Ozzie sticks his thumbs in the corners of his front pockets. His chest and biceps bulge out at me as he throws his shoulders back. I’m used to it. He’s always been big, and he never skips a workout. It makes me feel safe to know that this guy has my back and my best interests at heart.
“Something is going on, I take it.”
I look up at him. “You noticed?” I try to laugh, but it comes out sounding kind of crazy. I give up on finding humor in the situation and go back to bare honesty. “Lucky is driving me nuts and I just need it to stop.”
Ozzie frowns and tilts his head in confusion. “I think I missed something.”
Okay, so the guys definitely did not tell Ozzie about my pregnancy. Points for them. I feel only a tiny bit guilty that I was accusing them of it in my mind.
I’m trying to think of the best way to word the situation, wondering if it’s possible to let Ozzie know that Lucky is bothering me without also revealing that I’m pregnant, but I’m immediately uncomfortable with that idea. It feels dishonest to me, so I drop the thought two seconds after it pops into my head.
I stare at the deck and open my mouth to speak, hoping the right words will fall out since no grand plan is making its presence known to my brain. “Well, there’s kind of a lot of shit going on right now, and I get why Lucky’s upset with me, but I’m not okay with it at the same time.” I pause, looking up at Ozzie with an apologetic expression. “I’m not being very clear, am I?”
Ozzie shakes his head. “Nope.”
He’s not going to give me any rope. I suppose that’s fair. We’re both adults here; I should be able to communicate like one. I take a deep breath in and out so I can start over, making sure I keep eye contact as I speak this time.
“Something happened between Lucky and me a really long time ago, and a few weeks ago, we all met at the pub on a Friday night. Do you remember?”
Ozzie merely nods.
“So, we kind of repeated the mistake we made when we were fifteen, only this time we went a lot further with it and we were supposed to act like adults about it, but we didn’t.”
“Are you dancing around the subject because you think I can’t handle it or because you’re embarrassed?”
I know it’s his personal hallmark to go right for the jugular, but it’s really inconvenient for me right now.
“All right, fine. I’ll just be straight with you.”
He gives me a slight smile. “That would be nice.”
I can’t look at him when I speak. I fear his judgment too much. I stare at the wood deck we’re standing on. “Back when we were fifteen years old, we went to a dance together with Thibault, and Lucky and I kind of hooked up. We didn’t go all the way, but whatever . . . it’s not important. Anyway, that night at the pub on Friday, we hooked up again, and he followed me home. I was really drunk, as you know, and we were both acting really stupid, and one thing led to another, and . . .”
“You slept together.”
I jerk my eyes up at him. “You know?”
He chuckles. “No, I don’t know. But isn’t it obvious?” He shrugs, as if he’s apologizing for reading me so easily.
I shake my head, hissing out a sigh of frustration. “I know. I’m sorry. This has really messed me up.”
“I don’t really see what the problem is. So you slept together? Big deal. Move on.”
I give him a smile that holds no humor. “Wouldn’t that be nice?” My sad smile starts to melt away, and I feel stupid tears rising up in my eyes. “Unfortunately, we were both drunk and we’re both terrible communicators, so we ended up having sex without using protection.”
Ozzie’s face goes completely blank. His hands fall out of his pockets and his arms hang at his sides, making him look like a giant gorilla.
My insides shrivel up and start to spasm. The judgment coming off him in waves is literally making me queasy.
“What exactly are you telling me?” he asks, his voice devoid of emotion.
I open my mouth to answer him, but then I realize that there’s something more urgent than words that wants to leave my mouth. I run over to the edge of the deck and lean over a planter, vomiting on the flowers it contains.
I can’t see Ozzie but I can hear him. He turns, his boots sliding on the deck under him.
“I guess that answers my question,” he says. He sounds tired.
I spit the sour taste from my mouth and toss my hair over my shoulder, wiping my lips and chin with the back of my hand. Luckily, I haven’t eaten anything all day, so there really isn’t much to worry about with the clean-up. Sorry, plants.
