“All right. Is there some reason?” Eddie rose to look into his face.
“To wait?”
“Yes.”
“Only to make sure that Clay understands what she’s going to be like, and to make sure he still wants the job.”
“Maybe she’ll surprise us,” Eddie offered, but Robert looked skeptical. His face made Eddie doubt as well, and unfortunately, Robert was correct.
“I know I missed a year,” Jackie argued for the fifth time, “but it can’t be all that important. What does it matter now if I know my ‘12 times’ table or the capital of Rhode Island?” There was a bitter tone to her voice that Robert chose to ignore.
“You need to gain more interest in the things around you, Jackie,” he repeated. “This is one way to do it. I’ve even found you a teacher.”
This gained Jackie’s immediate attention. She sat very still, and a feeling of dread stole over her. She was not going to be able to talk her way out of this if he had already talked to a teacher.
“Who is it?” she asked in a resigned voice.
Robert glanced quickly at Eddie before saying, “Clayton Taggart.”
Jackie rose from the settee as though on strings, the color draining from her face.
“You’re lying. Clayton is in Denver.”
“He has been hired to teach school here in Boulder, and I just spoke with him yesterday. He’s willing to come every day and tutor you until school begins. After September he’ll probably come evenings and weekends.”
“No.” Jackie said the word softly and then with more strength. “No, I won’t do it! You’ve had your way about everything. Well, you can forget this, Robert Langley. I won’t be taught by Clay Taggart, and that’s the end of it!”
Robert had known she was going to be upset, but he hadn’t been prepared for this furious, red-in-the-face reaction. She was not just beside herself; she was hysterical with panic.
“I want to go home,” she now began. “I want to go to Georgetown. Eddie,” she screamed. “Eddie, don’t let him do this to me.”
Robert was on her in a moment, putting his arms gently around her and talking in a calm voice, but Jackie would have none of it. She cried and pushed against him, even lashing out with her feet and screaming Eddie’s name again and again.
Robert forced her back onto the settee, and when he had practically pinned her to the seat, his words got through.
“It’s all right, Jackie; it’s all right. I know it’s a shock, but it’s going to be all right.”
“Please don’t make me, Robert,” she whimpered when she could barely move an inch. Robert had to wall up his heart to make it. He knew this was best, but it was breaking his heart to see her so upset.
“It’s going to be all right,” he said with a catch in his voice. “You’ll find out that he’s still the same Clay, and his coming will give you something to look forward to. I know he’s going to be a very good teacher.”
Jackie turned her face into his coatfront and sobbed. “I can’t stand the pity. I know he’s just coming because he feels sorry for me. I can’t stand it. I wrote and told him I was in love with someone else. Please don’t make me face Clay.”
“Shhh,” he comforted. Looking over at his sobbing wife, he wished he could hold them both. He didn’t regret this action for a moment, but he did hate to see his wife and sister-in-law in pain.
“Jackie.” Eddie surprised Robert by speaking up. “I hate to see you this upset. Please don’t cry.”
The younger girl took a few great gulping breaths and worked hard to control herself.
“I just can’t face him,” she said so softly that they almost missed it. “He’s going to know I lied, and after all we’ve been to each other, I just don’t… .” The words trailed off, but she no longer cried. Her unseeing eyes stared sightlessly ahead of her as if she hadn’t a friend in the world.
Robert broke the silence.
“I think you will find that Clay is every inch a professional. Whatever there was in the past is just that, the past.”
He let this sink in for a time.
“I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, Jackie,” Robert continued in a very gentle tone, “but then you’ve had to learn in the last ten months that your life will never be easy again. Now, you can decide how you want it. You can work with Clay or fight him, but he will be here.”
If Jackie had felt hopeless before, she now felt beyond despair. However, she did not feel helpless. For the first time since the accident, she told herself she was not going to ask for assistance or do anything that might make it look like she needed help. Clayton Taggart was not going to come and find some pitiful, waning creature in need of special care. She would do all he asked of her and more. She would work so hard that he wouldn’t even need to stay the whole year.
