"Sounds good. Z?"
"Sure. I should be finished up soon so I'll meet you two at home. Drive safe, love," Z adds as I roll my eyes.
"Yes, dear," I add quickly while ending the call before he can respond to my sarcasm.
After a few quiet minutes driving Kayla finally speaks to me. "I was only teasing, Suzanne. I promise," she says looking at me with concern.
"I know. I'm good, Kayla. No psychotic jealous freak out in sight," I smile though somewhat taken aback by her graphic teasing with Z.
"Suzanne, I'm sorry. I really was just being inappropriate," she continues like there's a problem between us. But there isn't with her. It's just every other goddamn woman who looks at Z I have a problem with.
"Honestly, I'm fine, Kayla. It's not you."
Turning against the door, Kayla gives me the Mack 'talk to me' face and I almost laugh. It's like he trained all my people how to give that look, knowing I can never fight it.
"Basically, I'm insecure. And neurotic. And-"
"Crazy," she adds helpfully as I laugh.
"Not that much anymore, but it’s hard being with Z sometimes."
"Why?" She asks, and I can't help look over at her with an obnoxious 'Are you seriously asking me that?' face.
"You know why."
"No, I don’t. Tell me," she pushes.
"Come on, you know why," I mumble embarrassed.
"I really don't. So tell me," she asks again looking honestly confused, which is bizarre considering the obvious physical differences between me and Z.
Eventually huffing a breath I spill. "Well, let’s see. I have a lifetime of issues, and Z is Z. I have a scarred face, a lower belly flub I can't seem to get rid of, and I'm plain. But Z is still Z. Everyone looks at him and listens to his every word and just waits for whatever he says or does because he's Z. And I'm just Suzanne. The short, big-hipped wife with the facial scars and the very publicly known past from hell."
"So?" Kayla asks in almost a whisper.
"So, that's everything. Except for the women of course. Do you have any idea what it's like going out in public with him? Everywhere we go? Which incidentally is always, all the time, because he's really busy and he always wants me with him so I never get a break from all the looks," I huff again feeling totally insecure as I confess to Kayla.
"What looks?" She asks and I feel pissed off that she keeps playing stupid with me. Snapping my head to glare at her for a second she raises her eyebrow for me to answer.
"Fine. THE looks. First, the holy shit Z's hot look, followed by the check out the wife blatantly look, followed by the seriously? That’s his wife look. Then I get the dreaded oh my god look at her face look. And if they aren't blatantly staring at my face while I duck my head and move my hair to cover my face they're almost scowling at me. And I know exactly what they're thinking as they look between me and Z- How the hell did she get him? I'm not stupid, Kayla. I'm well aware of the fact that Z is so far out of my league I should've run, but I didn't run. And now I have to spend a lifetime watching women watching us trying to figure out if we were childhood sweethearts, or better yet an arranged marriage or something. They're trying to find any kind of reason that makes some kind of sense to explain how I'm married to someone as amazing as Z. And it's exhausting," I finish lamely when I feel so insecure suddenly spewing it all in the front seat of Z's SUV I want to cry.
Shit. I didn't realize just how much this bothered me until I laid it out like that. Usually, I tease Z and he comforts me or says one of his perfect Z-isms until I calm down. But it really does bother me. Every single day, wherever we go, from the Benefits to the grocery store, I feel that intense insecurity and paranoia when I see everyone trying to figure out how the hell I trapped Z.
"I didn't trap him…" I mumble before realizing I spoke out loud.
"Are you high right now?" Kayla asks so seriously I burst out laughing.
"Um, no more than usual," I grin.
"Well, you are the most fucked up person I've ever met. Have you seen the way Z looks at you?"
"Yes. I know he loves me. It's the other people though. They're just so mean."
"Who gives a fuck?! Seriously, Suzanne. Stop feeling insecure for a second about all the things you think are wrong with you, physically and mentally and wear that shit. Own Z in public so they all know who his wife is. Sit up and be like, ‘Fuck you Bitch- look what I got. While you're using a dildo at night to get off, I'm using his fine ass.’"
Turning to her, I'm stunned by Kayla's sudden anger. "It's not that easy."
"Actually, it is that easy. You're not hideous Suzanne, though you think you are. You're actually quite stunning, especially when you smile and your eyes light up like they do around us. But when you're around Z you both seem to glow, or some sentimental crap like that. It's awe-inspiring, especially watching Z- who incidentally loves you more than any man I've ever known loves his wife. So really, you need to cut the shit. Shine up those new balls of yours, and live in this awesome thing you have with Z. Because you are fucking fabulous, Suzanne. Truly," Kayla finally winds down by taking my hand for a squeeze.
Breathing my way through Kayla's sudden outburst, I'm feeling a variety of emotions ranging from shock at her anger, love for her loyalty, and still the constant insecurity that has made me me weighing me down.
After a few silent moments while I think about everything she said, Kayla finally whispers, "I'm sorry," in the quiet of the truck.
This is so Kayla. Totally in my face bitchy which is meant out of love and support, followed by her reeling it back afterward when she calms down.
"It's okay. It's just hard, Kayla. I'm not like you. I haven't had a lifetime of feeling fabulous, or being told I was fabulous. I was treated pretty badly my whole life, so even though I'm surrounded by love and support now, my past doesn't just go away in a few years. I don't just suddenly feel fabulous because you say I am." And that's the truth as I feel it. "Um, words aren't helping, I can only hope time makes me feel worthy of this wonderful life I suddenly find myself in."
"You will, because you do deserve it. And if I have to yell at you until you finally get it, then I will," she says with a huge, devious Kayla smile.
➰➰➰➰➰
"Okay. I love it. I can't believe you 2 did all this in only a month," she says looking all around her room. Z and my city condo has 4 bedrooms remarkably, and Kayla claimed this one bedroom almost immediately. It certainly didn't hurt that 'her' bedroom had the only other bathroom besides Z and my master bedroom. But I think it was the view that got her.
"It looks great, doesn't it?" I ask with pride.
"It's fucking amazing. Thank you so much, Suzanne. I'm never leaving now. Chicago doesn't have anything like this, and I kind of miss you when I'm back home," she actually says quietly like she really means it. Kayla isn't particularly emotional so it feels great hearing she misses me.
"You know you're always welcome here."
"Uh huh," she says again distracted by the vivid black and white zebra prints and bright blue highlights all over her room and carpet.
"Plus, you may find a reason to move to New York soon," I say knowing that'll get her attention.
Practically bouncing, Kayla looks so excited by my words. "And why would that be, Suzanne?" She questions almost threateningly.
"Oh, I don't know... there's this guy named Marty I think you like. Oh, and Z told Mr. Petrie that you deserve to be promoted to Accounts Manager, preferably in a larger, busier location like New York for example," I say seriously biting my cheek to prevent my grin.
Waiting, Kayla doesn't speak for second and then, "Fuck OFF! Seriously? He did that? He would do that?"
"Yes!" I yell excited. "If you want it. Petri always listens to Z," I roll my eyes, "like everyone else does. Anyway, Z told him how great you were and how essential to the company, and basically said you needed to be transferred to the New York office because you were being wasted in Chicago. So Petri immediately agreed you w
ere to be promoted to Accounts Manager regardless. And though the choice will be yours to move to New York or not, the promotion is a given, but the choice is still yours regarding where you want to take it. And yes, Z's going to kill me for telling you but I couldn't wait," I giggle at Kayla's silence.
"I..." Ha! Her silence is awesome.
"It'll be discussed with you officially when you return to Chicago and back to work on Wednesday," I grin again hoping and praying she chooses to move to New York. "Um, you can stay here till you find a place if you want. And to be honest Z already has a realtor looking for you in case you wanted the job transfer. Actually, he already found a cool apartment not far from here that will be available next month, and he already put down a deposit just to hold it so you could look at it before it was snatched up as soon as it went on the market," I grin. "It was a little presumptuous of us but when Z actually found an awesome apartment in Manhattan that was affordable we didn't want to let it go before you could decide what you wanted to do."
Turning to me again, Kayla has such a shocked look on her face I can't stop the grin from spreading across my own. "You're too quiet, Kayla. You're kinda freaking me out here."
