In the darkness, the huge house reminded me of the spooky houses that were always used for horror movies: two story, painted, wooden houses with wrap-around porches. The only difference was that it showed no signs of aging—no shutters hanging askew and no paint peeling. The light from the windows cast a weird glow on the wooden rockers that moved slightly in the wind. If I weren’t so tired and surrounded by FBI agents, I would have been too afraid to go in. We dragged ourselves inside, and were then each taken by our agents to different rooms to sleep. The guys headed upstairs, the girls stayed on the main floor.
Jeremy took me down a narrow hallway, just to the left of the stairs and into a small, plain bedroom with only a twin bed, a nightstand, two token pictures and a dresser. Thick curtains were drawn, and there was a closet and one more door, which turned out to be a small bathroom with a shower. I sat on the edge of the bed, ready to drop over.
“Come here, Christy,” Jeremy said, sliding the closet door open.
I stood up and walked over, trying to see what was in the closet before I was actually there. It was lined with wooden slats, and when Jeremy turned the clothes rod, some of the panels of wood slid to the side.
“Now listen. If you get scared or you hear an alarm, turn the rod and jump into this secret spot. See this blanket here?” I nodded, thinking it curious to have only a blanket inside. “This blanket is special. It makes it so that no one can see the heat coming from your body. You must totally cover every inch of you, or else a heat sensor could detect you… And don’t forget to slide the closet door closed behind you.”
“Okay,” I said, wondering how long I could stay in that little spot, covered up with a blanket, without freaking out. Small spaces had never been my friend.
“Nothing will happen—but just in case.”
“Can’t I just room with Marybeth?” I asked, suddenly feeling alone.
“She’s not here.”
“Oh my gosh! Is she the one that got taken?” I moved toward him, frantic.
“Whoa, now. The others are at a different safehouse and won’t be coming here.”
“A different safehouse? But why aren’t they coming here?” Despite the fear I felt for Marybeth, I couldn’t help thinking about seeing Alex one more time. I wanted to hear what he was about to say at the gala about me “being taken” when Jeremy interrupted him.
“We had to separate you according to what you saw. If this house were to be compromised, which it won’t, then we would still have almost the same testimonies available to us at the other safehouse. It guarantees us we will get the bad guys.”
“But someone is missing still?”
“Yes.”
“Do you know who?”
“It’s not important.”
“I have to know.”
“Well, you’re just going to have to trust me when I say this person will be okay. Now, get into bed and go to sleep.” He walked toward the door.
“Please, I won’t be able to sleep if you don’t tell me.”
“I’m sorry, I can’t. Go to bed. I’m in the room next door.” He shut the door behind him.
“Well, I’m not going to sleep,” I yelled after him, as if it would change his mind. I climbed into the bed anyway, with my clothes still on. It was comfortable and warm but did nothing to calm my mind.
What if the terrorists did come? I stared at the closet. The door was open, and I had to climb out of bed to shut it, hoping that would help me stop thinking about having to use that small hideout for real. He hadn’t told me how to open the door to the hideout once inside. What if I got stuck in there forever?
I tossed and turned. Who had the terrorists taken from the gala? Had the FBI found whomever they’d taken? At least I knew it wasn’t Alex, Summer or Rick.
Finally, after a few hours of incessant worry and fear, I got up and left my room. The empty, long and mostly dark hall seemed to never end. The only light came from small vent-like night lights near the floor. After passing Jeremy’s room, I hesitated, feeling a bit scared, but then Jeremy popped out of his room, gun in hand.
When he saw me, he tucked it into the back of his pants.
“You all right, Christy?”
“Yeah. I couldn’t sleep.” I wasn’t sure if I felt safer or less safe knowing Jeremy had a gun.
“I was afraid of that.”
“Who did they take?” I asked. “It’s driving me crazy. I know you know. Just tell me.”
“It’s not important, Christy. We have a locator on this person and will bring him back.”
“Him? It’s one of the guys?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You did, too! You said ‘him’. It has to either be Eugene or Josh, then.”
“No, it doesn’t.”
“You’re driving me crazy! Just tell me.”
“No. Don’t worry. They will get him or her. You all have locators in your clothes: Tiny microchips that send a signal to us so we can keep track of you.”
“Really? So you knew where we were every minute of every day?”
“Yes. I told you you were protected. I meant it. Except of course, when we thought you were Marybeth at the club that night. And even then you were protected, just not by us, by her agents.”
