Chapter Nineteen
Zenobia
He’s been moaning and groaning since he came in. Man he is such a baby when he’s sick. You would think instead of me standing over a hot stove trying to fix him something to make him feel better, the situation would be reversed. I’m the one still bleeding and bruised; bleeding more cause he just had to have some last night. I’m the one he beat half to death, and then lost my baby. I’m the one! But no, he didn’t care about any of that. All he can think about is himself. I feel so stupid. I’ve wasted all this time not recognizing that Percy never cared about anyone other than himself. I changed to accommodate him. I’m the one who compromised my hopes and dreams. I compromised my entire life to please a man who has shown me over and over again that he could give less than a damn about me.
But that is changing today. This soup I’m making for him is going to be just enough. He wanted something to eat so I’m giving it to him. Knowing this will be the last meal I ever fix for his ass makes standing over this stove in pain all worth it.
“Okay Percy, here you go.”
“What’s this?”
“Soup.”
“What the hell? Zee, I need something to eat, not no motherfuckin’ soup! Damn, you can’t get shit right! All I ask is for somethin’ to eat and this the crap you bring me? Ain’t nothin’ to go with it?”
“Percy didn’t you say you don’t feel well?”
“Yeah, but damn Zee…”
“Look, when you was little and didn’t feel good what did your momma give you to eat? Soup! She didn’t bring you steak and potatoes. She brought you soup. So if you want to eat, then get the spoon and eat it. Once we see how you do with that, then and only then will you get something else…and not a minute before. You feel me?”
Percy’s eyes were so big when I was speaking. I don’t know that I have ever talked to him that way. Whatever it was, he did just what I told him. He picked up that spoon and started sipping. Humph! Maybe I should have stood my ground with his ass sooner. Maybe he wouldn’t be such a fuck up now. Oh, well! Better late than never...
Out of nowhere I hear banging and rumbling coming from the bedroom. Then I hear, “Zee!” It sounded like my name got stuck in his throat. I know why…my little gift…
I took my time getting to him. There was no need to rush. I knew what to expect – he didn’t. I smelled him before I saw him. There he was - his pants barely down pass his thighs sitting on the toilet with the trash can in front of him. Percy was groaning even louder as he bent over the trash can throwing his guts up. Shit was literally coming out of both ends. The smell coming out of the bathroom was so foul I had to hold my nose. What did he think I was going to do? I wasn’t going into that war zone. I’m just glad he made it to the bathroom. It would have been a bitch to have to clean up after his ass. That would come soon enough. No sense in rushing it.
He noticed I was standing near the doorway. His eyes were bloodshot from the strain of defecating and vomiting. His lips were trembling. He tried to say something to me, but his body convulsed. He heaved again; his bowels eliminating at the same time. I completely covered my nose and my mouth at this point; the beginnings of a smile starting to spread across my face. It was cruel, but his ass deserved it.
The phone rang - once, a pause and then it rang again. Instead of answering it in the bedroom I made my way to the front of the house.
“Where you go-“, once again Percy was overcome.
“Be back in a minute, hun.” I couldn’t help but snicker now that he couldn’t hear me over the eruption in the bathroom.
“Hey, girl.” I knew who it was without having to look at the Caller ID. Gina and I had developed that little calling system just in case. I could still hear Percy calling out to me between rounds.
“Hey Zee, how’s everything? What’s so funny? And what’s all that noise in the background?”
“Oh, that’s Percy…he’s a little indisposed right now…”At this point I was laughing out loud; still covering my mouth just in case he heard me.
“What in the world?”
“Gina I know I shouldn’t have, but girl I couldn’t help it!”
“Zee, what did you do?”
“Well, I know we talked about the first part of the set-up. That went well. Tre’ really came through for me like he said he would. I started feeling some kind of way after what that bastard did to me last night, so I put a little concoction together to thank him for destroying my life.” My tone was a lot more serious as I thought about everything that happened.
“And?”
“You know those pain pills Doc prescribed for me?”
“Yes…”
“Well, I started with that. I figured the pills would just make him sleepy, so I decided to give him a little something extra.”
“Which was? Girl, tell me! He sounds awful. Is he crying and shit?”
“Well with the amount of milk of magnesia I mixed in his soup, let’s just say he crying and shittin’!”
“Ewwww Zee, you are awful!”
“I know, girl…I know…you should see him looking all pitiful like a wounded puppy.”
“Naw, I’ll pass right now. I’ll see his trifling ass soon enough.”
“All right Gina, let me get back in there and see about him. I’ll call the code if you need to come down earlier.”
“All right girl…talk to you later.”
I know this was an awful way to do Percy, but he deserved every bit of it. I hope his ass is sore and his throat hurts so bad he’ll never be able to call me out my name again. I can’t wait to tell him what made him so sick.
I can hear him all the way in here whining and moaning, but those moans ain’t from pleasure are they Percy?
“Zee, I ain’t never been this sick. I dunno what’s wrong with me…”
Gawd he stinks and looks worse than he smells.
