“Oh,” said Lily, gripping her purse. He really had left her without a word.
* * *
Shane woke up with a start. He’d blacked out when he’d started to touch her the night before. Lily lay beside him on the bed. Shit. What had he done? They were naked. Why had he let himself bring her to his apartment? He’d almost lost it when he’d seen her in the woods.
Making love to her hadn’t been the plan. He really had missed her. Sharing his last meal with her before he shipped out had been a sentimental idea that turned into a huge mistake.
He crawled from the bed, knowing that he could never be with her. His bear had taken over his mind and body. Shane only remembered bits and pieces of the night before. He’d been able to stop his bear from claiming her. That was the one thing he’d been able to do.
Hot shame filled his soul, and he was disgusted. He threw his clothing on. This was exactly the reason he needed to stay away from her. He could hurt her if he couldn’t control his bear. He hurried out of the apartment, taking nothing with him but his jacket and keys. The bus was shipping out in a few hours for the military base.
He drove his motorcycle to the bus station, ready for whatever fate lay before him. Shane had already resolved that this would be the end of him. His bear would never be contained during the horrors of war. But the government wanted shifter enlistments. And the public wanted his head.
If he had to go to war and die for being a shifter, then so be it. It was better for everyone. He loved Lily too hard and too much to hurt her like he had. She’d spent her childhood hiding from sick old men, and he’d just turned into the worst one of all.
He had always hoped she’d find some good human man to take care of her the way he couldn’t. As hard as that idea was for him to accept, he knew it was for the best. That didn’t mean his heart didn’t ache for her every day of his life.
Shane could never have his love, his fated mate. He was too damaged and dangerous to give her what she deserved. All his success and fame had just been a compensation for what he really wanted. Lily.
Then he’d lost it all. There was nothing left. The black hole in his heart where Lily’s sweet love belonged, gaped inside him. He was ready for whatever fate lay before him. He was ready for the nightmare to be over.
10
She loved her lazy days at home with Theo, even if they did live in a one-bedroom apartment in a complex by the highway. It was their home. Wherever they were together, they could create a warm little nest.
Her boy rose from his bed and came into the living room to join his mother on the futon.
“Good morning, baby,” Lily said, ruffling his shaggy hair.
Theo scooted onto the futon beside his mother and wrapped his arms around her waist. She kissed his head smelled his sweet scent. She loved this child so much, she would do anything for him. It reminded her of how she felt about his father.
“Who was that man at the park yesterday, Mommy?” Theo asked.
Lily didn’t know what to say. She and Shane had not agreed on how they would address the subject with Theo. She knew she wasn’t ready to tell him yet.
“Shane is an old friend of mine,” Lily said, hoping the half-truth would be enough.
“Shane smells funny,” Theo said.
“What do you mean?” Lily asked.
Theo had met other shifters before. He had never said they smelled “funny.” He usually just said they smelled like shifters.
“He smells like me,” Theo said.
“He’s a shifter. You know what shifters smell like,” she said, trying to deflect.
“It isn’t because he’s a shifter,” Theo said. “Is that man my daddy?”
Lily’s heart clenched up in her chest, and she couldn’t breathe for a moment. Trying to figure out what to do, she took several deep breaths to center herself. Was she going to lie to her son? How could she do that when the truth was right in front of him?
“Theo, I didn’t want to tell you this yet. But you already know.”
“He is my daddy?” Theo said.
“He is.”
“Where has he been?”
“Shane was at war, like so many other shifters.”
“But the TV says shifters came home a long time ago,” Theo said, not understanding what was going on.
“Shane’s been living in the woods.”
“Didn’t he want to be my daddy?”
Lily didn’t know what to say now. She could tell Theo was getting more and more upset with each word she spoke. The child was so much like his father in many ways. He was a sweet boy up until the line got crossed. Theo could be just as wild as his father.
“He didn’t know about you until a few days ago,” Lily said, unable to lie to her child anymore.
“Why didn’t you tell my daddy about me?” Theo demanded.
“It was complicated, Theo. It’s grown-up stuff, baby. What matters is that he’s here now.”
“You didn’t want him to be my daddy,” Theo said. The little bear jumped up from the couch and glared at his mother.
“Shane and I have known each other a long time. He runs away when things get tough. He runs to the woods or off to war and doesn’t say a goodbye. I didn’t know where he was, Theo. He left me.”
Theo growled and stomped away, slamming the bedroom door behind him. Lily stared after him in disbelief. He rarely had these little temper tantrums, but when he did, watch out.
Instead of confronting him, she let him spend some time alone in his room to cool down. There was nothing else she could do or say right now. The child would have to calm himself down before she could explain anything else to him.
As the morning trailed into the afternoon, Lily started to worry that Theo had been sulking for too long. She went to his door and rapped her knuckles on the wood.
“Theo, sweetheart, you want some lunch?” she asked.
There was no response from the other side of the door. That was strange. She gripped the doorknob and tried to turn it. It was locked.
“Theo, open the door for Mommy,” she said, growing worried.