“No way.” I really was safe. “That car that was following our cab….Did you guys cause it to crash?”
“Not me, but other agents. Yes.”
Wow!
“Then why did you let me go to Senator Randolph’s office?” I felt my face go hot.
“We didn’t think you would actually end up with him physically. You just have this way of getting into trouble. It didn’t matter that you were with him anyway. We have plants in his office. You were protected in there, too.”
“Funny. I didn’t feel that way…So, was it the FBI at the pizzeria, too?”
“Some of the agents were FBI. But it wasn’t our deal. I didn’t even know about it until you told me about it. I had to ask at the office what it was all about.”
“Really?” It seemed like I’d said “Really” a million times already. My mind was reeling at how safe we’d actually been. Why had I felt so unsafe?
“Really,” he said, eyes wide.
“Tell me who. Please.”
He shook his head and breathed loudly. “It’s not important.”
“It is to me. Please tell me.” I grabbed his arm hard.
“I have this feeling that I won’t be getting any sleep until you know.” His pause was long, and I knew from debating at school that the first one to speak would lose. So, I bit my lip to stop myself from asking again.
“Don’t worry,” he finally said. “Marybeth is a resourceful girl. She’ll be fine.”
“Marybeth? What? No!” I moved close to him and laid my face on his chest.
“Crap!” he said under his breath. He sighed and then wrapped his arms around me. “Don’t worry, we have her signal, and it won’t be long before we have her in a safehouse.”
“Will I be able to talk to her?”
“Eventually. We’ve got to round up all the terrorists first. We’ve already grabbed a bunch of them and are moving in on the others as fast as we can. Once we intercepted the information about the eight packages, we realized we couldn’t wait another minute to get the those creeps off the streets. As we speak they are being picked up.”
“Hmmm. I just wish I knew she was safe,” I said. “Why didn’t you tell me everything you were doing so I wouldn’t have been so crazy scared and worried if you guys were inept or something?”
“Inept? Are you kidding? We didn’t want you guys tipping off the terrorists that we were there watching and protecting you. It only takes one slip of the tongue to blow an operation like this…Now, go to bed and sleep tight.”
“You have to realize,” I said, “that all I could see was how vulnerable we appeared and how alone I felt.”
“I had no idea. Why didn’t you just believe me?”
“I guess I’m not the believing
type. I have to see to believe.” The knowledge that I was this way hit me like a rock. I had always thought of myself as faithful; I didn’t have to see to believe. Had I been wrong about myself this whole time? Jeremy didn’t respond. He only rushed me back into my room.
After a while of mulling over the information from Jeremy, I fell into a fitful sleep. When I woke up, the edges of the curtains were illuminated with bright light. I couldn’t believe my eyes. How long had I slept? It was one? The clock had to be wrong. I yawned and climbed out of bed. The carpet felt good on my feet.
As I passed Jeremy’s room, he came out at that instant and met me again.
“Hungry?” he asked.
“Very,” I said. The smell of chips and bread called to me.
I guess we had all slept late. A bunch of people sat eating at the table with the notable exception of Summer and her agent. Rick stood up when he saw me.
“You want me to get you something to eat?” he asked.
“No,” I said. “I’ll get it myself. You finish eating.”
The spread of food on the counter looked amazing. Yum.
“How did you sleep?” Rick asked, as I sat beside him, laying my sandwich and drink on the long wooden table.
“Okay. How about you?” I said, looking at the people across the table from us.
“Bad. I think I woke up a million times. I finally just got out of bed. I couldn’t stand it anymore.”
I turned to look at him, and his blue eyes shined in the light coming from the windows. He didn’t look tired at all. I took a deep breath. He made me feel better in this scary house.
“Yeah. After I’d finally slept some, I woke up all startled by the bright sunlight. I feel terrible.” We didn’t look away from each other until we noticed that the room was suddenly silent.
Sam, Rick’s agent, and Jeremy were looking past us toward the stairs, eyes wider than normal. We turned to look, too. Summer stumbled to the table, head bent down, hair all over the place, and she was mumbling to herself like a crazy person—throwing her arms in front of her and then to her sides. Her agent, Mike, held her upper arms, pushing her forward to a seat across from me and down a little, between Jeremy and Sam.
“Sit,” Mike ordered, shaking his head and rolling his eyes.
