“Home.” I reach my door and unlock it, opening it so I can get inside and take off before he gets it into his head to follow me.
“Do you want me to bring you some pizza?”
Talk about clueless. I get into my car and then lean out of the window to shout my answer. “No! I don’t want you to bring me anything, and I don’t want you at my house!” I reverse out of the driveway, leaving tire tracks in the street when I peel out for home.
I fume all the way back, expecting to see Lucky’s car in my rearview mirror the entire way. He has no idea the piece of my mind he will suffer if I so much as catch a glimpse of him anywhere near me. But I arrive home safe and sound and all alone. At the top of my front porch steps, I pause, listening for the sound of his engine, but it never comes.
I lie in bed that night surrounded by complete silence. It’s what I thought I wanted, but now I find myself sad that Lucky didn’t insist on being here with me. Up is down and down is up. Nothing is making sense anymore. Ozzie’s advice comes back to me: Give Lucky a chance. I hate that I got so mad at him earlier when all he was doing was offering to bring me dinner.
I rest my hand on my lower belly and talk to the individual who has apparently taken over my brain and is not doing a very good job of it.
“You and I need to work as a team, little baby person. I don’t think I can take nine months of this confusion.” I feel nothing in response, so I fall asleep in a slight panic, worried that I’m going to give birth to a child who wants nothing to do with me.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
After the nearly sleepless night I had, I’m thrilled to be going into work, even though it means I’ll probably be sitting directly across the table from Lucky. My feelings about his pushy behavior have softened a little, but I’m still not ready to discuss the situation with him. I know we’ll find a solution eventually, but there’s no need to rush into things, especially when my emotions are still so raw. Thankfully, Ozzie was cool about everything; it’s making it easier for me to be forgiving of pushy men.
When I get upstairs to the meeting area, Ozzie is already talking. A quick check of my watch tells me I’m two minutes late. I rush over to take the only empty seat, which just so happens to be right next to Lucky. I glance at him and give him a perfunctory nod before turning my attention to Ozzie. I focus on calming my racing heart. Sitting next to Lucky never used to be a problem, but I can see it is now. Has he always been this sexy? I think my pregnancy is sending my hormone levels on the fritz.
“So far, so good on the review of the surveillance tapes and recordings.” Ozzie checks his notes before continuing. “We have a list of possible code-words that Jenny and Lucky pulled from some social media accounts of suspected gang members that we need to match up to the surveillance and the dispatch logs I got from Detective Adams, to see if we can connect any dots.” The boss looks over at me. “Toni, I need you to continue with what you were doing and try to get it finished up today. Then take this list of codes and the logs, and note where they showed up on Facebook and Twitter. See if any activity happening around the same times gives us any clues as to what those codes might mean.”
He looks at his girlfriend next. “May, I want you to go out with Thibault and set up some more surveillance at a new location we discovered after we got some intel from the detectives working on the case.”
My ears start to burn at this little development. May has never gone out with Thibault, just the two of them. If Thibault’s mission is to work surveillance, I’m the one who rides shotgun, not her.
I lift a finger, letting Ozzie know that I want to say something, but he just shakes his head at me and continues, shifting his focus to my right.
“Lucky, where are you and Jenny with the social media hacks? Is this all we can expect or is there more?”
Lucky clears his throat, but I don’t look at him. I stare at Ozzie, hoping to catch his eye. I could just be paranoid, but it almost seems like he’s avoiding looking at me.
“Jenny’s hooked into five different accounts now, I think? I’ll have to double-check her last email to me on that. I think we have a couple more to access, but we can get in and get transcripts put together really quick if you need us to.”
Ozzie nods. “Yes. Do that and get them over to Toni. Good job. Keep it up. Let me know what’s going on as it evolves. I have another meeting with the chief in a couple days, so it would be great to have more information for him.”
“You got it.”
I lift my finger again but Ozzie turns his attention to Thibault. “You have everything you need for the job today?”