There was no response. She sighed and went to the kitchen to find something to pick the lock with. After grabbing a butter knife, she went back to his door and tried to pick the flimsy thing.
When she got the door open, she stood there in shock, staring at an empty room. The window was open, the screen popped out and the cold wind blowing into the room.
Her heart stopped and her vision narrowed, blackness encroaching the edges. Her boy was gone. She dropped the butter knife on the floor and ran to the window. There was a drain pipe right outside the window. An acrobatic, strong bear-child like her son could easily shimmy down a pipe like that. Where was he? Panic surged through her blood.
“Theo!” she screamed into the wind.
She ran outside and down the stairs. On the sidewalk along the highway, she searched the street. Where had he gone? An elderly couple walked down the sidewalk, arm in arm. She ran up to them frantically.
“Have you seen a little boy?” she asked.
“No, dear,” they said, looking at her like she was half crazed.
She was half crazed? Theo was her life. If anything happened to him, she’d never forgive herself. Lily grabbed her phone from her pocket and dialed 911.
“What’s your emergency?” the operator asked as the elderly coupled walked toward the minimarket down the street.
“My five-year-old son climbed out the second story window of our apartment and he’s gone.”
“A five-year-old climbed out a second story window?”
“He’s a shifter,” she muttered between clenched teeth, ready for the operator to say something nasty to her.
“Five-year-old male shifter child missing. I have your location. An officer will be there shortly.”
Lily waited on the sidewalk, the cool air biting her skin as she stood there without her coat on. The officer arrived a few minutes later and asked her a bunch of
questions. She tried to answer them without her voice shaking.
She could tell the officer was a shifter and that comforted her. A human officer might not try to find her shifter child. That was one of the good things about living in Fate Mountain. There were so many shifters in this town, Theo wouldn’t be alone.
“You said he was wearing red striped pajamas the last time you saw him,” the officer said, standing beside his patrol car.
“Yes,” Lily said, her voice shaking.
“An officer found a pair of striped red pajamas at the edge of the forest near the park. That area is pretty rugged. We’ll have to call in Search and Rescue.”
“Search and Rescue? He’s lost in the wilderness?”
“We’ll find your son, ma’am. Try not to worry. Why don’t you go back inside and get warm?”
“I can’t…”
“Who is the child’s father, if you don’t mind me asking. I can tell you’re a human. Maybe his father would have an idea of where he went.”
“His father. That’s why he left…” Lily muttered, turning away from the cop.
He gave her a confused look and said something into his radio. She wasn’t listening anymore. Her entire world was collapsing around her ears. Theo was a child. He wasn’t prepared to survive alone in the woods. His mother was a human. It wasn’t like she could teach him how to use his bear.
She climbed the stairs in total shock, feeling like a zombie. When she got inside, she couldn’t relax. The window to Theo’s bedroom was still wide open and the apartment was freezing.
Finally, she grabbed her phone from her pocket and dialed Shane’s number. He was on the search and rescue crew. He might already know that a shifter child was missing. She needed to tell him it was Theo before he figured it out himself.
The phone rang and rang until she was about to hang up. Just as she pulled the phone away from her ear, Shane’s voice greeted her.
“Lily? What is it?”
“Theo is missing,” she said.
“What? How is he missing?”
“He knew you were his father. I had to tell him the truth. Then he got angry. I thought he was just blowing off steam in his room. But when I went to check on him, he was gone.”
“You let him run away?”
“I let him run away? Are you kidding me?”
“I didn’t mean it like that. Have you called anyone?”
“The police found his pajamas near the edge of the forest. They’re calling in search and rescue.”
“I’ll go help find him,” Shane said.
“I’m coming over to the lodge now. We can go together.”
“Lily, no.”
“I’m coming, Shane.”
She hung up the phone and ran outside to her car. The cop was still parked in the parking lot.
“My son’s father is on the search and rescue crew,” Lily told the cop.
“Really? I didn’t know any of those guys had kids. Which one?”
“Shane Keenan,” Lily breathed.
The cop’s eyes grew wide and he frowned as if he knew about Shane’s reputation.
“Oh…” the cop said.
Lily flung her car door open and jumped inside. She tore out of the parking lot, headed to the lodge. When she arrived, she parked her crappy old piece of shit Subaru among the BMWs and Range Rovers. She slammed her car door closed and stormed up the front path of the lodge.
When she made it into the lobby, she found Shane standing in a corner with a man who was obviously also a shifter. She hurried up to the men, not caring what they were discussing.
“Sorry, Shane, you have to stay here. The banquet is tonight. The rest of the crew will find the child.”
“He’s my child, Levi,” Shane said through clenched teeth.
“You can’t leave the kitchen right now. We will find him.”
Shane growled and turned away, not even seeing Lily standing right there. Lily turned to Levi, her heart aching so bad she felt like she was having a stroke.
“Are you Levi Blackthorn, the leader of the search and rescue crew?” Lily asked.
Shane turned back and came to stand beside her.
