I huddle in the corner and watch him pace back and forth in the cramped quarters. His hair is long and matted, he smells like he hasn’t bathed in a week, and his clothes are covered with dirt and blood. I wouldn’t recognize him on the street. It’s only the way his eyes pierce into mine that is familiar. I shiver remembering how there used to be a time when I craved his attention.
He turns suddenly, as if he can hear my thoughts.
“Get on the bed,” he rasps.
“No.” It’s soft but he hears me.
He’s in front of me in an instant, yanking my arm and throwing me on the bed. I need more time to get my strength back, I’m too weak to fight like I want to.
His face is an inch from mine, as he hovers over me. “Where is she? Where is our baby?”
“I will never tell you.”
The slap across my face makes my eyes blur, but I stare him down.
“Tell me or he dies.”
I can’t think about Soti being in danger right now. I can’t. My body shakes uncontrollably and the tears are clouding my vision, but I don’t stop staring at him.
“I’ll die protecting her if I have to, I swear it, Nico.”
“It’s all closing in on me.” He jumps off of me and runs his hands through his hair, then gets back in my face. “We’re crossing the border tomorrow night. Make the trip with us or die here in this hellhole—choice is yours—but I’m not going without my daughter. I’ll find her, with or without you. But you tell me and I won’t make a trip to New Orleans to kill Soti before I take the baby into hiding for good.”
He’s shifted while he’s talking, lying across my body and almost tenderly stroking my hair. His weight is heavy on top of me, and I battle with holding my breath to avoid the stench and taking deep gulps to not pass out.
“I won’t kill him, I swear it … if you just talk to me. Tell me.” His hand finds its way around my throat. “I’m giving you another chance. Don’t you see? He’ll live and we can be with our baby girl, together, as we planned.”
“I don’t know where she is.” I can hardly get the words out. “I’ve been sick. So weak,” I whisper, and his eyes flit back and forth between my eyes trying to discern how truthful I’m being.
“I know. You were beginning to worry me,” he says softly. He lifts up on his elbows and I breathe deeply.
“How long were you watching?”
“I should’ve taken the baby first.” He ignores my question and rolls onto his side.
“How did you find me?”
He smiles and my stomach curls into itself. “Don’t you know by now that I have my ways? I will always find you.”
I clutch his hand hard and startle him. “Take me. You’ll get caught if we go back for the baby. Let’s just go, we’ll start over somewhere else.”
His eyes darken and he studies me for what feels like endless minutes before rolling back on top of me.
“You mean it?” he asks.
I put my hand in his greasy hair and nod. He’s lost it. I guess he did a long time ago, but seeing him this gross is still a shock to my system. He’s always been more vain than even my mother.
“How can I trust you?” He pulls his shirt off with one hand and I yank his pants down. I lean up a little and he slips my shirt over my head.
“Let’s not talk right now.” I feel him harden in my hand and smile. “This is the one thing we do right.” I lean in to kiss him and he thrusts into me.
A whore is always ready, even if she hasn’t been worked over properly, because a whore doesn’t have to enjoy it. She is merely a vessel.
But I enjoy this moment. Once he was the man who taught me about sex; it’s only fitting that we end with sex.
This time I pay attention to when his eyes glaze over, every sound outside—a bird caws just outside the cabin—and I feel the brush of every moan that escapes his lips. And I wait. I wait until that perfect moment when he begins to shudder just so, my name falling out of his mouth, his body taut with the crest of release … that moment right before the fall.
That’s when I strike. Because if I’ve learned anything at all in my profession, it’s that when a man feels his most omnipotent, when he’s spewing his most precious gift of semen everywhere, that’s when he’s the very weakest.
I kick him back hard enough that his fluid empties out onto my stomach instead of inside of me. He’s coming too hard to fully digest what’s happening and while he’s in that state, I punch him hard, sending him reeling back. He yells, still ejaculating, and too slow to keep me from moving out from under him. I have his gun in my hands before he realizes what’s happening.
