Please forgive me, she prayed silently. I promise I’ll really focus in church this Sunday. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d actually paid attention to the sermon. She was always thinking about Todd or something else going on at school or with her friends. But she couldn’t say she was that happy with God right now. She’d prayed every night for things to work out with Todd, and look what was happening. Why me? she asked silently, her eyes cast toward the ceiling. I’m a lot better than most people. I pray, and I go to church, and nothing ever works out for me and a guy. So why does it for people who probably don’t pray at all, like Melanie? Jill wrinkled her nose at the ceiling and turned back to her computer.
***
At lunch, Jill, Todd, Bennett, Hilton, and Lorylyn were all sitting at their table already when Brady walked into the cafeteria. Jill, Hilton, and Lorylyn saw him at the same time, and their eyes followed him silently as he walked straight to the far side of the cafeteria and sat down at a table they couldn’t see. He hadn’t even looked their way. The girls’ eyes met, and Lorylyn said, “He wouldn’t even look at me in chem.” Then the bell rang and they were dismissed to get their food, and no one mentioned it again.
***
The next day Jill drove Hillary to the varsity baseball double-header at West Side, one of the schools in Logan. Todd and Dirk had both gotten to dress varsity. Jill’s thought was that she’d be here and Melanie wouldn’t, so Todd would be thinking about her and not Mel. She even hoped they might hang out afterwards with Hillary and Dirk, and maybe even Hilton and Landon, when Hilton got done with her tennis invitational.
Brady had a horrible first game, striking out four times, and Jill was psyched to see he didn’t get to play the second game. She’d been able to tell he’d been cussing every time he struck out, so that was probably why he’d been benched. He was one of the team’s best players, so normally a bad game at bat wouldn’t keep him sidelined in the next game.
Todd was put in to pitch in the second game, with one out in the top of the sixth inning. Jill was thrilled; he hadn’t been sure if he’d play or not. He struck out his first batter, but the second one hit a three-run homer off him. Todd threw his glove down and kicked furiously at the pitcher’s mound.
Jill turned to Hillary for a second, unable to watch. Todd got taken out right away, and he threw his glove again just before he entered the dugout. Jill’s heart broke for him. And it sucked for her too, because now he’d never be in the mood to do anything after the game.
***
“Dude, that was so funny. I was rolling,” Bennett was saying Monday morning when Jill and Hilton joined everyone by the coat check counter.
“What’s up?” Hilton asked.
Bennett looked at her, laughing hysterically. Kelsey was laughing too, and Todd had a dumb grin on his face.
“We’re just making fun of dumb-ass over here,” Bennett said, pointing his thumb at Todd.
Jill waited eagerly for Bennett to continue. It sounded like a good story.
“So we’re in my basement Saturday night,” Bennett said, “watching a movie, and me and Kels hear this thud, and we look over at the couch, and Melanie’s laying on the floor.” He stopped, laughing again.
Jill’s eyes flew to Hilton’s, then she looked down. Saturday night?! Todd had done something with Melanie Saturday night?! After that horrible baseball game when she’d been sure he’d be too pissed to even wanna hang out with her, he’d gone on a date with Melanie? Jill felt betrayed. He’d told her he wasn’t going out with Melanie at all this weekend!
“He knocked her on the floor!” Kelsey continued Bennett’s story exuberantly. “They were making out and he tried to move closer to her, and he knocked her on the floor!” A loud laugh escaped her mouth, and she looked at Todd gleefully.
Todd was staring at the ground, but he was grinning.
They were making out?! Jill thought. On the second date?! How does it always happen for everyone but me? I was laying on the couch with him after Homecoming, and he started to kiss me, but he never did! How did Melanie make it happen? What the fuck?! Just the thought of Todd wanting to kiss another girl made her unbearably jealous. And now she’d probably missed her chance with him. What had she been doing wrong all this time, and how come every other girl knew how to make something happen with a guy except her? Even these freshman girls!