Maybe it’s my imagination again, but I think Thibault sends a worried glance in my direction before he answers. “Yeah, we’re all set.”
“Okay, that’s it then.” Ozzie claps his hands together once. “Short meeting. If everyone could make sure to get your reports in on time so I can collect everything for the chief, that would be appreciated.” Ozzie finally looks at me, and I take his expression for a scolding.
Yeah, okay . . . so I didn’t do my report before Miss Perfect May did it for me. Whatever.
I’m fuming inside. I feel like I’ve been completely disregarded, and I’m pretty sure I know why, too. I wait until everyone filters out of the room, including Lucky, before I stand. Ozzie has turned and is headed back into his private quarters, but I stop him with a word. It comes out sharper than I meant for it to.
“Ozzie.”
He pauses and turns partway. “Yeah?”
“Can I talk to you for a minute?” I open and close my fists at my sides, trying to get a handle on my temper.
He lets out a long sigh and turns completely to face me. “Sure. What’s up?”
I stand in front of the table, hoping I don’t look as aggressive as I feel. Ozzie does not respond well to threats.
“I was just wondering why you’ve put me at a desk when I should be out in the field with Thibault.”
Ozzie’s eyebrows go up into his hairline. I’ve never questioned his decisions concerning the business before, and maybe I shouldn’t be doing it now, but it’s not like he can sweep this shit under the rug. I deserve an explanation.
“Are you sure you want to have this conversation?”
My heart starts beating way too fast. No, actually I’m not sure I want to have this conversation now, but I’ve already started it. And I’m not one to walk away from something I’ve started without finishing it.
“Yes, I’m sure. I told you before, I don’t want people treating me differently just because I’m pregnant.”
“What makes you think anyone is treating you differently?”
“Because. Like I said, I should be out in the truck with Thibault. May doesn’t belong out there.”
It’s only a flash, but I see his jaw muscle twitch. That’s when I know I’ve pushed him too far. His biceps flex a couple times, sealing my fate. “I don’t really think that’s your call, do you?”
I glance at the floor for a second before staring at his shoulder as I respond. “Probably not. But that doesn’t change the fact that it’s true.”
“I think you need to take a closer look at the people around you and stop focusing so much on what you see in the mirror.”
My jaw drops open, but I don’t know what to say to that. Is he calling me self-centered?
“I know you have a lot going on and a bunch on your mind, so I’m going to let your comments about your teammate May slide. I’m also going to let the fact that you think you know better than me what’s good for my team slide. But just a little friendly reminder in case you’ve forgotten: I’m the boss here, and I decide who works where. That hasn’t changed, even if your situation has.” He turns partway to the door before sending his parting shot over the bow. “Now do me a favor . . . go get your work done, and before you leave for the day, make sure you draft a report and put it on the table.” And with that he leaves me standing in the middle of the room feeling like a complete asshole.
r /> “Great,” I mumble to myself. “Well done, Toni. Way to make an enemy out of the only person in the world who ever supports you.”
I walk toward the door with my tail between my legs and my heart full of regret. Ozzie was completely right; I was out of line, and I knew it two seconds after opening my mouth, but I just had to keep going. I had to keep digging my grave deeper, as usual. When am I ever going to learn?
Just as I’m reaching my hand out, the door opens and smacks me in the knuckles. “Ow. Dammit!” I put my injured finger against my mouth with a hiss of pain.
Dev sticks his head around the door. “Oops. Sorry. Did I get ya?”
I shake my hand out. “Yeah, but it wasn’t your fault. I should’ve heard you coming.” Normally you can hear Dev from several yards away because each footstep sounds like a giant beast clomping over the earth. The fact that he’s seven feet tall makes it really hard for him to operate in stealth mode, even when he’s walking on carpet.
He brings the rest of his lanky frame around the door and smiles. “Hey, you haven’t had a workout in a while. You got time for a session?”