Exactly how she was going to accomplish this she didn’t know, but her mind was made up. She had told Clayton that she’d found someone new. It wasn’t true, but it might as well have been: She was never going to let him know that she was still in love with him.
33
Clayton’s heart pounded as he lifted the crate up onto his kitchen table and pried open the lid. The box was from his mother, but he knew she couldn’t have received his letter. Even before he’d remembered the books, he’d told Robert he would take the job. Other than rote memorization, he didn’t have a clue as to how to teach Jackie, but he was not going to let this opportunity pass.
The lid was off now, and Clayton moved aside old newspapers and straw. Again he felt his breath quicken. She’d sent his books—all of them! It had to be the Lord.
He dug deeply into the box, his heart sinking a little. Then he saw them. Two volumes, one rather thick and one quite small and thin. He pulled the fat one out and dusted it off: Braille: Methods and Management. The other volume was a book of poetry written in Braille. They had been in his grandmother’s library, and she had given them to him. He had never even looked at them. They’d been taking up space on his lower shelf for months, and he wasn’t even certain if he still had them. He now turned to the first page of the manual, his hand shaking.
He read that a young French lad by the name of Louis Braille, who had gone blind at age three, developed a system in 1828 that was based on a six-dot configuration. Clayton had heard of this method—reading by following raised marks on paper—but he had never studied or given much thought to it. Now he read in amazement that there were 63 possible characters in the Braille system. With those dot arrangements a person could make the alphabet, punctuation marks, numbers, and some small words.
For the next three hours, Clayton didn’t move. His neck grew stiff and the hand holding the book cramped, but he read on. He didn’t know if he could learn enough in two days, but he was going to give it a try. If it didn’t work, he would tell Jackie that they would be learning together. With the instruction book open under his left hand and the poetry book open in his right, Clayton tried to read with his fingers. It took another hour to learn even a few words, but he was getting it. He nearly shouted for joy when he turned to the back of the manual and found a long list of practice words.
Thank You, Lord. I know You’ve made this possible. Please help me to help her. You know that my heart has been involved in the past, but I don’t ask this for myself. I ask for Jackie. Please help her to understand. Make me the teacher You would have me to be, patient and kind.
Clayton prayed for the next hour and then worked over the books some more. He did little else in the next 48 hours but sleep, study, and pray. When Thursday morning arrived, he knew he was as ready as he was going to be, and his heart thudded with a mixture of joy and apprehension, all the time telling himself to watch his expectations. He looked at the watch in his pocket constantly and nearly forgot to shave, but it was finally time to go.
Jackie pressed her damp palms deep into the folds of her dress and told herself she was not going to use the necessity again. Her stomach had been in knots ever since she’d awakened and realize
d that this was the day Clayton was scheduled to arrive.
How would it feel? How would it be to hear his voice but never see his wonderful face again? Jackie’s heart thundered at the very thought. Her breathing came fast, and she nearly jumped from her skin when Eddie spoke to her from across the table.
“I’m sorry to startle you,” she said, tears filling her eyes as they had been all morning. “Please try to eat something, Jackie.”
“I’m just not hungry. I think if I eat, I’ll be sick to my stomach.”
Eddie sighed. It was remarkable how much weight Jackie could drop in a few days. For a while she had started to fill out a little, but now she was back to her cadaverous state. Eddie was feeling sick just thinking about what Jackie was going through.
“Just some toast,” Eddie coaxed, but Jackie shook her head.
The young wife wondered if Robert would have held to his resolve if he could see Jackie now. It wasn’t that Eddie disagreed with the schooling decision; it was just that she felt too emotionally involved to be the one to enforce this. Not that she expected Jackie to fight it; indeed, a frightening transformation had come over her sister since Robert had made his announcement. The younger girl looked hard now, implacable, and that was something Eddie was not accustomed to seeing. The vulnerable, frightened, and ofttimes apathetic Jackie was gone. This Jackie was defensive and angry. Eddie simply didn’t know what to think.