I stifled a laugh as she sat, anger pulsing from her as she folded her arms on the table and plopped her head down on top of them. Her hair was ratted and sticking up all over the place. Unbelievable! Summer a mess? Never. A large grin spread across my face, and I put my hand over my mouth to hide it. What was wrong with me? Why was I happy about someone else’s suffering? I thought of the mean girls in my high school and how they seemed overjoyed at my misery, and I felt hot lava rise in me.
Mike walked over to the island, where all of the food was laid out and said, “Summer’s feeling a bit out-of-sorts this morning. You want turkey or ham, Summer?”
Everyone looked from Mike to Summer. No answer.
“Turkey it is,” Mike said.
We were all still silent. I was sure everyone was unable to believe that perfectly-put-together Summer was anything but put-together today. No one wanted to miss the drama. Why would she come in here like that? I’d never seen her have a hair out of place, even after having slept in that laundry room after the murder.
We watched as Mike put her sandwich and drink in front of her and sat next to her and said, “There you go, Summer. Eat up. You’ll need your strength for the self-defense class today.”
“Go away!” Summer yelled into her folded arms. Everyone leaned back a bit, shocked.
“It’s your choice, Summer,” Mike said. “But you’ll regret not eating now. There’s nothing else until dinner.”
“My choice?” she yelled, lifting her head. “I don’t seem to have any choices anymore! Ever since that, that….” Her eyes searched the room until they found me. “That,” she said, pointing at me, “had to pull us into this mess. I didn’t see anything, but I’m still here.”
Flames seemed to shoot out of her eyes, and I instinctively leaned further away from her, hoping not to burn.
“I have nothing now! None of my clothes, my makeup. I couldn’t even clean my face yesterday.” Her eyes now bored a hole through me. “Do you know what that does to your skin—to sleep in makeup?” She sneered. “You don’t, do you? Of course not. You stupid backwoods girl.”
I couldn’t take my eyes off her makeup smeared face, her wild hair and her blazing eyes. She was a total mess and yet, she wasn’t ugly, she simply looked like she was posing for a high fashion magazine shoot. Totally unfair—she was beautiful even when she shouldn’t have been.
“Look at the clothes they gave me to wear,” she continued. “I look like… you,” she said, pointing at me again. “This is all your fault.” Her teeth were clamped shut like a vice.
The silence was deafening. Rick grabbed my sweaty hand and held it tight.
All I could do was think that she was right. It was my fault that we were here in the middle of nowhere in this safehouse. It was my fault she didn’t have her things, and it was my fault her life was in danger. I swallowed hard, trying not to show any expression. I could feel the heat in my neck and face, and I tried to say I was sorry, but my throat closed up around my words.
Rick leaned into me and said, “This is not your fault.”
He said it loud enough for everyone to hear, and Summer’s vengeance was swift and vicious.
“And you Rick,” Summer hissed. “Sitting by her, probably holding her hand under the table.” She leaned down and looked under the table to verify. “Yep—holding that two-timing b’s hand. She looks soooo innocent, doesn’t she? She even acts the part. But, you know, she made out with Alex at the club last Tuesday and has been sucking face with him ever since. She’s just toying with you.”
Now, my face burned. I tried to sit as still as possible, wishing it all away. Wishing I could disappear, but the spotlight was on me. Summer had made sure of it. My mom had been right. Getting what you wanted never turned out the way you thought it would.
“Yes!” she continued. “She’s been locking lips and all sorts of other stuff with Alex since then. She doesn’t even like you, Rick. She’s into Alex. If you can’t see that, you’re just as stupid as she is. You deserve each other.”
His grip on my hand loosened, and I felt his gaze on me. I had to turn to him. His eyes questioned.
I shook my head, looking him in the eye, wishing I had told him the whole truth before. I’d been caught. The truth was out. My stomach felt like cement had just been poured into it. A part of me wanted to rip Summer’s head off, but the look in Rick’s eyes made me want to cry.
“Is that true?” he tried to whisper only to me, but our audience was too close to miss it.
Justifications filled my mind—all lies. Then shame filled me. I was horrified at the ease the lies had come. All the half-truths I’d told had finally added up and overtaken me. Why hadn’t I been honest in the first place? Lying had never been a part of who I was. What had happened to me?
“It’s not like that,” I said weakly, my head moving side to side. I knew the truth was looking at him through my eyes, and his hand let go of mine. It didn’t all have to be true to make me guilty.