Holy crap, how embarrassing. I answer questions by vomiting? What’s wrong with me? I turn around to face him. “Yeah. So . . . I’m pregnant.”
His face is morphing through so many different expressions it’s impossible to tell what he’s thinking.
“Would you say something, please?” I plead.
He lifts a hand and runs his fingers through his hair, scrubbing his head when he’s done. His face is tipped downward toward the deck as he massages his neck, so I can’t read his expression. But then he lifts his eyes to mine and gives me a sad smile. “Congratulations?”
His words are like a knife right through my heart. The floodgates open and the tears come flowing out unchecked.
“Wrong answer,” I choke out before turning around to walk back into the house.
He’s faster than I am. He grabs my wrist and pulls me back. The force he uses is strong enough that it sends me flying into his chest. He wraps his strong arms around me and squeezes tight, kissing me on the top of the head like a father might do to his daughter. “You’re not going anywhere.”
I struggle to be free. “Let me go, Ozzie. I don’t want to be here.”
“Too bad. This is where you are and this is where you’re going to stay until I say so.”
I don’t like his choice of words. It triggers something in me. I start screaming and struggling, punching him on the back so he’ll let me go.
He immediately thrusts me away from him, but keeps a strong grip on my shoulders. He bends over and looks into my eyes, his face only inches away. “Stop. Stop it right now.”
I freeze, knowing in that moment how a deer standing in front of a set of headlights feels. I’m afraid, but I don’t know what of. Is it Ozzie or myself? I’m too messed up in the head to be sure.
He’s glaring at me. “You need to get ahold of your emotions right now.”
I speak through trembling lips, my voice nearly a growl. “Don’t tell me what I have to do. You don’t own me.”
His expression softens as does his grip on me. “I know that. You know that I know that.” He shakes his head and hisses out a long breath. “Toni, you’ve gotta talk to me.” He lets me go and we stand there, facing off against each other. “You know that I’m here for you, but I can’t do anything to help if you won’t calm down and talk to me.”
I can’t stop my stupid chin from quivering or my lips from trembling, and the tears don’t want to quit either. This has got to be the pregnancy taking over my body again, because the normal non-pregnant Toni would never be such a wimp. I hate being pregnant; it’s official now.
“I came here to talk to you, but apparently I can’t.”
He sounds hurt. “Why not?”
“I don’t know!” I look left and right, the desire to run filling every inch of me. “I don’t know what’s going on in my life anymore! Everything is changing and I hate it!”
He reaches up and strokes my upper arms, his touch much more gentle this time. “I get it. I get that this is scary for you. Hell, it’s scary for me.” He gives me a goofy smile and chuckles. “But we’re going to be okay. You’re going to be great.” He leans in a little. “So tell me . . . what’s going on with Lucky?”
I throw my arms up, dislodging his hands. “I don’t know! He found out that I was pregnant and moved in.” I seriously want to kick something, but the only thing available is Ozzie’s shins and he d
oesn’t deserve that.
Ozzie frowns. “Moved in? To your house?”
“Yes!” My eyes are practically bugging out of my head. “He just showed up with all his shit and demanded to be let in. He said he’s moving in, but I am not okay with that.”
Ozzie nods. “I get that. I wouldn’t be okay with it either.”
“Thank you!” I let out a long, shaky breath, finally feeling some peace seeping into my bones. “That’s what I said. I mean, this is not the Middle Ages. A man can’t decide for me how to live my life or who my roommate is going to be.”
Ozzie continues to nod. “I get it. You’re absolutely right. You want me to talk to him?”
I am about to say yes, but I stop myself. Do I really need Ozzie fighting my battles for me? I bite my lip.
“If you don’t want me to, just say so. But if you want me to, I will.” Ozzie puts his hands up like he’s surrendering. “I’m here to help you out, that’s it.”
“This pregnancy is totally messing with my brain. I can’t even think straight anymore.”