Holding my nose to try and drown out the smell wasn’t gone cut it. I had to grab the air freshener just to be able to breathe. I kept my hand over my nose and mouth and responded to him through my fingers.
“Aww honey, I’m sorry you feel so bad.” It was a lie, but one I was willing to tell as long as it worked to my advantage.
Percy tried to stand up and fell back down clumsily onto the toilet. He squealed loudly from banging his naked ass against the porcelain. It took everything in me to keep from bursting out laughing at how stupid and pitiful he looked. He tried again; this time using the sink basin to help hoist himself up. His pants slid further down his legs and he had to bend over to retrieve them; wincing and groaning as he did. Thankfully after the toilet flushed the first time, he turned around and poured the contents of the trashcan in and flushed the toilet again. I hoped it wouldn’t overflow and flood the bathroom. That would be too much to bear.
He righted himself, sat the trashcan back on the floor and stumbled into the bedroom.
“I gotta’ lay down…for real.”
I helped him into bed. It was the least I could do. I needed him to be as weak as humanly possible so the next phase of the plan would go smoothly. I tucked him in and went into the bathroom and put the trashcan in the tub to clean it out. It reeked! I hurried so I wouldn’t get sick myself. I found the bleach under the sink and rinsed the can with hot water. Percy continued to grimace and groan. He seemed to struggle to get comfortable. After everything in the bathroom was cleaned up, I went over to him and kissed him on the forehead. I told him I would check on him in a little while. He was too weak to answer. I left the trashcan by the bed just in case he got sick again - the least amount of mess to clean up the better.
I turned out the light. I thought about closing the door to shut out the noise, but I was taking a great deal of pleasure in hearing his ass suffer. Once he went to sleep I would take the next step – tying him down to the bed, gagging his mouth and inflicting the next level of pain and discomfort. It was going to be a good
night. They say karma is a bitch. Well now is my time to be just that – a bitch.
It seemed like it was taking forever for Percy to fall off to sleep. He would nod off, and then out of nowhere, start grabbing at his stomach and crying out in pain. As I sat in the living room looking at my hope chest and reminiscing on what could have been, I suddenly felt better about what I was doing. I knew other women that had been through the same thing I was going through with Percy. Unlike me, a lot of them grew up seeing their mommas being mistreated. That’s all they knew. I don’t have that as an excuse to fall back on. My momma didn’t take no stuff off my dad and she always taught me to love myself and not let anyone take advantage of me. So where did I get this from? How did I resolve that it was okay to let him talk down to me and beat me? It all starts with the first time he calls you out your name. You blow it off or think it’s cute. Then when he gets jealous of you spending time with other people - men or women - you think that means he must really love you. His intent is to isolate you from everyone else. He tells you these other people don’t mean you any good. He tells you they are trying to break up your relationship. You buy that, too –hook, line and sinker. He starts confiding in you and telling you that he can’t go on without you. He tells you how much he needs you in his life. You believe it, and that seals the deal. In your mind that’s what love is. I really believed that for a long time.
Percy took everything from me. I have scars and bruises that will never go away. Sure time will fade them and makeup can cover them, but some scars are permanent. I think the worst scar is the one he left on my heart. I trusted him. I believed him when he told me how much he loved me, wanted to take care of me and what I meant to him. The hardest part to deal with is the fact that I allowed all this to happen. I let him treat me like a door mat for far too long. When this works out I won’t be a doormat for anyone else. This is the first step in taking back control of my life. I’ve thought about just walking away and letting this whole “get even” plan go, but my record on that hasn’t been so good. I would swear to myself and promise to God that I would leave and just as soon as I got up enough nerve to actually take the first step out the door, he would do something nice - something unexpected - and I would fall for it over and over again. Having had some time to think, I’ve come to realize that it’s not so much that I wanted to be with Percy as much as I didn’t want to be by myself. I guess I have been one of those kinds of women that would rather have a raggedy man than no man at all. But it’s time out for that. I deserve so much more and I’m going to get it. I don’t care what the cost. I’m still young and I deserve to have a good life with a man who loves me. And even if I don’t find him right away (or he doesn’t find me), I’m going to be okay with that. But first things first…
After another stint in the bathroom, Percy fell back to the sleep. That cycle continued for a few hours. Each time, I cleaned up behind him. I didn’t like it, but I didn’t mind. It just meant I was one step closer to my goal, and he was one step closer to the end. He was getting weaker. I was so lost in my own thoughts I hadn’t really noticed how quiet it had gotten. I tiptoed back to the bedroom. The light snoring let me know he was sound asleep. It was time. I made my way back into the small living room and opened my hope chest. I moved aside the pictures, baby clothes and remnants of my dreams deferred. I retrieved five leather straps from the bottom of the chest. I knew they would be safe in my hope chest. Percy never opened it. It didn’t mean anything to him. I called upstairs to Gina to let her know what was up. She made her way downstairs to my apartment. She and I had spent just enough time together that no one would think anything of her going in and out.
“How’s it going?” Gina asked almost whispering.
“He finally went to sleep. I got the stuff. Let’s take care of this.”
