Just kidding! There was a knock on the door before they could reach it. It was a very dejected Opie who opened the door.
“Sorry to bother you.” Derek said. “but there’s a letter for you.”
“For me?” Opie asked, wondering who could have guessed he was staying here.
“Yes, and it’s marked urgent.” Opie didn’t know what to say. He tried ‘thank you’ and that seemed to work out all right.
“I bet it’s from the hoaxster.” Brain said. “Writing to congratulate us on foiling his plan.” The others just looked at him. “What? It could be.”
Opie looked at the letter.
“It says 21a on the envelope.” He carefully opened it. He sat down very heavily on the bed. “My gods, it’s from Da’Loose.”
“Da’Loose was having us on?” Brain wondered out loud.
“No.” Opie said scanning the page. “Let me read it to you.
Dear Fredrick
I’m sorry I failed you. By the time you read this letter I will have died of the killer flu. Rest assured the treasure is safe; I have hidden it very well. Please do not blame the men with me; it was my own stupidity that has led to this catastrophe. I was trying to save time by travelling over the Hard Pass. We were hit by a blizzard and had to hide out in a cave. By the end of the storm we were completely snowed in. Though the men tried to dig us out, it was hopeless. We were only able to escape during the thaw, but too few of us. I have sent you the map, the clues will lead you to this letter and the key. There is one other thing, I can’t explain it, some sort of dark magic, you will understand when you claim the treasure. You will need the password; it is in the box I have left under my bed. It should remain safe as the Inn is being foreclosed.
Gods speed. Long live King Poorson.
Your faithful servant
Gilbert Da’Loose
He didn’t run off.” Opie ended. “Poorson was probably dead by then, but Da’Loose died still thinking they could win.”
“Is this part of the con?” Brain asked.
“No.” Opie replied. “This is an explanation I didn’t think of. The treasure is real. We finally have proof.”
“Great, but can we still go and get some beer.”
“Yes, but first we must find the key and the password box.” Opie replied. “I wonder what he meant by the dark magic?” No one answered; they were on their hands and knees looking for the box and key.
“Nothing.” said Tricks standing up.
“I’ve got it.” Opie said heading for the door. “Maybe the Inn has a lost and found.” They all ran down stairs. Derek opened up and the first item they found was a box, the next was a mould-covered sandwich and it went downhill from there. One thing they didn’t find was a key.
“You don’t have a key do you?” Opie asked.
“What kind of key?” Derek asked. Opie was at a loss for words, he didn’t want to give the game away.
“You know?” Brain said. “The one Da’Loose left.” The others stared at him in horror. They were more shocked when Derek gave it to him.
“This calls for a celebration.” Tricks said after hiding their newly acquired items in their room.
They woke up the next morning not feeling quite so happy. How Brain got the dart in his rump is still open to debate. After a leisurely Breakfast they went up stairs and opened the box. The password was missing. They could clearly see where it had been, but someone must have taken it from the box. They all thought of Derek first, but the man was so honest it made them feel sick just thinking about it.
“What about Johnson?” Brain asked.
“Who?” Tricks and Opie asked simultaneously.
“The other guy staying here. I saw his name in that registry thing.”
“That was from years ago.” Tricks answered first.
“No, he checked in a few days ago.” The others thought about it for a little while and then went to check the book. Sure enough Brain was right, and he didn’t let them forget it. They found Derek and asked him where Mr Johnston was.
“The fool has paid in full for the whole winter and this morning he decides to go up the Pass.” They ran up stairs.
“He’s got the password and he’s probably heard every word we’ve said.” Tricks said as they sorted out the meagre clothes they had.
“I was hoping we still had time to plan.” Opie said, looking at the clothes he had hoped to replace.
“I guess we are going to have to go after him like this then.” Brain said feeling cold already.
“No.” said Siege. “Give me a sword Tricks, I’ll get the password back. You worry about finding some clothes.”
“Sorry to tell you this, my love.” Opie said. “But your clothes aren’t any better than ours.”
“I could walk up that pass naked and not feel a thing. Stop arguing and give me a sword.” The others looked at her with a new respect. She walked off into the snow, only Opie watched her go. The other two were trying to convince the Smiths to give them some warm clothes.
“You will have to go to town.” Derek said. “What we have is the bare necessities.” Nothing they could say would change their minds. They told Opie the bad news.
