Guilt was the only emotion I could feel. I couldn’t believe I just sat there. I let this happen - I let someone kiss me...I wanted someone to kiss me...how could I be so cold?
I heard the wood of the gazebo creak and felt Silas slowly sit down next to me. I didn’t look at him. I couldn’t; my guilt wouldn’t let me.
“I’m…I’m in love with someone…I shouldn’t of…I shouldn’t of just let that happen.”
“Are you…?” he asked quietly.
I bravely turned to my side and let my eyes fall into the glow of his. “What did you just do to me? What did I see?”
“A glimpse…into everything we have witnessed.”
“There is no ‘we’…I told you I’m in love with someone,” I argued weakly as the pain in his eyes tore my soul into.
“Our souls are meant to love everyone; I’m not mad at your for that emotion. You are a victim of this life. The devil himself twisted your intent, and now we have to find a way out of this – a way to give you what you want without sacrificing who you are.”
“And you know what I want?” I asked bleakly, knowing that I wasn’t even sure what I wanted.
“End the darkness – set the damned free.”
My eyes fell from his and gazed out at the gothic stones before us. “I don’t suppose that’s a secret. You know who Britain is, therefore you must know what he thinks I am…some kind of light.”
“Britain was your first attempt at this new plan of yours, and it failed.” I felt his body tense next to mine. “I should have ended him then – but you wouldn’t let me…I listened to you.”
I quickly looked to my side to find an anger engulfing Silas’ strong profile. “What are you talking about – ended him? When – like a few months ago?”
His eyes met mine. “No…long before that.”
Madison’s theory of past lives – the way she thought that escorts lived over and over and were born into the same family – was racing through my thoughts. “He’s lived before,” I mumbled.
Silas furrowed his eyebrows. “Now…that doesn’t make sense, does it? Living before – because we never really die.”
My eyes grew wide. “No way...no way this is real.”
“That is our issue now – you have made this real. You have submitted to the course of life, to the idea of living, then dying. You have forgotten who you are, why you chose to live this life. You have taken this notion too far - and now it’s destroying you.”
“What notion?”
“To save them.”
“Who – the damned?” I said with a tinge of anger in my voice. I wasn’t going to let anyone tell me those souls didn’t deserve to be saved, especially someone I barely knew.
“No…the ones that use the damned for power.”
“The escorts?”
“Is that what you are calling them?” he asked as his eyes almost playfully questioned me.
“That’s what I was told they were called. That they escort bright lights through life, taking their impact on this world away – creating more darkness.”
He nodded slightly. “That’s them; definitely a more approachable name.”
“What do you call them?”
“The enemy.”
I slid further away from him. Fear was all I could feel; fear for Draven. I was right last night: Silas is some kind of vigilante. I was terrified that he wouldn’t see that Draven was good and fighting to stay that way.
“Don’t hurt him…please don’t hurt him,” I plea-fully whispered.
His eyes grew solemn. “I won’t…not until he gives me a reason to.”
“What reason?” I asked, knowing I would do everything in my power to keep Draven from crossing that line.
Silas stood in front of me and looked down compassionately at me. “Hurting you would be my only reason.”
I moved my head from side to side. “He would never hurt me…he loves me.”
My words dimmed the glow behind his hazel eyes. “That thought process led us here – trapped you in this life, this darkness. I promised you that I would never let anyone hurt you…and I will not break that promise.”
I stood slowly, holding his gaze. “Promise me you’ll never hurt him. It’s not his fault that he sees the way he does – that this darkness is calling him. He’ll fight it; I know he will.”
Silas looked down as he reached for my hand. I didn’t pull it away. I wanted to feel his peace – the calm that was emanating from him. “You have said these words before…you followed him here – to protect him. Now, we will see who was right or wrong…I couldn’t care less because I know that even though you have given this body to him – your soul is one with mine…that I will not let anyone hurt you…if he even poses the thought of taking your light for his own power – I will end him and every one of the enemies we share.”
I opened my mouth to argue my point, but before I could utter a word he leaned forward and let his lips rest on mine. As I felt his warm skin against mine, the flashes of light, the echoes of a past - they all began to invade my thoughts once again. I felt his hand fall from mine, then the warmth of his lips vanished. I opened my eyes to find him gone…he had vanished. I stepped forward, trying to see if I could follow the calm that was always around him, but it was if I were standing in the center of it.
The visions and voices began to intensify, and I felt my knees begin to buckle. I stepped back and let myself fall onto the step as I started forward and tried to understand the images I was seeing, the voices I was hearing. As I sat there, I witnessed countless battles between the darkness and light. I watched as Silas defeated innumerable escorts – his enemies. I watched as I helped him, as I encouraged him to do just that. They were hurting the world, dimming the light, pulling darkness into a living nightmare, breeding compliance – hatred for a life that, in essence, was meant to be loved.