We made our way to the bedroom. We tried to be as quiet as possible. I went in first to make sure he was still sleeping. I motioned and Gina came in behind me. I handed her two of the straps. She tied his legs down to the foot of the bed. I had gotten the left arm securely bound down when Percy started to stir. I think we both held our breath at that moment not sure if he was going to wake up. He shifted his weight a bit and his head fell back to the pillow. I waited a second before reaching for his other arm. I took the last strap and prepared to put it in his mouth. Gina stopped me.
“I don’t know if that’s going to work,” she said. “Maybe we need a sock or cloth or something put behind it…you know, to muffle the sound.”
I pointed her in the direction of the sock drawer and she quietly retrieved one and handed it to me. I fashioned it in such a way that the sock would serve as a gag, and the leather strap would hold it in place. Just as I was ready to try and open his mouth to put the gag in Percy started to moan. The sounds emanating from his mouth broke the silence of the moment. It sounded like he had been struck by a new pain. I knew I had to move quickly. He started to move his head from side to side. When he tried to shift his body again, he couldn’t get up. The sensation of not being able to move must have been what jarred him from his sleep. His eyes flew open to find me looking down at him.
“What the…”
Before he could get the rest of it out, I tried to shove the sock into his open mouth. He moved his head to the side and I missed. He was fully awake now and at least part of the reality of the situation started to sink in. Percy tried to move again, but he couldn’t. Pulling harshly on the straps that were holding him down, he grunted in frustration from his inability to move.
“Zee, what you doing?”
Instead of taking the cowardly route and quieting him down with the gag, I decided to tell him the truth. Revenge is a dish best served cold. I wanted him to have a clear understanding of exactly why this was happening to him.
I moved from the head of the bed to where he could see me clearly. Gina, who had been moving to help me, backed up giving me enough room to get up close and personal with Percy.
“Zee, what the fuck going on?”
His voice was coarse, and the look on his face was a combination of uncertainty and anger.
“Shhhhhhh…I need you to be quiet and listen.”
The look of surprise and bewilderment was in his eyes. Once again I had spoken to him in a way he was not used to.
“Fuck that! I…”
Seeing as he was not listening, I climbed on top of the bed and straddled him; one knee resting on each side of his midsection. I leaned in very close to him. His eyes grew wider the closer I came. He started to say something else, but the openhanded slap I gave him across his face quickly quieted him down. His mouth was agape, but the shock kept him from speaking.
Leaning over to his left ear I whispered, “Now, be quiet and listen. I have taken all I’m going to take from you. You have treated me like shit for too long and now it’s my turn.”
He raised his hips; bucking against me. I was through talking. I had said what I needed to say. Before he could utter another word I pressed against his teeth and forced his mouth to open. I crammed the sock in not caring how much he fought against it. The objections he raised at this point were muffled utterings that I couldn’t understand. Taking the leather strap from the head of the bed, I placed it over the sock and pulled his head forward enough to get the straps behind it. I beckoned for Gina to come and help me. She obliged by going to the front of the bed, grabbing the ends of the leather strap and tying a knot. She methodically positioned it at the base of his skull.
“Tighter!” I commanded without even looking at her. My eyes were fixed on Percy. I made him look at me as Gina pulled the straps tightly across his mouth. His eyes bugged out as he realized he was at our mercy – my mercy. He continued to struggle, but it was no use. The straps confined his movement.
“Tighter!”
I wanted the leather to cut against his lips; the rough underside of the strap to be a constant abrasion against his skin.
Gina pulled the straps tighter again, and this time there was a mumbled, pained sound emanating from Percy’s mouth. Once the strap was tightened to my satisfaction, I asked Gina to secure the knot. I kissed Percy on the forehead again - more as a ‘fuck you’ than an ‘I love you’ - and let his head fall back on the pillow. His eyes followed me as long as they could as I walked out the room.
Gina followed behind me as we made our way to the living room. My heart was beating so fast. There was an energy I never experienced before. It was like exhilaration and nervousness at the same time. I felt like I had taken the first steps in taking back my life. It felt so damn good. Just seeing the fear in Percy’s eyes gave me so much strength! It was an unexpected, yet amazing feeling.
“You alright?” Gina asked catching up to me in the front of the house.
“Gina, I feel… great…I really do. I feel so good right now I can’t even explain it. How about you? You good?”
“Yeah, I’m good. Call me if anything comes up though, okay?”
“I will…and thanks, Gina…thanks for everything.”
I needed to hug her and let her know how much I appreciated her. She let me and hugged me back. We were truly bonded; not just by the pain of our pasts, but now by this.
Once Gina left I sat for a while thinking more about what my life would be like in the future. I hadn’t thought about that kind of thing for a long time. I was so busy trying to live from day to day. The future seemed like a foreign concept. What would I do? Where would I go? Would I stay here? Would it be too hard to stay here? So many wonderful possibilities ran through my mind I didn’t even pay attention to the anguished sounds coming from the bedroom. Percy was not my concern right now. I was thinking about me...if only for a few moments...