Suddenly she remembered what her grandma had said in California. Something about making the most of every chance, so she wouldn’t have to look back later and regret missing one. Jill felt deflated. She’d totally missed hers. It had blown right by her, and she hadn’t even realized it. She’d been too caught up in the moment and unable to see the big picture. Why had she not made more of her time with Todd? So many times she could’ve just kissed him...last summer, Homecoming, so many other times this year...how could she have been so stupid?! She wished she could go back and do it all over again....She felt her chest tightening, her whole world slipping out from under her. She was gong to lose Todd, and it was all her fault.
***
And of course it was a green day, so at lunch Jill had to hear about it all over again from Melanie and Kelsey. Her one slim hope had been that Melanie would think Todd was a complete loser after what had happened, but she seemed to think it was as hilarious as Bennett and Kelsey did.
Jill sat there silently, stuffing French fries in her mouth numbly and wondering how her sophomore year had suddenly gone from cloud nine to the gutter in a week and hating herself for not seeing it coming way back last summer and doing something when she still had the chance.
chapter 16) prom
The second Saturday in May, Jill, Hilton, and Hillary went to the Grand March together to see all the prom couples. Lorylyn had said there was no way in hell she was going, and Dirk couldn’t care less.
The three girls had just sat down in what was normally the junior high student section during basketball games when Jill saw Todd, Melanie, Bennett, and Kelsey walk in.
“Don’t let them see us,” she said anxiously to Hilton and Hillary, nodding in their direction. Hilton and Hillary turned to look. “I don’t wanna sit by them,” Jill added in explanation.
But the foursome took a seat on the other side of the gym. Jill couldn’t tear her eyes away from them. It was so weird to see those four together. Before Melanie, she would’ve probably been with them right now. She felt like she’d been replaced, and like she wasn’t welcome in their group anymore. Not that she’d want to be part of it anyway.
***
“Are you gonna hook up with Brady tonight?” Lindy asked Brooke as they neared the gym. It was almost their turn to be presented to the crowd. The boys were entering the gym from the other side.
“I don’t know,” Brooke said thoughtfully, pretending to be pondering it. “Do you think it’d be bad?”
“I don’t know. You guys seem to be getting along so well lately. I don’t know what to think. I mean, it’s been over a month since him and Lorylyn broke up. So I guess there’s nothing holding you back. I just don’t want you to get hurt again. I think you should take it slow. It seems like he’s different, like he doesn’t just want sex from you like before, but you never know. Just be careful.”
“I will,” Brooke promised, rolling her eyes and smiling to herself as she turned back to the gym doors. She was next in line.
As the couple ahead of her joined arms and stepped off the platform, Brooke gathered up her full skirt in her hands and walked confidently into the gym and up the steps, grinning at Brady as she linked her arm through his. He was beautiful.
“Brooke Carlson and Brady Cash,” Mr. O’Malley said into the mic.
Brooke beamed at the crowd as she and Brady reached the bottom of the steps and began walking the Xs taped to the gym floor that set out a path for them to follow. There’d been a practice Grand March on Thursday during SRT, so they knew what they were doing. Plus, Brooke had been coming to these things since she was little.
“Lindy Brooks and Landon Kessler,” Mr. O’Malley’s voice boomed out behind them, and as she and Brady made their first turn, Brooke looked back at Lindy with a smile.
When Brooke and Brady finished their walk and got in line on one side of the gym, Brooke kept her arm through Brady’s. She was a little disappointed Lindy and Landon would be on the other side of the gym, since every other couple went to the opposite side, but at least she’d have some alone time with Brady.
“I’m having so much fun,” she told him, smiling up at him. She reached up with her free hand to push the curl out of his eye.
“Thanks,” he laughed, shaking his head to throw the curl back away from his face. “I am too.” Then he leaned down and whispered in her ear, “But I can’t wait till the real fun later.”
Brooke grinned back at him wickedly. “Me neither.”
After the last couple was announced, music began playing in the background, and each couple walked again, one right after another this time without their names being announced. Then each couple came to the front a third time and joined with another couple to walk the path in groups of four. Then they walked straight down the gym in groups of eight, then they formed rows of sixteen, taking up the whole gym floor, and waited for the Prom Court to be announced.