“I wish I’d done this so long ago,” I tell him. I hold up the gun and aim.
“Wait, Lilith, please!” he cries.
I shoot him in both legs and he wails.
“What, I’m not your little whore now?” I laugh. “I didn’t know it’d take a gun to get a little respect. Who knows we’re here?” I yell.
“No one. No one, I promise,” he whimpers.
“I don’t believe you.”
I point at the scars he etched into my skin and he tries to look away. “Look at me. I want this to be the last thing you think about. Look.” He lifts his eyes and stares at all the scars left from when he carved into my stomach and legs throughout the year I’d been his prisoner. “You know the kind of animal who would do this to a woman? You’re no man. And you know what’s pathetic? No one will miss you when you’re gone. You might’ve made your mark on me, but I’m going to forget you when you’re gone. Do you hear me, Nico? You don’t own me. You are nothing.”
His face crumples and he looks around the room, afraid. I watch him for a few moments and see when it all registers, and he realizes I’m going to kill him. He starts scooting toward his phone and a knife I hadn’t noticed before now.
I shoot him in the right shoulder then the left. He topples onto the floor in pain, mumbling incoherently.
“Finish,” he moans.
“No.”
“Finish!” he screams.
If I leave him here like this he’ll bleed out. Blood is already everywhere.
I sit on the bed and stare into nothingness. The thought that one of Nico’s men could be coming to help him runs through my head more than once, but I can’t seem to make myself move. Nico groans. I think about Astra’s eyes and her pink cheeks. Everything starts to move in real time instead of slow motion.
I pick up the phone and thank God I can still pull the number out of my memory. He gave it to me once and made me vow to memorize it.
“Ford here.”
“I’ve shot Nico Santelli,” I say in the same voice I’d recite a grocery list to Jennie. “He’s not dead yet. If you’d come quickly, I’d appreciate it.”
“Where are you?”
“I don’t know. A little cabin somewhere. Is my baby okay?”
“Yes. Stay with me long enough to get your location. I’ll send someone, okay? Lilith?”
“I need to get out of here. I need to get to Astra.” I drop the phone and start shaking all over.
Nico is curled into a ball on the floor. I turn away and put my shirt back on. I open the door and the only light is from the stars. It’s as dark as my soul has turned. Now I have two eternal stains: whore and soon-to-be murderer. I’m really no better than Nico. I feel myself spiraling into a black hole of shame when a picture flashes across my memory of the agony: he kept me locked away in his house all that time. A prisoner, shown no compassion and no remorse. My hand steadies. The fact that he will die, slowly, by my hand, unless help comes quickly … I’ve already made my peace with it.
There’s a car parked a dozen feet away and I quickly scan the place for the keys. I find them in Nico’s pants pocket and step over him to get out the door.
“Goodbye, Nico. You won’t find me this time.”
I get in the car and start driving. Good thing I’ve paid attention. Maybe when I get home Jennie can give me a proper driv
ing lesson.
The only problem is I’m not sure where home is anymore.
Barstow, California: that’s the first town I see. I regret not bringing Nico’s phone, but it’s the only way I knew to lead Ford to him. I just couldn’t wait another second with the blood. Barstow is too close to the cabin so I keep driving north until I see signs of Bakersfield approaching. It’s a slow ride. I’m a little herky-jerky behind the wheel but already improving. I see a little bar and pull over. Maybe it’ll be dark enough in there that the blood that sprayed onto my shirt won’t be noticed.
It’s late. The clock over the bar says midnight. Only a handful of men sit at the bar, and a couple sits at one of the three tables. The bartender seems nice enough.
“Long night?” he asks.
I should’ve made an effort to look a little better before coming inside.
“Really long.” I think about giving him the sideways smile with shy eyes and slightly lowered lashes—it’s a look that’s never failed me yet—but I’m so sick of the game. I don’t want to play it a second longer. “I need to use your phone. It’s important,” I tell him.