“Then we will just have to go to town.” he replied. In the end they decided that only Tricks should go, as she was the fastest. She got to Barock and back in record time. (I have no collaborating evidence, but I think someone was playing with string again.)
Siege
The going was tougher than she had expected when she volunteered. No snow had fallen since Four Johnston left, so at least she had an easy track to follow. She was worried about what would happen when she caught up with him. She was in no doubt that she would be able to move faster through the snow than him, but she didn’t know what kind of a head start he had. All she had to do was get close enough to him to steal the password, but she didn’t want to tell the others her fear. If the dark magic was two thousand years old, would it still be working. If it wasn’t, he would still be able to get through. Siege wasn’t sure she would be able to stop him, well she knew she would be able to stop him. She could just walk up to him and stab him, but she wasn’t sure she could do that.
She had to climb the second rise on her hands and knees. When she got to the top she saw the man. He must have heard something, because he turned around. Siege recognized him instantly. He kept walking. It didn’t take long for Siege to catch up to him. She walked in his footsteps, sword in hand. He kept turning as if he was expecting some one. He also talked to himself.
“I should have killed them.” he muttered each time he turned. It made Siege’s decision easier. She was about to plunge the sword into his heart when she thought of something. None of them knew where the cave was, but this man was walking with a purpose. She couldn’t kill him until he showed her where the cave was. She followed him. The weak sun was setting when he stopped and started digging. Before she lost her nerve, she plunged the sword into his heart. He died instantly, without a word. Siege left the sword sticking out of him and ran back to the Inn, the tears rolling down her face and freezing in the snow. She had never killed a defenceless man before, up close and personal. It was late when she ran into Opie’s arms.
“Well at least we can now take our time. Good thinking Siege.” Tricks said after hearing the story. Siege had told it to Opie, but she had cried so much he told the others, sparing her the pain of reliving it.
“No.” Siege said. “We have to leave first thing in the morning. I saw a storm brewing, and if his body gets covered we’ll never find the cave.”
“Okay.” Tricks said. “What’s the password?” Siege smiled.
“Stand aside, King Poorson the Great wishes to enter.” she said.
“He might be the butt of all money jokes, but I think Da’Loose had a great sense of humour.” Brain said.
“Irony.” Opie corrected.
“Iron what?”
“Forget it. Go get some sleep.”
“Don’t bos
s me around, who do you think’s in charge of this expedition?”
“Tricks.”
“Okay, good night then.” Brain locked himself in his room and continued working on his weapon for Tricks. (This is where things get a little strange.) Tricks couldn’t sleep; she went down to the pub to try find some warm milk or hot whiskey. Mr and Mrs Smith were sitting behind the bar talking, the strange thing was Brain. He was sitting in the corner nursing a beer. Tricks walked over to the bar.
“Evening.” she said. “How long has he been here?” She pointed at Brain.
“About five beers.” Derek replied. “Make that six.” He had just seen Brain raise his hand.
“I’ll take it to him, can you pour me one as well.” She took the beers and sat down next to Brain.
“What’s wrong?” she asked him.
“Nothing.” he said. “I was just working on something, but I was having trouble staying awake, so I drank one of my energy drinks.”
“You did what?”
“They’re not as bad as everyone makes out.” he replied. “Only thing is I’m wide awake and well, feel like drinking beer.”
“Nothing wrong with that, but you shouldn’t drink alone.”
“I know, but I had such a strong urge.”
“Well I’m here now, so tell me what you’re working on?”
“It was supposed to be a surprise.” he said suddenly looking bashful. “A present for you.”
“For me?” He showed her the drawing. “It’s just a sword.” she said, looking at the drawing.
“Yeah, but when you push this leaver it, well turn the page.” She did.
“Wow, would it work?”
“Yeah, but I know what you think. If I make it, it will be a flop.”
“So don’t make it. Get a metal smith to do it.”
“Yeah well, happy birthday for tomorrow.”
“Thanks Brain, but if you tell the others…” She paused. “Well please don’t tell the others.”
“Your secret is safe with me, so how old are you?” He laughed.
“Younger than you.”
It wasn’t long after that when Tricks started to feel sleepy. Brain stayed up most of the night, but finally fell asleep close to dawn, only to be woken up again.