“I think I’ll wait in my room,” Jackie suddenly said and rose.
“Are you sure? I thought you would want to be in the study before Clayton arrives.”
“The study? We’re going to be in there?”
“Yes. Robert thought it would give you the most privacy.”
Jackie nearly fainted on the spot. She had assumed they would be in the living room. She didn’t know the study like she did the other rooms in the house. She was sure to bump things if she tried to move around. There was only one answer.
“I will go to the study now, Eddie. Please give me some warning before he walks in the door.”
“I will,” Eddie promised, but stared after her in confusion. What was the problem with the study? Thankfully, Eddie realized the answer before Clayton arrived. She went to Jackie immediately and helped her find her way around. When the bell sounded at the front door, signaling Clayton’s arrival, she left Jackie sitting at the inlaid mahogany writing table that Robert had set up for just that purpose.
Clayton’s heart was a mixture of emotions as he stood and waited for the door of the Langley home to open. In some ways he was glad that Jackie wouldn’t be able to read his face, but her blindness was still so shocking to him that he was having trouble taking it in. She appeared to be so accepting. First in the buggy, then when she waited for her glass of water, and then again at church, sitting silently through the whole morning, not even aware that he was in the room. Was she really so resigned? Clayton somehow doubted it. The door opened amidst the questioning of his mind.
“Hello, Tag,” Eddie greeted him warmly, but the young man noticed a flush to her face.
“Are you all right?”
Eddie gave a small laugh. “Just a little tense. Jackie wants me to warn her before I let you in the study. In truth, I think she’s scared out of her wits.”
“Understandable.” His voice was wonderfully kind. “I’m worse than a stranger. It’s embarrassing because of our past, and at the same time she doesn’t know me well enough anymore to really judge what I’ll be like.”
“Yes, I see what you mean. I’ll go now and give her a moment to get used to the idea that you’ve arrived.”
Eddie found Jackie on the sofa. She sat up rather tensely and looked toward her sister.
“He’s here, Jackie.”
Jackie came to her feet. “Do I look all right?” Her voice was low, and her hands smoothed down the skirt of her light gray dress. It was a perfect foil for Robert’s dark burgundy office. Jackie’s question was the first sign of vulnerability Eddie had seen for days.
“You look beautiful,” she told her truthfully. It was amazing that the blindness had done nothing to mar the loveliness of Jackie’s eyes or face. Her mouth was no longer given to smiling, but she was still gorgeous. “I’ll send him in.”
By the time Clayton arrived, Jackie was back in control. Sitting had seemed so awkward, so she had remained on her feet and forced herself not to appear tense when she heard his footsteps at the door.
“Hello, Jackie.”
“Clayton?” He sounded so different. Some of her confidence left her.
“Yes, it’s me. Are you ready to begin?”
“Yes,” she answered without thinking.
“Okay. Why don’t you come to the desk here.” Clayton came forward to take her arm. “I have some books to show —”
“I can do it,” she snapped at him. Clayton dropped her arm and swiftly stepped back.
“Of course,” he said quietly. “I’m sorry. How would you like to handle this? Shall I assume you’ll ask for help if you need it?”
“Yes,” Jackie replied coldly, even as she told herself she would never ask him for anything.
Clayton waited until she was seated before he spoke, and in that moment he saw that she hadn’t needed his help. She went directly to the table and sat down at the chair. Her actions reminded him of the calm way she’d come down the stairs the week before. It would have been nice if they could have engaged in some small talk, but Jackie’s expression did not welcome it. Clayton felt he had no choice but to begin.
“I’m putting a book in front of you, Jackie. It’s opened to the middle, and I’d just like you to touch the pages for a moment.”
