CHAPTER V.
The Queerness of Dave Tutt.
"Which these queernesses of Dave's," observed the Old Cattleman, "hasalready been harrowin' an' harassin' up the camp for mighty likelyshe's two months, when his myster'ous actions one evenin' in the RedLight brings things to a climax, an' a over-strained public, feelin'like it can b'ar no more, begins to talk.
"It's plumb easy to remember this Red Light o'casion, for jest prior toDave alarmin' us by becomin' melodious, furtive--melody bein' whollyonnacheral to Dave, that a-way--thar's a callow pin-feather party comescaperin' in an' takin' Old Man Enright one side, asks can he yootiliseWolfville as a strategic p'int in a elopement he's goin' to pull off.
"'Which I'm out to elope a whole lot from Tucson,' explains thispin-feather party to Enright, 'an' I aims to cinch the play. I'm amighty cautious sport, an' before ever I hooks up for actooalfreightin' over any trail, I rides her once or twice to locate wood andwater, an' pick out my camps. Said system may seem timorous, but it'sshore safer a heap. So I asks ag'in whether you-all folks has anyobjections to me elopin' into Wolfville with my beloved, like Isuggests. I ain't out to spring no bridals on a onprotected outfit,wherefore I precedes the play with these queries.'
"'But whatever's the call for you to elope at all?' remonstratesEnright. 'The simple way now would be to round up this lady's paternalgent, an' get his consent.'
"'Seein' the old gent,' says the pin-feather party, ''speshully whenyou lays it smoothly off like that, shore does seem simplicity itse'f.But if you was to prance out an' try it some, it would be found plentycomplex. See yere!' goes on the pin-feather party, beginnin' to rollup his sleeve, 'you-all impresses me as more or less a jedge ofcasyooalities. Whatever now do you think of this? 'An' thepin-feather party exhibits a bullet wound in his left fore-arm, thesame bein' about half healed.
"'Colt's six-shooter,' says Enright.
"'That's straight,' says the pin-feather party, buttonin' up hissleeve; 'you calls the turn. I wins out that abrasion pleadin' withthe old gent. Which I tackles him twice. The first time he opens onme with his 44-gun before ever I ends the sentence. But he misses.Nacherally, I abandons them marital intentions for what you-all mightcall the "nonce" to sort o' look over my hand ag'in an' see be I right.Do my best I can't on earth discern no reasons ag'in the nuptials.Moreover, the lady--who takes after her old gent a heap--cuts in on theplay with a bluff that while she don't aim none to crowd my hand, she'sdoo to begin shootin' me up herse'f if I don't show more passionateanxiety about leadin' her to the altar. It's then, not seein' why theold gent should go entertainin' notions ag'in me, an' deemin' mebbythat when he blazes away that time he's merely pettish and don't reallymean said bullet none, that I fronts up ag'in.'
"'An' then,' asks Enright, 'whatever does this locoed parent do?'
"'Which I jest shows you what,' says the pin-feather party. 'He getsthe range before ever I opens my mouth, an' plugs me. At that I beginsto half despair of winnin' his indorsements. I leaves it to you-all;be I right?'
"'Why,' says Enright, rubbin' his fore'erd some doobious, 'it wouldlook like the old gent is a leetle set ag'in you. Still, as theresponsible chief of this camp, I would like to hear why you reckonsWolfville is a good place to elope to. I don't s'ppose it's on accountof them drunkards over in Tucson makin' free with our good repoote an'lettin' on we're light an' immoral that a-way?'
"'None whatever!' says the pin-feather party. 'It's on account of youwolves bein' regyarded as peaceful, staid, an' law abidin' that I firstconsiders you. Then ag'in, thar ain't a multitood of places clostabout Tucson to elope to nohow; an' I can't elope far on account of myroll.'
"The replies of this pin-feather party soothes Enright an' engages himon that side, so he ups an' tells the 'swain,' as Colonel Sterett callshim later in the Coyote, to grab off his inamorata an' come a-runnin'.
"'Which, givin' my consent,' says Enright when explainin' about itlater, 'is needed to protect this tempest-tossed lover in thepossession of his skelp. The old gent an' that maiden fa'r has got himbetween 'em, an' onless we opens up Wolfville as a refooge, it lookslike they'll cross-lift him into the promised land.'
