Chapter 3
Kingdom of Lob
Private Nat Grey sat on the wall. His heart was pounding and his hands were shaking. It was his honour to volunteer and be chosen out of all the men on the front line to run to the distant chalk line and moon the soldiers of Cray. 'Some honour' he was thinking, remembering what his father had told him five years ago. It was clear in his mind as he jumped down onto the wet soil: "Never volunteer for the mooning." He had said as he sat down on the cushion with a hole in it. "Those lads from Cray are crack shots with the bow. I should know.” he said, rubbing the spot on his butt were the arrow had been removed. Well Nat had not volunteered in the sense that he had stood up and said 'Gee, could I run to the front and moon those sharp shooting lads of Cray.' Oh no he had volunteered in the sense that his sergeant had walked up to him and said 'Private Grey you just volunteered to demoralize the enemy.' (The wars between the Kingdoms of Lob and Cray were very civilized affairs. The armies gather up behind the 'Kingdom walls', long stretches of stonewalls that run from coast to coast. These walls were separated by No man’s land, quite often called Fools land. Down the centre runs a chalk line that is the true divide of the two kingdoms. After a few days of 'demoralizing' each other they all jump the wall and charge. When I say all, I mean all the privates; generals and other officers sit on the wall and scream orders. As no one cares who wins, it's more about braining your opponents; the war is over at sunset of that day, followed by rude letters about how inferior the other side was.)
Nat strolled slowly towards the chalk line; he could see his opposite number walking towards him. They met in the middle, they would both be safe until they crossed the line and dropped their pants.
"Hi," his opposite number said, "names Sam."
"Nat, you volunteer?"
"Yeah, my serge said I did, so I must have."
"Same here, well I suppose we should get on with it."
They simultaneously stepped across the line and started mooning their respective enemies. A loud cheer rang out from both encampments and then the sizzle of incoming arrows could be heard. Nat felt a sharp pain in his left butt cheek, and knew he was hit. He stood up and started to walk back towards his own encampment. He heard Sam say that it stung like blue blazes. Nat couldn't agree more as he limped on. His fellow warriors all cheered him, as he got closer. He would spend the rest of the war in the infirmary with all the other volunteers.
Kingdom of Nad
King Isabelle the 5th stood with her bags all packed and ready to go. She had been waiting for Paulo for over an hour. He might have been extraordinary in the bed room, but he was a real woman when it came to packing. The VIP dragon limo had been waiting for quite some time, and dragon limos weren't cheap. She had decided that they were going to stay at the ‘Great Desert spa and Gangster Hide Out’. The perfect place to get away from all the damp and cold that she was presently waiting in. As she was a King, even though she only lorded over one man and a pile of books, she got special treatment. One such treat was the use of a Dragon Limo. As dragons are notoriously hard to train (See: How to tame a Dragon by Two fingers Di Mil.) very few were in service. This one’s driver was starting to get agitated.
"Listen, your majesty, we must get going. I still have to pick up Sal Ca'pin and if Khali (Kh'alukin'pol'te is the dragons real name, but you try pronouncing it.) here doesn't get his supper on time I'm liable for the damage when he eats someone’s village."
"Just a sec." she replied sweetly and then commandeered her Kingly voice and shouted, "Paulo if you are not out here in ten seconds we are leaving without you."
Five seconds later Paulo came running through the castle gates.
"Finally ready?" she asked in what could only be interpreted as fierce and sarcastic.
"Si, my King." said the wordsmith.
"Well step back and let me lock up."
She closed the front door and then bolted the huge lock. Using all ten keys she locked the minor locks and then stood back and opened a small black book and started reading from it. (She was reading a spell that had been invented millennia ago to protect the great library. It was so complex it would take an infinite amount of wizards working an infinite number of years to crack it. Or the words on a little piece of paper that was at that very moment fluttering under the door.) When she was finished a shimmer of air covered the whole castle, making it look all blurry.
"Get on the dragon, our holiday of hot sun and fine food waits."
"Si, my King."
The City Without a Name
(I know that I have called it all sorts of things from 'The city without a name', 'The town of no name', 'The village unnamed' etc. I do not do this on purpose; it is merely the gods screwing with my parchment. Like all good jokes of the gods they are really hammering this one home.)
