The three of them didn’t meet any boys to hang out with regularly, like Jill and Hillary had last year, but Jill didn’t mind. They played volleyball a couple times, but it was always a random crowd. Last year they’d played with the same people every day. This year they spent more time laying out, swimming, or walking, and one day they went parasailing, which had been Hilton’s idea last year when Jill had invited her.
They went up in a triple, attached to the parachute only by the straps called a diaper that went around their legs and formed a wobbly seat, and they absolutely loved it. It was so peaceful and serene floating above the world like that on a sparkling sunny day and watching the tiny jet skis and boats that looked like Matchbox car-sized toys underneath them. The water was a surprisingly deep green when viewed from above, and they could see for miles, all the way to where the beach curved and angled toward Lovers’ Key and Bonita Beach at the far end of the island. In the other direction was Sanibel, hazy and almost like an illusion in the bright afternoon sun. They could see all the ships in the marina too, and all the way over the Sky Bridge onto the mainland. It was breathtaking. They agreed to definitely do it again next year. It was fun riding in the boat too; it whipped across the ocean, spraying them with seawater and reminding Jill of tubing at Landon’s lake.
Later that night, everybody went to the Sanibel Outlets and Jill got her cartilage pierced at Claire’s. It didn’t really hurt, but her ear felt really hot for almost an hour afterwards. She got an amethyst stud and thought it looked good against her dark brown hair, but she couldn’t wait until she could change it to a hoop like Hilton’s.
One night when the girls were walking around the square eating their ice cream, some guys invited them to a party at the Lani Kai, a hotel a little ways down the beach on the other side of the pier from their condo. So after the rest of Jill’s family headed back to the condo, Jill, Hilton, and Hillary walked down to the Lani Kai and had a couple of drinks. The Lani Kai had a fun party atmosphere, but this party was in a room and it was kind of boring, so they didn’t stay too long. Plus, they had to be back shortly after midnight, because that was when the stores usually closed and Jill’s parents would expect them home.
The week flew by, and it was relaxing and fun. Jill was glad they’d all three come, and she hoped maybe Lorylyn could come next year too, since they were flying now. It’d be a tight fit in the girls’ bedroom; someone would have to sleep on the floor every night, but it’d be totally worth it.
***
When the Sherers got home on Sunday evening, there was a message on the machine from Todd.
“I got to pitch in the varsity scrimmage,” he said in a sing-song voice. “I’m so good....Anyway, hope you guys had a good time in Fort Myers! See ya Monday, Jill.”
Jill smiled as she walked upstairs. She was excited to go back to school tomorrow and see Todd. This last two months or so of school had been a breeze last year, and she was looking forward to coasting through the rest of the year and having summer be here again.
chapter 14) eyes wide shut
“So...I know no one’s gonna believe this...but Todd had a date over spring break.” Dirk slapped Todd on the back and grinned at everyone. It was the first day back to school, and they were all gathered in their usual morning spot by the coat check room.
Jill froze. She felt like she’d had the wind knocked out of her, just like in advanced computers that day when Todd had first mentioned Melanie. Dirk had to be joking, right? She looked at him and felt sick when she saw him laughing.
“With who?” Hilton asked.
Everyone waited for Todd’s answer. When he just sat there laughing and looking embarrassed, Dirk answered for him.
“Melanie, Melanie!” He wiggled his eyebrows.
Jill felt the jealousy and panic bubbling up inside her. Melanie?! She’d thought that whole thing was over! How the hell had Todd gotten hooked up with her?!
“Melanie who?” Lorylyn asked, confused.
“Pharrell. She’s like, a track star,” Dirk explained, and Todd rolled his eyes, laughing but embarrassed.
“How’d that happen?” Hilton asked with a slight frown.
“Bennett and Kelsey set them up.”