"But to go back to Dave."
Here my old friend paused and called for refreshments. I seized theadvantage of his silence over a glass of peach and honey, to suggest aneagerness for the finale of the Tucson love match.
"No," responded my frosty friend, setting down his glass, "we'll pursoothe queernesses of Dave. That Tucson elopement 'is another story aheap,' as some wise maverick says some'ers, an' I'll onload it on youon some other day.
"When Dave evolves the cadencies in the Red Light that evenin', thar'sEnright, Moore an' me along with Dan Boggs, bein' entertained byhearin' Cherokee Hall tell us about a brace game he gets ag'inst in LasVegas one time.
"'This deadfall--this brace I'm mentionin',' says Cherokee, 'is over onthe Plaza. Of course, I calls this crooked game a "brace" in speakin'tharof to you-all sports who ain't really gamblers none. That's to bep'lite. But between us, among a'credited kyard sharps, a brace game isallers allooded to as "the old thing." If you refers to a game ofchance as "the old thing," they knows at once that every chance is'liminated an' said deevice rigged for murder.'
"'That's splendid, Cherokee,' says Faro Nell, from her lookout's roostby his shoulder; 'give 'em a lecture on the perils of gamblin' withstrangers.'
"Thar's no game goin' at this epock an' Cherokee signifies hiswillin'ness to become instructive.
"'Not that I'm no beacon, neither,' says Cherokee, 'on the rockywreck-sown shores of sport; an' not that I ever resorts to onderhandan' doobious deals myse'f; still, I'm cap'ble of p'intin' out thedangers. Scientists of my sort, no matter how troo an' faithful to thep'int of honour, is bound to savey all kyard dooplicities in theiruttermost depths, or get left dead on the field of finance. Every gentshould be honest. But more than honest--speshully if he's out to buckfaro-bank or set in on casyooal games of short-kyards--every gentshould be wise. In the amoosements I mentions to be merely honestcan't be considered a complete equipment. Wherefore, while I nevermakes a crooked play an' don't pack the par'fernalia so to do, I'mplenty astoote as to how said tricks is turned.
"'Which sports has speshulties same as other folks. Thar's TexasThompson, his speshulty is ridin' a hoss; while Peets's speshulty isshootin' a derringer, Colonel Sterett's is pol'tics, Enright's isjestice, Dave's is bein' married, Jack Moore's is upholdin' law an'order, Boggs's is bein' sooperstitious, Missis Rucker's is composin'bakin' powder biscuits, an' Huggins's is strong drink.'
"'Whatever is my speshulty, Cherokee?' asks Faro Nell, who's asimmersed as the rest in these settin's forth; 'what do you-all reckonnow is my speshulty?'
"'Bein' the loveliest of your sex,' says Cherokee, a heap emphatic, an'on that p'int we-all strings our game with his.
"'That puts the ambrosia on me,' says Faro Nell, blushin' withpleasure, an' she calls to Black Jack.
"'As I observes,' goes on Cherokee, 'every sport has his speshulty.Thar's Casino Joe; his is that he can "tell the last four."Nacherally, bein' thus gifted, a game of casino is like so much moneyin the bank for Joe. Still, his gifts ain't crooked, they're genius;Joe's simply born able to "tell the last four."
"'Which, you gents is familiar by repoote at least with the severalplans for redoocin' draw-poker to the prosaic level of shore-things.Thar's the "bug" an' the "foot-move" an' the "sleeve holdout" an'dozens of kindred schemes for playin' a cold hand. An' thar'soptimists, when the game is easy, who depends wholly on a handkerchiefin their laps to cover their nefariousness. If I'm driven to counsel agent concernin' poker it would be to never play with strangers; an'partic'lar to never spec'late with a gent who sneezes a lot, or turnshis head an' talks of draughts of cold air invading' the place, or sayshis foot's asleep an' gets up to stampede about the room after a handis dealt an' prior to the same bein' played. It's four to one thisafflicted sharp is workin' a holdout. Then that's the "pun
ch" to marka deck, an' the "lookin' glass" to catch the kyards as they're dealt.Then thar's sech manoovers as stockin' a deck, an' shiftin' a cut, an'dealin' double. Thar's gents who does their work from the bottom of adeck---puts up a hand on the bottom, an' confers it on a pard or onthemse'fs as dovetails with their moods. He's a one-arm party--shy hisright arm, he is--who deals a hand from the bottom the best I everbeholds.
