“Oh, Miss Jackie, I’m so glad you came. Lena’s heart is heavy when you do not eat. Come, I have your food.”
It was two hours past the time when Jackie should have eaten, and the loving housekeeper was not going to stand on ceremony. She sat the girl down at the kitchen table and fed her until she was ready to pop.
34
“Are you certain you don’t want me to wake her, Tag?”
“Yes. I need all the time I can get to study this book, Eddie, and if Jackie’s that tired, let her sleep.”
“She’s never napped before. It must be the mental effort of learning something so foreign.” With that, Eddie went back to the quilt she was making for Robert’s birthday. She actually preferred to quilt in the evening but wanted this to be a surprise. Her hands moved as lightly as her heart. Clayton had finally come to eat lunch, and they had talked.
“How did she do?”
“Excellently. I know she’ll have it down in no time.”
“She didn’t fight you?”
“Not the way I think you’re talking about.”
“Meaning?”
“Meaning, that if I read her face correctly, Jackie has decided to show me that she doesn’t need me for anything.”
Eddie’s eyes slid shut. Understanding dawned.
“I saw it in her,” Eddie told him after a moment. “I mean, ever since Robert told her you were coming, she’s been hardening her heart.”
Clayton nodded. “It really makes sense, Eddie. She can’t risk my rejection, so she’s not going to let me close enough to hurt her.”
“But what about you, Tag? What about your feelings?”
He’d been silent for long minutes. “Right now I’m here to teach Jackie, and that’s all. If I don’t watch my expectations, this is never going to work.”
Eddie had done nothing more than nod and, once the meal was over, suggested they take coffee in the living room. Clayton had agreed, gone to the study for the manual, and been reading with very little interruption since.
Now, some 40 minutes later, movement at the door and Jackie’s voice raised both their heads.
“Eddie?”
“Right here, Jackie. Did you want some lunch?”
“Lena just served me.”
“Good.”
“Is my lesson over for the day, Eddie?”
“Not if you’re up to more.”
“Clay is still here?”
“Yes. Would you like to continue?”
Jackie nodded, her look unreadable.
“All right. Head back to the study, and Clay will be right behind you.”
Why neither one of them mentioned Clayton’s presence in the room, no one knew, but the experience was good for the new teacher. Jackie was remarkably different with her sister. Her voice and expressions were more open and softer than when she was alone with him. Seeing her thus, Clayton determined to bring his student out. He didn’t have to teach the children of Boulder for another five-and-a-half weeks. As Clayton joined Jackie in the study, he asked God to work a miracle between him and Jackie during that time.
“Oh, Robert, it went so well.” Eddie’s voice was breathless with excitement. They were already in bed for the night, cuddled together under a sheet and light blanket. The night was deliciously cool, and both could hear the familiar creaks as the house settled in the dark.
“She didn’t really want to talk about it at dinner,” Robert commented, pulling Eddie closer.
“No, but when I went in to say good-night she grabbed my hand. ‘I did it,’ she said. ‘I read some words, Eddie.’ You should have heard her voice.”
“Did Clay say how it went?”
“We didn’t talk before he left, but I could tell he was still ready to go on at lunchtime.”
Robert pressed a kiss to her brow and then found her mouth. Eddie was ready to chatter on about the day for hours to come, but Robert wanted only to kiss and hold her. He loved Jackie, but having a live-in sister-in-law did have its drawbacks. They were able to say things with their eyes, something which would have been impossible with a sighted sister in the house, but it was still a challenge to find time for themselves.
Robert knew Eddie wanted to talk, but tonight he wanted her silence more.
“I take it you don’t want to hear anymore?” Eddie questioned softly with a smile in her voice.
“Later,” Robert murmured when his lips found her throat.
Eddie wouldn’t have argued for the moon.
“Okay, let’s have you stand and recite your ‘12 times’ table.” Jackie slowly pushed herself to her feet. They’d been working together for more than two weeks, but for some reason she felt a little nervous this morning. Her hands fluttered for just a moment, but she managed to complete the assignment perfectly.
“Good. Now, we’ve been going over the early presidents. Can you name the first 15 for me?”
“I think so,” she told him, but she stumbled to a painful halt after the eighth president, Martin Van Buren.
“Want to start again?”
“Yes.” Her face was red now, and she was beginning to tremble, but she did start again. She got a little further this time but once again fell into an excruciating silence.
“Come on now.” Clayton’s voice was light and teasing, but in her humiliation, Jackie missed it. “You’ve got to stay with it, or I’ll have to get out my ruler.”
Clayton was not even looking at her or he’d have seen the sudden panic. Her hands went deep into the folds of her skirt and clutched together until they were nearly cramped.
“Is Eddie in here?” Her voice was high and strange, causing Clayton to finally turn and look at her.
“No, she’s not here right—”
“I need her,” she gasped.
Clayton watched in amazement as her head whipped around in complete panic.
“Jackie, what’s—”
“Eddie,” her voice called like a frightened child. She began to edge her way to the wall, trying to keep her face to the man she couldn’t see. “Eddie, I need you,” she cried again, now having found the wall.