I watched as the battles began to weigh on my soul, and I began to see how we were not making a lasting difference. I began to question who and what the escorts were, if they could be saved, too. Just as I understood that desire, the vision of what I was seeing - they began to fade, and the voices became quiet. I stared forward, replaying what I saw over and over. I don’t remember when the calm I felt left me…anxiety and fear were emotions that were common to me, so to have them return at full force wasn’t alarming.
The day had aged, and the sun was beginning its descent. I thought about making my way back to my car, but I couldn’t make my legs move. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to go to Draven – for him to see what had happened to me today, to see Silas. I didn’t want to go home and listen to Kara tell me that mom was working hard and dealing with what was happening to me the best she could. That was a lie...she knew...she knew all along that this fate was coming for me. I didn’t want to face Madison; I knew she’d want to help me understand who or what Silas was, but I knew that was impossible…he didn’t fall into the world I lived in. I thought about finding a way to get Austin’s attention, to have him come back for us so we could run – run from all of this. I simply couldn’t hold a thought long enough to figure out who I needed to be angry at, who I needed to be afraid of, who I needed to ask for help. There were too many variables to consider. I felt like if I made one wrong move, said one wrong word, life as I knew it would crumble around me…I couldn’t let that happen.
In front of me, walking slowly around the large gothic headstones, I saw a small figure approaching. As it came closer, I felt a horrible guilt absorb me. I didn’t move a muscle, halfway hoping that the dusk of this aged graveyard would hide me.
Chapter Ten
Monroe moved silently around the stones as she stepped closer to me. I pushed my hands into my hoodie, realizing for the first time that I was freezing. Reality was coming back to me, and all at once it felt like those moments alone with Silas were nothing more than a dream. The desire to help Monroe and Madison find their place, to save the dammed, and most of all protect Draven from this world of
dreams – all of it became my focus, and with that focus a newfound hatred and vow for revenge surfaced as Bianca’s memory came to me.
Monroe sat down next to me and looped her arm through mine.
“How did you find me?” I whispered weakly. She remained silent. “Sorry I didn’t come back for you like I promised…I was distracted.”
“By Silas?” she asked in her innocent voice.
I glanced to my side, surprised, that I managed to get her to speak once again. “Yeah.”
She nodded as if she knew that.
“How do you know him?” I asked. The fact that she had seen him – that he knew her name – forced me to conceive the idea that he was real, that everything about him was real - and that terrified me. I felt so guilty for being alone with him, for witnessing those memories, for feeling his gentle lips against mine.
“He saved me,” Monroe whispered.
“From what?” I asked tenderly.
She looked down as her hair hid her innocent face from me. “From my dad…from the darkness.”
I felt an ache in my chest, and it took all I had to look strong and calm. “Is your dad alive…?”
Her head moved slowly from side to side, and I felt the air leave my lungs. What was she saying – that Silas killed him? Killed him because he was dark?
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled, trying to fight the nausea that was climbing up my throat. I knew I had just spent the afternoon with someone who apparently not only had reason, but the power to place a final division between me and Draven.
“Why?” she asked, looking up at me.
“There had to be another way – ending someone is not the way.”
“He – he was never alive…he never stepped into this realm.”
“What?” I asked. As I felt my heart began to race, I gripped her arm tighter.
“He lives in the dream world…Silas brought my mother to this reality – to this realm of life...my father will not come here…he will not give up his power to find us.”
“Where is your mom?” I asked as I tried to fathom what she was saying.
“With him.”
“In the dream world?” I clarified.
“Yeah.”
“Against her will?” I asked, feeling a desire like no other to go to this place.
“No…she went there to tell him to leave Grayson and Winston alone…but when she saw him, she couldn’t help herself…she could not leave his side – she loved him too much.”
“What was he doing to your brothers? What do you mean, ‘calling them’?”
“My mother is not as balanced as you – or your mom…we have more of our father than our mother within us…the desire to walk his path is unyielding, and it was calling them to that life…invading their dreams, then surfacing with the slightest negative emotion.”
“Like what’s happening with Draven,” I mumbled.
The placid look in her eyes told me I was wrong. “My brothers are young souls…Draven is not…he submitted to this calling long ago…then you managed to make him change his mind.”
“What do you mean?”
“In another life, you asked him not to be the person he was, to give up this power - and when he listened to you, he was thrust into this life…he was blinded to his past deeds, and forced to begin again, only to be tested, put through hell later in life.”
“Draven’s mom was not dark; his dad can’t see. Who told you this? How do you know this?”