"'No, I don't regyard crooked folks as dangerous at poker, only you'vegot to watch 'em. So long as your eye is on 'em a heap attentivethey're powerless to perform their partic'lar miracle, an' as a result,since that's the one end an' aim of their efforts, they becomes mightyinocuous. As a roole, crooked people ain't good players on the squar',an' as long as you makes 'em play squar', they're yours.
"'But speakin' of this devious person on the Las Vegas Plaza that time:The outfit is onknown to me--I'm only a pilgrim an' a stranger an'don't intend to tarry none--when I sets up to the lay-out. I ain't gota bet down, however, before I sees the gent who's dealin', sign-up theseven to the case-keep, an' instanter I feels like I'd known that bevyof bandits since long before the war. Also, I realises their methodsafter I takes a good hard look. That dealer's got what postgradyooates in faro-bank robbery calls a "end squeeze" box; the deck istrimmed--"wedges" is the name--to put the odds ag'in the evens, an'sanded so as to let two kyards come at a clatter whenever saidpheenomenon is demanded by the exigencies of their crimes; an' thar yoube. No, it's a fifty-two-kyard deck all right, an' the dealer dependson "puttin' back" to keep all straight. An' I'm driven to concedethat the put-back work of said party is like a romance; puttin' back'shis speshulty. His left hand would sort o' settle as light as a deadleaf over the kyard he's after that a-way--not a tenth part of asecond--an' that pasteboard would come along, palmed, an' as his handfloats over the box as he's goin' to make the next turn the kyard wouldreassoome its cunnin' place inside. An' all as smoothly serene aspray'r meetin's.'
"'An', nacherally, you denounces this felon,' says Colonel Sterett,who's come in an' who's integrity is of the active sort.
"'Nacherally, I don't say a word,' retorts Cherokee. 'I ain't foryears inhabited these roode an' sand-blown regions, remote as they befrom best ideals an' high examples of the East, not to long before havelearned the excellence of that maxim about lettin' every man kill hisown snakes. I says nothin'; I merely looks about to locate the victimof them machinations with a view of goin' ag'inst his play.'
"It's when Cherokee arrives at this place in his recitals that Daveevolves his interruptions. He's camped by himse'f in a reemote cornerof the room, an' he ain't been noticin' nobody an' nobody's beennoticin' him. All at once, in tones which is low but a heapdiscordant, Dave hums to himse'f something that sounds like:
'Bye O babe, lie still in slumber, Holy angels gyard thy bed.'
"At this, Cherokee in a horrified way stops, an' we-all looks at eachother. Enright makes a dispar'in' gesture towards Dave an' says:
"'Gents, first callin' your attention to the fact that Dave ain'tover-drinkt an' that no nosepaint theery is possible in accountin' forhis acts, I asks you for your opinions. As you knows, this thing'sbeen goin' for'ard for some time, an' I desires to hear if from anystandp'int of public interest do you-all figger that steps should betook?'
"In order to fully onderstand Enright in all he means, I oughter laybar' that Dave's been conductin' himse'f in a manner not to beexplained for mighty likely she's eight weeks. Yeretofore, thar's nomore sociable sport an' none whose system is easier to follow in allWolfville than Dave. While holdin' himse'f at what you might call'par' on all o'casions, Dave is still plenty minglesome an' fraternalwith the balance of the herd, an' would no more think of donnin' airsor puttin' on dog than he'd think of blastin' away at one of us withhis gun. Yet eight weeks prior thar shorely dawns a change.
"Which the first symptom--the advance gyard as it were of Dave'sgettin' queer--is when Dave's standin' in front of the post-office.Thar's a faraway look to Dave at the time, like he's tryin' to settlewhether he's behind or ahead on some deal. While thus wropped in thisfit of abstraction Dan Boggs comes hybernatin' along an' asks Dave top'int into the Red Light for a smell of Valley Tan. Dave sort o'rouses up at this an' fastens on Dan with his eyes, half truculent an'half amazed, same as if he's shocked at Dan's familiarity. Then heshakes his head decisive.
"'Don't try to braid this mule's tail none!' says Dave, an' at that hestrides off with his muzzle in the air. Boggs is abashed.