Ozzie moves in slowly and hugs me again. This time he’s not here to control me, he’s here to console me, and I can live with that. “I hear that happens to pregnant ladies. Just do me a favor, okay?”
I look up at him, resting my chin on his chest. “What?”
“Be gentle with yourself. I’ve never known anyone who is harder on herself than you are. Right now I think you’re going to need to have a little extra patience with everyone, including you.”
I look away, seeing through the back door that May is headed in our direction from the kitchen. I step away, putting distance between Ozzie and me. All that crazy girl needs is a hint that there’s something going on between us and she’ll be a thorn in my side I can’t dislodge. I already have enough of those.
“I’ll try,” I say, not sure I mean it.
The door opens and May steps out, full of her customary cheer. “You guys ready for some pizza? It’s getting cold.”
Ozzie holds up a hand. “We’ll be there in a second. We just need to chat for one more minute.”
May hesitates, looking uncertain. I don’t think she was expecting that answer. “Okay. I’ll see you guys inside. With the cold pizza.” She slowly backs away and shuts the door behind her, but she stares at us for a few seconds through the window before leaving.
I smile up at her boyfriend. “She thinks I’ve got the hots for you.”
He smiles and shakes his head. “I know. I tell her all the time I have no interest in you, but she doesn’t want to hear it.”
“I think she likes drama.”
Ozzie gives me a teasing look. “When she finds out your little secret, it’ll feed all her drama needs for the next year, so maybe I should thank you for taking the heat off me.”
I roll my eyes and turn toward the door. “Don’t remind me. I’m planning to hold off telling her until I’m out of the hospital.”
Ozzie laughs. “I’m not sure that’s going to work. She’s one of the most observant women I’ve ever met.” He gets to the door ahead of me and opens it.
I look up at him and frown. “Please don’t start getting my doors for me too.”
“Too?”
I walk through the door. “Lucky is treating me like I’m made of glass.”
Ozzie steps in but stops me with a hand on my shoulder, keeping me from going farther into the kitchen. I turn around and look up.
“Don’t be too hard on Lucky. He really cares about you. I’m sure he’s just trying to do the right thing, and you can’t blame him for that.”
“He needs lessons on how to deal with women.”
Ozzie shakes his head. “Those lessons won’t work with you, Toni.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Ozzie drapes his arm over my shoulder as he walks with me through the kitchen. “You’re not like any other woman. You’re an original, but he knows that. You came to me for advice and this is it: Give Lucky a chance. I think he could make you happy.”
A warm sensation fills me as we arrive in the family room. Maybe it’s hope I’m feeling, I don’t know. I’m not ready to examine it too closely right now. His arm drops away and May comes over with a slice of pizza and a smile for each of us. I try to return the emotion, but the moment the fumes from the sausage float up into my nose, I know there’s no hope for me.
I shove the plate back in her face and turn around, running for the bathroom. I make it just in time to barf up my guts into the toilet. When I’m done dry-heaving and wishing I were dead, I stand and look in the mirror. Both Jenny and May are like statues in the entrance of the bathroom with their eyes bugging out at me.
I close my eyes and sigh. “Oh, Jesus Christ.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Jenny and May step into the bathroom and lock the door behind them. I flush the toilet, refusing to look at them.
“Okay, what’s going on?” May asks.
“Shush, let her talk.” Jenny is trying to reason with her sister, but I know better. She’s just as curious as May is and she’ll probably keep me prisoner in here until I spill my guts.
I don’t turn around, fearing they’ll use their gossipy wiles to trick me into telling all. “There’s nothing wrong. I have a stomach bug. I don’t think that sausage was a good idea for me.”
“I saw you at work today, and you were fine,” May says.
I pull off some toilet paper and use it to wipe my mouth before turning around. Trying to act casual, I shrug. “It just started. I threw up in the backyard, too. I’m sure it’s just a twenty-four-hour thing, but you probably don’t want to get too close to me.” I hold out my hand, hoping they’ll back away.