“It is like that!” Summer said, cackling now. “Caught ya!” She cackled some more.
I wanted to deny it all, but I couldn’t. Would anyone notice if I crawled under the table? I needed to explain it all to him. He just needed to hear my explanation, and he would understand. I reached for his hand as he moved it away, but he quickly jerked it and turned his whole body away from me.
Summer, smiling, started to eat her sandwich, stifling laughter.
I felt all the agent’s stares as I tapped Rick and said, “Rick, listen.” He didn’t flinch. I tapped harder, “Rick, please.” I felt my voice catch, but he didn’t turn to me.
Being caught was like being punched in the stomach. My throat burned and hot tears
pushed their way out. I looked up, trying to fend them off, wrapping my arms around my waist. I wouldn’t be able to stop the bawling that was to come. I was about to lose it in the worst possible way—in front of all these people. I lost it at home all the time lately—but I was always alone in my room when I did.
I ran to the stairs and heard Jeremy call out to me, “Christy! Christy!” But I kept running until I hit my room and flung myself onto the bed, sobbing.
I felt so very small. My time in Washington, D.C. was almost over, and I hadn’t changed the way I’d imagined at all. I’d wanted to change for the better, and I’d only become worse. I had lost my way and now didn’t know how to find it again. I was still a leper. Only now, I was a deceitful one. Why hadn’t I been honest—totally and completely? I just wanted to fit in and belong. Now that I had felt what it was like to have people like me, I didn’t know if I could live without it.
I felt my bed sink on one side, like someone had sat on it. I jerked up, hoping it was Rick. It was only Jeremy, so I flopped back down on the bed, tears falling freely.
“Hey, Christy,” he said, rubbing my back. “We’re about to start the defense training. What do you say?”
“I’m not going,” I said.
“I’m sorry, but you don’t really have a choice. You must be there.”
“I can’t!” I squeaked. Was he crazy? He was a witness to my humiliation. How could he expect me to join the class?
“You can, Christy. You’re stronger than you think. Summer’s getting cleaned up, and we’ll be starting in about ten. You can clear things up with Rick after the class.”
“He’ll never forgive me,” I said. “I’m such an idiot.”
“Christy, for what it’s worth, I’ve seen him around you. He worships you. He’s not going to let something like this keep him from you. He’s too good a guy. . .”
“Exactly!”I interrupted, turning over on the bed to glare at him. “He is too good a guy to forgive me. I wouldn’t forgive me if I were him.”
“That’s where you’re mistaken. You just need to start acting like the good girl your profile says you are.” He wiped a tear from my cheek, smiling, pressing his lips together and tilting his head to the side.
“I’m not that girl anymore. Haven’t you noticed?”
“You are that girl—plus experience,” he said. “Experience can be painful.”
“No. I’ve turned rotten.”
“Not you,” he said. “How you feel does not dictate who you are. You’ll see, it will all work out. Next time, stay out of Summer’s path. She can be scary.” He chuckled, and I smiled weakly. “Go splash some water on your face and come down to the game room. Be the tough girl I know you are and don’t let her get to you again.” He walked slowly out of the room and shut the door behind him.
What could I do? I had to go down. I had no choice. I would have to face my shame. The cold water burned my eyes, and for a good inch around them, my skin was bright red. How could I go downstairs looking like this? I patted my face dry with a towel, pulled the curtain back and looked out the window at the forest surrounding the house. The naked branches of the trees seemed to shine in the sun next to the dark evergreens. It was like the bare branches were arms waiting to grab me. I shivered. Everything felt wrong here.
I knelt down by my bed and prayed. I asked for forgiveness for all the stupid things I’d done the last two weeks and prayed that I would feel better about myself and have the courage to set things straight with Rick. I said thanks for the chance I’d had to change and for the good parts. I stayed on my knees, my head resting on the bed, letting the comfort I always felt after praying sink in. I felt a warmth cover me, and I promised I wouldn’t act like I had been again. Forgiveness really is golden. I realized I hadn’t been praying like I usually did and decided that was the reason everything was going wrong, now.
“Christy!” Jeremy called. “It’s time.”
I closed my eyes and asked God to give me strength one more time and left my room.
Jeremy, smiling, met me at the bottom of the stairs. Putting his hand on the back of my neck, he led me to the game room, renewed.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR