Read What To Do If Trapped In A Lift With A Dentist Page 6

themselves

  on not using 'the n-word' or 'the p-word'

  and think that they have solved racism

  Just because you don't talk about something

  doesn't mean it ceases to exist

  Prejudice and hate are not leprechauns

  they are viruses

  They don't fade away if ignored

  they have to be dealt with

  Deal with them openly

  in a free market

  Meanwhile, I reserve the right to disagree with your ideas

  and I reserve the right to express ideas you may disagree with

  that's called democracy

  If I express something genuinely hateful

  I will be admonished for it

  and most people will turn against me

  but I should not and will not be admonished

  because someone disagrees with my ideas and values

  There is and never will be

  a universally agreed

  set of moral principles

  so we have to

  accommodate each other

  So long as I'm not harming you

  and you're not harming me

  then why can't we just

  let each other be

  and live in a world

  of peace and harmony?

  GET A LIFE

  Do I have to live

  life as it's been planned

  childhood draws the map

  freewill has been banned

  I am not like you

  I just can't accept

  this is all there is

  people so inept

  we're all free to change

  ourselves any time

  sentence living death

  but what was the crime?

  Get a life

  future in your hands

  past all in you minds

  so get a life

  Define yourself as is

  not as you once were

  it's you who calls the shots

  of that you can be sure

  no one else knows what

  is inside your head

  follow your own mind

  cos too soon we're all dead

  No one else's opinions

  matter when they say

  things you know are false

  so don't be lead astray

  decide on you own path

  and follow to the end

  cos no one's walking with you

  it's all just cruel pretend

  No one knows each other

  we can't communicate

  except in black and white

  and good and bad and love and hate

  so banish useless stereotypes

  put precedent in the bin

  cos the past is killing us

  the deadliest of all sin

  Written by the winning side

  all history is lies

  so let's live in the present

  lift the wool from our eyes

  deal with individuals

  not what you expect

  think about all situations

  and we can all get a life

  ITEMS YOU SHOULD AVOID BUYING AT A CAR BOOT SALE

  2nd hand underwear

  a human spleen

  foreign children

  sight unseen

  wigs that move

  food priced in shillings

  any sandwiches

  with unidentifiable fillings

  soiled bandages

  clothes from an orange bag

  cars with bullet holes

  a swastika flag

  packets of medication

  adorned with foreign writing

  mobile phones with

  video footage of fighting

  shoes that smell

  of camonbere or bree

  laptops stamped

  'property of the M.O.D.'

  KNOWLEDGE

  Knowledge

  is not

  intelligence

  intelligence

  is thinking

  for yourself

  knowledge

  is resurecting

  the thoughts of others

  history

  is a corpse

  leave it alone

  it teaches us nothing

  except how to repeat past mistakes

  again and again and again

  WAR

  War

  what is it good for?

  Reinvigorating depressed economies

  and winning elections

  MIDDLE CLASS LAND

  Some live in middle class land

  with pensions a prime concern

  conversations about investments

  with high yield return

  they'll move to another county

  so Tarquin can have a good school

  and grow up and work in the city

  and join an investment pool

  they drive their 2.4 volvos

  around the corner to the shops

  I'd like to give them a really

  good smack around the chops

  NO FUN IN MISERY

  When I was thirteen

  I thought my life was over

  I locked myself in the bathroom

  And cut myself with a razor blade

  A sharp dose of reality

  101 in negativity

  But that path was not for me

  There's no fun in misery

  I really thought I would die in there

  So I put on side two of a favourite album

  The first song talked of heaven

  And I cried 'cos I knew there was no such place

  A sharp dose of reality

  I thought in oblivion I'd be free

  But that way lies insanity

  There's no fun in misery

  Depression was never a lifestyle choice

  I never wore black or painted my face

  It never made me more interesting

  Just more annoying to be around

  A sharp dose of reality

  I wanted to see my blood run free

  But I'm very squeamish, luckily

  So I stepped back from stupidity

  No prescribed identity

  I have centre of gravity

  Freewill and integrity

  Know your own mind and you'll be free

  OPTIONS

  For sarcasm press 1

  For irony press 2

  For intransigence press 3

  For insults press 4

  For incomprehensible technical support press 5

  To speak to somebody helpful

  Press the hash key

  Whereupon you will be given a list of alternative service providers

  with a less ridiculous automated phone system

  PERSPECTIVE

  There are seven billion people on this planet

  There are more stars in our galaxy

  There are billions of galaxies

  There are a hundred undiscovered species

  for every square meter of ocean

  The planet is four and a half billion years old

  Humans have been here for a couple of million years

  What makes you think we're special?

  Yes, I know, we're the only species

  that study the Universe

  we've created societies and systems

  we're the only ones with self-awareness and higher consciousness

  but what have we done with it?

  What have you done today with your higher consciousness?

  Watched the telly?

  Had an argument?

  Made a sandwich?

  Started a war?

  If we're a species apart

  then why do we behave like animals?

  Because we are animals

  we're monkeys with delusions

  In anthropocentric ignorance

  we treat the world as if it's been put here for our benefit

&
nbsp; It was here long before us

  and it'll be here long after we've been snuffed out

  or snuffed ourselves out

  We cannot get perspective on our consciousness

  because we view everything through our consciousness

  and you cannot view a microscope through itself

  Even if most people no longer think we're the centre of the Universe

  many still think we're the most important species on the planet

  We are not. We are just another species of microbe

  bundles of protein in fancy dress

  PASSING TIME

  Passing water

  is a polite euphemism

  and so is passing time.

  Pissing your life away

  what a wasteful crime.

  PROGRESS?

  We managed perfectly well

  without mobile phones and websites

  How much more stuff

  will the future bring us

  that we don't really need?

  All they do is feed

  our misguided idea

  that all progress is positive

  no matter how dear

  the cost turns out to be

  for society

  for you and me

  eventually

  INSIDE

  Rain at the window

  I'm here in my room

  It's like a cocoon

  A comforting womb

  But I'm going out soon

  so I'll need my umbrella

  RANDOM THOUGHTS IN THE MIND OF A BORED TEENAGER IN 1989

  Milk cartons

  Terry and June

  Happy Birthday

  see you soon

  weathermen

  salt n shake crisps

  Giles Brandreth

  things that don't rhyme

  Keith Chegwin

  Anneka Rice

  BBC Micros

  Fire and ice

  alcohol free lager

  French cheeses

  Citreon 2CVs

  antisocial sneezes

  graphic equalisers

  black bow ties

  Arthur Neagus

  Ceri's thighs

  nurses uniforms

  soup in a cup

  trying to finish this poem

  without giving...

  SEMANTICS

  Once on the way home from school

  I made the mistake of referring to my walkman

  and a friend pointed out

  that I should not call it that

  because only those made by Sony are 'walkmen'

  and mine was a different brand

  "What is this then?" I asked

  waving it at him

  "A personal stereo," he said

  "Is there any need to be that pedantic?" I inquired

  "It's not a Walkman, it's a personal stereo" he repeated

  It occurs to me that we cannot have been

  the only ones to have ever had this pointless conversation

  I expect that more recently

  some younger people have had a similar conversation

  regarding the i-pod/mp3 player situation

  THE ALL TOO COMMON ROOM

  Where do you go when you're bored out of your mind

  There's nothing to do, as you will soon find

  If you're looking for an atmosphere of gloom

  Look no further than St. Cyres common room

  It's always full of people killing time

  It really is a dump, it really is a crime

  Do they just let us in this awful place?

  No, they make us prefects to save their face

  THE FUTILITY OF FIRE DRILLS

  There's going to be a fire drill in a minute.

  I've put all my stuff away

  and now I'm waiting...

  waiting...

  What is the point?

  We all know there's going to be a fire drill

  so there's no