"'Which these insultin' bluffs of Dave's,' says Boggs, as we canvassesthe play a bit later, 'would cut me to the quick, but I knows it ain'ton the level, Dave ain't himse'f when he declines said nosepaint--hisintellects ain't in camp.'
"This ontoward an' onmerited rebuke to Boggs is followed, by furtherbreaks as hard to savey. Dave ain't no two days alike. One time he'sthat haughty he actooally passes Enright himse'f in the street an' nomore heed or recognition than if Wolfville's chief is the last Mexicanto come no'th of the line. Then later Dave is effoosive an' goes aboutriotin' in the s'ciety of every gent whereof he cuts the trail. Oneday he won't drink; an' the next he's tippin' the canteen from sun-uptill he's claimed by sleep. Which he gets us mighty near distracted;no one can keep a tab on him. What with them silences an'volyoobilities, sobrieties an' days of drink, an' all in bewilderin'alternations, he's shore got us goin' four ways at once.
"'In spite of the fact,' continyooes Dan Boggs when we're turnin'Dave's conduct over in our minds an' rummagin' about for reasons; 'inspite of the fact, I says, that I'm plenty posted in advance that I'mup ag'inst a gen'ral shout of derision on account of me bein'sooperstitious, I'm yere to offer two to one Dave's hoodooed.Moreover, I can name the hoodoo.'
"'Whatever is it then?' asks Texas Thompson; 'cut her freely loose an'be shore of our solemn consid'ration.'
"'It's opals,' says Boggs. 'Them gems as every well-instructed gent isaware is the very spent of bad luck. Dave's wearin' one in his shirtright now. It's that opal pin wherewith he decks himse'f recent whilehe's relaxin' with nosepaint in Tucson. I'm with him at the time an' Isays to him: "Dave, I wouldn't mount that opal none. Which all opalsis implacable hoodoos, an' it'll likely conjure up your rooin." But Imight as well have addressed that counsel to a buffalo bull for all therespectful heed I gains. Dave gives me a grin, shets one eye plentycunnin', an' retorts: "Dan, you're envious; you wants that ornamentyourse'f an' you're out to try an make me diskyard it in your favour.Sech schemes, Dan, can't make the landin'. Opals that a-way is asharmless as bull snakes. Also, I knows what becomes my looks; an'while I ain't vain, still, bein' married as you're aware, it's wisdomin me to seize every openin' for enhancin' my pulcritoode. The betterI looks, the longer Tucson Jennie loves me; an' I'm out to reetain thatlady's heart at any cost." No, I don't onbend in no response,' goes onBoggs. 'Them accoosations of Dave about me honin' for said bauble isoncalled for. I'd no more pack a opal than I'd cut for deal an' embarkon a game of seven-up with a ghost. As I states, the luck of opals isblack.'
"'I was wont to think so,' says Enright, 'but thar once chances a play,the same comin' off onder my personal notice, that shakes myconvictions on that p'int. Thar's a broke-down sport--this yere's longago while I'm briefly sojournin' in Socorro--who's got a opal, an' heone day puts it in hock with a kyard sharp for a small stake. Thekyard gent says he ain't alarmed none by these charges made of opalsbein' bad luck. It's a ring, an' he sticks it on his little finger.Two days later he goes broke ag'in four jacks.
"'This terrifies him; he begins to believe in the evil innocences ofopals. He presents the jewelry to a bar-keep, who puts it up, sincehis game limits itse'f to sellin' licker an', him bein' plenty carefulnot to drink none himse'f, his contracted destinies don't offer nofield for opals an' their malign effects. In less time than a week,however, his wife leaves him; an' also that drink-shop wherein heofficiates is blown down by a high wind.
"'That bar-keep emerges from the rooms of his domestic hopes an'
thedesolation of that gin mill, an' endows a lady of his acquaintance withthis opal ornament. It ain't twenty-four hours when she cuts loose an'weds a Mexican.