Jill wanted to smack herself in the forehead. Why hadn’t she thought of that?! She should’ve seen that one coming and tried to do something to stop it. She was immediately pissed at Kelsey. How could Kelsey do this to her?! But I’m always telling Kelsey I don’t like him..., she thought, feeling sicker by the second. What was she going to do?! This absolutely could not work out. If Todd started dating Melanie, she’d be devastated. She felt herself sinking, losing control. This couldn’t be happening. Stupid Bennett! She hated him. Todd hadn’t mentioned Melanie in forever...why’d Bennett have to go and start this?
“So how was it, man?” Brady asked, leaning forward from his position on the coat check counter to look around Dirk at Todd. “Did you get any?”
“Brady!” Lorylyn slapped his arm and glared at him, and Brady and Dirk looked at each other and laughed.
“No, no,” Todd said, smiling and raising his hands innocently. “We just went to dinner with Bennett and Kels.”
Jill felt a little better. It had just been dinner...that didn’t mean anything...maybe Todd hadn’t really liked her...or maybe she hadn’t really liked him...but still, just the thought of some other girl getting to be with Todd like that…having dinner, going on a date…she couldn’t handle it.
“Congrats, man. Finally, you went on a date,” Landon said, reaching out to shake Todd’s hand loosely. Jill glared at him, and she saw Hilton give him a dirty look too.
“Are you going out with her again?” Brady asked.
“I don’t know.” Todd shrugged.
Then, to Jill’s utter horror, “Attention, staff and students. We are going into code green lockdown immediately. Please enter the nearest classroom or office. Once the hallways are empty, lock the door and cover any windows. No one may leave until you receive further instructions. Stay away from all doors and windows. Again, this is a code green lockdown. Find the nearest room immediately.”
Jill swallowed a lump in her throat. Code green lockdown always made her nervous, because she never knew if it was a drill or not. And now, with this whole Todd thing, she seriously felt like she might throw up.
Brady jumped off the counter and tried the door to the coat check room. It opened, and Jill numbly followed everyone inside. While Brady looked for paper to cover the window in the door, Jill slid down on the floor against the wall.
“Hey, you okay?” Dirk asked her.
“Um, I kinda feel like I’m gonna puke.” She buried her head in her knees. She hoped Todd would say something about the time they’d been in the boys’ bathroom together during lockdown last year, but he and the boys continued talking about his date. Jill felt even sicker. He probably hadn’t even thought of that, of being alone in the bathroom with her and jokingly saying they should get it on in a stall and then pushing her up against a wall and pressing his whole body into hers….He was too busy thinking about his date. And this totally sucked, because normally she would’ve been thrilled to be with Todd during lockdown, and it was especially cool that it was just their little group in the coat check room with no teachers, but now she couldn’t even enjoy it.
“Are you okay, Jill?” Lorylyn asked as the four girls walked to French half an hour later. Jill had sat with her head down the whole lockdown, and she knew all the girls knew what was really wrong.
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
“I’m so sorry, I had no idea till this morning,” Hillary said. “I guess it was on Saturday night, and Dirk didn’t tell me. I would’ve told you if I knew sooner.”
“It’s fine, seriously. Don’t worry about it.” Jill didn’t want to talk about it because she was afraid she’d start crying.
Hilton squeezed her elbow silently, and Jill was grateful to her for knowing not to talk about it now.
***
/>
“Oh my gosh, Hilton, what am I gonna do?” Jill asked despairingly during SRT. The bell had just rung to start the period, and they were still in the bathroom; they hadn’t even gone to Ms. Kirkwood’s room yet.
“Well, it’s only one date,” Hilton said. “It’s nothing serious yet. So you still have a chance. But if you’re gonna tell him you like him, you have to do it now, before they go out again.”
“I can’t tell him I like him!”
“Jilly, you’re gonna have to. He has no idea how you feel about him. I asked Landon, and Landon said Todd told him you two are just friends, and you see it the same way he does. Don’t worry, though, I was very discreet. Landon doesn’t know you like Todd.”
“Well, now I definitely can’t tell him I like him, if he told Landon we were just friends! I’ll look like the complete idiot who’s been pining over him this whole time when he never even thought about us as more than friends. That’s so embarrassing!” Her eyes were welling up with tears.