Dougy Losnal hammered in another nail, then stood and stretched his back. He looked at his throbbing thumb again and sighed. He had been working non-stop all week and now he had to work the weekend. He liked to spend his Sundays quietly drinking until his wife looked appealing and then doing his husbandly duty, followed by drinking himself into a coma. Like all the people hammering away that Sunday morning he knew they were fixing a pirate ship. The consequences of not finishing this job on time could be very severe.
"How many days we got?" he asked his foreman.
"Till next weekend. The boss has got the owner down the pub, trying to keep him drunk."
"Some people get the best job. I recon we should be finished by Thursday at the latest."
"Shush, Dougy, don't let anyone hear you. If something goes wrong we will never be finished by then. Better if the Pirate thinks we are going to take all week rather than being late."
"Suppose so." Dougy shook his head and picked up another nail, held it against the wooden board and gave his thumb another good whack. The foreman chuckled and said that Dougy was the worst carpenter he had even seen. Dougy just swore.
Marshmid
Captain Shamus Gumboot looked out at all the ships blockading his harbour. It had been a long time since he had seen so many ships, if ever. They blanketed the sea as far as he could see. If nothing else it was a grand sight. Technically it was a blockage, but ships kept coming in to get fresh water and supplies. Business in Marshmid was booming. As the city was completely surrounded by a marsh it was a well-known fact that if the city was to survive they had to trade with the outside world. (The well-known fact had forgotten that the marsh supplied everything a city needed, from fruit and vegetables to swamp monster meat and water. The water was a bit strange tasting, but completely drinkable.)
"We really must thank Killem for this windfall. Any idea when he will attack?" The Captain asked.
"No idea, sir." the young corporal replied, "He is lost somewhere in the great desert. The scouts say it could be any time between now and eternity."
They both laughed.
"Even so, we should probably call in the army, prepare them for a swamp attack. I assume he is planning to come across the swamp?"
"That's what our spy’s say." the younger man replied.
"On second thought, I think leave all the men gathering supplies for the ships. The swamp will slow that idiot down enough that we will have ample warning. Look here comes our next customer. Tell the merchants to hike the prices by ten percent, you know something like war tax."
"Yes sir." The young man scurried away.
"I just love war, so profitable." the Captain said to himself, paging through another set of financial statements. "Maybe now I can get a bookkeeper."
The road out of Clemville
Our four intrepid travellers had finally left Clemville. It was mid-day Sunday when they rode out the front gates. What with Siege having a bath and Opie collecting some important documents and maps it had taken the whole morning to get their stuff together. Tricks had organised the horses and Brain had… (Come to think of it what the hell had Brain been doing all morning? Perhaps we will find out later in the
tale. Whatever it was I'm sure it will be below Brain’s expectations, but really comical for the rest of us) …a big sack, that he wouldn't let anybody look into. He kept saying it was a surprise. I almost missed the part about the gate. The main gate of Clemville is a sight to behold. A behemoth of a gate, it puts all other gates to shame. (Excluding the fabled gates of 'Wizards World' or the ten gates to Utopia, but they are the greatest gates that anyone living has ever seen.) It takes ten thousand slaves and oxen to move them. Yes they move, on great big wheels. Ah the gates of Clemville, marvel of modern technology. The original gates are near the heart of Clemville; they are now a pile of rubble. As the city grew the kings would expand the city limits, each time building new gates. Then one day King Clement the fourteenth decided that the city would keep growing and if he had to build a new gate each time it would become far to expensive, so he turned to the city engineers, who in turn turned to Anthony O’Shaunase [That’s right one of Brain’s ancestors] and the rest as they say are expanding city limits gates. What about the city wall, you might ask? Who needs a city wall when you have the worlds most impressive gates.
"Wow, those are the most impressive gates I have ever seen." Siege said turning in her saddle to stare back at the marvel.
"Not too bad, you know one of my ancestors built them." Brain replied, desperately trying to stay in his saddle. "Of course he didn't have access to my superb intellect and great mental..." the others were saved from Brain’s boorish boasting by him falling out of his saddle again. After he got back on the horse he had completely forgotten all about gates and ancestors. Instead he muttered about ineffectual transport and how he could have found a quicker and easier way to get them to the Metropolis with No name. The others merely laughed at his discomfort.