I shake my head. “No, I’m on surveillance review all day, and I’ve been told I need to submit my report before I leave.”
There must’ve been something funny in my tone, because Dev looks at me more carefully. “Are you in trouble or something?”
I shrug. “Maybe. I guess I didn’t turn in my report fast enough last time I was on the desk.”
Dev nods. “May said something to me about that. But I wouldn’t let it bother you. We all take a little bit of time off here and there when we need it.” He glances down at my stomach.
I stare at him until he starts to sweat, getting angrier by the second.
“What?” He looks left and right. “Is there something on my face?” He touches his cheeks and nose gingerly.
I shake my head at him. “No. I’m just wondering why you’re looking at me funny.”
He backs up a step, his heel hitting the open door, making him trip a little. He rights himself and then smiles at me way too hard. “What? Me? I’m not looking at you funny. I would never do that. I like my body in one piece too much.” His gaze drops to my stomach again.
I point at his face. “There! You did it again. Jenny said something to you, didn’t she?” I am so pissed right now. She probably went running over to Dev with my big news before I was even out the door of her house last night. Bitch.
He puts his hands up in front of him like he’s surrendering to somebody threatening to shoot him in the chest. He’s lucky I don’t have a gun.
“What? Hey, don’t put me in the middle of that stuff. I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He literally has to fight not to look at my belly again; the entire internal struggle plays out on his stupid face.
I hiss out an annoyed breath as I shake my head. “Those two can’t keep a damn thing to themselves. Not one single thing.”
Dev lets all of his air out and his shoulders sag, his arms hanging down at his sides like two giant pendulums. “I wasn’t supposed to say anything. I swore on my grave I wouldn’t. Please don’t tattle on me. Jenny will kill me.”
I shove him out of my way as I walk through the door. “Don’t worry about it.” I stride across the room, on a mission to do some damage to somebody or something. Someone has to pay for my pain. I know it’s not Dev’s fault that he’s hooked up with a blabbermouth.
“I’m not going to say a word!” he yells at my back. “And I would really appreciate it if you would keep our little secret!”
I don’t say anything, not trusting myself to be kind.
“Seriously, Toni! You can count on me! I won’t tell anyone you’re pregnant! Not a soul! Not that it’s really a secret anymore!”
I pause for a minute with my thumb hovering over the keypad to the next door. I can’t believe he’s actually making a joke about this. Like it isn’t my entire completely messed-up life that he’s talking about.
I press the PIN code and open the door when the lock disengages. Stepping through, I stare down onto the first floor of the warehouse. May and Thibault are loading up the van with the photography and video equipment. May’s about to go do the job that I should be doing, Dev is behind me making fun of my messed-up life, and my boss and mentor is punishing me, forcing me to work behind a desk just because I’m pregnant. Ozzie, the one guy I thought I could count on, is pretending everything is completely normal, like he’s not stabbing me in the back. I don’t know who he thinks he’s fooling, but it’s not me.
I run down the steps, almost falling in my hurry to get to the bottom. I stride over to my car and get inside, slamming the door shut. Thibault is looking at me strangely and May is waving goodbye as she frowns. I ignore both of them, pulling out of the warehouse with screeching tires. I don’t give a single shit that I just left rubber behind. Screw this place. I’m not working at a stupid desk when I should be out in the field.
I take off out of the port with no destination in mind, but I’m not really surprised when twenty minutes later I find myself at the place where it all started, the place that used to be an empty lot where a beautiful man stood as a boy shooting cans off a barrel with his BB gun.
There’s a parking lot here now. I eye a spot in the farthest corner and slide my car into it, putting the vehicle in park and turning off the ignition. I rest my arms on my steering wheel and drop my head to the center, letting the tears come.
I used to have a plan. I used to know exactly who I was and what I was all about. Now I have no idea what I’m going to do with the rest of my life. Hell, I don’t even know what I’m going to do for the next minute of it. So I just cry. And I cry, and cry, and cry . . .