“Welcome, everyone, to the 1999 Brinkley-Caldwell prom, Too Good to Be True,” Mr. O’Malley said. “Now we would like to announce your Prom Court, voted for this week by those who had purchased tickets to the dance. First, representing the junior class as Prom Prince...”
Brooke’s stomach tightened. She wanted this so badly...and if Brady got Prince, she’d probably be Princess.
“Landon Kessler!”
Brooke’s heart sank. She still had a chance, but it didn’t even matter that much if she wasn’t with Brady.
“And for your Prom Princess...Lindy Brooks!”
Brooke smiled, removing her hand from Brady’s arm so she could clap for Lindy.
Lindy was ecstatic, smiling happily at Brooke as she moved past her out of the row. Brooke squeezed her arm and grinned back.
As Lindy joined Landon on the platform and Mr. O’Malley pinned her tiara on, she looked more beautiful than Brooke had ever seen her.
“She so deserves this,” Brooke whispered to Brady, meaning it. “I’m so excited for her!”
She figured now that Landon and Lindy would probably be Homecoming King and Queen next year too. Kayley Bradbury had been Prom Princess last year and Homecoming Queen this year....It had been Brooke’s dream ever since she made Homecoming Court her freshman year to be Queen, but it didn’t really look like that’d happen now.
After announcing and crowning the King, Mr. O’Malley said, “And for your Queen of Too Good to Be True...Kayley Bradbury!”
Brooke laughed a little. Yep, it was going to be Lindy all the way through. She was surprised how little it suddenly mattered to her that she probably didn’t have a chance for Homecoming Queen. But she knew why it didn’t matter....She looked up at Brady and squeezed his arm. She had all she wanted right here.
***
After the Grand March, everyone was allowed to mill around the gym and talk to the prom-goers and take pictures. Brooke and Brady had just finished posing for a picture with Lindy and Landon for Lindy’s parents when a cute little old lady touched Brooke’s arm.
Brooke looked down at her in surprise.
“I just wanted to tell you,” the lady said, “I graduated from this high school in 1947, and I’ve been coming to all the games and such ever since, and I’ve noticed you two at every Homecoming game for the past three years. I think you make a wonderful couple. As well as those two.” She gestured at Lindy and Landon, who were talking to Lindy’s parents. Lindy’s tiara sparkled in the light. “It’s so nice to see you’re all such great friends. Well, I’ll be going, but I just wanted to say something to you. You look beautiful.” She moved her hand from Brooke’s arm to Brady’s. “And you’re a very handsome young man.” She moved away.
Brooke looked up at Brady and giggled, unable to believe it. She’d thought that the last two years at Homecoming...that maybe people noticed them year after year, but she didn’t really know if people did. It was like a dream come true for someone to say that to her. And in front of Brady...that was even better. She loved the image of them as the perfect couple that’d been together all through high school. She hoped he was figuring out how perfect they were for each other too, and realizing his relationship with Lorylyn had been nothing in comparison.
“Hey, guys! You look gorgeous, Lindy! I’m so excited you guys got Prince and Princess! Let me get a picture!”
Brooke turned around to see Hilton, Jill, and Hillary. Hilton was raising her camera to snap a picture of Landon and Lindy.
“Hey, guys!” Brooke said, raising her finger to her nose for just a second as Jill and Hillary looked in her direction.
Jill did it back but didn’t smile. Hillary gave Brooke a weird look, then turned to Jill, confused. Jill just shook her head.
Hilton took another picture, then turned off her camera.
“Oh, hey, do you want one with all four of us?” Lindy asked her, motioning to Brooke and Brady.
Hilton looked right at Brooke, then raised her eyes to Brady’s and smiled a little bit. “No, that’s all right.” Then she turned and walked away.
Jill and Hillary looked at each other, and Brooke could tell they were trying not to laugh. Then they hurried after Hilton.