It was still dark when they set off. Siege had no problem once Opie let go her hand. The other three were struggling. Siege hoped that she could remember where Four had been digging. The storm had come early. A fresh layer of snow had been deposited. With the four travellers on the pass the clouds were making an effort. Snowflakes gently floated down, no one tried to catch them on their tongues. All the travellers were Clemites, they knew that snow was poisonous. After an hour of trying, the clouds gave up and dumped their full load.
“Where did that come from?” Opie asked, waist deep in snow.
“I told you it wasn’t snow.” Brain said, wading out.
“It’s too cold for you to start.” Tricks said. “If I hit you, you’re going to shatter into a million pieces.” Brain kept very quiet. He still remembered playing with liquid nitrogen, and he felt that cold. They trampled on. At some point Opie mentioned that they should have gotten snow shoes, but stopped when Tricks glared at him. They were nearing where Siege thought the cave was. The sun was directly overhead, but wasn’t acting like it.
“What’s that?” Brain asked pointing up the steep side of the mountain.
“Looks like a cloud that’s lost its footing.” Tricks replied.
“I don’t think so.” replied Opie staring. “Looks more like an avalanche to me.”
“Oh.” said Brain profoundly. “What does it do, apart from slipping down mountains?”
“I don’t know, but we’ll probably find out in a few minutes.” Tricks said. “Let’s keep walking, we haven’t got all day.” They kept walking.
“Hey it’s grown.” Brain said.
“Just ignore it.” Tricks said, she wanted to get out of the cold, and stopping every ten seconds to get an update on the ‘avalanche’ wasn’t going to make that happen. A few seconds later she got a lot colder.
The avalanche raced over them, hardly stopping to say hello. Our four adventures were convinced to join him in his mad dash to the Hardpassvil Inn. He was getting close when someone must have called time. He put the brakes on and sat in a huddle, looking like a new mountain. Siege walked right out, but the other three were trapped. Opie had the spade tied to his back, but he was so pinned in, he couldn’t move, as were the other two. Siege had no choice but to head back to the Inn and find help.
“I warned you.” was Derek’s first response. “Come on let’s get some shovels from the barn. I should tell you that the survival rate from an avalanche is almost zero.” Siege said that she didn’t have time for pessimistic points of view. She didn’t believe in the half full or empty glass concept, she like to think the glass was full, no halves about it. Derek looked at her blankly, but got the shovels anyway.
It took them all day, but at sunset the three blue people were sitting in front of a roaring fire drinking hot whiskey in coffee, something Mrs Smith was trying. Brain wondered if she could put some cream on top, but they didn’t have any.
“You are all very lucky.” Derek said. “Now perhaps you will believe me when I say the pass is no place to be this time of year.” They all nodded, but said they were going out again tomorrow. He washed his hands of them, or said he would, but didn’t.
Round two started after a hearty breakfast. (When I say hearty I don’t mean good for the heart, I mean quite the opposite.) This time they found the cave without any problems. The avalanche had opened up the top of the cave, so they were able to crawl in. They then decided to leave, as it was the wrong cave.
“Hey what you doing in my cave?” the previously sleeping man said.
“Sorry, wrong cave.” Tricks replied.
“Oh, okay, do you have anything to eat that isn’t raw rat?”
“Don’t I know you? Opie said looking closer. The man looked into Opie’s eyes, turned his head and spoke to the cave.
“Have we seen him before?” he asked, then turned to Opie. “No.” he replied.
“Okay.” Opie said slowly. “Well you look familiar.”
“I should I’m Large Greg Copper, everyone knows me.”
“You’re another twin?” Tricks asked.
“No, there are three of us, that makes us. What does that make us?” he asked the cave. “Thanks, that makes us a threesome.”
“Triplets.” Opie corrected.
“Are you calling Rock a liar?”
“What have rocks got to do with it?” Opie replied puzzled.
“Peasants.” Greg said. “You should respect your elders. Should.” Little pause. “Should.” Little pause. The next thing they knew Greg fell face first onto the ground and started snoring.
“That was a little weird?” Brain said unnecessarily.
“Should we help him?” Siege asked.
“Probably, we owe that much to his bother.” Tricks said. “Brain start a fire, Opie organize some of our supplies, I think the poor guy looks a little undernourished.” In no time, well a little time as the wood was quite wet, they had a fire going. Greg woke up and the smile on his face suggested it had been a while since he had sat around a fire eating warm, well, cooked food.
