“Get up,” he whipped the covers off me. “No son of mine acts this way. This place stinks and you stink! GET UP!” I refused to oblige. “I swear to god, Ryder. You get up or I'll drag you out of that bed and throw you in the shower myself!”
I finally sat up. “Why?”
He stood up straight and pushed his chest out. His eyes gave a glint of concern. “Jo called me and said she was concerned.” The word Jo caught my attention. “She said she had been trying to get her stuff but she couldn't get into the flat.”
“I bolted the door” I explained. I narrowed my eyes and rubbed my brow. “Wait! How did you get in?”
“I Got the caretaker to unlock the door and then well,” he raised an eyebrow. “I need to get you a new door.” He sat down on the edge of the bed and looked down at his hands. “What's going on, Ryder? Why haven't you gone to work?”
“I don't want to,” I snapped.
“For crying out loud,” he yelled, I knew he wouldn't be able to play the concerned father for long. “Snap out it!”
“What do you know about it?” I yelled back him. “I am sick to death with you shouting out your orders. Haven't you ever lost someone that meant the world to you?”
He slowly closed his eyes and bowed his head down. Now I felt really bad. I wished I could take my words back, as I knew he had lost someone, someone he loved more than anything. His rock, his soul mate, the love of his life....my mother.
“Dad,” I sighed. “I am sorry, I wasn't thinking...”
“No!” He opened his eyes and restored himself. “When your Mum, did what she did...” his voice trailed off and his eyes focused on something in front of him.
“She killed herself, Dad,” I looked down at my hands. “You can say it out loud. I'm not a kid anymore.”
“Well,” he shrugged. “I wanted to pick that gun up and shoot myself in the head too. You know what stopped me?” His eyes slowly turned to me. “You, I heard you crying from your crib and I knew I could never be selfish like her. You and Lara needed me.” He took in a deep breath. “I guess that's why I order you around. I want you to have everything and I cannot bear to see you like this, Ryder.”
“What am I meant to do?” My voice ripped with sadness.
His hand rested on my shoulder. “The same thing we all have to do one moment or another in our lives-- Move on!” His grip tightened. “It's her lost, son... She doesn't deserve you and you shouldn't waste anymore time on her.”
I slowly nodded, he was right. I had done enough grieving for something that never was. My dad was my inspiration, after everything he had been through, he wasn't hiding away. Now, I felt stupid and pathetic, to be truthful I did stink.
For the first time in what felt like a lifetime I smiled. “So,” I laughed. “You owe me a new door, huh?”
***
I got back into my normal routine, work, gym and sleep. The pain was easing slightly and work seemed to help with clearing my mind. Sometimes, on the walk home from the gym, I did think about going to the bar and seeing her. Not to cause trouble but just to make sure she was okay. Make sure he hadn't caused her any harm or pain.
Some reason, I never allowed myself to get any further than the door. I didn't know what would happen once I was near her.
My dad was driving me crazy, calling and checking in with me every day. I knew he was making sure I was okay, but it was starting to get suffocated.
Another day had finished and I made my way up to my flat. Shower, something to eat and bed. Tomorrow was going to be Saturday, an early night was needed and I knew I would be spending the whole day in the gym.
I put the key in the lock and opened my shiny new white door. I was hit by something cooking in the kitchen. I dumped my bag down and ran into the kitchen.
I didn't know what to do...
Chapter Ten
The story's over now... The end
Should I run and leave or go over and hug her hard. This was almost dreamlike. Jo was floating round the kitchen cooking and hadn't even noticed me standing in the doorway.
In slow motion she turned round to face me, her eyes widened and within a flash she ran over, wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled my face down. Her lips pressed against mine and I was stunned. Slowly, I began to kiss back. At first, gently and sweetly. Something took over, the hunger and the need for her flooded through my veins. My fingers knotted up in her hair and I couldn't bare her lips to leave mine.
“I'm sorry,” she groaned. “I am really sorry.”
“Shh” I breathed kissing her again. I scooped her up in my arms and carried into the living room. I laid her down on the sofa and looked down at her.
Her big green eyes staring up at me and her arms still wrapped round my neck. “I'm sorry,” she cried. “I have been stupid and blind.”
“Please,” I kissed her cheek. “I am the one who should be sorry.”
“You were honest with me and I lied to your face, Ryder.” One of her hands moved to the side of my face and fell into her touch. Was all this happening? Was I actually awake? I closed my eyes and when I opened them she was still there.
Her eyes welled up with tears and she swallowed hard. “I love you. I love you so much it scares me and I didn't know how to deal with it. This last week my life has been hell without you. I need you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
I rested my forehead with hers. Her words were like music to my ears. I had waited forever for her to finally admit she felt exactly the same as me.
***
I must of fallen asleep, when I woke up Jo was nowhere around me. I jumped up in a panic and my eyes fell on her standing on the balcony that led from our living room. She was wearing my white shirt, the one she had brought me. The LA sunset was shimmering on her bare olive skin legs, a light breeze moved through her hair. I could and stand and watch her forever, at least now she was giving me the chance.
I walked over to her, wrapped my arms around her waist and rested my head on her shoulder. She turned and gave me a little kiss on my cheeks. She rested her head back and closed her eyes. This felt right. We should have been doing this years ago. How could we both of been so blind?
“It's funny,” she exhaled. “How everything can change like that,” she clicked her fingers. “I guess I always secretly knew, but I choose to ignore it out of fear.”
“Fear?”
“Yep, there's always been this part of me that was scared of losing you. Last week was hell, not being able to talk to you, see you” her voice trailed off. “And touch you.” My grip on her tightened. “It was then everything finally fell into place.”
“What did he do?”
She gave a little laugh. “He forgot I was there in the background and made a phone call to that woman you saw him with.”
“What's funny about that?”
“I didn't care,” she turned round to face me. “I thought I should of let Ryder beat you up in that club.” She draped her arms around my neck. “I am truly sorry. Your dad told me everything and I feel bad—it was my fault.”
“Shh” I whispered, kissing her forehead. “You needed time and just over reacted. Let's never mention this again,” she gave a little nod. “We are together now and nothing else matters.”
She hugged me hard and pulled away with a slight grin on her face. “I guess we should think about getting a lodger now?”
“How come?” I raised an eyebrow and was very intrigued.
“We will have a spare room now,” she smiled, she pulled my head down and our lips collided it a beautiful passionate kiss. I always say this, but it was the best kiss of my life.
Chapter Eleven
I'm not blind anymore... I'm wide awake
Everything does happen for a reason. That much I know now... If my Mum hadn't killed herself we wouldn't have moved to LA. If I hadn't fallen on my first day of school, I wouldn't have met Jo. If Tess hadn't made me realize my feelings for Jo, I would be still in the dark.
> You can never predict what life hands out to you. You'll never be able to change your parents or your family (Lara!). When you need help, you should let them in. You'll never match up with someone else (my dad) they can inspire you and give you guidance.
Never do what people suggest you should, after all they don't know how you feel exactly. That's why now I only listen to my heart. You should never ignore it... Always follow.
I did and now I have my Jo and for the first time in my whole entire life..... I'm wide awake.
More books by Kam Carr
Bring me to life (Golden collection #1)
Sweet Immortal (Golden collection #2)
The Mercy of Devotion.
Bad Student
Closer- the full curse
The golden collection
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