"'Which by this time, excitement is runnin' high, an' you-all couldn'thave found that citizen in Socorro with a search warrant who declinesto believe in opals bein' bad luck. On the hocks of these catastrophesit's the common notion that nobody better own that opal; an' saidmalev'lent stone in the dooal capac'ty of a cur'osity an' a warnin' isput in the seegyar case at the Early Rose s'loon. The first day it'sthar, a jeweller sharp come in for his daily drinks--he runs thejewelry store of that meetropolis an' knows about diamonds an' sim'larjimcracks same as Peets does about drugs--an' he considers thistalisman, scrootinisin' it a heap clost. "Do you-all believe in thebad luck of opals?" asks a pard who's with him. "This thing ain't noopal," says the jeweller sharp, lookin' up; "it's glass."
"'An' so it is: that baleful gewgaw has been sailin' onder a alias; itain't no opal more'n a Colt's cartridge is a poker chip. An', ofcourse, it's plain the divers an' several disasters, from the loss ofthat kyard gent's bank-roll down to the Mexican nuptials of theill-advised lady to whom I alloodes, can't be laid to its charge. Thewhole racket shocks an' shakes me to that degree,' concloods Enright,'that to-day I ain't got no settled views on opals', none whatever.'
"'Jest the same, I thinks it's opals that's the trouble with Dave,'declar's Boggs, plenty stubborn an' while the rest of us don't yoonitewith him, we receives his view serious an' respectful so's not to joltBoggs's feelin's.
"Goin' back, however, to when Dave sets up the warble of 'Bye O baby!'that a-way, we-all, followin' Enright's s'licitation for our thoughts,abides a heap still an' makes no response. Enright asks ag'in: 'Whatdo you-all think?'
"At last Boggs, who as I sets forth frequent is a nervous gent, an' oneon whom silence soon begins to prey, ag'in speaks up. Bein' doubtfulan' mindful of Enright's argyment ag'in his opal bluff, however, Boggsdon't advance his concloosions this time at all emphatic. In a tonelike he's out ridin' for information himse'f, Boggs says:
"'Mebby, if it ain't opals, it's a case of straight loco.'
"'While I wouldn't want to readily think Dave locoed,' says Enright,'seein' he's oncommon firm on his mental feet, still he's shore gotsomething on his mind. An' bein' it is something, it's possible as yousays that Dave's intellects is onhossed.'
"'Whatever for a play would it be,' says Cherokee, 'to go an' ask Davehimse'f right now?'
"'I'd be some slow about propoundin' sech surmises to Dave,' saysBoggs. 'He might get hostile; you can put a wager on it, he'd turn outdisagree'ble to a degree, if he did. No, you-all has got to handle aloonatic with gloves. I knows a gent who entangles himse'f with aloonatic, askin' questions, an' he gets all shot up.'
"'I reckons, however,' says Cherokee, 'that I'll assoome the resk.Dave an' me's friends; an' I allows if I goes after him in ways bothsoft an' careless, so as not to call forth no suspicions, he'll take itgood-humoured even if he is locoed.'
"We-all sets breathless while Cherokee sa'nters down to where Dave'sstill wropped in them melodies.
"'Whatever be you hummin' toones for, Dave?' asks Cherokee allaccidental like.
"'Which I'm rehearsin',' says Dave, an' he shows he's made impatient.'Don't come infringin' about me with no questions,' goes on Dave. 'I'mlike the ancient Romans, I've got troubles of my own; an' no sport whocalls himse'f my friend will go aggravatin' me with ontimelyinquis'tiveness.' Then Dave gets up an' pulls his freight an' leavesus more onsettled than at first.
"For a full hour, we does nothin' but canvass this yere question ofDave's aberrations. At last a idee seizes us. Thar's times whenDave's been seen caucusin' with Missis Rucker an' Doc Peets. Mostlikely one of 'em would be able to shed a ray on Dave. By a excellentcoincidence, an' as if to he'p us out, Peets comes in as Texas Thompsonsu'gests that mebby the Doc's qualified to onravel the myst'ry.
"'Tell you-all folks what's the matter with Dave?' says Peets. 'Pards,it's simply not in the deck. Meanin' no disrespects--for you gentsknows me too well to dream of me harborin' anything but feelin's of thehighest regyards for one an' all--I'll have to leave you camped inoriginal darkness. It would be breakin' professional confidences.Shore, I saveys Dave's troubles an' the causes of these vagaries ofhis; jest the same the traditions of the medical game forces me to hold'em sacred an' secret.'
"'Tell us at least, Doc,' says Enright, 'whether Dave's likely to growvoylent. If he is, it's only proper that we arranges to tie him down.'