Unfortunately, neither of them takes my very obvious threat into account. They both lean in closer.
I bend my spine as far backward as it’ll go. “Seriously, you guys . . . I’m totally contagious.”
Jenny narrows her eyes at me and then at my chest. “Your boobs are bigger. And you’re vomiting.” She smiles all sly-like. “I’m pretty sure what you have is not contagious.”
I look down at my chest. I did notice that my bra was a little tighter today, but I wrote that off as a laundry mishap. I have those more often than I’d like to admit. I look up at the two of them, trying to channel as much confidence into my voice as I possibly can. “It’s a different bra. It’s a push-up. With extra padding.”
May reaches over lightning quick and pokes the bottom of my left boob. “Ha! Liar, liar, pants on fire, again. That is so not a push-up bra.” She looks at her sister and nods. They share a quick high-five before turning their attention back to me.
I grab the offended body part and glare at her. “What the hell, man . . . Don’t touch my boob!”
May shrugs. “Hey, I know a push-up bra when I see one. I’m a photographer, you know. A professional photographer.”
I can’t help it; I mimic her voice, emphasizing the way it comes into my ear as the most annoying whine I have ever heard. “I’m a professional photographer.”
Jenny and May share a meaningful look. Then they nod again.
Jenny turns to face me first. “You’re extra moody, aren’t you?” She puts her finger on her lower lip and rolls her eyes to the ceiling. “Let’s see . . . Nauseated? Boobs getting bigger? Especially emotional? And all the males around her acting like idiots? What does this add up to?” She pauses and looks at her sister.
May nods and then looks at me, her face twisted up in a triumphant smile. “Pregnant.”
They both stare at me, and they wait. And they wait. And they wait some more.
I stick my chin out. “You guys are crazy.”
May matches my expression. “We may be crazy but we aren’t pregnant.” Her voice slips a little on the last word.
Jenny turns to look at her sister and puts her hand on May’s shoulder. “What’s the matter, babe? Are you sad?”
May shakes her head vigorously. “No. I’m fine.”
/>
Jenny folds her arms and stares her sister down. “Now whose pants are on fire?”
May pushes her sister’s shoulder gently. “Shut up.”
I sense my opportunity and jump on it. “Is something wrong with you and Ozzie?”
May’s eyes open wide, perhaps with fear. “Why would you say that?”
I shrug, maybe overdoing the drama a little bit, but almost deliriously happy to have the heat off me. “Oh, I don’t know. We were just talking out back . . .” I leave her to draw her own conclusions, and it doesn’t take her more than a couple seconds to jump to the wrong ones.
“Did he say something to you?” She grabs my forearm and squeezes.
I shrug. “Not much. But you should probably talk to him.”
May turns to look at Jenny. “I told you there was something going on.” She scrambles to unlock the door and takes off from the bathroom, leaving me with just one busybody to contend with. We watch May disappear into the darkness of the unlit hallway. Then Jenny turns to me and nods slowly.
“Respect.”
“What?” I’m feigning an innocence I definitely do not feel. I seriously want to do a victory dance right now.
“That was one of the most amazing redirects I have ever seen in my life. Good for you. But you do realize, I hope, that this will now increase our curiosity tenfold.”
I walk around her to the doorway, wishing I weren’t sweating so much. “There’s nothing to be curious about.”
I leave to the sound of Jenny responding in a singsong voice. “Liar, liar, pants on fire, underwear’s hanging from a telephone wire . . .”
I slip out the front door before she leaves the bathroom and without anyone else at the party seeing. Since the pizza’s making me sick and I’ve had my chat with Ozzie, there’s no reason for me to stay. The relief that fills me as I leave that noisy place is almost palpable.
I’m halfway to my car when I hear the door opening and shutting behind me. Turning around, I see Lucky silhouetted in the porch light. Great. So much for a clean getaway.
“Where are you going?” he asks, his hands shoved into the front pockets of his jeans. The muscles in his arms bulge, making my heart quicken. Traitor heart . . . when will you learn?