She shakes her head. “I don’t belong here, Soti. You know that.” Her hands are the only indicator of any nervousness. Otherwise, she looks completely disengaged in this conversation.
“Of course, you do.” I attempt nonchalance. “You belong as much as the rest of us,” I add. “At least stay until your hearing.”
“Don’t push it,” she says.
“Right.” I put my hands on my waist.
“You don’t have to stay out there … as long as you were serious about that knife.” Her eyebrow lifts, daring me to back down.
“You’re safe with me, Lili.”
I swear her eyes soften. I blink and then think I imagined the whole thing.
I show her where everything is kept. I feel like a game show host, except the prizes she could win are pitiful. I put every cent into food and the community center, and it shows in my crappy little apartment. Everything in here is battered.
Lili’s clothes scream money. I’m glad I’ve never gone inside Maison D’amour to see the grandeur she’s accustomed to—knowing her profession is already doing a number with my testes.
When I bend down and come back up with a large knife, she gulps. I set it on the counter.
“Yours now. Do with it as you wish.” I smile. She doesn’t. “I have to go get ready for the dinner rush. You’re welcome to come down and grab food or help … or whatever…” I trail off.
She seems to be done talking for the day.
“If I don’t see you down there, I’ll bring a plate back for you. Make yourself at home. Sorry there’s nothing more exciting here.” I laugh, but it sounds lame, so I quickly shut up.
I put my hands on the ceiling and her eyes drop down, making me aware of my stomach hanging in the breeze. My arms drop, along with the bottom of my shirt, and her eyes come back to mine.
I tell her the quickest way to get to the kitchen downstairs and get out of there before I can further embarrass myself.
I keep the details to a bare minimum with both JT and Miss Jez: I need to help a friend. Since JT has seen her, he has more to say about it.
“She is the hottest thing I have ever seen,” he says, popping me on the back.
I pop him back. “She’s not a thing.”
“You know what I’m sayin’ though, right? I mean, I’m just sayin’. Right?”
Every single tooth shows with his obnoxious smile and I pop him again, this time on the head.
“Keep the guys in line while she’s here. You included. Understand?”
His eyebrows crease and his lips poke out. “You know I will,” his voice getting higher at the end. He shakes his head at me. “Never thought I’d see the day you got defensive about a girl. Shoot. Ain’t nobody gonna mind if you have a girlfriend, Soti,” he says.
“She’s not my girlfriend. We need to keep her a non-topic around the neighborhood, okay?”
“Kinda hard to keep a piece like that quiet.” He grins and jumps out of the way so I can’t smack him.
“You call her a thing or piece again and I’ll nail your ass to the wall, sure as you’re breathing. I’m as serious as I’ve ever been, JT. I need your help protecting her. I don’t know what all she’s mixed up in. Got it?”
He grabs the back of my neck, completely serious. “Hey, I got you. No worries, preacher man. Okay? I got you.”
I growl at him every time he calls me that and he smirks, making a quick getaway before I can clobber him.
“She never came down.” Miss Jez points to the plate on the counter. “Take it to her while it’s still hot.”
“Thanks. Anything left for me?” I lift both eyebrows and bare my teeth.
“Son, you crazy.” She makes a clucking noise with her tongue. “You think I didn’t see you eatin’ earlier? Always tryin’ to sneak somethin’ past Miss Jezebel.” She shakes her head. “There’s another plate for you in the fridge. Had a feelin’ you’d be pullin’ somethin’ like that.”
She pulls her apron off faster than I can blink and swats me in the backside with it. I leap around the kitchen, hands flying.
She laughs so hard she wheezes. And keeps zinging me with the apron.
“Miss Jez! You’re breakin’ my heart!” I yell.
When she gets close enough, I grab her arm and pull her in, forcing a hug. About as tall as she is wide, her head barely reaches my waist. She grumbles, but she’s wiping her eyes and patting me.
A pan clatters to the floor and our laughter comes to an abrupt stop. Lili bends down and picks the pan up.