They move on in silence for a short distance on the main road out of town. They came to a T junction, and some wise-ass had removed the signs and replaced them with signs reading 'left' and 'right', only they were swapped around. Brain has never be good at telling left from right, so he naturally assumed that he should follow the sign marked right. So of course Opie had a map open and pointed out that Brain was going the wrong way. Brain has never been wrong, that he knows of, so he argued. They needed to be across the Valmic River by dark, so Siege suggested that while Brain was arguing with Opie, she gets off her horse and swap the signs around. Tricks suggested that she would drag him in the right direction if he didn't follow. In the end it was settled by Brain himself.
"Okay, we shall see." he said. "Once we have gone down the road for four or five days and no city appears, I will expect some apologies."
"Fine Brain," Tricks said turning her horse and heading down the road. "As long as you go this way."
He followed for the next few hours lost in his own world. (Just so you know they are now going in the right direction, and Brain completely forgot about the incident.)
They arrived at the bridge over the Valmic River. It was already starting to get dark and some swamp monsters were gathering below, ready to pounce on unsuspecting travellers. The bridge, as they like to call it, is more of a jetty on either side, with a hand pull raft in the middle. As it was dusk the 'Valmic Mercs', (The Valmic Mercs were a group of men that waited on the bridge. As it was quite a busy bridge, traffic had to keep flowing. But there was the ever present danger of being eaten by a swamp monster, so the Valmic Mercs would offer their services as protection across the river. Fighting off monster as you crossed.) were starting to gather. Our four enterprising adventurers did not need any help as they had Tricks.
"Three tickets for the ferry." Tricks asked.
"Will that be with or without protection." the young, bored looking woman in the booth asked, without looking up from her 'Country Life Celebes' scroll.
"Without." She sounded a bit put out; maybe her reputation didn't get out this far. The young girl, who we could now see in the waning light, and let me say she wasn't much to write home about, took out three tickets and handed them out the window, glancing up as she did. Boy did she blush.
"Oh my Gods it’s you. It's really you. Oh my Gods. I can't believe the famous Tricks is at my window. Oh my Gods. Can I get an autograph? Oh my gods. I was just reading about you in CLC. They said you were put in the dungeon. Oh my gods." on and on. (You may have noticed that the girl knew that Tricks had been in the dungeon. She had read it in CLC, which comes out on a Thursday, so they couldn't possibly know that she was put in the dungeon. Well CLC employed many great wizards, they could afford to with their circulation, and these wizards would magically update any important or breaking news onto the scroll during the week. For subscribers only. They had originally used seers to just plain predict the future, but after a few unfortunate incidents of slander [when you know your future you can change it] they opted for the update method.)
Tricks was in a much better mood after that. On the raft she really let those swamp monsters have it. It got so bad that Brain and Opie had to try calm her down. Her number one fan watched her the whole way and cheered every time she smited one of the beasts. A short distance from the river was the 'Top of the Delta' inn. They decided to spend the night there.
To say that the Top of the Delta inn was a fine establishment would have been a mite slanderous, mites being its most populous residents. The building style was all the rage when it was constructed, heroin chic. (Heroin chic was all the rage for about two months, three centuries ago. All the really chic people would take heroin and then design things. 99.9% of the things would fall down, but the designers were too high to notice or care. After a while everyone decided that a pile of rubble as a house was not such a hot idea, so they started the next great movement, build to last, the solid years. The inn is a bit of an enigma, in fact it is the only piece of architecture that survived the period, but it doesn't look like it should have.)
"Holy hell, will you look at that?" Brain shouted.
"Shuss, don't speak too loud or it might fall down." Opie said.
The four of them gingerly walked over and gently knocked on the front door. An elderly man with an unlazy eye opened it. (You know how a lazy eye takes its time to catch up to the other eye; an unlazy eye does the exact opposite. It sort of races around trying to guess where the good eye is going to look.)
"Good evening." he said, looking them all up and down, while appearing to look into space. "What can I do for you?"
"What's it like having an eye like..."
"Please excuse Brain he doesn't get out much. Could we have two rooms for the night?" Opie said.
"Please come in, would you like some supper?"
The unlazy eye winked at Brain and then tried to turn around in the man’s head, the head turned, closely followed by the man’s body. They stepped into the inn and walked as quietly as they could to the front desk. Then they almost hit the ground when the man shouted. "Three suppers and make it snappy."
