***
“Jen” a voice says. I feel someone running their fingers through my hair. My eyes slowly open and Ayden is staring down at me. The car has stopped moving and I don't recognise where we are. I blink up at him and a massive smile grows across his face.
“Where are we?” I yawn, stretching my arms up.
“I thought we would stay here tonight” he holds up a key and my eyes look straight a head at the hotel. “Come on, sleepy head” he sings, as he ruffles up my already messy hair.
I smooth out my hair and climb out of the car. We make our way towards the hotel's entrance. Ayden has my bag thrown over his shoulder as if it weighs nothing. With his free hand, he grabs mine and leads me across the grand foray. The floor is a white marble and all the fixtures are gold.
I and my family always used to stay in places like this on our holidays. My father would insist on it, he didn't think it was a holiday unless you were in luxury. I can't help but notice a few women looking at Ayden as we walk past. He is oblivious to it, my jealous demon is raring its ugly head. I don't want them looking at him. He's mine. No one would ever love him as much as I do.
We halt at the lifts and he turns to face me. I can feel my cheeks turning bright red just under his gaze. I let out a deep breath, what is wrong with me? A few hours back I was scared of him and now I am having strange thoughts about being in love with him. I am going to put it all down to trauma, it has to be. The lift opens and we both step inside, I remove my hand from his and stand on the opposite side.
“Something you want to tell me?” His voice is crisp and smooth. The doors close and the space feels suffocating and I begin to feel anxious. I shake my head, stare straight a head and avoid looking at him anymore. He tuts and lets out a deep sigh. “This is going to be one boring trip if you aren't even speaking to me.”
The lift pinged and came to a stop. He turned to look at me raised an eyebrow. “Your have to speak to me at some point.” He stepped out and spun round to face me. “We're sharing a room!” He gives a dazzling smile and walks off.
My jaw almost hit the ground and I rushed after him. Sharing a room? What in the hell... “Ayden!” I call after him. He just casually carries on walking while I run behind. He stops outside a door and I almost run straight into him. “We can't share a room!”
“Yes. We. Can!” He says forcefully, each word harsh and his eyes narrowing at me. “I told your mother you wouldn't leave my sight.”
I watch as he opens the door and steps into the room. To my delight there are two separate single beds. Relief is an understatement. He drops the bag on the floor, walks over to the bed and flops down on to it. His dark eyes stare over at me still stood in the doorway. He leans up on his elbows and gives that side smile.
“You can come in,” he laughs. He shakes his head and rolls his eyes. “What is your problem with me?”
“I... umm... Don't have a problem with you” I lie, closing the door and slowly walking over to the other bed.
I can't bear to look at him. He does weird things to me. He makes me feel things I can't explain. In spite of everything, even though it freaked me out, I am happy to be sharing a room with him. I am crazy, because of everything I have learnt about him seems to of made the attraction more appealing. Now, I am just a stupid high school kid with a crush. As before, we were the same. He was like me. Now he is out of my league.
“Jen,” he says my name softly and his voice still gives me goose bumps. “I know everything has come as shock. You really do know me. I am still the same guy who you did homework with.”
“Yes, but now your a older man with a job and I am just a stupid kid” I hiss, I look over at him. He looks angry, his dark eyes are narrowed again and his mouth tight.
“You're not a kid and I am only a few years older than you.” He runs his hands through his hair and lies back down. “Fuck!” His fist hits the bed. “I knew this trip would be a bad idea.” He turns his head to face me and lets out a deep breath. “You know I like you, right?” I just shrug. He quickly sits up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. “I mean like you, like you.”
“What does that even mean?” I huff, folding my arms across my chest. Our eyes lock and I just stare at him, unwilling to look away.
Then it clicks, my mouth goes dry and I begin to blink rapidly. He likes me! My heart thumps against my chest, my breathing is uncontrollable. I swear if I stood up, I would end up face first on the floor. I have waited weeks to hear those words, to believe my dreams would become reality. This has somehow shocked my system
When I finally do look at him, his expression is soft and he is slightly frowning. I swallow the lump in my throat and wish I didn't look at him. I would love to leap over and crush myself against his body. That's not me and I certainly couldn't do that to him. The silence between us is creating a tension, yet, I can only think about kissing him. I wonder what it would feel like to run my fingers through his hair, taste him and be held in his arms.
My cheeks flush bright red and I’m almost squirming where I am sat. I am beginning to feel giddy and I know I am smiling. Then Becks comes into my head and the smile vanishes. He likes me and she is the same age as me. Well, she was 18 during our last school break. Could he? Would he?
I feel the colour drain from my face, the idea of him with her makes my stomach sink and the bile creeps up my throat. Maybe he does like me, but it doesn't matter. He isn't the same person he was a few days ago. He is too old for me and he has a career which he is dedicated to.
After this trip I will have to work doubly hard to graduate High School. As now I know my mother and Lacey are being taken care of, college is now my future.
“We should eat” my voice sounds cold. His eyes look at the floor and his shoulders slouch as if he has been defeated.