He doesn’t hesitate. His head jerks back and to the left and I see the phone behind him.
I move toward it, and feel relief with each step closer to freedom.
“Hey, wake up.”
A hand jostles my shoulder and I lift my head off the table, disoriented.
“We’re closing.” It’s the bartender.
I glance at the clock, and sure enough, it’s two o’clock. The bar has cleared out and it’s just the two of us in there.
“I can’t believe I fell asleep.” I stand up and walk toward the door. Someone was supposed to be here by now. “Thank you. I appreciate you letting me stay without even ordering anything.”
“Are you okay?” He steps closer and I back out of the door, lifting a hand. “Can I do anything to help?”
“I will be. Thanks.”
I get in my car and watch through the window as he closes up, eventually shutting off the lights and walking outside. He’s surprised to see me still sitting here and makes his way over to my car. I roll the window down a crack and that’s when the sound deafens me.
A helicopter lands on the dirt behind the bar and two men run out, holding guns. The bartender’s eyes go wide and he lifts his hands.
“They’re here for me,” I yell. And then I laugh and I laugh so hard that I cry.
Chapter Thirty
LILITH
Save a seat for me.
I’ll be the one next to the sun.
The pilot and the men with guns are nice enough, but no one wants to answer any of my questions. They tell me Mr. Ford has sent them and show me their badges, but that’s about all I get. I give up trying to get more information out of them and look down at the lights from the sky. We’re only in the air for what seems like ten minutes before we stop on the roof of a building.
“We’re having a doctor look you over before going any further,” I’m told. I shuffle inside what looks like an office building and a doctor is standing in the door of an office. He does all kinds of swabs and tests and shows me where I can shower. It feels so good to get all of Nico’s grime and blood off of me. A clean set of clothes is waiting on the chair outside the shower and I gratefully put them on.
“You need a lot of fluids. You’re dehydrated and I can see the effects of the flu you’re getting over. But everything else looks okay. No pregnancy, no STDs,” he says in a lower voice.
My shoulders relax when he says that.
“You need lots of rest. Your body has been through a lot.” He clears his throat. “And I’m going to suggest that you see a therapist when you get settled, someone you can talk to about everything that’s happened.”
I nod. “You’re right, I should,” I admit. “Thank you for seeing me tonight.”
We get back in the air and fly an hour and a half, at most, before we land and get in a car. I’m shocked when we stop again after only fifteen or twenty minutes. We’re in front of a well-lit house. The driver opens my door and I get out, hearing the crash of waves nearby.
The porch light is on and I’m able to see that I’m in beautiful surroundings, even though it’s the middle of the night. The front door opens and I look up, my feet nearly buckling beneath me when I see them standing there.
Soti stands there, holding Astra in his arms, and smiling. He’s smiling at me after everything I put him through. There are others behind them, but Soti and Astra are all I see. I stumble to them and he’s there to keep me standing when I reach him.
“The locals don’t call it Carmel-by-the-Sea,” he whispers into my ear, his smile lifting with each word, “but I think we should always call it that.” He kisses my head then leans back to look in my eyes. “Welcome home.”
I’m crying again, a big mess, as I take him in, holding my baby girl and here, with me.
“Is this real?” I’m afraid to touch him, afraid to blink, afraid I’ll open my eyes and they’ll both be gone.
“Kiss me and you’ll know.”
“Really? You still want me after everything I’ve done to you?” I sob.
His arms wrap around me. “I’ll never stop wanting you,” he whispers.
I sink into him and his kiss tells me all I will ever need to know.
After a long shower, I go into the living room and face everyone. Mr. Ford and several guards are there.
“Is he dead?”
Ford nods. I exhale a long, shaky breath.
“Is Jennie okay?” I’m scared to ask about her.
“She’ll be in the hospital a few more days, but she’s doing well. She wanted to come, but I told her hell no!” Ford laughs.
