“It’s another glorious morning in Summerton” booms the radio presenter. I lean over and hit the snooze button. I don’t care if it’s glorious, I don’t want to get out of this bed. I roll over and just stare up at the ceiling. I can hear my mother, Ted and Libby all downstairs talking and laughing. How can they pretend everything is normal?
A man is dead, my father is in prison and Ayden has gone. My heart breaks a little more. He promised me in that hospital that he would stay with me. That was nearly a month ago and not one word from him. What did I expect? After all it was because of me his best friend was killed.
There’s a tap on my door and I sit up. My mother enters already for work. She’s changed so much, the tight clothes and make-up is gone. There’s a permanent smile on her face and its all down to Ted.
I should be happy for her, but there’s a dark cloud hovering over me and I can’t get rid of it. I just seem to go through the day without noticing anything. The whole time my mind plays Tucker getting shot and bleeding to death in front of me. A shiver runs down my spine and I have to blink back tears.
“Sweetie,” my mother says, bringing me back to the present. “You’re going to be late for school.”
“What’s the point?” I shrug.
She frowns at me. “Jen, it’s been a whole month now and this behaviour has to stop. It’s your senior year and you have four weeks left. It’s about time you pulled your self together and stopped this now.”
I narrow my eyes at her. “A man died!”
“I know” she sighs, her eyes looking down at the floor. “You have someone downstairs waiting for you. Get dressed and hurry up.” She walks out of my room. I quickly get out of bed and sort myself out.
The whole time I walk down the stairs my heart is racing and I just keep thinking what if it’s Ayden. What if he’s come back for me? A smile is plastered on my face and I imagine being reunited with him. I race into the kitchen only to find Chase sitting at the kitchen table. What is he doing here?
“Hi” he says as I stand in the doorway. I just stare at him, wishing he would change into Ayden. I miss looking into his dark eyes and feeling something I have never experienced before.
Chase runs a hand through his blonde hair and slowly stands up. “Your mother called me and said you needed a friend.”
I place my rucksack on the kitchen counter and pretend to get my things ready. “I have friends” I mutter. I feel him come up behind me and place his hand on my shoulder. I move quickly out of his reach. There would have been a time I would of combusted on the spot from this. How many times did I dream about him turning up at my house? That was a long time ago… Now all I want is Ayden.
“Please” his voice is almost a whisper. “I feel really bad.”
I spin round to face him. “You feel bad? You have the perfect life, Chase. Mr popular who gets what ever he wants. Top football player, all those girls lusting over you. Please enlighten me how you feel bad?”
He places his hands in his pockets and bows his head. “I feel bad because I should have fought harder for you. I should have been there. I would have talked you out of going to Seattle or even had gone with you.”
“It’s too late, isn’t it” I snap. “And besides, I dumped you. That was all before I knew what Ayden was.” I pause and that pain hits me in the chest. I try to breathe. I try really hard, but my lungs don’t feel like they can work. My head goes dizzy and I feel my legs collapse underneath me. Before I hit the floor, strong arms catch me.
“Jen,” I look up and see Chase’s blue eyes staring down at me. “I don’t want to fight with you. Let me be your friend, let me take care of you.” He moves a stand of hair off my forehead.
“I’m not worthy of your friendship” I say, moving out of his grip and sitting down on the floor. That pain is back, but this time I can breathe. I looked down at my hands. The tears are building up in my eyes. How many more times am I going to cry?
“I killed a man, Chase.” The words getting stuck in my throat. He needs to know what a horrible person I am.
He moves closer towards me and grabs hold of my hand. “You didn’t kill him. It wasn’t your hand that held that gun.” His fingers rub over my knuckles and it actually feels comforting. I can’t bring myself to look at him. The tears are streaming down my cheeks and all I want to do is crumple up into a little ball and disappear.
“He died doing his job. He was there to protect you and he did. That guy is a hero and would hate to think your blaming yourself. He knew the risks of his job, so it wasn’t your fault.”
“And Ayden?”
I feel him tense up. “Ayden is a fool. I know you dumped me for him, so don’t expect me to say anything nice about him.” he takes in a deep breath and slowly lets it out. “I care for you, Jen. I always have and now I’m going to be here for you. You won’t be able to get rid of me again.”
He lets go of my hand and cups my face. I am now forced to look at him and I want to believe his words. I really do, I want to feel human again. With the pad of his thumb he wipes away my falling tear.
“Will you let me be your friend?” I don’t know what to say. “We need to get your life back on track. We need to find Jen again.”
Find Jen again? I’m not sure who she is anymore. Where would I begin? I should at least try. I’m 18 and have so much time ahead of me. Ayden is probably out living his life, after all I was simply a job and I knew he would leave me once it was over. I replay Chase’s words in my head. He’s right and I know he is right.
I lean over and wrap my arms around his neck and cry into his chest. He embraces me back and we sit in my kitchen hugging. It is time to move on and I will with the help from Chase. I just don’t know how long it will take.