“Jen,” he breaths my name and closes his eyes. I love the way my name sounds on his lips. His eyes slowly open and once again I am locked in his hypnotic gaze. “You're right, we should eat.” His whole body language changes. He's in control again. He’s that confident man who I met over a month ago. He quickly stands and runs a hand through his hair. “Then we should make a list of all the places we should look for your father.”
And just like that, the moment is forgotten and we are back to the reason we are on this trip. That I must remember and stop my heart ruling my head. This isn't about me, this is to find my father and help him. If that is so, why do I suddenly feel my heart break in two?
Ayden orders from room service as I sit on the bed with a pen and paper. So far, I have listed six places I can think where my father would most likely go. My auntie Mel’s, my grandmothers, his office, the golf club, the fancy bar he would enjoy Friday drinks and finally, my old family home. Although these places seem too obvious. If he's a criminal hiding away, I doubt he would even be seen in any of these.
I let out a defeated sigh. This isn't going to be as simple as I first thought.
I feel the bed move as Ayden sits down besides me. He picks up my list and begins to read. “Can you think of anywhere else?” He avoids looking at me again.
“No,” I mutter, biting down on the end of the pen.
“How about friends of his?”
I try to think about who my father socialized with. There were a few, mainly partners in his law firm. I remember my mother groaning on and on about how she hated having them and their wives over for dinner parties. Although, I would always get a new dress, so I didn't mind. I let out a deep sigh, we were the perfect family and now it had turned out like this. My mother and father apart.
My whole childhood had actually been a lie, a lie my father had hidden pretty well up till now.
“Just a few partners in his law firm” I mumble, feeling the sadness slice through me.
“Write them, down” he hands my list back to me. “Also, any other family members you can think about.”
“He was an only child!”
“Well, there must be more” I can h
ear the irritation in his voice.
I slam the list down. “I'm sorry. I don't know any of his connections in the criminal world!”
“I'm glad you don't” he hisses. “Maybe we should...” A knock at the door stops him mid-sentence. I am relieved for the distraction really. When he's close to me I find it hard to concentrate on anything.
I watch as he strolls over to the door, opens it and pushes a silver cart into the room. My appetite has managed to of evaporated and that sick feeling has again taken its place.
Ayden wheels the cart and places it before me. “Come on” his voice now a lot calmer. “Eat and then we should call it a night.” Once again he sits next to me and I make sure my eyes focus on the food before me. I am little taken back as he has ordered my favourite, which is weird as I never told him pasta dishes did it for me.
Reluctantly I pick up a fork and tuck in. We eat in silence. The awkward tension is thick in the room. How did it get to this? I always found Ayden easy to talk too. My heart sinks and I put my fork down. I can't manage to eat anymore. A shower and bed sound perfect now.
“Oh Jen,” he shakes his head. “You must eat.”
I want to throw something at him. I wish he would stop telling me what I should do. I have a feeling that this wasn't such a good idea now. I need some alone time, I stand up, grab my wash bag and head to the bathroom – slamming the door behind me. Finally alone, I feel I can breath. I slump back against the door and fall to my knees. If on cue my tears fall again, for my father, for what my mother went through and for my love for Ayden.
During my shower I make a decision just to get over it. I need to be strong and can’t afford any distractions. Ayden will never be the person I thought he was. My love for him is based on a lie. He is just here to do his job and I am just here to find my father.
I lie down on my bed and switch the TV on. Ayden is laid on his bed reading something. I am going to try my hardest to remain civil and speak my mind. Communication is an important factor on this trip and I need to stop my stupid nodding responses.
Then why do I find myself looking at him every now and then. God, I can be so pathetic! Maybe during this trip I could get to know him all over again.
“Feeling better?” His words stop my thoughts and I turn in his direction. He is lounging on his bed, his hands resting behind his head and his eyes locked on mine.
“Yes, thank you” I quietly reply, I force a smile on my face which he returns. Wow, my heart almost leaps out of my chest. He is handsome and he still has a weird affect on my body and mind. He moves off his bed and kneels down before me. His dark eyes draw me in and his hand gently resting on top of mine.
I can feel my eyebrows raising a little, this is new? Every time I even attempted physical contact with him, he would jump a mile. A little smile is dancing across his mouth and I have a funny feeling he is up to something.
“So,” his voice is full of amusement. “A few more minutes and you will be 18.” My eyes dart at the clock and its 23.58pm. I gasp. I didn't even realize that it was that late.
With a fingertip he moves a strand of wet hair from my forehead, the smile disappears on his face and he leans in a little closer. His scent fills my senses and my eyes focus on his mouth.
“Happy birthday, Jen.”
His lips brush against mine, a soft butterfly kiss and it feels amazing. I want to grip my fingers in his hair and push my tongue into mouth. Before I can react, he stands up, walks over to his bed and lays back down, switching the lamp and TV off.
I stare up into the darkness, my lips tingle and my body feels numb. That was unlike him, then I remember the words he said earlier today, 'You know I like you, right. I mean like you, like you.' I now know what he means and my heart skips a beat. He likes me, the way I like him. I fall asleep that night with a smile on my face.