“This is Lily Mason. My son’s mother,” Shane growled.
“We’ll find you son, ma’am. Please, stay at the lodge. Shane, give her whatever she needs. Now, I need to go set up Alpha Station.”
Levi took off out the front door and Lily stood there, stunned into motionlessness. Shane put his hand on her shoulder and turned her toward him.
“What happened, Lily?”
“He’s his father’s son. That’s what happened,” Lily said, nearly shouting.
“Come on. I’ll get you something warm to drink. You smell cold.”
“I don’t need anything except my son!” She was so frantic, she had no idea what she was even saying. She barely registered where she was.
Shane took her hand and led her through the lobby and down the hall to the side entrance to the kitchen. He showed her to a small break room where she could sit comfortably at a small table. She slid into one of the chairs and stared at the employee lockers until Shane came back with a cup of hot chocolate.
She gazed down at the brown liquid, smelling the sweet steam as it rose to her nostrils. Letting out a breath, she lifted the cup to her lips. She took a sip and sighed.
“I remembered it’s your favorite,” he said in a low growl.
“Shane. They have to find him,” she said.
“They will. Fuck. I need to be on that mission. Damn Levi.”
“Why won’t he let you leave?”
“I’ve been fucking up with him. I took off for two days without giving him word. He’s being a hard ass right now.”
“Oh. So you pulled a Shane,” she said.
“Yeah. I’m an asshole. That’s the kind of bear I am,” he said, turning away.
She could tell he was nearly as worried as she was. She didn’t want to hurt him. With her son missing, she wanted to take it out on Shane. She regretted it the moment his face turned cold.
“Shane, you aren’t an asshole,” she said, hopping up from her chair.
He turned to her, his eyes softening. He put his hand to her cheek, the warmth radiating through her skin. She let out a soft moan, wanting him to take her in his arms and comfort her. She wanted him to take away all the pain and sorrow and make it right.
“I have to work this damned banquet, Lily. Take the keys to my cabin, and you can rest there,” he said, pulling the keys out of his pocket. He dropped them into her outstretched hand. “It’s down the path out the back. Cabin number four.”
“Can I just wait here for a while?” she said.
She didn’t want to be alone. Even if Shane had to work, being close to him was better than being alone.
“Sure. I’m off in a few hours. Then Levi will have to let me go on the search.”
He leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek before drawing back. The feeling of his lips on her skin sent a shock of desire through her. Shane turned back to the kitchen, leaving her standing in the break room.
She couldn’t just sit here. She had to find her child. But how? What could she do? She was just a human and the best search and rescue bears in the state were out there looking for Theo. A dish washer came into the room and gave Lily a confused look.
She couldn’t just sit here all day with employees coming and going. Lily stood and walked into the kitchen. Shane was there, directing his crew like a general. It was a thing of beauty to watch him work.
Her heart clenched with pride. That man was hers. He belonged to her. She squeezed her eyes closed, feeling so overcome by emotion. He turned and caught her eye before hurrying across the kitchen to take her hand in his.
“What is it?” he asked.
“I can’t stay in there,” she muttered.
“Go to the cabin. I’ll be there after my shift then I’ll take you to Alpha Station,” he said decisively.
“All right,” she sai
d, turning to leave out the back door.
She trudged down the path past the exquisite view of the lake. She couldn’t even see how beautiful it was on this side of the lodge through her worry.
Cabin four sat near the shore under a grove of ponderosa pine. She climbed the front steps and twisted the key in the lock. Inside, she found a simple but comfortable two-bedroom cabin. There was a big fireplace in the living room and a decent sized kitchen. It was warm inside. Warmer than she ever left her own place, and it thawed out her chilled bones.
Lily set her purse on the coffee table and curled up on the couch, feeling exhausted.
11
Shane walked into his house to find Lily sleeping, curled up on the couch. The sight of her sent his bear into a roaring frenzy. The grizzly inside growled and clawed for his mate. It was a feeling Shane was all too familiar with. He’d been holding his grizzly back from claiming the beautiful little human for so long.
He closed the door, trying to be quiet, but Lily shot up to sitting with a sharp gasp of breath.
“I didn’t mean to wake you,” he said in a low voice.
“I’ve been sleeping? Shit. Where is Theo? Did they find him?”
“Levi says they’re closing in on his location,” Shane said.
“They still haven’t found him?” Lily said, so distraught it made Shane’s chest hurt.
“He’s a bear. He’ll be fine,” Shane said, but he was still worried.
The child had been raised by a human. He wouldn’t have the survival skills of a native bear or of a shifter who’d been raised by shifters. It filled Shane with regret, thinking of all the things he’d missed teaching his son.
“Are you going to the Alpha Station?” Lily asked, standing from the couch.
“Levi told me to stay here. He won’t allow me on the mission,” Shane said through clenched teeth.
“Why?” Lily yelped.
“He’s still angry about me missing work. He says I’m too close to this to be of any real use on the rescue.”
“I can’t just sit here,” Lily said, storming past him toward the door. “I’ll go up there myself.”