“Sorry to interrupt.” Her cheeks flush.
She looks at Miss Jez with a sweet smile, one I haven’t seen from her yet. As soon as she looks at me, the smile drops.
Miss Jez straightens to her full height and walks over to Lili. “Hello there. I see Soti conveniently left out how pretty you was. Ti-ninecy, though! We can fix that up in no time, don’t you worry!”
Lili looks at me. “She means you’re tiny,” I interpret. Miss Jez has her own vocabulary. Lili still looks confused, probably because she towers over Miss Jez almost as much as I do. “Skinny,” I clarify.
“I am jealous of those legs on you.” Miss Jez smiles. “But we’ll haveta get some meat on those bones.” She gives me her sternest look and then it is all back to sweetness with Lili. “As you can see, we need another woman ’round here to keep this boy in line.” Her shoulders bounce. “Trouble through and through.”
“Damn, Miss Jez, you’re giving away all my secrets on the first night,” I say.
She gives me another baleful glance and turns back, smiling at Lili.
“Trouble,” she whispers.
And then it is so soft, I think I’ve imagined it: Lili giggles. It’s over before it fully begins, but that happy, little sound makes me feel ten feet tall. I’ll gladly be the scapegoat for the two of them if it makes her laugh.
Miss Jez beams and pats Lili’s arm. “We gonna get along jes’ fine.”
The dream starts the same way every time. This time I try to pull myself out of the dream, but the images keep coming and I drift further into it.
I’m itching for a hit and my insides are crawling. Instead of using what I had left, I just sold it. I’ve been too preoccupied with where I’m going to sleep and where I’ll find my next fix, but tonight when I see a beautiful girl leaning against the wall looking available, I set my shyness aside and walk over to her. For someone who’s been on the streets a while, I’m a couple years late on losing my virginity. Seeing her makes it all too clear that it’s time.
She seems almost as shy as I am. I don’t know if it’s real or an act, but I like it.
“You’re beautiful,” I tell her.
She tucks her head but her eyes stay on me. She looks my age, but I can’t be sure.
“How old are you? Are you eighteen?” I ask.
Her eyes flit to the side and she nods. I’m not sure I should believe her.
“Would you like to go somewhere?” she asks quietly.
“I’d follow you anywhere,” I say.
Her eyes widen and she leans up to whisper her rates in my ear. It tickles and I’m nodding before she finishes. I take her hand and she leads us to a small room over what looks like an old carriage house in the Quarter. I lay the money on the dresser and she undresses. I might be imagining it, but it looks like her hand is shaking. I can’t take my eyes off of her perfect body—she takes my breath away. It all happens quickly after that.
I wanted it to be good for her. I wanted to have another chance so I could take care of her better, but right before I pull out of her, I see the tears falling down her cheeks.
“Did I hurt you?” I ask, panicking. I move off of her and touch her face.
She shakes her head and gets up, hurriedly putting on her clothes. It sounds like she says she’s sorry.
“What? No, I’m the one who’s sorry. I’m so sorry if I hurt you. I’m new to this,” I ramble. “Stop, talk to me, please.”
It’s like she doesn??
?t hear a word I say. She grabs the money and rushes out the door.
I wake up and feel the same disgust with myself as I did back then.
Chapter Five
LILITH
Nothing highlights unworthiness more than kindness.
Nothing could surprise me more than when I walk out and see that Soti is the one who posted my bail. Call it a weak moment for me to go with him, but I’m not overthinking it. I shouldn’t have anything to do with him, given everything I’ve been through and the fact that he could probably break my bones with one twist of his little finger, but I’m not afraid. There’s something about him that feels trustworthy.
Endless hours of interrogation with two cops who couldn’t decide which role they wanted to take—good cop or bad cop—and I’d probably have left with anyone. I thought they were bringing me in about Bentley, but not a single word was said about him or Nico. They wanted to know two things: where my mother is, and how long we’ve been running a prostitution ring out of Maison D’amour. They eventually let up, but that doesn’t mean I want to stick around and wait for them to find something to pin on me.