Shaking her head, Kayla finally exhales and smiles back at me. "I'm stunned Suzanne, and happy, and excited, and holy shit do I ever want to take the job in New York," she says so excited, I too almost bounce with her.
"You do?"
"Yeah... I do. Look, I love Chicago, but it's kind of been played out, ya know? After you and Kayla, and with everything that happened there I didn't feel the same about home. And I'm going to be honest, I've missed you and Kayla like crazy. I bonded with you two in a way that I've never bonded with any other women before, and I love my friendships with you both. I'm almost lonely without you guys around, and I really look forward to all my weekend shopping trips with you in New York. Even with all this wedding shit which I hate, I look forward to it because I get to come back and I love being around you." When I smile again, I know my eyes are shining with tears and she's gonna snap at me any second. "Oh, don't get all sappy for Fuck’s sake! I'm just saying I like you and Kayla, okay?"
"Okay," I nod.
Walking closer to me, Kayla hugs me tightly. She's not a big hugger like my other Kayla is, but when she does it’s hard, and engulfing, and almost sweet because they're so rare and special. Whispering in my ear, she admits, "I reeeeeally want to move here," as I nod against her shoulder. "Could Z be any more amazing?" She smiles pulling away from me.
"Nope. Z is everything, Kayla." When she nods back calmly, I know she knows it, too.
Z is everything to me, and he has made me everything I am, which is happy, and healing, and whole. Z makes every day beautiful for me. He makes every single day for me worth the nightmare I went through, because without the nightmare I wouldn't have found the dream I now live with Z.
"Look at this zit on my face AND I got my period this morning!" Kayla suddenly yells from the bedroom doorway. Spinning toward her, I almost laugh at her face but just catch myself. Wow. New York Kayla is a hot friggin’ mess. There’s no other way to describe her.
"Wow. You look like shit," Chicago Kayla says back and I can't hold in my shocked laughter.
"I know! Suzanne, I need that pasty white liquid foundation you use that covers everything. Please?” She nearly cries. “What was it? I don't have time to buy any, but I'll replace it I promise. I have to cover this thing- look at it! It practically has a pulse it's so big," Kayla yells again, and I know the crazy is coming. She's almost in tears, and I think Chicago Kayla is a little stunned by the changes to Kayla in just a month. I think she's lost at least 20 pounds and it doesn’t look good on her.
Kayla is tall, and shapely, and her curves were to die for. Now she looks a little too skinny and her body looks almost awkward, or like disproportioned or something with her height.
"Cra... I need you to breathe slowly for me," Kayla says like Mack would and I start laughing at New York Kayla's face when she scowls at Kayla.
"Don't fucking start with the Cra-Cra Kay bullshit, Kayla. I'm losing my mind here! Who gets a fucking zit in the middle of their cheek 2 days before their huge wedding? Me! That's who. So of course I'm freaking out. My mother is going to point it out to everyone and make comments, and my sisters will love to torture me because they're bitches and where's that foundation, Suzanne!? I need it!" She snaps at me.
Shit, I know it's not going to work because I'm much more pale than Kayla but I'm not even going to try to be rational right now with her. Grabbing her hand we leave Kayla's bedroom for my own.
Walking into my bathroom, Kayla parks it on the long counter and waits for me to find it among the endless foundations and creams I've tried over the past 2 years to hide my red facial burns.
"I can't even have sex on my honeymoon," Kayla practically cries but before I can answer, Kayla does.
"Shower sex?" She asks leaning against the doorway watching us.
"For half the goddamn honeymoon? Fuck. We'll be waterlogged," Kayla says finally laughing a little.
Grinning at her, I try to calm her down. "You and Mack have a lifetime together for sex, and you'll probably be so exhausted when this is all over Sunday you won't even want to. Mack doesn't care about honeymoon sex Kayla, he cares about getting you back," I whisper as Chicago Kayla nods.
"I know. It's been just awful between us. And I'm so unhappy, I can't even get my Shrink to help me anymore," she grins until it fades away from her face slowly. "I'm scared I've ruined our relationship with all this wedding shit," she confesses as I pause in my cupboard of makeup.
