure dad, that sounds great.”
CHAPTER SIX
Four hours later, I sat in the back seat of my mother’s car, listening as she and Amber talked non-stop about wedding-related things. I felt overwhelmed as I half listened to everything that was involved. Dresses, cakes, decorations, flowers, invitations. It all made my stomach knot. I didn’t have the energy to join in the discussion. I just s
tared out the window, watching the familiar scenery flash by.
There were only two wedding dress shops in Idaho Falls. As I stepped inside, the area smelling of brand new fabric and French vanilla candles, I took in the rows and rows of white, billowy fabric, the mannequin’s, the veils, and the shoes. And then I realized my grave mistake in agreeing to this outing. Nearly every dress was sleeveless; nearly everything would leave my scars exposed.
A plump, friendly woman greeted us as we entered and in a whirlwind, set to guiding us through the racks of white dresses.
“Are you feeling alright?” Mom asked as we followed the woman. “You’re awfully pale.”
I shook my head. “I’m feeling kind of queasy actually. Maybe I’ll just help Amber and watch?”
She gave me a concerned look, almost like she didn’t quite believe me, and then slowly nodded. “Alright.”
We browsed through racks and racks of dresses. The sales woman talked about different types of material, different waistlines, different beading and embellishments. It all started to sound like gibberish to me. Everything Amber pulled to try on was a huge ball gown with ornate tops and a hefty price tag. It was a good thing Rod’s pockets went deep because I knew my parent’s didn’t run that deep.
I ran my fingers over the fabric as we I waited for Amber to try the next dress on. A small bit of sadness settled into the pit of my stomach. I had no idea what kind of dress I wanted. I hadn’t allowed myself to think about it. And there was nearly nothing I could wear that wouldn’t scream the truth of my life to everyone in attendance.
Then I saw the off-white colored lace, the sweet-heart neckline, the bronze sash, sitting at the end of the rack, pushed up against the wall. I traced my fingers along the eyelets, the waves of fabric that brushed the floor. I ran my finger along the ridge of the totally strapless-ness of the neckline.
It was perfect.
But I could never wear it.
“What do you think?” Amber said from behind me, pulling me out of my haze of self-pity. I gave her a small smile, watching as she turned in a full circle.
“You look beautiful.”
Amber tried on dress after dress. And in between each of them, while the lady who worked the shop helped Amber get dressed, my mother and I sat in awkward silence.