“Jackie, it’s okay.” Clayton came closer just as she ran into a bookshelf. He put his hand out and touched her arm but withdrew when she screamed in terror.
“Please don’t, Clayton, please don’t hit me. Eddie, Eddie, where are you, Eddie?”
Thankfully, Eddie wasn’t far. She hit the door at a run, coming to Jackie’s side and barely taking in the fact that Clayton was standing by in utter stupefaction.
“Jackie, Jackie, what is it?”
“Please, Eddie,” she clung to the older girl. “Don’t let him hit me.”
Eddie told herself not to tell Jackie she was being ridiculous and, leading her to the sofa, tried to talk in a calm voice. Searching her mind for what went wrong, Eddie noticed that Clayton had taken a chair as far from Jackie as he could get. It was beyond him as to what had just happened, and he was afraid to approach until he knew.
“Now, Jackie.” Eddie’s voice was almost stern. “What happened? Clay would never hit you. What in the world is going on?”
The tears had stopped, but she was still trembling and holding onto Eddie’s arm.
“I hated it when Miss Bradley hit me,” Jackie said in a dull tone, “but it would be a hundred times worse if I couldn’t see.”
Before Eddie even had time to turn and look at him, Clayton was kneeling in front of Jackie. He took her hands gently into his own, his grasp warm and strong.
“Jackie.” His voice was deep and soothing. “I’m sorry I teased you about the ruler. I don’t even have a ruler with me, and I would never hit you. I’m sorry I was so insensitive.”
The trembling slowly moved from her body, but Clayton still held on. Strangely enough Jackie made no objection, and now Eddie was talking in a comforting voice as well. It took a few minutes, but when Eddie asked if she could leave, Jackie agreed with the nod of her head. Clayton thought she would pull her hands away, but she d
idn’t. He felt her thumb move over one of the knuckles on his right hand.
“Is this a scar, Clay?”
“Yeah,” he managed to answer without revealing what her touch was doing to his heart.
“I don’t remember it.”
“It’s been there. Barbed wire when I was about ten.”
The caress continued for just a moment more. Then all at once, she took her hands back, her face becoming hard once again. A moment later she spoke.
“I’m ready to recite now,” she announced, sounding like a queen addressing her court, “but I’d rather sit down.”
Clayton moved away from her. He wasn’t certain if he could keep the disappointment from his voice, but he tried. He hoped they were getting somewhere, but she’d pulled from his touch as if she’d been stung.
“It has occurred to me,” Clayton began, “that maybe we should take a midmorning break. Now would be a good time, I think. Would you like me to get you some coffee or anything?”
“I thought you wanted me to recite.”
“I do, right after the break.”
“And if I’m ready now?” Her voice arched.
Silence fell over the room. Clayton was not about to pander to her tantrum.
“I’m going to go and have some coffee,” Clayton told her evenly. “You can do as you like, but I’ll expect you to recite for me when I return in 15 minutes.”
“And if I refuse to be taught at all?”
Clayton shrugged, but Jackie couldn’t see it. “You’ll have to take that up with Eddie and Robert. They’re the people who hired me.”
Jackie was so furious that she couldn’t move or speak. She heard Clayton leave the room, and so great was the rage within her that she thought she would explode. At the moment she hated him, or did she only hate the darkness that surrounded her? No matter, her mind told her. She planned to be back in control of herself by the time Clayton returned.
“I’ve decided we should work outside today.”
“Outside?” The familiar feeling of cottonmouth over anything new came on Jackie.
“Yes. I’ve set out a blanket in the back. We’ll still have shade from the house, and I think the change of scenery will do us good.”
“I can’t see how a change of scenery will do me any good,” Jackie told Clayton, but still she rose to move for the door.
Clayton let her precede him. Something had happened a week ago after they’d had words over her recitation. She was no longer the biddable, if uppity, Jackie. She was now saying what was on her mind, and on a very regular basis. Her bitterness over her situation was plain to see. Up until that time, she’d been a cool, polite stranger. Now, she told Clayton in no uncertain terms that her life was awful and she hated it.
They made it down the back porch steps, and Clayton knew better than to take Jackie’s arm or even offer.
“The blanket is just this way,” he told her, hoping the sound of his voice would help direct her. Five steps later, she was down. Her foot had missed a low spot on the turf and she’d gone full onto her face.
The exertion on Clayton’s part was unbearable. His hands clenched at his side, and his head went back in agony. His breathing came in rapid gasps as he stopped himself from going to her. She’d fallen one other time, in the house as they were walking to lunch, and without thought he’d reached for her. She had told him in scathing tones that he was never to touch her again. Now the effort to restrain himself as she spat grass from her mouth and struggled in a full skirt with nothing to hold onto was more painful to him than a lash from a whip.
“Over this way,” he said when she had come to her knees. “You can almost reach it if you put your hand out.”
The temptation to crawl onto the blanket was strong, but Jackie resisted it. She came awkwardly to her feet, nearly tripping on her hem this time, and moved very slowly to the blanket.