“Thank God. I would’ve thought you’d send someone else. Thank you for coming,” I tell him.
“You scared me when you dropped the phone. I assumed all the worst scenarios. Thanks for trusting me enough to call in the first place. We let you down in Campbell,” he says.
I shrug. “I knew there was the risk of that happening one day. Jennie and Troi did the best they could. I’ll always be grateful for what they did. Jennie kept Astra safe”—I take a shaky breath and wipe my face—“I’m still not sure how she kept Nico from finding her, but I’ll never forget that she saved us.” I turn to Soti. “And the fact that you came to get her. I don’t know any other man who loves the way you do.”
His eyes shine in the dim light, enough to brighten the whole room. I have missed this man so much.
“Just warn me the next time you feel like leaving and I’ll go with you.” He says it with a smile, but his eyes are intense.
“He threatened to kill you and everyone in the community center if I didn’t marry him. I didn’t fully know what he wanted until I got pregnant. Alexis had worked out some kind of a deal with him.”
Ford clears his throat. “I haven’t had a chance to tell you yet, but we have both Alexis and Kell in custody and it doesn’t look like they’re going anywhere. The evidence is piling against them all the time. Blackmail, arson, manslaughter in the second degree … the list goes on. From what we can tell, your grandmother put Maison D’amour and the surrounding property in your name. It was to be completely yours upon the birth of your first child. Nico must have agreed to give your mom a portion if he could be the one to father your child. Did you know what a wealthy woman you’d be once you had this baby?”
“No idea,” I tell them. “I’ll have to figure out something more useful to do with that property now that I have a choice. I’m sure Soti could give me some pointers on how to help the most people with the use of that space.” I grin at him and the way he looks at me with such adoration steals my breath.
“Is this real?” I ask again and he laughs.
“I’m happy to prove it as many times as you need.” He leans over and kisses me, while Ford and the others groan.
“What is this place?” I ask when I come up for air.
“It’s you
r house, if you want it,” Ford says.
“What?”
“We asked Soti to look at a few properties you might like on our flight here. He said you had a fondness for Carmel, so that narrowed our choices. What do you think—would you like to settle here? It might be good to have a little break from New Orleans while things are being resolved. I’d feel better about your safety if you’re tucked away here while we continue arresting Nico’s men.”
I’ve hardly taken in the beauty of the place for staring at Soti, but all I’ve seen of the house is gorgeous. He looks at me with hope in his eyes, but I see the fear there too. I hope I can reassure him of my love for the rest of my life.
“I’d love to stay here. Can we talk about all of this later, though? I’m exhausted, and if Soti is willing, I really want to talk to him.”
Mr. Ford nods and stands, and the other men follow suit. “I’ll be flying back tonight, but the guards will be surrounding the house. Just until I know everything is in order.”
“I can’t thank you enough.” I stand and shake his hand.
“One day I’ll tell you about all the times I’ve come close to nailing Nico Santelli and his uncle. He took care of his uncle for me, but Nico’s been dangling just out of reach for so long. Tonight maybe I’ll sleep for the first time in years. Thank you,” he says.
I hold Astra while Soti sees the men to the door. I feel stronger than I’ve felt in weeks, all the weakness from being sick and the fatigue of being on the run are forgotten when I hold my baby girl. I swear she’s grown an inch since I saw her and I mourn the loss of not seeing it happen for myself.
Soti walks back in the room and I watch as he gets closer.
“I’ve fallen in love with her,” he says when he reaches us. “Thank you for naming her after my sister.”
I swallow hard and feel my cheeks heat. “I needed a piece of you with me. And the name fits her, don’t you think?” He smiles at us, eyes bright. “It was presumptuous to think you’d be able to take her, but I just knew there wasn’t a single person out there that I’d want to trust with my child’s life. You’re the only one I know who could take another man’s child … with or without any explanation or help from me … and love her as your own, no matter how awful that man was or how it might hurt. I don’t think many would do that.”