“So you have come to hear my wisdom.” Greg said finishing off his piece of rat pie.
“Not really.” Tricks said. “We were looking for another cave.”
“Did you hear that Rock? They’re looking for another cave.” Brain did the circle around the side of the head thing. “I know, but, well you know, I was just making a point. Was. Was. Was.” The snoring started again.
“I think he’s lived alone too long.” Opie said. “I had it once; the books started talking to me.” Tricks and Brain looked at him, you know the look, the one you give people when you would prefer they kept certain information to themselves.
“Alrighty then.” Brai
n said. “We should probably be making tracks.”
“How do we know this isn’t the right cave?” Siege asked.
“Do you see a cast iron chest?” Brain said a little caustically.
“What?” Greg said jumping to his feet. “What do you mean? But they have real food. No I’m not going to kill them.”
“I think you should get ready, it looks like he’s lost it.” Brain whispered to Tricks.
“Please don’t collapse the cave.” Greg said. “How do I know what the password is? Oh them.” Greg turned to them, three swords and a crossbow were levelled at him, he completely ignored the weapons. “Rock wants to know what the password is.” he said.
“The dark magic.” Opie said. “This is the right cave. Tell me Mr Ah metal guy, is there a cast iron chest farther in the cave?”
“Greg, call me Greg the wise man who sits in the mountain and has all the answers to all the question and never tires of his relentless search for perfection.”
“Okay, all that stuff you said. Is there a chest deep in the cave?”
“I don’t know.”
“What about all that stuff you just said about knowing everything?”
“What stuff?”
Opie screamed, a few stone fell from the roof and hit him on the head. “Rock says give him the password, leave or die.”
“Just give him the password.” Brain said putting his sword away.
“Stand aside, King Poorson the Great wishes to enter.” Opie said, trying to sound regal.
“Is that right?” Greg asked Rock.
“I don’t know.” Rock said.
“What do you mean you don’t know?” Opie said. “Did the rest of you just hear the rock talk?”
“Yes.” they replied.
“Oh good, at least I’m not going nuts. Okay Rock what do you mean you don’t know?”
“I can’t remember.” Rock replied. “It’s been so long.”
“Take my word for it, it is right.”
“How can I?”
“Because I have it written down on a piece of paper.” Opie felt a little stupid showing the paper to a rock, but did anyway.
“How do I know you didn’t write that yourself?”
“I didn’t, we found it in a box from Da’Loose.”
“Okay.” said Rock. “Send Da’Loose.”
“He died, years ago. He sent us in his place.”
“Then I can’t help you.”
“Screw it.” Tricks said. “Let’s just go in.” The roof caved in over the passage. “Or we could try negotiating.”
“Please let us in.” Opie said, and stroked the roof. Rock didn’t reply.
“It’s magic Opie, hold the rock and Tricks and I will go get the chest.” Brain said heading for the tunnel.
“Don’t let go.” Tricks said following him. Opie had to stand holding Rock for almost an hour while Tricks and Brain dragged the chest out. They thought it would be prudent to take it out of the cave before Opie released the rock. Greg sat quietly trying to talk to his old friend. He was asleep when they dragged the chest out.
“Finally. Open it up Opie.” Tricks said a little out of breath. Opie wanted to make a little speech, but the others made him use the key. He turned the key and the chest unlocked like it was just used yesterday. Brain was the first to swear, but the others followed him very quickly.
“We’re too late.” Brain said after getting it out of his system. “Someone has beaten us to it.” They all looked into the empty chest, well not completely empty.
“Looks like they left us a note.” Opie said reaching in. “Looks like quite a substantial one.” It was wrapped in oiled leather. “Let’s get back to the Inn, we can read it there.” The others agreed. They made their way back. It was a very depressed group of people that sat down at the Hardpassvil inn pub. Their beers sat untouched in front of them as Opie started to open the document.
“Maybe it’s another map.” he said without conviction. The others didn’t respond. He spread the document out in front of them. Brain was the first to recognize it.
“It’s a design for a hand held crossbow.” he said, his interest suddenly peeked.
“Look it’s dated and Poorson signed the design.” Opie said.
“Why are you two so excited?” Tricks asked.
“Because…” they both began. “You tell her Opie.”
“Thanks.” Opie smiled. “It’s the treasure.”