After they had recovered from the shock, Opie piped up that it would be four suppers. "Expecting someone, because I can assure you that each meal is more than enough for one person."
"No, sir I didn't mean to disrespect your fine establishment, it just that there are four of us. May I introduce Siege? She takes some effort to see."
"Samantha Elkton, as I live and breathe. I remember the day your mother and father honeymooned here." His good eye glazed over, the unlazy one darted around, not knowing what to do with itself. "Cleaned me out they did, every last penny and all my silverware."
Opie, Siege and Brain prepared to run, Tricks slowly started to reach for her sword. "A fine night." he continued. "The next day I got a cheque in the mail, covered all my costs and a little extra besides. That was how I was able to refurnish the place." Brain had a quick look around and saw that the place looked like it had been refurnished over twenty years ago. While Siege caught up with the proprietor, the other three had a look around.
It had a distinct feminine touch to it. What with all the flowers and pink wallpaper. There were some paint
ings on the wall, which was almost unheard of in these seedy dives, but the choice of picture was a tad bazaar. They were mostly pictures of young men in various stages of undress; mostly holding bunches of flowers and seductively staring down on everyone. There was a faint hint of perfume in the air, not the subtle fragrance used in larny places, but more the cling-to-the-back-of-the-throat, over-powering, rose-choke smell. They found themselves in the dining room, and they could have been forgiven for thinking that they were at a high fluting street cafe in the heart of Bullion Heights. Delicate wood chairs and small round tables dotted the place. On each table sat a white tablecloth, so white it hurt the eyes, a vase of flowers and highly polished silverware. Brain looked back into the entrance hall, it was still a quaint mess, looked back at the dining room and shook his head to try clear it. The other two merely stared. They were startled by a voice, it said "That..." and then the proprietor was on the floor with a sword to his throat.
"You must be the infamous Tricks? Sorry to startle you, but what I was going to say is that is my wife’s work. The rest of the inn, excluding the kitchen, is my domain."
Brain wondered briefly about the half-naked men in the painting, but became completely distracted by the Smart waiter. (A dumb waiter is like a little lift that carries food from one floor to another. A smart waiter is a device that carries food from the kitchen to the table. More about that later.) Needless to say he had to go and inspect it. While he was on his way over, the door to the kitchen sprang open and a woman appeared. Some may say she was plump, or big boned, chubby, or some other endearing word to describe her. The only word I can think of was tannie. (Tannie is a word you use to show respect to an older woman, but I always pictured a Tannie as a just past middle aged Afrikaans woman with an apron and a bowl of vetkoek.)
"Hello." she said, all smiles and happiness. "I have prepared you all a feast. Please sit down, the best table is the one in the corner by the window."
They all took her advice, all except Brain. He seemed fascinated by the smart waiter. As he should, he invented it. Although he called it 'The incredible food to the table moving machine.' His one never worked all that well. By the time the food made it to the table it was normally cold. After studying the tracks for a few minutes he went over to the table and joined the others.
"Prepare for a long wait and cold food." he whispered to the others.
No sooner had he said it then the little train filled with food came tootling down the track and stopped at their table. Brain jumped up and said:
"This is an outrage! How did you get it to go so fast?"
"What was that dear?" the Tannie said.
"Your The incredible food to the table moving machine." he replied looking almost down cast.
"Oh, that was easy. We simply replaced the rats with a dog, more strength don't you know and we couldn’t have rats in the kitchen." she said it so sweetly that Brain almost felt better, "But we call it a smart waiter."
There was just no cheering up Brain after that. The chicken pie was superb, as was the chocolate mousse. They all retired upstairs after supper. The landlord brought them some ale and said that if they wanted more they should ring the bell. After they had looked around for the bell, desperately trying to follow the overactive eye, he told them it was the string by the door. They decided to sit in the girls’ room and drink and talk.
"Not bad for a first day." Tricks said, she had unsheathed her sword and was sharpening it on her portable wet stone.
"I don't know." Brain sighed.
"Oh cheer up, Brain. Just because someone fixed one of you great ideas doesn’t mean you have to sulk. Remember it is the idea that counts."
"I suppose, but it still hurts."
"When we get back you can try putting a dog in the train." Siege said.
"Thanks, I'll think about it." He then took a large swig of ale and let his mind work on the problem. He was starting to think about greyhounds and high speed trains when Tricks broke into his thoughts.