Brooke looked up at Brady. He stared after Hilton for a minute, looking upset.
“Hey, don’t let it bother you,” she said, reaching up and squeezing his chin in a friendly gesture.
“I’m not,” he said, grinning down at her and squeezing her chin back. “Let’s go.” He reached for her hand and intertwined his fingers with hers.
Brooke’s heart raced. For her, this was as good as sex, but in a different way. He was finally being affectionate with her in public, and she had the intimacy she’d desired outside of the sex.
***
The four of them had a great time at prom, dancing and joking around all night. Brooke felt beautiful. She always felt pretty when she was dressed up for dances, but being with Brady made her feel more radiant than ever. And now that he and Lorylyn were broken up, they didn’t have to worry about acting like “just friends” at the dance.
When he kissed her in the middle of the dance floor during a slow song, Brooke felt like she was in heaven.
Lindy and Landon were dancing right next to them, and when Brooke and Brady finally stopped kissing, Lindy shot her a grin.
Brooke decided this was the best night of her life. It was great not having to hide this thing with Brady from everyone, but it was especially great not having to hide it from Lindy anymore and knowing that Lindy was happy for her. It really was “too good to be true.”
Brooke beamed at Lindy, then impulsively kissed Brady again.
***
After prom, they went to Landon’s and watched a movie. Then Landon and Lindy went to bed, Landon in his room and Lindy in one of the other rooms.
“Finally,” Brady whispered to Brooke, and after a little making out in one of the recliners, they moved to the other empty bedroom.
Brooke thought of the last time she’d been here with him, when it’d been fast and hungry and breathless and exhilarating. Tonight started out slower, but by the end it was just as hungry and passionate, and even more exhilarating.
Brooke lay in bed afterward, out of breath and unable to stop smiling.
“I think that might have been the best ever,” Brady gasped, sounding like he’d just run a marathon.
“Oh, yeah. Definitely the best ever.”
***
The next day they went to Cedar Point. It was a little chilly and drizzly, but still fun. It was the first weekend Cedar Point was open, but because of the weather there wasn’t much of a crowd.
That made it more fun, and the four of them were hyper all da
y, running around and splashing each other by jumping in puddles. While it was raining and some of the rides were closed, they sat in Macaroni’s for two hours and talked about how much fun they’d had the night before.
When the rides started running test cars, they ran to get in line for the Magnum and were in the first car up when it reopened.
“Let’s start kissing right before we go over the top,” Brady said. “And see how long we can keep doing it. And you have to keep your hands in the air.”
“Okay.” Brooke giggled excitedly.
Just before the top, Brady leaned over and kissed her, pulling her arms up in the air. Right as they reached the crest of the hill and started to plunge over, big fat raindrops hit their outstretched hands and their hair and faces, and as they hung there weightless for the briefest of seconds, Brooke thought it was the most romantic moment of her life.
chapter 17) so in the meantime
“I still can’t believe Todd and Melanie are officially together,” Jill said dejectedly three and a half weeks later as she sat down at a computer in Ms. Kirkwood’s room.
“Uh, I know,” Hilton agreed, rolling her eyes as she turned away from her own computer. She didn’t understand at all. She’d been so sure all year that Todd liked Jill, and Landon had been sure too. She felt horrible for Jill and pissed off at Todd for leading her on like that if he never really liked her.
Jill had found out they were officially together the day before at lunch...from Melanie. It’d been awful those mornings in the commons, hearing from Dirk and Bennett and Kelsey and Todd what was going on with Todd and Melanie, but Jill hadn’t realized until yesterday how much she’d rather hear it from Todd than from Melanie. She now felt totally and completely out of the loop. It must have happened over the weekend, and Todd hadn’t called to tell her, or even mentioned it before school or in English that morning.
“Hey, guys,” Lorylyn said, coming in and tossing her bag down at the computer next to Jill. “What’s going on?” The day after Lorylyn had broken up with Brady, Hilton and Jill had brought Lorylyn with them to SRT, and Ms. Kirkwood had said it was fine for her to start coming every day.