Chapter 30
The late afternoon light cast shadows across the room by the time I woke and found the bed empty. I bolted upright and listened for signs that Will was still in the house. I hadn’t slept so soundly since I’d drunk too much of Nora’s special blend tea. But this time, instead of a headache, I awoke with a sleepy smile and was struck by my longing and appreciation for Will. He had been a perfect gentleman and a rock I hadn’t known I needed.
We’d both been afraid to move during the hours we’d spent wrapped around each other. Neither did we speak about the tension that roared between us. I resisted the urge to delve into his mind after the emotions I did sense had my heart racing and my breath coming in short bursts. The heat and desire that surged through him caught me so off guard, I thought I might hyperventilate.
He struggled to maintain control and though I knew I should be afraid, I wasn’t. Sam, Maggie, and Nora had all warned me to never put myself in the position of being alone with someone I knew could overpower me. But beneath all of the angst and confusion that Will’s body and soul radiated, there was a pervasive sense of protectiveness—a genuine respect and affection, and I knew I was safe.
My own body, however, was on fire and not looking for the flame to be put out. The only thought that kept me from giving in and jumping on top of Will was that I couldn’t afford to be pregnant. I’d been giving more and more thought to the topic as of late and meeting Will had brought that instinct to the surface in a big way—another surprise that had my brain twisting in confusion. I didn’t want to bring children into this broken world, and I had no idea how my genetic alteration would affect my ability to have babies or what they might turn out to be. I never wanted to take that risk. And with the waning moon, I knew my cycle was high. Maggie and Nora had made sure I understood the ways of nature and how the body’s hormones could make you want something that your head knew was a bad idea.
Teen pregnancy was quickly becoming the norm, an unexpected social side effect of the population decline having to do with instinctual propagation of the species and a lack of effective birth control. At least that’s how Nora explained it when half the teenaged girls at school ended up pregnant.
While forcing myself to stillness in Will’s arms, I’d thought of a million things I wanted to say but kept quiet, knowing there was nothing I could say that would change the inevitable outcome of our relationship. Finally he’d drifted off and I was able to drop into a dreamless sleep, the first in months.
The sound of pans clanking together and the smell of bacon brought me fully awake. A wave of relief flooded my insides and my stomach growled loudly. He was still here. The instantaneous sadness that followed that happy thought reminded me that it wouldn’t be for long. I jumped out of bed, took care of bathroom business, straightened my hair that was sticking up in all directions, and headed downstairs after a critical groan at my reflection.
“All rested up?” Will asked as I entered the kitchen.
“Yes, thanks. Where did all the food come from?” Bacon sizzled on a griddle and eggs bubbled in a frying pan over an old propane stove.
“A neighbor down the street apparently noticed the light last night and came by a few hours ago to see if we needed anything. He mentioned the house used to belong to Father Stavros’s brother who was killed by Guardians a few years back. I guess that explains why the good Father is working against the law.” He flipped the eggs without breaking the yolk and grinned as he tossed his bangs out of his eyes. “The neighbor was nice enough to provide us with breakfast. Said he kept an eye out for Father Stavros’s ‘guests.’”
Will toasted the bread and offered me a cup of milk from the neighbor’s cow. “I’ll have to be sure to send Father Stavros a thank you gift,” I said, frowning. “Maybe some herbal healing salve and first aid supplies since we used most of his.”
Will handed me my plate. The scent of steaming eggs and crisp bacon reached my nose as I pulled out a chair.
“You’re a good person, Lily Carmichael.” Will sat down across from me, his blue-grey eyes sincere. He looked down. “I wish I could be more like you.”
My heart did that little jumping thing it always did when Will used that wistful tone. I knew that life had hardened him in many ways. I also knew that deep down he was a really good person. I could feel it in my bones, but sometimes this life was cruel and people had to act in ways that changed them, just to survive. I thought about the agent I’d killed and the scar that it had left on my soul and I came to a decision.
“I think I’m fine on my own now, Will. When the sun sets, we should say our goodbyes.”
He looked up from his plate, his brow furrowed. “I thought we were staying together until we reached town. I don’t want you to travel alone at night.”
I squared my shoulders, “It’s only a few miles.” What I knew beyond a doubt was that if I didn’t say it now, goodbye was going to become more difficult with each passing moment. Another night and day with him would surely weaken my resolve to keep him at arm’s length and everything in the left side of my brain told me that it would be a bad idea to let him get any closer.
He cleared his throat and resumed eating. “Whatever you want.”
We ate in silence, both of us sulking. Will would continue searching for his father. And I would travel at sunset and probably reach the Claverack town line in a couple of hours. I’d lie low there. If everything was on schedule, the caravan would come through the next day.
We spent our last few hours at the safe house disinfecting and restocking our packs. I wrapped the canisters of Syntoxin in the extra pants and shirt I’d washed and shoved them down into the bottom of the bag. The neighbor had provided dried pork, some cheese, and a small loaf of bread which I added to my supplies and then laid containers of water on top—enough to last through until I made it to the next leg of my journey. I tucked Father Stavros’s knife into my pocket and handed Will back the wooden whistle his father had given him and that he had given me.
“You should take this,” I said as we hit the gravel road leading to the highway. “When you meet up with your dad, he might ask if you still have it.” The sun was down over the trees and the balmy breeze was just beginning to cool.
“Keep it.” Will adjusted his long steps to meet my pace. “I want you to have something to remember me by.”
Reluctantly, I tucked the whistle deep into my pocket and let the topic go, sensing that Will wasn’t prepared to think about whether he and his father would ever reunite. We faced off at the end of the lane where a cross road headed north and the road to Claverack pointed east.
“I’ll never forget you, Will.” My throat tightened and I held the sting of tears behind my eyes.
“For what it’s worth, Lily, I am sorry.” The sadness and regret in his voice touched my heart and I forced a breath past it.
“I know. And for what it’s worth, I forgive you.”
At that, his eyes misted over and he looked away. “I hope I can make it up to you some day.” Then he met my gaze head on, his expression pained. “I’d like the chance to prove myself worthy of that forgiveness.”
Against my better judgment, I took his hand in mine and squeezed his fingers surprised at how warm they were in comparison to my own. “You are worthy, Will. I understand why you did what you did. I probably would have made the same choice. I just think it’s best if I go on alone.” My words fell heavy in the dark, chilly air.
Before I could let go of his hand, Will pulled me in close and hugged me tight to his chest. “Be careful.”
“I always am,” I said, regretting how true that was at the moment. I kissed his cheek and pulled back to look one last time into his eyes, sparkling in the pale moonlight rising fast over the trees, the waning moon a slice thinner.
“I’ll…miss you, Lily.” Will hesitated, then moved in slowly, brushing his lips gently across mine. I stayed still, feeling his warmth, his energy, and his essence surrounding me with its intensity. My stomach dropp
ed and my breath caught, the moment frozen and picture perfect in my mind. I’d dreamt of this exact kiss and the dream flooded to my mind.
I pulled away, breathless and frightened. A sense of urgency took hold. In my dream, Will’s kiss under a waning moon was at the beginning of a terrible nightmare, the beginning of bloodshed and death. I hadn’t connected the two before now, but a weird deja vu sent a chill through me. I needed to reach home and I needed to get there quickly and warn Sam and the sisters. I needed to warn everyone.
“Goodbye, Will.” I tore myself away and ran into the cool, dark night.