"So what is everyone going to do with their share of the treasure?"
Siege was the first to reply. "I'm going to buy a house in the country, faraway from anyone. What about you Opie?"
"I was thinking of opening a mobile library and book swap wagon train, but maybe a nice country library would be a good idea." He looked into Siege's eyes and blushed, so did she.
"Oh give me a break." Tricks said. "I'm not sharing a room with Brain."
Opie and Siege would have glowed in the dark they went so red.
"It could be fun. A little long journey stress relief." Brain said, a big toothy grin on his face.
"Don't go down that road Brain. Besides you snore."
"How do you know he snores?" Siege asked hiding her giggle behind her hand. It was Tricks and Brains turn to blush.
"Well, ah, you know, I was young. Quit that giggling. It's very un-lady like. So Brain what you going to do with your share?" Tricks floundered, and then tried to change the subject. Opie would have none of that.
"Do tell, were you two an item once."
"None of you damn business! Brain, you were saying." Brain had difficulty answering over the gales of laughter emanating from the other two. Finally the other two were quiet.
"First I'm going to buy a new house." Brain was finally able to say. "Something really spectacular. Sort of a house cross workshop type thing. Then I'm going to buy everything you need to run a successful workshop. After that maybe half a dozen Sisters of questionable virtue, ouch. That was my shore soldier Tricks. So what you going to do with you share?" He looked at Tricks, still rubbing his shoulder.
"Haven’t given it much thought really. I'm more in it for the adventure. I could redecorate the Swill, but that would probably turn away some of the regulars. Maybe open up a weapons school or something equally violent. Or I could shake up with some Lads of Unscrupulous Vigour until the... Ouch. Brain you are not supposed to hit a woman."
"See what I mean about the sexual tension." Siege said quietly to Opie.
They chattered away the rest of the evening, not really discussing much. At about mid-night they made their way to their individual bedrooms. The only thing of note was that Opie leaned in to kiss Siege, but was interrupted at the last second by Brain walking out of the bathroom. They blushed a bit, but Brain didn't seem to notice.
The next morning they were back on the road. They had consumed far too much breakfast and were taking it slowly. Not much happened along the way until the afternoon. Tricks was the first to hear it. (I might have forgotten to mention that Tricks has incredible hearing and an unbelievable sense of smell, but bats see better than her. No she doesn't wear glasses, she uses the old fashioned, tried and tested method; she squints a lot.)
"Sounds like a troop of horses coming up from behind." she said turning in her saddle and squinting down the road. Brain suggested that she was hearing things, but took a look anyway. (Brain had excellent vision, but too many explosions had left him partially deaf. Before you ask, the other two were mostly average in the senses department, apart from Opie’s ability to read in near darkness. When I say that I don't mean he can see in the dark I mean he is only able to read in it. It is more of a six-sense kind of thing. He has read so many book, that the words sort of jump into his head.)
"Surprise, surprise, you're right. I can see a small cloud of dust. I would guess thirty to forty horses. Boy are they moving. We had better pull off the road for a bit, let them pass. Perhaps a break for lunch?"
The others agreed, even though they were still quite full from breakfast. They pulled over to the side and started to enjoy the packed lunch from The Top of the Delta. It was a feast to rival the huge breakfast. Seven cheeses, four types of bread, biscuits and cold meats, not to mention the wine selection. They proceeded to stuff themselves. While the forty horsemen moved in on their position, unbeknownst to the travellers, a band of highway men were waiting in the bushes at their very position, they were merely waiting for their leader to
finish off in the bushes and then they would make their move. Not even Tricks heard the curses of who had forgotten the toilet paper or the louder curse of who had left out a bunch stinging nettles. Needless to say our four-intrepid travellers were in for a big surprise. They were finishing of their lunch when the horsemen arrived. The horsemen quickly took up position around them and the leader rode forward.
Tricks was on her feet, sword in hand. Brain stood next to her, his left hand on her shoulder and in his right he held a short stabbing spear. Opie and Siege hung back, lying in a ditch, crossbows trained on the leader, and a couple of javelins at the ready.
"Can we help you gentlemen?" Brain asked, knowing that if he gave Tricks a chance to talk she would scream bloody murder and charge.