The past forty-eight hours have wrung me out and a kind face is looking pretty good right now.
After a long shower, I tiptoe to Soti’s room. One of his T-shirts is folded on top of the covers and I put it on. Besides a few weekends at Nico’s house years ago and my nights in jail, I’ve never slept anywhere but Maison D’amour.
I put my new knife under his pillow and let the exhaustion carry me away. I wake up feeling disoriented and misplaced, but more rested than I have in a long time.
The room is sparse: bed, nightstand, lamp, and a chest of drawers. No pictures, no mirror, no curtains. A pile of books, a notebook, and a Power Rangers clock sits on his nightstand. I pick up the clock and frown.
Soti confuses me. But seeing him with Miss Jez last night when they didn’t know I was watching, and the way his eyes soften every time he looks at me … I don’t know what to make of him. There’s something familiar and comforting about him, but I know better than to get too comfortable with him. I don’t like feeling I owe anyone, certainly not a man.
The sooner I get out of here, the better. I crack open the bedroom door. The only sounds I hear are from the street. I make it to the bathroom and use the toothbrush he gave me last night. A set of clean clothes and underwear sit folded on the bathroom counter. I pick up the bra. It isn’t my size, but it’ll be better than the smoky one I’ve worn for days. I take a quick shower and dress in the things he left for me.
I feel like a burglar, sneaking down the hall to the kitchen. No Soti. Good. A folded blanket and pillow rest on the couch, the only sign that he’s been here. I grab a bowl of cereal and sit down at the computer. I need to find everyone.
I google ‘Maison D’amour’ and at least six articles pop up about the fire. The girls arrested are mentioned and I have a momentary pang of guilt that I hadn’t found a way to get them out yet. They don’t give her name, but Tricia must be the one they mention being in the hospital.
A large chunk of Maison D’amour is missing; I’m amazed they were able to save any of it. A lump forms in my throat as I scroll through each article, stopping to look at old pictures of Angel and Lexy. I can’t believe they’re gone. It doesn’t seem possible. There are a few pictures of me in handcuffs—I’d been oblivious to the cameras. Numb, I guess.
Nothing is said about Nico. I can’t get the picture out of my head of him standing over Bentley, dripping with blood. He must have had help getting out of there. Even though I’ve tried to avoid all news related to Nico and his family over the years, I do know this much: if anyone can get away with murdering the district attorney, it is the Santelli family. They get away with everything. I just never imagined it would be Nico doing those things. The man I knew acted hesitant to follow his uncle’s footsteps—maybe it was all a front. He had a gentle side that seems long gone now. It’s possible I never really knew him.
I expected him to find a covert way of getting me out of jail. Even last night, I thought he might show up at the community center to take me somewhere safe. I hope to God he doesn’t know where I am. I’d hate to bring any harm to this place, to Soti. Maybe Nico has enough to worry about, covering his tracks about Bentley.
I look up Bentley, but there’s no mention of him even missing yet.
I check my email and my hands start trembling when I see an email from Jonell. Jessica and Talon were released this morning, and Jonell is with Darla and Priscilla. They’re alive, thank God. No mention is made of my mother; I still don’t even know if she was at the house that night. Jonell gives me her new cell number and tells me to call when I get the message.
A faint knock taps on the door and then keys jangle in the lock.
“Oh good, you found the cereal,” Soti says when he walks in. He can’t stop smiling. It makes the scar on his forehead smooth and lighten. “I’m so happy you’re still here.”
I flush, embarrassed to be caught eating his food.
“I have more breakfast here, if you’re still hungry.” He holds up a Café Du Monde bag and coffee.
“You didn’t have to do that.”
“It was nothing.” He looks at the computer screen. “Have you found out anything?”
I tell him the little I know.
“There’s something I should have told you last night. I don’t know why I didn’t tell you as soon as I saw you,” he says, shaking his head.