Hilton grabbed some toilet paper and caught the tears just as they spilled over. “Sshh, Jilly, it’s okay.” Hilton hugged her.
“No, it’s not okay! I don’t know what I’m gonna do.” Jill sank to the floor with her back to the full length mirror, pulling her knees up to her chin. “I don’t know what I’ll do if he goes out with somebody else.”
“That’s why you have to tell him how you feel,” Hilton said gently, sitting down in front of Jill. “And I think you have to do it yourself, ‘cause if I ask Landon to say something to him, or Hillary asks Dirk, Todd won’t take it seriously. He’ll just say the same thing he told Landon before, ‘No, she doesn’t like me.’ He’ll only know it’s true if you tell him.”
Jill shook her head. “I really can’t do that. There’s no way.”
“Well, it’s only Monday. He won’t go out with Melanie again till at least this weekend, if he goes out with her again at all. There’s always the chance it was just a random, one-time thing. But I don’t think you can take that chance. Think about it for a couple days. You have to decide what’s more important, having a chance to date him...or not having him find out you like him.”
“I can’t have him find out I like him. It’d ruin everything,” Jill sobbed.
“But wouldn’t it ruin everything if he dated Melanie too?”
Jill wiped at her eyes and shook her head. “Well, kinda, but not as much as if he shot me down.”
“Won’t it ruin everything if he’s liked you all along but you just let him go and never know what could’ve been? Wouldn’t you rather have an answer, even if it’s not the one you want?”
“If he liked me, he should’ve done something! It shouldn’t have to be like this now! It’s just not fair! I never saw this coming! He hasn’t mentioned Melanie since like, the second week back to school! How did this happen? How did it happen?” The tears flowed down her face again.
“You’re right, he should’ve. But just ‘cause he didn’t do anything, are you just gonna sit back and not do anything either? If you guys never get together it’ll be like the biggest waste of a couple ever.”
“I know!” Jill sobbed. “I know! But I can’t do it, Hilton. I just can’t.”
Hilton stroked Jill’s hair. “At least think about it, okay? You shouldn’t decide for sure when you’re this upset.”
***
Jill did think about it, and she asked her mom about it too, but she knew deep down that telling Todd she liked him was never really an option. There was just no way she could bare her soul like that. And maybe Todd and Melanie wouldn’t even go out again. She was probably freaking out over nothing. They hadn’t sat by each other in advanced computers today. They hadn’t even talked at all. So maybe it really was just a one-time thing.
***
The next day at lunch though, Jill couldn’t even stand to look at Melanie. And the worst part was everyone was asking her about the date.
It was three days ago! Jill thought bitterly. Get over it already!
“It was so fun,” Melanie said. “He’s so sweet. He paid for my dinner. And he’s sooo hot.” She grinned.
“Did anything happen?” someone asked.
“No, but there’s always time for that later.”
So much for her not liking him, Jill thought, putting down her pork tenderloin and knowing she wouldn’t be able to eat any more that day.
***
That night was the Winter Sports Awards, and Jill and Lorylyn, who had now each accumulated two varsity letters in gymnastics, got their letter jackets. It was something Jill had been excited about for a long time, but now it was bittersweet. As she and Lorylyn stood on the stage and Coach Tanner helped them put on their jackets, Jill scanned the area where the basketball team was seated, but she couldn’t find Todd because it was too dark. She looked quickly away and back at Coach Tanner. As she and Lorylyn walked off the stage and back to their seats, they had to pass the swim team. Jill stared straight ahead and walked as fast as she could. The last thing she wanted was to see Melanie tonight.
After the part in the auditorium was over and the teams went to separate rooms to present special team awards, Jill hurried to the gymnastics room, praying she wouldn’t see either Todd or Melanie, because the thought of possibly seeing them together here, in front of all the parents, was too much to bear. It was like it would establish them as a real couple, to have all those people see them together. She should be with Todd tonight, and all the parents should be seeing the two of them together.
She couldn’t wait to get the hell out of here.
***
“Would you care if I went to prom?” Brady asked Lorylyn on the phone Wednesday night.