Monroe stared into my eyes with utter compassion. “Draven was placed into the brightest, most tempting place that could be imagined....when I listen...I hear some say he came home, back to his beginning....I hear others say it was a punishment....that neither you or him belong in this life....I ignore them both, you’re here now, and fate, no matter how twisted the path is...will find its way. Every action sets a sea of reactions in place…”
“Wh – what are you saying?” I said as I stared disbelievingly at her. Step into a life? Thrown into a life? Was she saying this was my fault?
“Your innocent act to protect Draven’s soul – to step into this world – brought balance - it brought the darkness to its knees.”
I broke my gaze with her and stared out at the stones in the now dark graveyard. “Are you saying that if I hadn’t asked Draven to step away from the life he had…if I had not chosen to follow him…that my father would be alive? That Aden would be an only child, and this battle never would have come to this world?”
Monroe moved closer to me. “You’re seeing this the way the darkness would want you to. Say it another way; say that you stopped Draven’s soul from pulling the life from the dammed to gain power, that you showed him how powerful love was – the light was. That when you saw his punishment, the darkness push him into this world, that you followed him to protect him from forgetting all that you showed him. Say that because of you, Aden has a brother, that your father was the given the chance to have a normal life – to have a part of him live on in you. Say that your mother was finally able to grasp her power and not hide from it when you took your first breath.”
I let out a tense sigh. “She hides from it...she hides in grief – grief that I caused.”
Silence took over for countless minutes as I tried to fathom a past that I couldn’t recall. I told myself that I had to have really loved Draven to have taken risks that were so steep. That idea wasn’t foreign to me; I’d always loved him, but the memories Silas gave me showed me that in another realm of time, I loved another.
“I can’t do anything about the past - especially one I can’t recall. I have to figure out what to do with my future…how to end what I’ve begun.”
She didn’t bother to say anything in response; instead, she calmly stared forward. I let my eyes follow her gaze and saw two figures walking closer to us. I instinctively put my arm around Monroe and asked in my mind a simple question: Who are you? As that thought emerged, images of Grayson and Winston danced in my mind. They weren’t letting me see beyond the surface of who they were, only telling me not to be alarmed.
Grayson stepped closer, and Winston held back. I was sure he wasn’t excited to come face-to-face with me.
“I’m not sure how much longer I can make excuses for you,” Grayson said as he reached me.
“Excuse me?” I replied with a heavy, sarcastic tone.
Through the shadows, I saw him smile. “Sorry…I guess that sounded rude…I meant that everyone is starting to doubt that we’ve spent the afternoon sightseeing; they’re looking for us to come back.”
“You told them that?” I asked bleakly, wondering why he felt compelled to lie on my behalf.
“It was insinuated that saying such a lie would be wise,” Grayson said as he tilted his head toward his baby sister.
I looked to my side at Monroe. “An alibi – nice. I wonder how you knew to do that?” I mumbled.
“Who knows?” Winston said shortly.
Grayson glared over his shoulder, telling Winston to watch his tone. Then he looked back at me. “I learned long ago not to question the notions Monroe has.”
“I thought you said she doesn’t speak to you?”
“She doesn’t; she shows me what she thinks.”
“And today she told you to lie?”
Grayson nodded as he stared at Monroe. It was easy to see that he lived in awe of her. “The moment you left her today, she sent a text to me, asking for me to come to her – and when I saw her, she showed me you sitting here and gave me every reason to believe that you needed to be alone this afternoon…so yeah, I made up a story.”
I looked to my side at Monroe. I knew there was no way I could have made it to this place by the time she had shown Grayson that I was here. I was starting to believe that this little girl who hid behind this Goth image could see the future.
“I don’t know if that was a good idea…you might want to come clean before Draven sees you – you don’t deserve to take the heat for what I did today.”
??
?Like he could see us,” Winston spouted.
Grayson glared at him once more before he looked at me. “We block each other fairly well – no worries. You ready? It’s freezing out here.”
I stood up slowly, and Monroe followed my lead. I walked silently past both Grayson and Winston. I could only hope I was as good at blocking Draven as they were. I weaved around the stones, careful to watch where I stepped. Just as I reached the gate, I heard a sinister laugh. I looked to the direction of it – and from behind a Celtic cross headstone, Bianca stepped into my view. “Leaving so soon? I just got here. You know what that means – the party has officially begun.”
Anger engulfed every part of me as I charged toward her. I’d almost reached her when I felt arms go around me and hold me back. I looked up to see Grayson holding me. “Let me go! I’m gonna kill her!”
Winston came to my left, and Monroe to my right. Bianca looked at Winston and winked; he laughed in response, like he wouldn’t dare step into her trap. I instantly developed a newfound respect for him. Bianca’s alluring looks were the one thing I feared the most. She rolled her eyes at him, then looked back to me as I continued to struggle to get free from Grayson. It didn’t matter that he was thin and rather lanky; he managed to show an immense amount of strength.