“There you go,” Clayton said softly. “Have a seat.” He wanted to reach out and pluck the grass from her hair and dress but knew better. He watched in silence as Jackie sank down onto the quilt, her composure swiftly returning.
“I’m trying to come up with some other books in Braille,” Clayton began immediately to cover his own emotions. “But so far I’ve been unsuccessful. You’ll have to read to me from the poetry book.” He handed her the thin volume. “Please read me the poem on page 19.”
Jackie turned the pages carefully and found the numbers with her finger. In order to use both hands, she set the book in her lap and began speaking, her voice clear and confident as she read over the lines.
As always, Clayton was amazed. Gone was the falling blind girl. Jackie had taken to Braille like a duck to water, and it was obvious in the way she read.
My Summer Day
by Timothy James
As I look over the horizon and see the setting sun, it reminds me of a fun summer day with my friends at the sea.
As the cool breeze blows in my face, I think of how as a child I would run along the beach where the sea breeze would hit me from the side and knock me down.
As the stars come out, and the moon shines bright I close my eyes and feel content. I feel the soft touch of a hand caress over my arm. I can tell who it is because of that smooth hand, and the soft voice telling me to come in.
“That was excellent,” Clayton said softly. He had translated several poems the night before, but none of them had hit him the way this one did with Jackie reading it and using such expression. It seemed the only time she didn’t play the part of the ice maiden was when she read aloud to Clayton.
In an effort to keep her on congenial ground, Clayton asked her to read two more selections. She was still moving through the last one when Eddie came out. She sat on the blanket as well, and when Jackie finished, spoke in an excited tone.
“Oh, Jackie, that was wonderful!” But her sister only smiled cynically.
“Wasn’t it, though? Just like a trained seal. Remember the one in New York, Eddie? Soon you’ll be able to put me on display and maybe even charge admission. Then I can help pay for my school lessons.”
Eddie told herself not to cry or even listen to the horrible, sarcastic tone, but in truth she was crushed. She came swiftly back to her feet, tears filling her eyes before she rushed to the house.
“Eddie,” Clayton called to her, but she did not turn back.
A moment later Jackie found herself hauled to her feet. She was so shocked by the action that for a moment she didn’t respond. Then Clayton’s furious words found their mark.
“It would be just wonderful if you could actually think of someone besides yourself, Miss Fontaine.”
“Let go of me,” she hissed, but only found herself moved swiftly along the grass.
“I said, let go.”
Clayton came to an abrupt halt.
“Just shut your mouth, Jackie. Shut it right now.”
Again she was propelled forward several feet.
“The steps are directly in front of you,” he told her tersely. “Find your own way inside.”
The steps just inches from her feet, Jackie stood alone in the backyard long after she heard Clayton go up the stairs and into the house.
35
Clayton found Eddie in the living room. He couldn’t tell if she was still crying, but she stood at the huge north window, her back very straight and still.
“Are you all right?”
She didn’t answer.
“Maybe I should go and get Robert. May I do that for you?”
“No,” she said, shaking her head. “I have to handle my response. Jackie has to answer for her own. She knows the truth and rejects it, but that’s not my fault. It’s between her and God.”
Eddie turned from the window. “I’m going to lie down for a while now, Tag. Please tell Jackie and Lena that I do not wish to be disturbed.”
Clayton didn’t speak as she left the room. There wasn’t anything to say. He’d known. He’d been suspicious for weeks now but did not want to face Jac
kie’s true spiritual state.
You’re a fool, Clayton. You wanted it so badly that you refused to see the truth.
Clayton sat down in a chair. At the moment he had no desire to seek out Jackie and continue their lesson. Clayton opened his heart to God. He prayed and tried to commit the future to Him. Worry was a strong temptation until Clayton remembered verses from Matthew 11—verses that reminded him that the Lord’s yoke, the Lord’s burden, was light.
This heavy burden I feel is my own doing. If I’ll just leave this with You, Lord, You’ll be my strength. And strength was just what Clayton needed as Jackie came to the door.
“Eddie?”
“No.” Clayton replied quietly. “She’s gone upstairs to lie down. Please come in. I’d like to speak to you.”
“Is it lecture time, Clayton?” The voice that was hesitant a moment earlier now turned hard.
“Yes. Get comfortable.”
Jackie did as she was told.
“I’ve been hiding from the facts before me, Jackie,” Clayton began quietly. “Even when I saw the truth, I didn’t want to believe it.”
This was nothing like what Jackie expected. For a moment she was confused. It showed on her face.
“It’s been bothering me for weeks now as to why you’re so angry and hateful to everyone and everything. I knew the truth, deep down, but I didn’t want to face it. I shudder just a little at the thought that we were almost married.”
“What do you mean?” She was angry now.
“I mean, the Bible is very clear. As a believer in Christ, my wife must be a believer too.”
“What are you talking about?” She half rose from her seat on the sofa.
“I’m talking about my strong doubt concerning your salvation. If the fall had taken your life and not just your eyesight, I find it hard to believe that you would really be standing in the presence of God, Jackie. I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, but you haven’t the foggiest idea what true salvation means.”