Here it comes. The catch. What he expects of me. I have to admit, I’m curious.
“I went by your house late last night. It’s bad, Lili. I’m sure you can tell by the pictures online. It’s all blocked off, though, so I couldn’t see everything. Maybe some of your things could be salvaged? I’m so sorry.”
I look at the screen. “Everything I owned was on this side.” I point at the left side of the house, which is now a gaping hole.
His hand grips my shoulder. I stiffen and he moves away. I take a deep breath and try to still my shakes. I have to find my mother. She’ll be devastated. I’m sure I’ll run into the girls once I get back to work. They’re all fully capable of taking care of themselves. We’ll find someplace temporary until the house is fixed and get back to business. It’s Alexis that worries me. The house means everything to her.
“I’m gonna head out soon,” I say.
“Oh.” He frowns. “Why?”
I shrug but don’t say anything.
“Okay, well, I want to give you this before you go then.” He pulls a cell phone out of his pocket. “Keep it. I have another one. It’s all covered. I put my number in there, if you ever need to reach me.” He smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes this time.
I don’t want to take anything else from him, but I will take the phone.
“I’ll return it soon—when I’m back on my feet,” I tell him.
He looks away. “Why the rush to leave—where will you stay tonight? I’ll give you money, but it’s free to stay here.”
“I don’t need any money,” I tell him. “I can make enough in the next few hours to cover me for the week.”
He flinches and turns toward me. The expression on his face makes my gut cinch. His eyes are like copper in the sun. So bright I have to look away.
I swallow and my voice shakes when I speak. “Thank you for everything. I won’t forget this.”
I put the phone in my pocket and decide to go while we’re on the topic.
“Wait, take this, please.” He reaches in his pocket and gives me a crumpled up wad of cash. “It’s not as much as I’d like to give you, but it’s all I have right now.”
“Can I do anything for you?” I ask, stepping toward him.
“No. Not everyone sees you as a business transaction, Lili,” he says softly.
My face is heated as I take the money and shove it in my pocket. I turn around and rush to the door. Before I leave, I chance another look at his face, but when we make eye contact I’m eve
n more unsettled.
I lift a hand, whisper my goodbye, and stumble out of there. My eyes burn as I walk down the stairs, and even though the community center is bustling at this time of day, I don’t notice anyone else. By the time I step outside, tears are streaming down my face. I don’t even know why. His kindness … it confuses me.
As soon as I get my bearings, I walk to a cafe. The courtyard looks inviting, so I sit at the table closest to the sidewalk while I call Jonell. She doesn’t answer, so I leave a message with my new number. She calls back within two minutes, and I pick up on the first ring.
“Hey, you okay?” I ask.
“Hey, where are you?”
“I’m at Rare Form. Where are you?”
“I’m okay. Worried about Alexis. She didn’t show up last night. Have you heard from her?”
“No, you’re the only one I’ve heard from. Does she have her phone?”
“She left it…”
Someone across the street yells and I’m distracted for a moment. I clear my throat. “Sorry, when you see her, can you give her my number? I think it’s probably good that we stay spread out for a while, now that the cops are watching.”
“You didn’t hear? Of course you didn’t, if you haven’t talked to your mère. The charges have been dropped.”
“You’re kidding. What did she do?” I exhale and it sounds loud in the cell phone.
“Sold her soul to le diable one too many times, I guess.” Jonell laughs. “She’s a mess. I didn’t ask any questions.”
“I guess I shouldn’t either,” I groan. I’ve got a bad feeling about all this. Nothing is adding up. “Hey, do you know how Tricia’s doing?”
“I heard she’s getting out tomorrow.”
“Oh good, so she’s okay.”
“I think so. Be careful out there,” she adds.
“Always,” I say before hanging up.
I guess I really am on my own. My stomach growls and I wish I’d eaten the beignets Soti bought for me so I wouldn’t want to eat everything on the menu now. Soti. It will take a while to forget him.