“What?”
“Let me explain. The crossbow wasn’t invented until about six hundred years ago. If Poorson had been able to get this into production he would have won the war. You see the crossbow can be used by farmers, if each of them had been equipped with this they would have been unstoppable.”
“So you’re saying there’s no gold.”
“Looks that way, but what we have here might be better.”
“How so?” Tricks asked wondering what would be better than gold.
“To a weapons collector or a library this is an almost priceless object.” He carefully started to fold it up.
“You mean we found treasure after all.”
“Yes.”
Epilogue
Knothear
Well the story is told. They have the treasure, but there are a few loose ends I would like to clear up.
Large Greg Copper and Rock are still arguing. Rock is still guarding the cave and Greg is still giving out useless advice. They are still debating whether there are other people in the world or if it’s all just a figment of their imagination.
Mr and Mrs Smith are finally having a quiet winter in front of the fire, except for Sundays when they entertain half of Barock.
Humphrey has settled down with his older woman, Barbara Rock. (Yeah you guessed it the girl Barock is named after.) There is talk of wedding bells.
The wars in Crustation are as popular as ever, but the talk of the greatest war of all has simmered down a bit. The statue erected to Brain looks more like King Lob.
King Isabelle is looking forward to her first child; Paulo is in a flat panic trying to get the golems to build a nursery. He is using hand gestures, so you can imagine just how bad it is going.
As for our four heroes, well see for yourself.
The Swill and Donkey
“Welcome home.” Tricks said, letting go of the potential troublemaker. She put the empty energy drink on the bar. “How was the honeymoon?” Opie and Siege both blushed.
“It was good.” Opie managed.
“So are we going to be seeing more of you Siege, or what?”
“A little, but it’s safe to say that my skills are still intact.” She only lost her power for, how do I put this delicately, however long the session is. That’s how long she is visible. So on a good day ten fifteen minutes, but mostly three or four.
“How was the reunion?” Opie asked Tricks.
“Same old same old. We have only just finished cleaning the place up. Congratulations on your promotion, Opie.”
“Thanks, but it’s to you and Brain that the credit should go. How can I ever thank you enough for donating the manuscript to the library. It was great, Clammy himself congratulated me. Assistant head librarian actually gives me a little power, I’m thinking of contacting Bell, starting a scroll exchange.”
“She was asking after you at the reunion.” Tricks replied. “Paulo is going out of his mind with the baby coming.” They all laughed thinking of Paulo running around trying to get things done with just three words.
“Where is Brain?” Siege asked.
“He’ll be over in a few minutes, who would have believed he would have made a useful energy drink?” They all laughed. “It might not give you any energy, but it sure as hell makes you drink beer. He can’t make enough to supply the demand from pubs.” She pointed to the nearly empty shelf behind the bar.
“Is that Brain’s famous sword?” Opie asked pointing to the three bladed sword hanging above the energy drinks.
“Yeah.” Tricks rep
lied. “The bloody idiot decided to make it himself, so the first time I used it, it nearly took off my fingers. Don’t tell him, but I got Blacky Smith to make me a real one based on his design.” She pulled the sword from her back and demonstrated. The others were rather impressed. “Not everyone’s thing, but it works okay for me. I tried to sell the design to King Clement for Brain, but he had heard about how it had nearly chopped off my fingers, so he wasn’t interested.”
At that moment a man in a rumpled suit, carrying flowers and a box of chocolates walked in.
“Is that who I think it is?” Siege asked.
“Yes.” replied Tricks. “Brain says that he’s courting me. He’s trying really hard, last night he took me to Greenshort’s, you know the fancy place on Bullion Heights? Really expensive, but the food was in such small portions, I had to eat when I got home. He said I could pick the place tonight so I’ve chosen room service at Interland Ratz, you know, throw him a bone, or give him one.” she said with a wink.
The End.
For real this time, all that is left are the last few product placements.
When in Clemville check out Mrs Maude’s Palm, Tarot and Tea readings incorporating Sun, Moon and Stars Séances including Bill’s notarising, for all your spiritual, prophetic and notarising needs.
If you are thirst, feel free to visit The Swill and Donkey, money is always accepted, or else…
And look out for my next epic tale, Who’s 4 a Dragon, The whole crew are back and on fire, literally and figuratively.
See you soon.
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