Walking back to her, I take her hand as her eyes fill up, and smile my brightest smile for her. "You have ruined nothing. Mack loves you beyond anything this wedding has caused, and once it's over you two will be back to normal, I promise. He's just patiently waiting for it to be over, and then he's going to shrink you back sane. You know Mack, and there is nothing he wouldn't do for you, Kayla. Nothing," I whisper and I know I have her.
Nodding, Kayla exhales deeply and smiles sincerely for the first time in months. "You're good, Suzanne. Mack has taught you well," she grins.
"I know he has. Look, Kayla and I’ll go buy you the proper shade of foundation tomorrow morning and bring it to you before the rehearsal, okay? My shade is the palest one they have, but it'll look like a dot of white on your beautiful, tanned skin. So let me grab a medium or slightly darker shade in the morning for you so you don't have to stress about it. Plus, that gives me and Kayla a reason to go shopping first thing in the morning," I smirk as Kayla nods from the doorway.
Exhaling, Kayla agrees. "Thank you," she smiles. "But I need it by noon before I see my mother. Is that okay?"
"Yup. We’ll go out first thing and we’ll have it at your place before noon. No worries about a little zit. We've got this. And you can use this foundation in the meantime to get you home so no one can see it pulsating on your face," I say so seriously both Kaylas pause for a second before they start laughing at the same time.
"Smartass! And nicely done," Chicago Kayla says entering the bathroom fully to take Cra Kay's hand. "We've got this. Is there anything else you need? Any last minute oh shits we can grab for you?"
"No. I'm good."
"We're ordering dinner and Z should be home any second. Do you want to stay for dinner?"
"Nah... I think I'll go home and snuggle up to Mack. It's our last night together living in sin before we're married and I really need to see him," she says hoping off the counter with the foundation. Dabbing a little amount on her cheek, she shakes her head at the horrible coverage but smiles anyway at us through the mirror before turning to leave.
"Thank you for everything," she says a little sadly until I hug her.
"3 days, Kayla. It's Thursday, and by Sunday everything will be over. Just 3 more days, okay?" I ask as she nods and walks away toward the hallway and my front door.
Opening the door to Z just walking in, Kayla almost jumps int
o his arms to hug him tightly all of a sudden. Watching, I instantly see Z's concern for her as he hugs her back with everything he has.
Kissing her head, Z whispers, "Just 3 more days, Kayla," as my own eyes fill up immediately hearing his soft voice. He and I are so similar now, I can't believe he just said my exact words to her from only seconds before as she exhales and hugs him tighter for a second.
"I can't wait to see you in a tux, Z," she smiles pulling away from him. "You're going to look so hot," she laughs as I roll my eyes again to Z looking at me over her head with a smile.
"Yes, I will," he grins letting her go.
"See you in the morning," Kayla says much happier when leaving us.
When the door closes Z walks to me for a Z hug, and I find myself exhaling in his chest as well. "How are you, love?" He whispers in my ear as I smile. Z's voice really does sound like the dark chocolate I always picture when he whispers to me.
"I'm good, and I'm glad you’re home. We have to still order though because Cra-Cra Kay interrupted us," I giggle when Z laughs and kisses my lips quickly.
"What are we having?"
"Chinese is good with me. Kayla?"
"Sounds good. Plus, Z and I need to have a little talk about awesome future promotions while we wait," Kayla says with excitement in her eyes and a huge smile plastered on her face as I groan.
Pinching my ass, Z whispers, "You're in so much trouble. I know where I'll find you later," with a fake scowl.
Smiling innocently I turn for our kitchen. "I'll be ordering the food while you two talk," I skip away before he can grab me again to take me to our room.
God, I love that voice, and I love that scowl. Usually, it means Z and I are having sex on our special couch in our bedroom. The couch we learned is absolutely perfect for sexy sex. The couch that is the right height and the right size for both of us. Whether I'm against the armrest, sitting, or lying down flat, it’s a perfect fit for our bodies. It is our special sex couch and it always turns me on and gets me going.