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
I’ve been reduced to hiccups. All the tears I’m capable of manufacturing have fallen onto my steering wheel. A tapping on the glass at my left ear wakes me out of my stupor. I twist my head slightly to the left so I can see who’s there. The gorgeous face of Chance “Lucky” Larieux is staring back at me. He frowns, as if commiserating with me.
“Go away,” I say with my tear-soaked, raspy voice.
“Not going to do that. Open up.” Sand and gravel crunch under his feet. When I turn to look again, he’s gone. But then there’s a noise on my right. Lucky is standing at the front passenger window.
He points to the corner of the door, gesturing to a spot where the lock would be if this car had been manufactured in a prior decade. “Let me in. I just want to talk.”
I sit back in my seat and stare at the ceiling, exhausted by nearly a half hour of crying. Hunting by touch, I find and use the automatic button by my left hand to give him access. Seconds later, he’s sitting in the seat next to me, staring at me with so much concern in his eyes it almost makes me start to cry again.
“Babe . . . why are you so sad?”
My lips tremble as I battle not to cry any more. “I can’t believe you’re asking me that.”
He gives me a sad smile. “Probably the dumbest question I’ve ever asked, huh?” He puts his finger up to his temple and pulls an imaginary trigger.
I nod. I don’t feel like smiling, but his mea culpa does make me feel a little better.
“I knew I would find you here.” He leans forward a bit so he can look out my side window at the parking lot. “Remember this place? I spent so much time here.”
“So did I.” I sigh. “I really wanted to use your BB gun.”
He smiles at me, this time not looking nearly as melancholy. “I was so happy I had that thing. I would’ve worn it in a holster if I could have, but it was too long. Believe me, though, I tried.”
“Why?”
“Because. Every time I had it with me, this gorgeous girl showed up asking me if she could borrow it.” He shrugs. “It was like a chick magnet for the only chick I ever wanted to talk to.”
I shake my head at him. “So pitiful.” It’s amazing to me, hearing that when we were kids, he was int
o me. I never guessed, never even saw a single sign of it. It makes me wonder if he’s making it up now in an attempt to make me feel better.
He shrugs one shoulder. “Whatever works.”
We stare at each other until I can’t handle it anymore. I drop my gaze to his leg. “You didn’t have to come out here.”
His voice is gentle. “I know I didn’t have to, but I wanted to.”
I shift my gaze to look out the front windshield, not knowing what to say. I feel so lost.
“I know you don’t really want to talk to me or even see me right now, but I just had to make sure you were okay. I know you’re pissed about what happened at the meeting.”
I can barely summon the energy to shrug my shoulders. “Nothing happened. It’s just business.”
“Bullshit. It’s not just business, and we both know it. You got stuck on desk duty because you’re pregnant, and that’s not cool.”
I look at him, surprised at his reaction. “But you’re the guy who thinks I need some kind of nursemaid living in my house with me. I would’ve thought you’d be happy about Ozzie’s decision.”
Lucky shakes his head and leans over, taking my hand and holding it between his. “You’ve got it all wrong, Toni. I’m not there to be anybody’s nursemaid. I’m there to be a partner with you in this thing. I don’t think it’s fair that you have to do everything yourself. I’m the one who got you pregnant, so I should be shouldering half the load.” He lets go of my hand and sits back against the door. “I was wrong to go all caveman and force myself on you. I was just . . . I don’t know . . . feeling overwhelmed after reading that stuff in those books.” There’s an apology in his eyes. “I’m worried, but that’s not an excuse. We all have to stop acting crazy about this situation and just let you be you. Ozzie was out of line, and I’m going to say something about it.” His jaw bounces out as anger settles in.
I shake my head. “Don’t. I already said something to him, and it didn’t go over well. I don’t want him to be pissed at you too.”