Clayton watched as she obeyed, and then studied her face as her brow furrowed in concentration.
“Have you ever heard of Braille, Jackie?”
“Braille?”
“Yes, it’s a French name, and along with being a technique by which a blind person can read, it’s also the name of the method’s creator.” Clayton nearly stumbled on the word “blind” but managed it. Other than a slight lift in Jackie’s chin, she had no reaction. “As you can feel, it’s a series of dots or small bumps, if you will. I’m going to teach you to read and write with this method.”
Jackie’s mouth went dry. She’d have told Robert or Eddie no and without discussion that she couldn’t possibly learn such a thing, but not Clayton—never him.
“All right.” Again the chin lifted.
“Here, let me have that book, and I’ll give you another.” Clayton slid the manual into her hands. “Now, we’ll start with the alphabet. Right at the top you’ll find A.” He caused her to start when he took her hand and directed her finger. “Can you feel it?”
“Yes.”
“What does it feel like?”
“Just one little bump.”
“That’s right. Read along to B and tell me what you feel.”
Jackie’s hand moved. “Two dots.”
“That’s right, but you’ve got to memorize their order. Are they on top of one another, or side by side?”
“On top.”
“Good. Now go onto C and you’ll understand why I asked.”
Again Jackie’s hand moved. “It’s three dots.”
“No, you’ve moved too far to D. Go back slightly.”
“Oh.” Jackie’s voice actually sounded pleased. “It’s two dots side by side.”
“Right. You’re doing great. Now go back to A and just go over A, B, and C one more time. Say them outloud.”
Jackie did as she was told. The letters came slowly. “A, B, C.”
“Excellent,” Clayton praised her, carefully watching her fingers move.
The job done, her heart lifted for the first time in months. Clayton’s presence was forgotten. She could read these letters! It seemed like a miracle to her. Clayton could see the pleasure on her face and smiled but didn’t comment. His eyes softened as he looked at her.
“Do I go on now?” she asked when he grew
very quiet. Her question snapped him out of his thoughts.
“Yes. Go on to D, E, and F. They get a little bit harder, but I know you’ll get it.”
And he was right. Jackie worked without complaint for the next three hours. Clayton was as excited as she was and never even thought about lunch. They didn’t stop until Eddie came to check on them.
“Lunch is ready,” she said when there was a break.
“Oh.” Clayton looked surprised and then glanced down at his watch. “I brought something from home.”
“Well, you can take it home with you,” Eddie told him kindly. “When you’re here at noon, we’ll just expect you for lunch.”
“All right.”
“Coming, Jackie?” Eddie wished to know.
“Yes.” She stood but didn’t move from around the table. Clayton looked undecided, but Eddie signaled to him with her hand, and he followed her out.
Jackie heard them leave and, with a rush, the morning’s work caught up to her. She felt as though she could hardly move. The sofa was behind her to the right and if she could just sit down a moment, then she would go eat.
Clayton offered to look for her when she didn’t arrive in the dining room right behind them. He made his way back to the study and started to turn away when he saw the empty desk chair. His eye caught sight of his sleeping student just before he left. He changed directions and moved back into the room. Jackie didn’t rouse when his steps sounded on the floor or when he turned his desk chair around to face her. It was all done very quietly.
Eddie was just as quiet when she came to the door a few minutes later. She looked in and saw Clayton sitting with Jackie, his eyes resting on her face. She left them undisturbed. Lunch was easy enough to reheat, and even if it wasn’t, she wouldn’t have disturbed them for anything short of a fire.
When Jackie awoke, Clayton was gone. She couldn’t remember why she was alone on the sofa, but when she softly called Eddie’s name and then Clayton’s, there was no answer.
Right then her stomach growled and lunch came to mind. Eddie had called them to come to lunch, and she’d been too tired to even eat. Jackie stood and made her way to the kitchen where Lena spotted her immediately.