"'Dave may be boisterous later,' says Peets, an' his reply comes slowan' thoughtful, like he's considerin'; 'he may make a joyful uproar,but he won't wax dangerous.' This yere's as far as Peets'll go; hedeclines to talk longer, on professional grounds.
"'Which suspense, this a-way,' says Boggs, after Peets is gone, 'an' usno wiser than when he shows in the door, makes me desp'rate. I'lloffer the motion: Let's prance over in a bunch, an' demand aexplanation of Missis Rucker. Dave's been talkin' to her as much asever he has to Peets, an' thar's no professional hobbles on the lady;she's footloose, an' free to speak.'
"'We waits on you, Marm,' says Enright, when ten minutes later Boggs,Cherokee, Texas Thompson an' he is in the kitchen of the O. K.Restauraw where Missis Rucker is slicin' salt hoss an' layin' thefragrant foundations of supper; 'we waits on you-all to ask youradvice. Dave Tutt's been carryin' on in a manner an' form at oncedoobious an' threatenin'. It ain't too much to say that we-all fearsthe worst. We comes now to invite you to tell us all you knows of Davean' whatever it is that so onsettles him. Our idee is that youonderstands a heap about it.'
"'See yere, Sam Enright,' retorts Missis Rucker, pausin' over the salthoss, 'you ain't doin' yourse'f proud. You better round up this herdof inebriates an' get 'em back to the Red Light. Thar's nothin' thematter with Dave; leastwise if it was the matter with you, you'd besome improved. Dave Tutt's a credit to this camp; never more so thannow; the same bein' a mighty sight more'n I could say of any of you-allan' stick to the trooth.'
"'Then you does know, Missis Rucker,' says Enright, 'the secret that'sgnawin' at Dave.'
"'Know it,' replies Misses Rucker, 'of course, I knows it. But I don'tpropose to discuss it none with you tarrapins. I ain't got no patiencewith sech dolts! Now that you-all is yere, however, I'll give younotice that to-morry you can begin to do your own cookin' till youhears further word from me. I'm goin' to be otherwise an' morecongenially engaged. Most likely I'll be back in my kitchen ag'in in aday or two; but I makes no promises. An' ontil sech time as I showsup, you-all can go scuffle for yourse'fs. I've got more importantdooties jest now on my hands than cookin' chuck for sots.'
"As Missis Rucker speaks up mighty vigorous, an' as none of us has thenerve to ask her further an' take the resk of turnin' loose her temper,we lines out ag'in for the Red Light no cl'arer than what we was.
"'I could ask her more questions,' says Enright, 'but, gents, I didn'tdeem it wise. Missis Rucker is a most admirable character; but I'msooperstitious about crowdin' her too clost. Like Boggs says aboutopals, thar's plenty of bad luck lurkin' about Missis Rucker's environsif you only goes about its deevelopment the right way.'
"'The sityooation is too many for me,' says Boggs, goin' up to the barfor a drink, 'I gives it up. I ain't got a notion left, onless it isthat Dave's runnin' for office; that is, I might entertain sech athought only thar ain't no office.'
"'The next day Missis Rucker abandons her post; an' we tharupon findsthat feedin' ourse'fs keeps us busy an' we don't have much time todiscuss Dave. Also, Dave disappears;--in fact, both Dave an' MissisRucker fades from view.
"It's about fo'rth drink time the evenin' of the third day, an' most ofus is in the Red Light. Thar's a gloom overhangs us like a fog. Mebbyit's the oncertainties which envelops Dave, mebby it's because MissisRucker's done deserted an' left us to rustle for ourse'fs or starve.Most of us is full of present'ments that something's due to happen.
"All at
once, an' onexpected, Dave walks in. A sigh of relief goes up,for the glance we gives him shows he's all right--sane asEnright--clothed an' in his right mind as set fo'th in holy writ.Also, his countenance is a wrinkle of glee.
"'Gents,' says Dave, an' his air is that patronisin' it would have beenexasperatin' only we're so relieved, 'gents, I'm come to seekcongratyoolations an' set 'em up. Peets an' that motherly angel,Missis Rucker, allows I'll be of more use yere than in my own house,whereat I nacherally floats over. Coupled with a su'gestion that wedrinks, I wants to say that he's a boy, an' that I brands him "EnrightPeets Tutt."'"