"You most certainly may." the leader said, it was quite obvious that he was well educated, and by the way he sat in the saddle it was apparent that he had had some military training.
"Why not ask your men to move back and we can discuss this over some bread and wine." Brain continued.
"I do not think so, sir. If you do as we ask there should be no problems."
"You are going to have a bloody problem with me in a second!" Tricks said moving towards the man, Brain powerless to hold her back. Instantly three men moved in to protect the leader. Brain was able to hold her back before she attacked the leader.
"Very well, sir." The sir came out of Brains mouth as more of an insult than a show of respect. "What do you ask?"
"We heard a rumour that you have a map to the Da’Loose’s treasure. Hand it over and you can leave."
"You will have to tear it from my cold dead fingers." Tricks said rather dramatically.
"So be it. ATTACK!!!" (Sorry to interrupted at this critical moment, but there are some important things I have to add here. Remember I mentioned that this was a tale about blind luck; well here is a small piece of that stuff. Just off to the side of where the battle is about to take place, stood a solitary figure. He was dressed up in black, looked really thin and held a scythe. That’s right it was Grimy himself, prepared to take the fallen to their final resting places. At present he was making a call to the various places the people believed they would end up. All but four had confirmed. The non-confirmers went something like this. 'We would love to have her over, but we just invested in some new solid gold tableware and we would hate to have to replace it so soon.' 'Any chance of a rain check. I just know he's going to want me to try his energy drinks.' 'Boy is she going to be pissed if she loses, she might even take it out on me. See if you can't delay it a bit.' 'I kind of like the guy, I would really like to see him get to Nad. If he's reading all those scrolls, it means he's not reading my income tax returns or private diary.' Grimy sighed. He waited for his banker to confirm that the deposits had been made before he acted.) The men were poised and ready to attack. (But we must travel back a few seconds so you can get the full story) The leader of the highwaymen returned, he was scratching his butt and mumbling things about nettles and incompetent assistants. He turned to his number two and asked if anything was happening.
"Well, Capitan. It seems that we are not the only people out for a little gold." He pointed at the newly arrived horsemen.
"Bloody hell, they will not be getting my prize. These travellers must be loaded to have so much attention. Prepare the men to attack." His number two looked at him with a bit of concern. (As right he should. What the Capitan should have said was: 'Gee, what a pity. We really could have used some money about now. Oh well, you win some, you lose some. Let’s get out of here.' Grimy was preparing some blind luck.) Orders were orders and when Capitan said jump you said into which bed.
Tricks took out the two men on the left of the Leader of the horsemen, while Brain took out the one on the right. The leader managed to avoid Siege’s bolt by falling off his horse. Opie hit one of the men in the eye with his bolt and was instantly sick to his stomach. (He has a thing about eyes.) Siege threw a javelin, but completely missed. She spent the rest of the battle rubbing Opie’s back, telling him it would be all right. Opie spent the rest of the battle getting rid of his last few meals. Tricks and Brain fought gallantly, but it was a losing battle. The riders were professional soldiers and they had speed and height to their advantage. When Brain was stabbed in the shoulder it took all of Tricks' skill to protect him from a fatal blow. Just as all was lost the Highwaymen arrived. The horsemen’s attention diverted, Tricks was able to carry Brain back to the ditch.
"Come on you two, let’s see if we can sneak away during the confusion."
They grabbed what they could and moved off. Brain had gone into shock, so Tricks had to carry him over her shoulder. Opie was still a little pale, but he could walk. They moved on down the road, sticking to the cover provided for highwaymen and vagabonds (I mean the bushes on the side of the road.)
They passed an old man wearing a black cowl, he chuckled as they went by and said, "Thanks, maybe I will see you later." Then he walked up the road towards the battle. The demoralised and injured travellers found their horses a short time after that, courtesy of Grimy. Tricks tied Brain to his saddle and they galloped off. Tricks knew there would be survivors from one side or the other. The secret was now out. How anyone found out about their quest she didn't know, but they knew and that meant they would be hounded where ever they went. What she didn't know was that both the Capitan and the leader of the horsemen had survived and they both had access to more men. She put it out of her mind; she was really concerned for Brain. He had lost a lot of blood and was looking paler than Opie, if that was possible. They needed to find a doctor and fast.