“I don’t know. Why? Did somebody else ask you?”
“No, but I was working with Brooke on our Spanish project-”
“What Spanish project?” Lorylyn cut in, upset. “You didn’t say anything to me about that.”
“Chill, we just got assigned partners today.”
“And you just so happened to get assigned Brooke again?”
“Well, she did it alphabetically by first names this time. What am I supposed to do about that? But anyway, we just wanted to get an early start on our project tonight and-”
“Are you with her right now?!” Lorylyn was horrified.
“No! I left her house awhile ago.”
“You were at her house tonight? And you didn’t even feel the need to let me know about that?”
“Lorylyn, seriously, chill. Mrs. Martin assigned partners in class, and Brooke randomly called me and was bored and said she wanted to get a head start on the project, so I went over there. I didn’t realize I had to notify you every time I go somewhere.”
Lorylyn was silent.
“So anyway,” Brady continued, sounding less annoyed now that she’d stopped yelling, “we were working on our project and she was talking about how Lindy and Landon are going to prom together, and she said Lindy was saying she wished Brooke and I could go together, ‘cause the four of us used to have so much fun hanging out together. But Brooke said her and Lindy both agreed they didn’t think she should ask me, ‘cause they didn’t wanna upset you.”
That fucking bitch! Lorylyn seethed silently. Stupid scheming whore! She’d played it perfectly with Brady, to make Lorylyn look like the bitch if she wouldn’t let Brady go now. Lorylyn had known Brooke wasn’t over him! She’d been right to be worried when Brooke and Matt broke up.
Brady had paused, but when Lorylyn still didn’t say anything, he continued. “But I didn’t know if it’d really upset you, so I just thought I’d see.”
How could you not know? Lorylyn thought. Do you not remember how upset I was when you kissed her at Hilton’s birthday party?! “Did you tell Brooke you were gonna ask me?” Lorylyn said, trying to keep her voice level. She was about to burst into tears.
“No. She has no idea. She thinks it’s not even a possibility that we’d go together.”
Yeah fucking righ
t! Lorylyn thought. “Well, I don’t think it is either,” she snapped, slamming the phone down. She hadn’t even planned to do that, but she was shaking. She couldn’t believe this.
It rang again immediately. She hesitated, then picked it up. “Hello?”
“Lorylyn! Why are you getting so upset? This is crazy. If you don’t want me to ask her, I won’t. You don’t have to get upset just ‘cause I asked you about it.”
But that’s exactly why I am upset! she wailed silently. The fact that you would even ask me. You shouldn’t even wanna do it. You shouldn’t even have wanted to ask me.
“Besides,” Brady continued, “Brooke’s actually trying to be nice. Can’t you see that? She knows we’d all have a lot of fun together, but she didn’t even ask me ‘cause she knew it’d upset you. She’s changed a lot.”
Yeah, Lorylyn thought darkly. She’s changed from being an obvious bitch to a scheming, secretive bitch! Brady’s words played over in her head, and she wanted to hit something. Couldn’t she see?! How could Brady not see what Brooke was trying to do?! But Lorylyn knew it’d be pointless to try to make him see; he’d just get even more annoyed with her. And this fight could go on for hours. She needed some time to think.
“You’re right,” she said finally, trying to make her voice sound normal. “I guess she is trying to be nice. But I just really don’t want you to go with her, Brady. I’m sorry, okay?”
“Okay, that’s fine. I won’t ask her,” Brady said, but she heard him give an irritated sigh under his breath.
***
Lorylyn called Jill as soon as she hung up from Brady and unloaded the whole story on her. “How can he not see?” she cried.
“What a bitch!” Jill cried. “No shit! How can he not see that? That’s crazy! Do you think he’s mad at you?”
“I don’t know, but I don’t even care! He has no right to be mad at me! I hate how she’s making me look like the bad one! Ugh, this sucks so bad! What the hell am I supposed to do? He’s gonna carry this grudge against me, ‘cause he thinks I’m being petty and stupid, and then he’ll spend all this time with her on their Spanish project, and he’ll start liking her better! What should I do?!”