(It's pretty clear that Brain will survive this brush with death. I mean Grimy was paid and he hasn't lost a client yet. Grimy was a thorough man and after receiving payment he had flitted into the Town with No Name two days earlier and arranged for a doctor to come riding out. Something about a great job opportunity in the country. They met him half an hour after the battle. Even though he was in a hurry, the whole hippo oath thing made him tend to Brains injuries.)
"Lucky you were coming this way." Tricks said as the doctor worked on Brains shoulder.
"I'd say. A few more hours and your friend would have been dead." the young doctor said. "Please call me doc. So where you folks headed?" Tricks fought down the rising panic. He was only asking out of courtesy, not a hidden agenda to steal their map. (They didn't have a map. They were on their way to The Kingdom of Nad to get it. Thought I would remind you, in case you had forgotten.) She replied:
"The city without a name."
"I wouldn't bother if I were you. I just finished my internship there. No place for a lady or the injured. Although it is lucky (Have you noticed how many times luck has come into this bit, keep reading.) I was interned there. I've seen these wounds five or six times a day for the last two years. Like I said the village with no name is no place to go. I'm really glad that I found out about this job opportunity in the country. I could have been stuck in that hellhole for the rest of my life. That's all I can do for him. Let him rest and in a few days he will be fine. Well I must be off, that job won't wait forever."
"Siege give the man some money. I'm sure you have quite a lot after that scuffle." Siege dug through her pockets, discarding small knifes and various trinkets. She came out with quite a few gold coins. Doc was only slightly surprised when a new woman suddenly appeared before him, but was even more surprised when his hand filled with gold.
"That is far too much, please I couldn't accept so much."
"You saved our friend, if we had more it would be yours." Tricks said, using her hand to close his fingers over the money.
"Maybe my luck is changing." he said, "Well I will wish you all good luck. If you go to the metropolis without a name you will probably need it."
With that he was on his horse and off down the road. Opie opened his eyes to the sound of the horse galloping away.
"Is the doctor leaving?" he asked. "Did he leave something for my stomach?"<
br />
"Stop being such a baby, you only shot one guy in the eye." Tricks said.
Opie groaned and held onto his stomach.
"Leave him alone, Tricks. He’s been through a horrible ordeal. He's just sensitive about eyes. As he should, how can you read without eyes?"
There was silence for a long time, only broken by Brains moaning. He finally woke up and they were able to move on. He sat in front of Tricks on her horse, so she could hold him up. They were still two days hard riding to get to the City with no name. They stopped at a military guard post and spent the night there. The next morning Brain was able to ride on his own. (Wait a second; I forgot to mention the Military guard post. It will become important, but much later.)
The military guard posts, according to tourist books, are set up to help protect the road from thieves and other miscreants. Their real purpose is to make money from travellers. They charge an exorbitant rate to stay in their three star barracks, because it is the safest place to stay along the road. The food is all right, but with a thousand percent mark-up, you would be forgiven for wanting something more palatable than army rations. The whole dawn bugle thing can be a bit annoying, but luckily you can pay to have it turned off. Not to mention the hundred and one other ways they find to part you from your money. They really do protect the road; I mean how can they fleece you of your cash when some highwayman already has.
Their horses were lead away for some five star grooming, according to the soldier that took them. (One of the hundred and one ways I mentioned.) Brain went straight to bed, with lots of chicken broth, chicken broth is not quite the right word, more like chicken flavoured water. While he slept, the other three had a look around. The whole military thing was very over powering. Weapons and medals dotted the place, not to mention five centuries of armour and paintings of great generals and famous battle scenes. After the day they had had it was too much, so they found the mess hall and ordered some food. They were quietly eating, contemplating the day’s events and what the future would hold when the Post Commander walked up to their table.
"You civs having a good time." he said in a parade ground voice that suggested that if they weren't they might find themselves in the stockade.
"Yes fine, just great. Fantastic." and other things that made the place sound better than it really was.
"Good, let me know if anything is wrong." he continued, in a voice that suggested if you came to him with a complaint he was liable to stuff his desk down your throat.
"Lights out in twenty minutes, enjoy the rest of your stay."
Then he was gone, to put the fear of military discipline into someone else. They finished their supper and headed to the barracks. Ooo, I nearly missed the important bit. When the commander walked up to their table he was wearing a gold medallion around his neck. A souvenir of his time in the Great Desert. Okay back to the next day.